r/traumatizeThemBack

Last Friday, manager tells me in the AM that he’s going to be ordering pizza for everyone later if I’d like some. I said that’s nice of him, but politely declined. He questioned me why, and I told him “I don’t eat that type of food.” He said “who doesn’t eat pizza!?” I am vegan, but I try everything in my power to avoid mentioning it because everyone makes a fuss about it. I like my manager, so I tell him. And of course, to my dismay, that opened a whole ‘nother conversation. But he suggests a salad and again I declined and he didn’t press any further. 11AM rolls around and I’m invited to a “regroup meeting” which I am required to attend. I didn’t put two and two together. I show up for the meeting and there’s the entire team (about 10 of us) and six boxes of pizza. In the middle of a table is a tiny salad. I sat down and waited to hear what the meeting was about. Everyone starts telling me to grab a slice, questioning why I’m not getting any, then asking why I don’t eat pizza, why I’m vegan, offering me salad, asking why I don’t want the salad. And everyone came in at different times so it was the same thing over and over. I told everyone that I was aware there was salad but that I did not want salad. I said I don’t want to eat! I am 34 years old, I can choose if and when I eat. So someone offers me a Dr Pepper and says “Don’t worry, I think they’re only 12 calories!” And everyone’s cracking jokes at this point. It took everything in me not to burst out into tears at this point. My manager later messaged me and said he was sorry if it was awkward. Today, a co worker came in to ask me something and followed up with a joke about getting me a salad. I snapped. “It’s no one’s business but I’ve had an eating disorder my entire life. My sister body shamed me and withheld food from me as a child. She later died from anorexia. I have a terrible relationship with food and have a phobia of eating in public” and burst into tears. Not only that, but I was obese and bullied as a child. I have social anxiety. A million reasons as to why I don’t eat in public. His grin went away and he felt like a huge asshole. I hope he passes the message along to everyone else so they also feel like huge assholes. Don’t pressure people into doing stuff they don’t want to do. No one owes anyone an explanation. It may seem innocent and light-hearted but it was traumatizing all over again. Next time, I’ll say I have the stomach flu or something. It’s been repeating over and over in my head. I am humiliated. I feel so stupid that I didn’t come up with a random excuse instead of causing a huge scene.

I was at a grocery store one evening when a man standing behind me started complaining that I was blocking the aisle.I honestly hadn't noticed him because I have very limited hearing in one ear and there was a lot of noise around me.He kept making comments about how people are so inconsiderate these days and said I was “pretending not to hear him.I turned around and explained that I genuinely hadn't heard him.Instead of apologizing, he laughed and said, “Sure. Convenient excuse.At that point I just took out my hearing aid, held it up, and said, “No, actually. This is the reason.His whole expression changed.He quietly said “Oh” and moved around me without another word.I wasn't trying to embarrass him, but the silence afterward was pretty satisfying.

I just wanna say the people in this story weren't really "traumatized" I'm just proud of this story.

It was last school year, I was sitting on my off crocheting when this guy came up to me and asked if I was single. Now at the time I was dating my girlfriend. The two of us broke up but we're still friends. I said plainly that I was gay (I don't really like saying I'm dating people. It's my life not yours!). He was chill about it and walked off. I thought it was done until he brought his female friend. So now I shall reanact this story like I am Shakesqueer myself.

"So you're gay?"

"Uh yeah?"

"So are you into me?"

"... No"

"Well why not? "

(At this point I was getting annoyed)" because I have a girlfriend.

"Ok but what if you didn't?"

"I'd find my girlfriend"

"But if you two would break up?"

"I'd get back with my girlfriend."

"What if you cheat on her with me" (yes she asked me to cheat)

"I wouldn't"

"Ok but what if I was your girlfriend?"

"We'd break up"

Those two were speechless and walked back to their friends. I don't know why they pushed. Probably to get a laugh from the cute gay girl.

A few days ago at work, everyone was ordering food. I said I wasn't hungry and didn't want anything.That should have been the end of it.Instead, people kept asking what was wrong with me, telling me I should eat something, and making little jokes about how I was “being difficult.” I laughed it off at first because I didn't want to make things awkward.But one comment hit a nerve and I ended up getting emotional in front of everyone.I didn't explain my whole history to them because I don't think I should have to. There are personal reasons why certain situations around food make me uncomfortable, and people have no idea what someone might be dealing with privately.The person who made the joke apologized afterward, which I appreciated. I just wish people understood this soon.If someone says no to food, just accept it. You don't need to convince them, question them, or turn it into a joke.

