u/-Kitten_Mittenz-

The text conversation kind of speaks for itself on what the conflict is. My dad is a state away, so I couldn’t see him for Father’s Day or his birthday. I had talked to him multiple times on Father’s Day, and I called him on his birthday at 11:11pm. I know that’s fairly late, but I had to work. Anyway, he’s threatening to cut me off financially and emotionally. He said in his latest text that I need to “figure everything out on my own” from now on. I’m a broke 21 year old college student, so that’s cool.

Huge edit: since people are making massive assumptions, I pay for all of my own bills. I’m bothered by him stating he’s going to cut me off emotionally. I was working a 48 hour shift in inner-city EMS, and no. I didn’t have the time to call until 11pm. I would have explained that to my dad, but he didn’t answer the phone. This is meltdown #6 this month. My dad has bipolar disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and these types of situations happen like 1-2 times a week over anything.

Edit two: we typically talk at 11-2am, so there’s nothing unusual about when I called him. We talk 2-3 times a day when I don’t have to work. I also told him in advance he might not hear from me, and that he should get himself a steak or go out with friends. We talked about this on Father’s Day. He insisted on doing nothing for his birthday, and for the record, he never called or texted on my birthday.

Inspired by Chicken Tagine!! Rice pilaf, caramelized onions, spiced chicken, cherry tomatoes, feta, tzatziki.

Boyfriend of 8 years was fired from his job in March. It was a shitty service industry job so we agreed it would be okay to take a month off and try to correct his sleep and exercise then get back into the job search since we’re trying to save for a wedding and a house.

We’re onto month 3 now and he’s refusing to find work because he’s doing full-time writing right now. He claims that he actually has time and energy now to write and picked up this novel he hasn’t touched in years. It was nice seeing him rediscover his passions at first but now he’s refusing to find work altogether, at least for the summer, claiming that the novel is more of an investment in the future than working some dumb job.

To be fair he has always had dreams of being a writer so I understand what this time means to him, but at the same time it feels like he’s retreating from the real world and getting caught up in this fantasy of “blowing up.”

I read his novel and thought it was okay but he insists I’m just missing what it’s really about and maybe he’s right. But even though we’re not financially suffering too much from his unemployment it still hurts to come home from work to find him sitting on the couch with his laptop and a Red Bull telling me he had a productive day. And then I have to go make dinner. I want to be supportive it just makes me sad.

background info:

i was walking around the flat i co-own with my fiancée today wearing an outfit almost identical to the one in the 3rd slide (except i have almost no boobs) and i needed shoes before i could leave for brunch. after knocking on my roommates door (she pays rent) i came in and was about to ask to borrow her heels when she started yelling at me.

among other things she said:

*my name* what the hell do you think you’re trying to do here dressed like that in front of *bf*???

don’t act stupid in that outfit and get the hell out of my room

all this was said in front of her bf and i barely even got to ask her for the heels i wanted.

now i want to kick her out for disrespecting me in my own house, would i be over reacting to do so?

I am male, 20, and in recent contact with my estranged father. I stopped all contact that I could control at 15, and only started talking to him again after 4 years because he had another kid and I want to be in my sister's life.

Why I stopped contact: he was abusive. My life genuinely improved many times over after I cut him off, and I am starting to regret letting him back into my life.

----- skip to bottom now for TLDR if you don't care for any more context -------

More context: since I had cut him off as a teenager, he still had access to make contact with me even if I did not respond/react/reciprocate. The main form of contact he chose was sending me money, including paying for my gas through a specific app. I did not ever ask for money, but I couldn't reject it as a minor and I kept accepting it once at 18 because it was free money. I have never allowed myself to become dependent on being given this money, and will be okay if I stopped accepting it because I never wanted to give him the privilege of being relied on.

Anyways, recently I had a surgery. I never intended on telling him, but ended up having to anyways because I have a trip planned to see my little sister only a few weeks after this surgery (aka spend a few days at his house). I've honestly forgotten my reasoning for telling him, maybe because I'd still be recovering during that trip, but at this point I'm regretting letting him know.

Initially he'd taken this renewed contact with me as permission to send me regular messages. Not a big fan of the concept, but 90% of it is about my baby sister +pictures of her, so I don't complain.

However since learning about my surgery he's been sending me stuff not related to my sibling, which is annoying, but I dont respond to it and forget about it within the hour tbh. But now he's sending me shit that could lead to problems if I dont respond.

Such as.. (see attached screenshots). What the hell am I supposed to make of this? I found the first message off-putting but was like "whatever" and told him what he wanted to hear. I did not take that message to mean sending him thanks every single time I get gas. I interpreted it as saying thanks for every big payment, like my "allowance" or for my tuition. Which I already do, so I should have anticipated he wanted more from me than what he was getting.

