u/wildinthemembrane

I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I've reached a point where I physically cannot be social or go out unless I've had alcohol.

For context, I'm diagnosed with panic disorder and agoraphobia. I've been using alcohol since I was 19 to cope with being social and being able to leave the house. Before that, I used marijuana for pretty much the same reason.

At this point, it doesn't even feel like a choice anymore. It's a matter of whether I'm physically able to go out or not. When I'm sober, the anxiety and panic can get so overwhelming that I just can't do it. After a couple drinks, I can suddenly function and do things that I otherwise feel completely incapable of doing.

I know where this can lead, and that's honestly what scares me. I don't want alcohol to become the only way I'm able to live my life. But I also don't know what I'm supposed to do when nothing else seems to work.

And yes, I've tried meds. I've tried countless SSRIs, SNRIs, ADHD meds, and even fast acting panic meds like lorazepam. I've switched doctors multiple times and even went to the hospital about this. I've talked to my current doctor about the fact that alcohol is the only thing that seems to let me function socially, and he's kind of at a loss too.

Nothing has worked for me in the same way that a couple shots do.

I'm not posting this because I want people to tell me that drinking is a good solution. I know it isn't. I just want to know if anyone else has experienced this. Not just being uncomfortable socially, but feeling like you genuinely cannot function socially while sober.

If you've been in this situation, what actually helped you?

I don't really know how to put this into words without sounding like I'm just complaining, but lately I feel really unappreciated and alone in my relationship.

I have two kids under 5. I'm home with them, I cook, I clean, I do laundry, I pick up after everyone, I keep track of what the kids need, school stuff, appointments, groceries, meals, literally all the little things that never seem to end.

I feel like I'm a mom, a housekeeper, a cook and basically the person who keeps the entire household running.

Meanwhile, my partner can sit and play games while I'm still cleaning up, getting the kids ready, doing bedtime, making dinner or whatever else needs to be done.

And yes, he does occasionally do things. But most of the time it's only if I ask. And that's the part that gets to me. I don't want to have to tell another adult what needs to be done around the house or with the kids. I don't want to have to say, “Can you please do this?” “Can you please help with that?” over and over again.

And when he does help, sometimes he makes sure I know about it. Like I’m supposed to be grateful and impressed that he helped with his own children or did something around the house.

I don't want a gold star. I want a partner.

What really gets to me too is school pickup. I watch him be so friendly and talkative with other moms. He'll joke around, have conversations, seem interested and engaged. And then with me, sometimes I feel like I'm just another person. Not his partner. Not the person he's supposed to actually care about and connect with.

I don't want to be jealous of other moms. I don't want to care about something as stupid as who he talks to at school pickup. But when you're already feeling disconnected from someone, seeing them give other people the attention and friendliness you're craving from them really hurts.

I miss feeling like we actually like each other.

On top of all of this, I'm struggling with my own mental health. I'm going to therapy. I'm getting treatment. I'm trying to work on myself and deal with my own issues instead of just ignoring them.

And honestly, it feels lonely doing that too.

He has his own issues. I know that. But I don't see him doing anything about them. I'm trying to get help and work on myself while also raising two little kids and keeping our entire household going, and it makes me resentful that it feels like I'm the only one trying.

I don't expect him to be perfect. I don't expect him to do everything. I don't expect him to read my mind.

I just don't want to have to ask for everything.

I want him to notice when something needs to be done and just do it. I want him to see that I'm exhausted and care enough to step in. I want him to spend time with his kids because he wants to, not because I've asked him to.

I want to feel appreciated for everything I do, not taken for granted because apparently it's just expected of me.

I'm tired of feeling like the default parent.

I'm tired of feeling like the house is my responsibility.

I'm tired of watching someone sit and play games while I keep working.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to ask for basic effort.

And most of all, I'm tired of feeling alone while I'm in a relationship.

I don't want to feel like I'm just another person to him.

I want to feel like his person again.

Has anyone else experienced severe stomach pain when they purge after going a very long time without doing it? It feels like period cramps but so much worse and in the upper part of my stomach. Nothing will soothe it 😖

Edited to add that I also just started taking an SSRI today (sertraline) so idk if that’s causing the pain too? I actually relapsed cause I read that sertraline causes weight gain and it scared me..