[Quick disclaimer: sorry if this sometimes get confusing or my grammar is bad or too much commas, i'm not the best at explaining stuff like this but... im trying my best ok 🥲]

This is not really an extreme "traumatize them back" story but its still one.

So back when i was about 14-15 y/o i had to go to school with a bus because none of my parents could drive me home due to work, The Bus driver was like a middle-aged kinda strict lady that so many times arrives early to pick us up in the morning but late to pick us up from school, but now to the real story.

So i at that time took my time in the morning because i dont think so many people have that much energy at 6 in the morning, so many times i arrived late to the bus cause she would arrive when i was halfway through breakfast, so as expected she would kinda get annoyed about me arriving late and normally she would say something like:

"[Me]… c'mon, you're late again, i don't have that much time to wait for you all morning, hurry up next time or else i'll drive off".

I knew i had to hurry up but sometimes i really did not have energy and she arrived early af like she owed someone money, and naturally i got sick of the whole threat and she had enough of me arriving late, but as i said earlier: After second semester started, In the evening when school ended, we (the ppl who also were in the bus) had to stand there waiting for her to arrive and she would take wayyy longer then we arrived late, and sometimes the weather was crazy so we had to stand there in the rain waiting for her.

So one day i was having a bad morning and naturally i was late due to low energy again, she got annoyed and yelled at me... but i was so done that morning that from the back of the bus i yelled something like: "Oh! You get mad at me even tho when YOU arrive 30 minutes late when we are standing there in the cyclone like homeless people nobody tells you jackshit!".

Probably expected at this point but yes, she got mad... and i got in some trouble of course.

She talked to my mom in the evening when we arrived home but then i told her what happend in reality (because my mom just interrogated me because lady bus driver just told her to check up on me due to bad behaviour), but my mom only called the bus driver and just said something like "hey, i know you got annoyed by my son's attitude but please only talk to me when he's actually behaving bad, Not when he made you get an emotional crisis" and then hang up...

the bus driver never got annoyed at anyone being late again tho she still arrived late in the evening.

So. This happened years ago, I was like 15 and I am 23 now. For context, my mother was dealing with a lot; my siblings were definitely not great in terms of behavior (I have four brothers and two had severe issues) and she was having significant issues with bad medication. Essentially, she was unstable. It’s not an excuse for her actions at all, but it does give background that I don’t think she would have acted as she did normally. But I also gave her a much needed wake up call.

I was the least of her problems at the time, honestly. I was mostly just trying to skate by unnoticed most of the day because I was terrified of her wrath most of the time. I did not escape this time. She decided the best course of action to discipline me for spending too much time on my 3ds without doing chores was to punch me. And I was done.

I called the cops on her. Keep in mind this was the first time anyone had called her out on her behavior to this degree. When she found out and the police got there, she instantly tried to pull the “it wasn’t that bad” and “my kid is autistic and doesn’t understand what they are doing” (I do not understand why she remotely thought this was credible but I digress) and acted as if she very calm and sane. Meanwhile I explain very clearly what she did to some actually quite understanding officers. The cops tried to quietly urge me to ask for an ambulance, probably so they could put like a case on her and everything, but I refused because I was scared of an escalation. I more wanted to show her I was not going to stand for it, I wasn’t looking to make sure she’d lose her kids. Not to mention I knew that it wasn’t really necessary to go that far, my mom just needed to pull her head up. When they left, my mom was mad about it, and encouraged my siblings to make fun of me for doing it, but I did not budge. I just calmly said she was starting a pattern of abuse that her own parents did to her, and I would not be a victim. That bit helped to shut her down too. I didn’t like throwing it out like that, but it was necessary to shake her enough.

Thankfully, this was the only incident, and she got off those meds (that were actually later classified as having really bad side affects and no longer prescribed, go figure), and she got therapy and is a lot better now. She would also later admit that was indeed the slap in the face she needed. I am normally a happy-go-lucky, nothing phases me person now, but that’s more because I lived a childhood of never speaking up and being a wallflower to my own life. And I think because this incident was unusual in terms of that as well, it helped break through for that too. I am still learning to some degree how to stand up for myself properly, especially when it concerns such heavy topics, but this was the first time I managed the courage to really do it.

