u/xafrilla

I have a sensitive claim with ACC and get weekly compensation. It's not something I want to talk about with a prospective landlord, but when I mention I'm on ACC they ask what my injury is. I also feel I've been discriminated against for being unemployed, not to mention most listings do that up front.

Is my best bet to lie and say I work from home? Do places ask for proof of income these days? I heard it's illegal but seems to be happening anyway...

Any tips for improving my chances? Thanks.

Going to check out a rental tomorrow and I'm sure I will get the dreaded question 'so tell me about yourself'. Well I'm unemployed due to life-destroying childhood trauma that left me unable to function as an adult, and I spend most of my days on my phone or just doing nothing.

I have no hobbies besides walking and listening to music, and I haven't even been doing that much lately because my body is tired. I have no passion for anything and I have no relationships and I have a dull work history and I don't do any sports and I don't create any art and I don't like cooking and I don't have a pet.

I feel so dehumanised when I'm put on the spot with these questions. I went to the physio the other day and just had to lie so that my answer to "what did you do this week" wasn't just "oh I can't remember" or "hmm not much, I'm boring" again.

But I don't want to lie, I don't want to have to pretend to be normal so that people accept me. If they knew how hard my existence was they would get it. But I'm beginning to understand that my life is so far from what most would be able to comprehend.

I'm pretty new to DID and still don't quite believe what's going on. Since starting with my new therapist a young part has become more and more apparent and shows up in therapy sometimes for a few moments.

I wanted her to have the whole session to herself today because I meant to give her some time last time but it just didn't happen. I'm all set with some lollipops and snacks but as soon as the session starts I feel this intense resistance to letting her express herself. I feel humiliation and disbelief. I won't let her come out and I start talking about anything else and distracting from the situation.

I had an extreme aversion to accepting her as a real part of me, and I felt like my therapist was manipulating me into believing that any parts exist and that this would put me in danger because then she could manipulate me and make me do stuff. After some struggle (something didn't want me to talk about it) I told her and she said no one can create parts inside me. But I thought maybe it was possible as a kid because I've read about it on here.

Anyway I was kinda angry the whole session and I've just been binge eating after and trying to understand what's happening but it just doesn't make sense to me. I try to ask myself but no one talks, it's just a feeling of anger and irritation and they don't want to talk to anyone. I don't know what to do!!

One thing that really doesn't help is the fact that I'm always at the front and I kind of 'allow' parts to come through me. I don't usually feel their feelings or thoughts but they can move my body with my permission. So it usually just feels like I'm making everything up.

This is how my family copes with their emotions when they can't change something. Either that or whining about it over and over. They have no capacity to accept their uncomfortable feelings if they can't make them go away, so they deny them completely.

Idk how this works for them because after a while of buying into it myself it all broke down for me. I realised that I couldn't bury my emotions like that. Idk how someone can keep up that level of denial for so long really.

I had a bath and I was really relaxed. I let the water drain away while I was still in the bathtub. Then my body felt like a dead weight. I shouldn't have been able to move. But somehow I always figure out how to animate this living corpse.

If I had to guess, it's like all the energy that would normally be used to make the body move is completely frozen and inert. I learned to use strange configurations of my muscles and joints in order to move instead, that don't require any connection to the body. So now when I really relax and allow myself to connect, it doesn't know how to move.

This happened to me a couple of times on psychedelics. I noticed how hard it was for me to even just BREATHE without tensing everything in an uncomfortable way. When I relaxed I began to suffocate. It was scary.

I guess this is what bodywork is for??

I'm realising now that I feel like I 'speed ran' maturity. I am recovering memories of being groomed beginning at 4 years old and continuing until I was 8. I was trafficked and after a while I developed a dissociative disorder. A part of me became hypersexual and took over during the abuse. She enjoyed it and felt in control and desired.

In my teen years I was completely asexual. I did not 'discover' my sexuality in any way. I thought I didn't have one. This carried on into adulthood. I didn't 'bloom' into a woman or whatever. I always thought I was so boring and passionless. I remember in high school someone asked me if I'd ever had sex and I said, "ew, no," and they laughed at me.

Now I find out that actually, all of that behaviour and discovery happened before I had even gone through puberty. I had been engaging in very adult behaviour way too early. I was actually 'ahead' of everyone else.

But now I feel like I've been used up. I'm mid-30s and I feel old and decrepit. Like I have zero worth to men or the world, and my time has passed. I think, when my abuser discarded me, brutally and cruelly, I believed that it was over for me. I've been living with this unconscious belief ever since without even noticing it. Feeling completely worthless and like I am a non-person.

Can anyone relate?

I forget how bad the trauma was and hate myself for being so broken and dysfunctional. Rarely I remember for a few moments and then I understand why I'm so fucked up. I don't feel so bad then because it all makes sense.

But then I go back to forgetting and feel like I'm just a total failure of a person. Even though I know something happened to me, because I can't remember it is like it never did and I'm just faking. I hate it so much.

I don't even need the amnesia anymore. I handle the knowledge of the events okay when they come up. It's just harming me at this point.

Hi everyone. There's not a lot of expertise in my country of New Zealand. I'm considering getting an online consult regarding whether I would be a good candidate for expansion and/or how I should treat my UARS.

Unfortunately I cannot afford to travel overseas for FME (it would use all of my savings) and am looking to get MARPE in my city. Of course it would be good to get it with someone who knows all this stuff, but there really isn't anyone. So I thought I could at least get a consult from an expert who could tell me if it's a good idea or not. I already have some x-rays and a CBCT.

I've heard Dr. Manuele is good and only charges $250USD. Does anyone have any other affordable (for me that is $300USD or less) recommendations or suggestions?

Thanks!

There were two spotted doves hanging out together around my house, but sadly one flew into a window and died. Now the other one is all alone. There don't seem to be any other doves / pigeons around besides wood pigeons. Will this bird be lonely and sad now? I was wondering if I should help it get a mate.

As an adult, I discovered I had been abused as a child by a man known to my mother. I told her about it. Several months later I was asking her questions about him and she started defending him. This man is not a family member and I don't think she's spoken to him in over 20 years. But she felt the need to tell me something that he'd shared with her once to prove that he had tender emotions. "He not the 'monster man' you think he is [my name]. Humans are complex beings." They sure are, because why the fuck would you say that to your daughter about the man who groomed and raped her at 5 years old. Fuck you.