u/whatigotinmyhandnowb

My major bills are monthly, but my paycheck fortnightly, so some months find 3 paychecks.

At first I would have been glad when that "extra" paycheck paid off the debt I used to close gaps month to month, then, when I got more comfortable, I'd pay for a vacation (and car insurance premium) with the first "extra" paycheck and Christmas with the second. Then, I faithfully "added" it to sinking funds and savings.

Now, I give myself a "loose belt" month, buying things I've been putting off buying and getting haircuts and doctors visits out of the way, taking the long-delayed social engagement ... But it really feels nice putting most of that "extra" paycheck in the bank.

I imagine people who rely on bonuses get something like this, but moreso, or contractors who get sporadic payouts and have to be very careful about cash-flow.

What are your tricks/solutions/pitfalls for aligning budget timelines and keeping the reservoirs from sloshing.

Now that we've seen that guy's video 12 times, real Shake Shack (non-managers/non-franchisees) How do they give you the tip, or do you just get the shaft?

We're family. You can be AUTHENTIC here.

This is a big one for me. My ex did/does it. My least favorite coworkers do it. Good friends and family never seem to, so I'm pretty sure it's done mostly out of spite ... maybe power/control?

I don't know if there is a name for it ... information hoarding, obstructive under-communicating ... I dunno.

But they send you a message. Maybe something to do, maybe some information they need or help they are looking for. It might be in reply to a message, e-mail, voicemail, DM, Teams, or even over the phone or in person (Gen-X stare much?).

But nine times out of ten, it's just a single sentence or handful of words, usually with about 1/3 of the information to make what they said actionable. When I try to get their help, I get one and only one sentence with about 1/3 of the information to make it useful. It's like trying to ship a 20 lb. pile of jello by FedEx, one bowl at a time.

"Pick up the child?" Yes, but when and where? "my sister's" ... okay ... what time? ...

"Use the form?" yes, but which form, where can I find it, and to whom should I return it? ... "Prepare this deliverable." Yes, but do you have any info on timelines, spec, available resources, literally ... anything? And every answer leaves more questions somehow, but I'm the only one who seems in any way frustrated.

The worst is getting stuck between two single-sentence communicators as a relay, where it feels like each is *trying* to get the other's help, but both are so committed to being unhelpful that I'm the only one moving anything forward, and somehow still seem like the dumbest person in the conversation.

I know they *can* communicate with complete thoughts and well-structured paragraphs. They just save those for people that really matter, group communication, and AI.

Is there a secret or a reliable approach to encourage more thorough communication from people who hate you. When I don't like someone, I want to interact with them less, so I give them big dumps of info, hoping they leave me alone. These folks do kind of the opposite, but I think my frustration is the whole point. Do I call it out? Is there a script or approach that addresses this behavior directly without amping up the animosity?

I have a coworker who I had a falling out with early, who now withholds information and resources, provides minimal response to requests for help and basically bullies me in silent, passive aggressive ways. Often slow to volunteer information, incomplete responses to other stakeholders that leave me, specifically, holding the bag ... Her communication style is hostile, but in the most subtle, surreptitiously pointed way. A lot of strategic silence.

Everything could easily be a "matter of interpretation" but I find myself not only doing more work to run the laps between her and the help she passive aggressively doesn't provide, and doing more work still to cover my ass should she ever decide to get aggressive aggressive instead.

This is 100% a personality clash I think, but I can't be the only one who reaches out for help only to get sandbagged by an office rival.

Any tips or hints?

Seems like a pretty easy setting to include to allow users to see the things they asked to see more readily (rather than what I take to be mostly ragebait?)

I've been a man for more than 40 years. I've been peeing by myself for almost all of that, and for the life of me, I can't figure out how so many men are getting so much pee on the floor in front of urinals. Are they backing away before shaking and zipping up? I'm of the age that the last part of my trickle is exceptionally trickly. I get needing an extra shake, but why not over the urinal my dudes? Can someone help me understand.

The reason I'm not swimming is that I don't want to swim right now.

If I told you, "I don't want to go out tonight," I mean "I don't want to go out tonight," not "convince me to go out tonight."

The reason I'm not drinking/eating/whatever is that I don't want to right now.

I just prefer that format to others. I just like to wear that item of clothing. etc. etc.

I will never understand people grilling others or trying to convince them to behave contrary to their preferences, especially over minutea, but this applies to big lifestyle choices too (kids, marriage, buying a house) ... like there might be a deeper reason, but I assure you, nothing you can say to a person is something they hadn't considered when they made their choice about their own experience.

Why would YOU be able to make a better choice for ME about a thing that is MY experience?

I've been dictating my own experiences and understanding my own preferences for decades, but please explain to me why my preferences are wrong.

Holy shit. This is one of those "I love my wife but ..." pet peeves. Honestly, friends have done it too, and it's the same flavor of annoying. Up there with touching/tapping/patting my upper arm to commandeer my attention (when they already have it) or other weird, unnecessary, out-of-context physical contact.

We're walking along the road/path, and a car or bike is coming from behind or coming from ahead of us, or nothing in particular is coming, but there is an obstacle marginally in the way, and she feels she must change my walking path for me because she imagines I didn't see the non-hazard and the non-hazard is actually a hazard.