I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my second and lately I've been so scared that I won't be able to handle being a mom of two. I have a daughter who is 4, almost 5, and this has honestly felt like the hardest year of my life with her.

She copied her dad and started biting her nails a few years ago, but it was never that bad. Her nails would still grow long enough that I could trim them. Now she bites them down until they're basically gone and sometimes they're so short they hurt. She doesn't seem to do it because she's anxious. It mostly happens when she's distracted or tired, especially in the evening before bed.

She's also been potty trained for years, but recently she started peeing in her bed and peeing on the bathroom floor, literally right in front of the toilet. I know kids can regress when there's a big change coming, and a new baby is definitely a huge change. The thing is, she's been excited about the baby my whole pregnancy.

I'm a stay at home mom, so she's had me with her every day for almost five years. She gets a ton of one on one attention. We see friends, she plays with cousins her age, we go to the playground, we read, play games, do crafts, and I really try to make sure all of her emotional and physical needs are met. She's a genuinely happy, social, smart little girl and she's so excited to start kindergarten.

What I'm really worried about is how I'm handling all of this.

The nail biting has been really bad for over a year now, long before I got pregnant. Her dad doesn't even bite his nails anymore, but the habit has stuck with her. For some reason, the nail biting triggers me so much. I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but watching her bite them until they're raw makes my skin crawl. I have such a hard time not reacting to it.

We've tried the bitter nail polish, fidget toys, painting her nails to make them feel special, praising her when she isn't biting them, gentle reminders, and probably a few other things I'm forgetting. Nothing has helped. She can't seem to go more than an hour without biting them.

Then there's the peeing on the floor. If my husband or I don't rush to the bathroom when she goes, there's a good chance she'll pee on the floor instead of the toilet. She's completely capable of using the toilet on her own, which is what makes it so confusing.

My husband thinks she's just looking for a reaction, but I don't really understand why. She gets so much attention already. I'm not on my phone all day ignoring her. I probably spend around two hours total on my phone over a 12 hour day, and most of that is after she's asleep.

I think the biggest issue is that I feel constantly overstimulated. I feel like I'm always waiting for the next thing that's going to happen, and I hate how much these behaviors affect me. I don't want to be the mom who's always frustrated or irritated, especially with a newborn about to be added into the mix.

I also have ADHD and chose to stay off my medication during pregnancy. It was the right decision for me, but I definitely notice that I'm struggling more with emotional regulation and sensory overload than I normally would. I plan to go back on my medication after the baby is born, and I'm really hoping that helps.

Has anyone else felt like this before having their second? Did your older child's behavior improve once the baby was here? Or did anyone else with ADHD find that pregnancy made them feel completely overwhelmed by things they normally could handle?

I think I just need to hear that I'm not alone. Right now I feel like I'm constantly overstimulated and questioning whether I'm going to be enough for both of my kids.

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and keep having dreams that I’m chain smoking. I’ve never been a smoker in my life. When I was younger (like 19/20) I smoked cigarettes but I never got addicted to them. I was pretty much forcing myself to do it because someone told me it could help with weight loss, but I didn’t enjoy it and never finished a full pack before misplacing it somewhere.

What is up with these strange dreams? I wake up in a panic thinking I’ve hurt my baby, and then come to realize it was just a dream. They feel SO real though, like I can taste the cigarettes in my dream? Has anyone else had dreams like this? It has me feeling so stressed when I wake up 😭

I'm 34 weeks pregnant and lately I've had this really strange feeling that something bad is going to happen. Physically, everything seems fine. Baby is moving regularly, I don't have any unusual pain, swelling, cramping, bleeding, or discharge. Nothing has actually happened to make me think something is wrong.

I think what's confusing me is that this feeling came out of nowhere.

This pregnancy has honestly been really hard on me. I'm a recovering alcoholic and basically got thrown into sobriety when I found out I was pregnant. I've also been recovering from a 16-year eating disorder. On top of that, I've been off my ADHD medication the entire pregnancy and have had very little support.

A few months ago my counsellor moved away, so I haven't had counselling since then. I'm also dealing with an ongoing court case involving my abusive ex. Overall, life just feels really out of control right now.