There are other, smaller incidents of me essentially digging my heels in because I know I am in the right, but they are less “traumatize them back” and more just “I will be the most impossible person you have ever had the displeasure of dealing with,” though you could classify that as it’s own trauma lol.

If this ends up being found by the Cliccy, I hope this little story can help others in similar situations know that even if it’s scary, it’s important to stand up for yourself. I was terrified of the repercussions at the time, but now I’m very glad I did something about my situation (even if it was probably the most drastic option I could take lol).

Saw a dad in the supermarket with his newborn and an older woman told him it was nice that he was babysitting and giving mum a break.

He just looked at her and said Im her mum. I havent had much chance to look after myself since having a newborn.

She looked completely horrified.

He then admitted he was actually the dad and said he just hates when people call looking after his own kid babysitting.

Honestly, I get it. Babysitting makes it sound like dads are doing their partner a favour by parenting.

For a long time, this person kept taking advantage of me because they assumed I would never push back. Whenever they crossed a line, I stayed quiet because I didn't want unnecessary drama.Eventually, they did it one more time.Instead of arguing or getting revenge, I simply stopped helping them and treated them exactly how they had been treating me. No insults, no threats, no scene—I just stopped making things easy for them.They immediately noticed the difference and asked why I had changed.I told them, “I'm just giving you the same energy you've been giving me.”They were surprisingly angry about it.That's when I realized they weren't upset because I had done something terrible. They were upset because I had finally stopped letting them use me.How was I traumatized? They repeatedly took advantage of my kindness.How did I traumatize them back? I stopped giving them access to it.

This happened a couple years ago, when I was still in elementary school. The last year of elementary school to be exact, so I was 9-10 years old.

I freshly moved from Vienna to a nice village in Southern Austria, during the summer holidays. I didn't know anyone yet and didn't go out much as well, since it was all new to me and due to bad experiences in the city. So when the summer holidays were over, I was forced to socialize. I was used to being the new kid, since I was in a different school each of the 4 years of elementary school. Not because I moved around a lot, but because of the bad people in those past schools.

Most of the kids were nice, welcomed me to the country side and all. They even asked me how it was growing up in a city and all that kind of stuff. But of course, not everyone was okay with me being here. I came from the city, so some of the boys acted like I was poisonous. They would avoid me and call me "poisonous" and "disgusting" and whatnot. Sometimes they would touch me and chase each other to "poison them". Some of the other kids from my class joined and also chased each other with my "poison".

At first it made me sad and feel unwelcomed, since most of the kids would act that certain way. I had only 2 friends during that time too, so I didn't know what to do. I tried to impress the others, to show, that there is more to me than just "the kid from the city". But that never worked.

I don't know why, but at one point, it struck me.

I'm poisonous? Alright, two can play that game.

One of the boys were in the way for someone? I would walk straight to them and touch them, watch them run away screaming that they were poisoned. During recess I would purposefully chase them if they upset someone, make them regret they were here at the wrong time in the wrong place. They would always stay as far away as possible, terrified of the power they have given me.

Before I even knew it, the school year was over.

In the village I lived, the elementary school and the middle school are in one building, so most of the kids directly go into the middle school from our village. I never understood why, but the classes got mixed. The girls were still in one class but the boys in another. We got new girls and boys in our class, but most of the elementary class stayed.

The boys that bullied me? They would still avoid me, even during middle school.

So, my advice when it comes to bullying? Return the favor.

I’m mixed and my son looks nothing like what people apparently expect my child to look like. When he was younger, strangers would sometimes stare at both of us and ask if I was his mom. I usually just said yes and moved on, but one woman kept questioning it. She looked at him, looked at me, and said, “Are you sure? He doesn’t look anything like you?” I smiled and said, “Yeah, genetics can be surprisingly creative.” She still looked confused and started explaining how children usually resemble their parents. So I nodded seriously and said, “Exactly. That’s why I’m pretty sure he got his looks from the mailman.” The silence was immediate. She looked absolutely horrified before realizing I was joking. I laughed and told her the truth, but honestly, sometimes people need to hear how ridiculous their assumptions sound when you turn them around.