That second message not only was off putting but is pissing me off. A life lesson about gratitude? I'm not ten years old, what the hell. This man is practically a stranger that I tolerate because he happens to be the one that produced my baby sister. I've not seen him as a parental figure, much less anything close to a lesson giver, in over a decade. I replied to that with another "tell him what he wants to hear" plus some emojis to make it sound less sarcastic and to soothe his ego.

Do you see what im typing right now? Why the hell am I protecting this man's ego. I dont even like him. And its for sure giving controlling vibes despite him literally saying hes not trying to control me.

Oh my god. Im already exhausted with this and there hasnt even been any real confrontation/clashing.

---unplanned rant incoming. Context is over, skip to end to read my AIO question. Or read on, if you want to see me actively work myself up just writing about him. -----

Shit like this makes me wonder if its even worth it. I dont even like kids, and my sister ain't gonna remember if I visited her when she was a baby or not.

But then I remember that one day that baby is gonna grow up, and she's gonna be a full functioning human adult far longer than she'll be a child.

So I gotta push through, make memories, and have baby pictures to show her to embarrass her when she's older. But wowza

This sperm doner just really grinds my gears. And maybe I'm letting him get to me, maybe it shouldn't bother me. Just a simple placating "thanks" isn't difficult.

But you give them an inch and they'll take a mile. What next? What else does he start demanding of me when I dont set clear boundaries now? Ive set them before but he clearly needs a reminder. And a reminder sounds like conflict, which the thought of is already tiring me.

What exactly do I say anyways? No, I wont thank you every time I get gas? That easily puts me in the position of bad guy and gives him leverage to bother me about it. The only big thing that'll make any difference to him is if i stop accepting the gas money. There's nothing to be grateful about if he isn't paying for it in the first place. But then that leads down the rabbit hole of eventually not accepting any money from him at all. I'll be okay if i dont, but in this economy the extra money is honestly a nice cushion. And he wants to give it to me anyways so why not let him? But then how else do a set a proper boundary he'll have to respect? Boundaries mean nothing without consequences for crossing them.

Im not necessarily afraid of him restricting access to my sister, he'd be digging his own grave with that. I cant imagine him actually doing it. I can certainly see him threatening it, but his wife would never allow it and I can easily think of ways to make him relent. I'm putting through his bullshit just for her, in the end.

Sorry for the rant. Anyways, this exchange with him annoyed me so I've made the decision to pay for my own gas now. It's a silent, non confrontational way of saying "nope" to his bullshit. I already thank him for everything he demanded me to thank him for, but im not gonna fucking bless his eyes with my gratitude every time I fill my fucking car.

I'm not necessarily asking if this action is an overreaction because im gonna do it either way. Im asking if me feeling annoyed/off-put by his messages is an overreaction.

Maybe it really means nothing. Maybe hes just an old man wanting some thanks for supporting his son. Or maybe hes a stranger with a little power in my life and decided that gave him the right to demand shit from me.

TLDR: He's been messaging me more often, which I ignore most of the time, but then he sent me this shit (see screenshots). He has been paying for my gas since I was a teen and this has come up out of nowhere. Maybe not nowhere, probably the rising gas prices and renewed audacity due to a closer level of accessibility to me. Anyways I'm super annoyed and I dont have the energy to unpack his bullshit with big therapy words. I just know how this makes me feel and I need reassurance that his behavior is, at the very least, wack. Or maybe I'm just wack aka overreacting.

Why my responses to him are the way they are: i went with a "tell him what he wants to hear" maneuver.

This post is a bit of a mess. Sorry. I complain a lot about being tired, and thats part of the reason for the mess. It's only been a few days since my surgery happened and I am simply not in a place to handle all this shit.

We just moved to Boston and our apartment is on a strip of road with a pretty limited number of parking spots (there's maybe room for about 20 cars total for two mid-sized apartment buildings). Since it's Boston, it seems as though a good chunk of the residents walk or use public transit to get to work, so it hasn't been too crazy competitive for my partner and I to find parking close by so far. There have been a few times while we were moving stuff over that we had to park a few minutes away and walk over with our things, but hey, that's just how it works sometimes in a city.

In this particular section of Boston, parking permits are free for residents. We applied for ours ten days prior to our lease start (as we were instructed to) but despite being approved immediately, were still waiting for our sticker to arrive when June 1st came around. I called the city transit office to ask if we could still legally park in the area before we got the physical sticker and we were told that we absolutely could.

The morning of June 3rd, the first note was on our car. Both my partner and I were a bit pissed, mostly because of the tone of the note. I get that it is immensely frustrating when non-permit-holders take parking spots from residents, but it was literally the 3rd day of the month (and mind you there were TONS of UHauls in the area over the weekend and on Monday) so I don't quite understand jumping to the conclusion that we are entitled assholes from out of town. I imagine most residents had to wait for their stickers at some point when they moved in - why not give us some benefit of the doubt? Maybe I'm just sensitive, but I really feel like that note could have communicated concern without being so extremely rude and presumptuous.