I do have anxiety and OCD, so I'm no stranger to rumination and worst-case-scenario thinking. But this feels different somehow. It's not attached to any specific thought. It's more like this constant feeling in the background that something is going to go wrong.

Has anyone else experienced this around this stage of pregnancy? Was it anxiety, hormones, stress, or something else? At what point do you stop assuming it's anxiety and actually get checked out for something more?

I'd really appreciate hearing other people's experiences.

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my second baby, and I'm scared to not be pregnant anymore.

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I drank casually from around age 19 and never felt particularly attached to alcohol. I preferred weed and edibles and could usually take alcohol or leave it.

Everything changed after my first child was born. I developed postpartum depression and eventually had a drink after being told it was safe while breastfeeding. From there, things spiraled.

I realized alcohol made my social anxiety, OCD, body dysmorphia, agoraphobia, and insecurities disappear, at least temporarily. I've struggled with an eating disorder most of my life, and alcohol gave me a break from obsessing over my appearance. I know it wasn't treatment. It was a bandaid. But it worked well enough that I kept going back to it.

Before getting pregnant with this baby, who was very planned and very wanted, I managed over a month without alcohol and started attending AA. The problem was that my social anxiety was so severe that I often felt like I could only make it to meetings if I was high beforehand. It started feeling like I was replacing one crutch with another.

I've been in therapy since 2019 and I'm also in an eating disorder recovery program. I've tried multiple SSRIs and SNRIs, some for well over a year, and unfortunately none of them made any difference for me. I've also tried hypnotherapy. The only medication that noticeably helped was Vyvanse, which I stopped before trying to conceive.

The part that scares me is how bad my drinking actually became. I hid alcohol everywhere. I drank in the mornings, drank throughout the day, and drank at work without anyone knowing. Most people in my life had no idea how severe it was.

Since finding out I was pregnant, I've been sober from both alcohol and marijuana for over 7 months. Staying sober while pregnant has honestly not been difficult because protecting my baby is non-negotiable to me.

What has been difficult is realizing that all the reasons I drank are still here.

In these past 7 months, I've probably left my house willingly fewer than 10 times outside of prenatal appointments. I don't even like going into my backyard because I hate feeling seen or perceived. Alcohol used to make that fear disappear.

I'm scared that once my baby is born, I'll lose the one thing that has kept me completely sober. I don't miss being drunk. I miss the relief I felt from my own mind.

Has anyone else experienced this fear during pregnancy? If you stayed sober postpartum, especially if you were using alcohol to self-medicate anxiety or other mental health issues, what helped you get through it?

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with my second baby, and I'm scared to not be pregnant anymore.

I'm a recovering alcoholic. I drank casually from around age 19 and never felt particularly attached to alcohol. I preferred weed and edibles and could usually take alcohol or leave it.

Everything changed after my first child was born. I developed postpartum depression and eventually had a drink after being told it was safe while breastfeeding. From there, things spiraled.

I realized alcohol made my social anxiety, OCD, body dysmorphia, agoraphobia, and insecurities disappear, at least temporarily. I've struggled with an eating disorder most of my life, and alcohol gave me a break from obsessing over my appearance. I know it wasn't treatment. It was a bandaid. But it worked well enough that I kept going back to it.

Before getting pregnant with this baby, who was very planned and very wanted, I managed over a month without alcohol and started attending AA. The problem was that my social anxiety was so severe that I often felt like I could only make it to meetings if I was high beforehand. It started feeling like I was replacing one crutch with another.

I've been in therapy since 2019 and I'm also in an eating disorder recovery program. I've tried multiple SSRIs and SNRIs, some for well over a year, and unfortunately none of them made any difference for me. I've also tried hypnotherapy. The only medication that noticeably helped was Vyvanse, which I stopped before trying to conceive.

The part that scares me is how bad my drinking actually became. I hid alcohol everywhere. I drank in the mornings, drank throughout the day, and drank at work without anyone knowing. Most people in my life had no idea how severe it was.

Since finding out I was pregnant, I've been sober from both alcohol and marijuana for over 7 months. Staying sober while pregnant has honestly not been difficult because protecting my baby is non-negotiable to me.

What has been difficult is realizing that all the reasons I drank are still here.

In these past 7 months, I've probably left my house willingly fewer than 10 times outside of prenatal appointments. I don't even like going into my backyard because I hate feeling seen or perceived. Alcohol used to make that fear disappear.