My friend baby girl was stillborn. I decided to take her a spa treatment to help lift her spirit. While we we're waiting for the receptionist dealing with another customer I started reading out the treatments they do and asked which one would my friend like? She was almost non responsive but mumbled which one she preferred.

I guess the women behind us thought she was being ungrateful because she cut in and said what are you looking sad for? If someone was paying for me I'd be happy! Smile! Before I could say anything my friend, said I am sad because I lost my baby daughter and we just buried her 5 days ago. She ended up crying in my arms.

The women mouth kinda opened and closed trying to figure out what to say but realizing that anything said at that point wouldn't matter because she had messed up and there was just no coming back from that without further making herself look like a jackass! So in the end she just sat down and pretended to look for something in her bag while everyone else in the reception area glared at her. She eventually left. On the bright side we got a discount.

I have Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.

If you don’t know what that is, the short version is that my connective tissue is basically held together by hopes, dreams, and whatever structural integrity a wet paper straw has left after 20 minutes.

I’m also young. At the time of this story I was 18 and I’m currently close to turning 21.

These two facts apparently combine to create a fascinating phenomenon where complete strangers become board-certified physicians the second they look at me. (The education system has truly failed in teaching about invisible disabilities. Most of these people think you can only be disabled if you’re blind, deaf, or paralyzed.)

I’ve gotten the classics:

“You’re too young to have all those problems.”

“But you look healthy!”

“Everyone’s joints hurt sometimes.” (Like thanks susan but it’s constant pain for me)

And, my personal favorite:

“You don’t look disabled.”

Normally I explain.

I explain that disability doesn’t have a “look.” I explain that hEDS and the whole umbrella is genetic. I explain that being able to walk doesn’t mean my joints are functioning normally. I explain that hypermobility is not just being super flexible.

I have given the Ehlers-Danlos TED Talk more times than I can count.

But this particular day, I was tired.

Someone in my extended family hit me with the “you don’t look disabled” and then basically doubled down when I told them I have a condition that makes my joints unstable.

They clearly did not believe me.

And something in my brain just went:

You know what? Visual learner.

Now, I want to make it VERY clear that this was stupid. Please do not intentionally dislocate or sublux your joints. I already know. My doctors would probably reach through the screen and slap me for this.

But I was annoyed, and unfortunately in possession of a body capable of producing evidence on demand.

So instead of continuing to argue, I just looked at them.

And popped one of my joints out.

Right there.

On purpose.

The transformation on this person’s face was IMMEDIATE as they saw my arm dangling unanchored to my shoulder.

They went from skeptical to absolutely fucking horrified in approximately 0.2 seconds.

“OH MY GOD. WHAT THE FUCK?”

And because apparently I had already committed to being the worst possible version of myself that day, I just looked at them and went: “Yeah. It does that.”

Suddenly there were no more questions.

No “have you tried yoga?”
No “but you’re so young.”

No inspirational story about somebody’s cousin who cured their back pain by cutting out seed oils.

Nothing.

Just horror.

I put my joint back where God intended it to be and carried on with my day while they stared at me like they had just watched a haunted American Girl doll rearrange its own limbs.

Was intentionally popping a joint out to win an argument medically advisable?

Absolutely fucking not.

Did I probably cause more damage to a body that already has the structural integrity of a Nature Valley granola bar?

Probably.

But I had spent so much of my life being expected to prove that I was actually sick because apparently looking young and relatively normal meant I couldn’t possibly be disabled.

So, for once, I provided supporting documentation.
In 4D.

They never told me I “didn’t look disabled” again.

And I have since retired from live demonstrations. (For now).

I'm (m31) are Afab, and I live with my grandparents. Not out to one of them. This isn't relevant, but it makes it funnier.

So me and my grandpa have this extremely unlucky thing where we always ALWAYS seem to want to go to the toilet at the same time, day or night. We don't eat or drink the same things, even at the same time!! We joke that we are cursed. Every single time I go, I need to go tell him begorehand, because there's a 99 percent chance he will get up AS I'M SITTING there, and he has a bad leg, so it's a whole process. And sometimes he does anyway and then cusses me out behind the door... as if that would make it go faster.