I'm not saying I've never accidentally run into an inanimate object. I'm not saying I've never been slow to get out of the way of a bicycle. But unless I clearly don't see a car that is actually about to hit me or a bicycle is careening our way and we're left no choice but to yield to the guy who is supposed to yield to us, just let me continue the path I'm on.

It's actually safer this way. Trust me.

Jesus. I know people who do it only do it because they care, but I'm a big boy. Why not just lop off my balls and give me a pacifier? I've been walking 40-plus years. I've never been hit by anything. I've never fallen off a walkway. Never got run into by a car or bicycle. I'm pretty good at walking myself safely. I don't need anyone jerking on my arm like I don't see the car two blocks away or hear the bicycle dinging its bell at us when it needs to be going around us.

I don't think I've ever tried to change a person's walking path aside from my kid's. If I yanked my wife's arm like she yanks on mine, people would think I was a controlling jerk and maybe abusive, but if I say something in the moment, I'm being defensive, and "was in the way" (even though there is half of the path or more they could traverse around us on) or "didn't notice" the thing I definitely noticed.

Did anyone else see/hear the Great Horned Owls that were perched on the steeple of St. Xavier's last night? Saw two up there last night, but haven't gone back to see if they stayed up there into day.

Thought the owl "hoot" was a dove "coo" at first, but sure enough, spotted them surveying midtown from up on the cross. Wonder if they live here or if they are just passing through.

Too dark and distant for a photo.

Love my wife of 4 years (together 8). Our relationship is good. Sex is good, all things considered. We both earn fairly and take care of household chores equitably. We go on dates and vacations, talk a lot, cook together, and have shared values and priorities. Very happy.

Her history is a lot longer than mine. She had a few "Tinder" years that added up to a lot of experience, in contrast to my very short list of long-term exes.

Lately, she's been in the habit of asking me, "How'd you get so good at head?"

Which I take as a compliment in silence or with some kisses or whatever. Maybe say "Bet I can do better next time!"

I won't go into detail, but the fact is, I got good because I was a victim of abuse. It makes it a little complicated in the moment and makes for some awkward transitions from my own internal psycho-sexual experience, but CSA is definitely the answer to that question.

I keep just laughing it off, right?

She knows I'm a survivor. Sometimes, refractory time is a little gloomy from my end, and she knows that has to do with that whole thing. She is very understanding about lingering impacts on relationships, interpersonal boundaries, mental health and things ... but I don't think she's put together that having a perpetrator who explained a lot and requested things very specifically (and often) is how I "got so good" ... it's also why it takes a hot second to get back to "work status" downstairs after oral (and why even the greatest sex leaves me washed over with shame and despair from time to time).

I'm very comfortable with my trajectory of healing around this, and my relationship to sex is light-years away from where it was when I was a younger man. I feel like on one hand, she deserves to know. On the other, I don't go asking which of her anonymous phone friends from the past taught her any tricks, and I don't want to know.

I think she doesn't know she doesn't want to know.

Is honesty the best policy here, or discretion for both our sakes?

EDIT: I know it's rhetorical! It's just that usually rhetorical questions don't have specific, traumatic answers.

Alright, I'm trying to follow the flowchart more or less.

I think I save pretty well (~$17,000-$20k/year on a ~$80k salary), but I'm still behind on retirement as I save for large upcoming purchases and continue to build and maintain an adequate e-fund amid life's ebbs and flows.

I saved up ~$25,000 in cash for an e-fund.

No debts.

I made a decision early to forego maxing my IRA to instead fully fund a family HSA (this tax year, $8,550; next 8750). It's about the same percentage of gross income saved, and it seemed to permit flexibility should my kid or I have big medical expenses.

I dunno how off base this is, but it's definitely moving the needle on my retirement fund, so it's not nothing.

Next, are large upcoming required purchases.

I have another ~$18k in Treasury instruments earmarked for a home purchase I expect to occur in the next few years. I know I don't need 20% down to buy a house (and that that isn't near 20% down) but it would be nice to have a big wad of cash when I go into a purchase "soon."

I will also need a car very soon. The one I have has 200k+miles. I know I can finance this purchase, but I would like to pay as much as possible in cash when it happens. The cars on my radar cost about $16k.

So there is this weird balancing act where I would like to fully fund an IRA in addition to the HSA to catch up on retirement savings, but I'd also like to be able to pay cash outright for a car, and still build up ~$50-60k cash for my e-fund ... and the house.

If I mathed right, I could count my cash and treasury instruments together as a nearly funded ~year emergency fund, so that feels good, but I don't want a car to destroy that backstop, and I don't want to pay my landlord's mortgage forever either.

Help me figure out how much more of my cash I can expose to the stock market and still make progress on the rest of my life.

TL;DR Life demands a lot of cash in the next 2-5 years, but I definitely need to catch up on retirement. How to balance knowns and unknowns? Am I just piling into different buckets that won't matter until it's time to spend it?

edit: real numbers.

It's my experience that there is a point of authority past which a worker may delegate essentially every task, including a rudimentary search of files (even with computerized file indexing and advanced search parameters of permitted by contemporary file management software).

Where I work, it seems to rest about at the VP level: VPs, Senior VPs, and above, C-Level.

But typically when an executive asks a lowling to find something, it's there at the first search or it's effectively lost. Is it that much easier for an executive to ask a non-executive to type a few words in a search bar than it is for them to just type it in themselves?

How much are non-searchers vs. searchers earning where you are?