I'm scared that once my baby is born, I'll lose the one thing that has kept me completely sober. I don't miss being drunk. I miss the relief I felt from my own mind.

Has anyone else experienced this fear during pregnancy? If you stayed sober postpartum, especially if you were using alcohol to self-medicate anxiety or other mental health issues, what helped you get through it?

Does anyone have any product suggestions that 100% worked to stop your child from biting their nails? My daughter (4) picked up the habit from her dad a few years back, but even though he has pretty much stopped doing it, it’s become a big problem for her.

So far, I have tried the Witchcraft anti-nail bite polish, but she will quite literally bite her nails immediately after it’s applied. Her dad tested it on himself and said it tastes horrible so I don’t know how she bites through it completely unphased.

The biting does not seem caused by anxiety, but rather she does it completely out of habit like it’s second nature. I have always been on top of cutting/filing her nails, so it’s not even that they were too long. She will bite any sort of nail that grows before I even have a chance to cut or file it.

If anyone has any suggestions or products that they absolutely swear by, I would really appreciate it. We have a new baby coming this summer and the thought of having two kids eventually biting their nails is going to drive me up the wall 😭

I'm currently 208 days sober because I'm pregnant. Before getting pregnant, I had managed a little over a month sober by choice.

One thing I've been forced to confront during this time is how much I relied on alcohol to function with social anxiety and agoraphobia. I've struggled with both for years, and while alcohol obviously created its own problems, it also made it possible for me to leave the house, socialize, and feel connected to other people. I know that's not healthy, but it's the truth.

Since becoming sober, I've probably left the house willingly fewer than 10 times in 208 days. I go to prenatal appointments and other necessary medical appointments, but that's about it. I don't go out with my child. I rarely go into my own backyard because I don't want to be seen by anyone. I spend most of my time isolated at home.

Before anyone asks, I have tried treatment. I've been in therapy since 2019 with multiple therapists. I've tried more than 10 SSRIs and SNRIs, several ADHD medications, worked with psychiatrists, and even tried hypnotherapy. Vyvanse helped me the most overall, but it didn't help my agoraphobia.

What scares me is that without alcohol, I feel like my world has become incredibly small. I used to think drinking was causing a lot of my problems, and in many ways it was, but now I'm realizing it was also acting as a crutch that allowed me to do things I can't seem to do sober.

My therapist and midwife are aware of all of this.

I'm also worried about what happens after I give birth. Right now I don't miss alcohol because I want to party or get drunk. I miss it because it made me feel capable of leaving the house, talking to people, and being a more present parent.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? If alcohol, or any other unhealthy coping mechanism, was helping you push through your agoraphobia, how did you learn to function without it? Did things improve over time, or did you find another approach that finally helped?

I’ve tried Chrome, Firefox, Safari, Edge, and Google for apps. I always switch to desktop version. No matter what, the app crashes instantly. Even if I enter a server with only one bar, it crashes after at least 20 seconds. Help :(

I’ve tried Chrome, Firefox, Safari, Edge, and Google for apps. I always switch to desktop version. No matter what, the app crashes instantly. Even if I enter a server with only one bar, it crashes after at least 20 seconds. Help :(

*TW for body image issues and ED talk*

I’m 28 weeks pregnant with my second and I seriously just want to do nothing. My legs are so sore constantly, I have heartburn and need to take tums every 2-3 hours even if I haven’t eaten anything, I feel the most tired I’ve ever felt in my life, and I just feel hideous honestly.

Prior to falling pregnant, I was on a weight loss journey and had *just* finally lost most of my double chin, and now it’s back in full force plus my whole body is just swollen and I look huge. I am in recovery for an eating disorder, but I find myself just really picking myself apart even more now. I don’t even want to put on makeup anymore because it just feels like “putting lipstick on a pig”.

I just really can’t wait until I’m no longer pregnant and I can start losing weight again. I’m so ashamed to leave the house. I can get over the way my body looks, but when I have a double chin I seriously lose all my self worth. I can’t even be bothered to go for walks anymore because I don’t want to be seen.

Anyone else just over their pregnancy at this point? I love feeling my baby move and grow, but I just want my body back. I feel so out of control and honestly I just feel so depressed.