Anyway, a couple days ago, I'm on my period, and I ate something odd, so I go announce I'm going to sit on the throne.

"I'm going to the toilet."

"Yea but don't be long."

"No I HAVE TO be long, I need to poop. Just keep sitting, okay?"

5 minutes later, I'm on the throne. I'm suffering. Cramps are extremely bad, and I'm apparently constipated, so I feel like I'm bout to give birth to a goddamn cactus. blood is gushing out. I'm crying, sweating, and dizzy.

Incomes the sound of grandpa's mobility scooter. "You're STILL there???"

"I TOLD you I'd be a while..."

"Well hurry up!"

Grandma calls out to him to just go into the shower to pee- he needs one anyway. He refuses.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE SO LONG?!"

Well, I try to hurry up, but you know. It's not working. I'm still in pain. And now I'm stressed because grandpa's getting increasingly more annoyed and loud behind the door and so the pipe movement comes to a screeching halt.

I say fuck it, this is not working, I'll go drink something and come back later, so I just wipe, get up, and... before I flush, i ponder the chunk of blood and tissue in the bowl, half conscious . It sits there like a horror prop, bright red. And... i just leave it.

I come out, he goes in, I go wash my hands, and suddenly. His cussing comes to a stop.

Dead. fucking. Silence.

We say nothing to each other later. Neither mentions it. However...

I have not been told to hurry up when i say I'll be a while since!

I feel a little bad in retrospect, but also, please leave people alone when they poop. Especially when they poop on their period. It's hard as it is. Thank you.

I didnt know where to post this but its been in my head for few weeks so here i go

I (17)f have bad relationship with my mom, to the point im tense when i see her. I moved to my dad abt 2months ago so its also still a fresh situation

Im working at a store and most of my coworkers are aware of my complicated relation with mom. No details, just complicated.

Few weeks ago one of my coworkers was asking me if i didnt want new beauty product we have, i said no but she kept pushing. When i said that i wouldnt evenuse like half of it (it was a set) she said "than u can give it to ur mom".

I was alredy annoyed by her actions and i automaticly anwsered with "I dont have a mom".

THE LOOK ON HER FACE WAS SO GOOD. She was shocked and looked like she wanted apologize until she realized thats not true and started lecturing me that i shouldnt say stuff like that but i didnt give a shit and just left to do my job.

Its not trurly a traumatize them back but the pure dread on her face that was there for like 2 seconds was too good not to post

He was always making jokes at my expense whenever we were with friends. I usually ignored it, but one day I calmly said, “You seem to know a lot about me for someone who never asks how I’m doing.”Everyone went quiet.He changed the subject, and honestly, that was enough for me.

This happened when I was at a McDonalds yesterday.

For a bit of context: I'm 14 but I look older (about 15-16) when I have makeup on, as I did on that day. I like getting happy meals because sometimes I'm not hungry enough to finish anything else.

When this happened, I was sitting at one of the tables, eating my Happy Meal. I was also watching a YouTube video, because I was doing a summer camp about mythology so wanted to learn more about it. A woman came up to me, eyed my food, and said snarkily

"You know you're too old to eat those, right? They're for kids."

I was a bit hangry, and I didn't know why this woman (who i'd never seen before in my life) had just come up to me and started critising what I was eating. I turned to her slowly, and well, my mouth worked before my brain did.

"First, I'm fourteen. Until I'm eighteen I'm legally considered a child, so your argument is void. Second, this is for my grandfather. He died a few months ago, and we used to go to McDonalds and get Happy Meals together. Today is the anniversary of his death. So, excuse me for wanting to pay tribute to someone I loved who is now gone."

She shut up SO FAST it was honestly astounding, stuttered a 'sorry' and skedaddled.

Truly, a real TraumatizeThemBack moment.

Edit: for all the people confused, it was the 3-month anniversary. Hope this helps.

Greetings everyone !

Yesterday I was walking and minding my own business till I saw a guy in front of me approaching two girls in hope of getting the number of one of them, however things looked like they have taken an escalating turn therefore leading the guy to insult one of the girls ( go fuck yourself bitch… ) which resulted in the girl spitting right at his face. Thankfully bystanders came ro de-escalate the situation.