So, we left the printed-out notes in the second and third picture on our car last night. I wanted to make sure he understood our situation (so he wouldn't call a tow truck on us) and also call him out a bit for being a bad neighbor. Maybe I should've been friendlier, or just not responded at all, but I was honestly so annoyed at his first note - once again we've literally JUST moved and are thus pretty stressed out and tired and just not in the mood to be dealing with this shit.

This morning, a new note from our neighbor was waiting for us on the hood (last picture).

Honestly, my partner and I both got a good laugh out of this last note. I'm thinking we should probably stop responding at this point since this guy is clearly out of his gourd, but it is pretty annoying. I'm thinking based on his syntax and writing skills maybe he uses this website (no offense to myself or anyone else here, lol) so perhaps he'll see this and feel some type of shame? Idk.

Backup of the post's body (OP deleted their post):

For context, we’re seriously understaffed right now and the company won’t hire more people for whatever reason. This manager is in the chat multiple times a day wanting people to take shifts. I’ve been taking way more than my fair share, but I don’t feel appreciated for it. I’ve acted as de facto supervisor several times without issue, but they won’t promote me officially or pay me more because I’m “not ready.” I have ASD and am seen as a diversity hire despite being good at my job and having no issues with customers. I get blamed for every mistake or miscommunication, including this one apparently.

I feel a bit bad for pretending I’m busy and making the shift more stressful for everyone else, but also I don’t want to work with this person for at least a few days. Two coworkers saw this go down in the groupchat and messaged me saying she’s in the wrong and I shouldn’t take it to heart, so I guess I’m not being totally unreasonable. Maybe I should be more understanding though, since I don’t know what’s going on in her life right now. Having said that, she doesn’t know what’s going on in mine either. I feel like I’d be immediately sacked if I ever took this attitude with coworkers tbh.

[deleted]

Back story: I am a pet-sitter, and have had this regular weekly client since February. I visit her now 7 month old German Shorthaired Pointer twice a day on Mondays and Tuesdays, and more as needed. The last couple of weeks, she seems to have had some issues, low-key blaming me for stuff. For example, the puppy peed in her crate last Monday and she texted me about it with new instructions on water intake and potty times and seemed annoyed with me (even though she peed 3 times during my visit, but whatever), but we seemed to have gotten back to normal this week, or so I thought.

Anyway, during my visit this morning as I was playing with the puppy, I tweaked something in my lower back. Throughout the day, it got worse, to the point where I can only walk hunched over. I didn't cancel my 3pm visit today and decided to just power through it. In the past, she's asked me to try to exercise her a lot because she is hyper in the evenings, so I tried to still play fetch with her and have her sniff out treats in the grass for some mental stimulation. As you can see in the texts, I explained this to her right after the visit just in case it wasn't enough, I didn't want any snark about her being hyper or whatever later on. She also has a Ring camera and she could review the entire visit if she wanted, and she would see me hunched over having a difficult time while her puppy yanks me around and jumps all over me.

Then I got this text which I assume was meant for her husband. It's pretty clear it was about me, but when I responded she came up with this crazy story that doesn't really make any sense. I'm not sure how to respond or if I should drop this client. She lives like a mile away and I make decent money from her, and I do truly care about the dog. I want her to know that I know her story is bullshit. I think I want to keep the option for her to continue to book with me, but she needs to own up to this before I continue. So, how should I respond?

EDIT: For those of you assuming I'm no-showing or canceling visits and calling me lazy, where are you getting this from? I have never canceled a pet-sitting booking since I started doing this, and with this particular client I usually agree to last-minute visits or adding extra time to visits without much notice. I'm not perfect by any means but I do what is required of me and take my responsibilities to these animals seriously.

Hey! My mom and I share the same health condition— Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome. It is very painful and there are still a lot of unknowns. I got diagnosed 3 years ago and her 2 years ago. I’ve had more ability to see specialists and get better care, but she lives in the middle of nowhere. I get that she wants to see more doctors and doesn’t have access, but it feels so selfish that she uses AI and damages the planet. AI doesn’t always give accurate answers anyways, but she keeps sending me overviews or telling me about them of what “her AI” told her. She keeps taking it as complete fact. I keep finding myself losing more and more of my patience. She won’t listen to me and I can’t seem to look at her with as much respect. Believe me, I know it’s hard to live with this condition and struggle to find answers, but it is so frustrating she is using AI. I’ve told her that I don’t agree with it and she is sending me AI overviews like it’s valid. I keep winding up arguing about it with her. AIO?

Adding for extra context: Someone asked some good questions in the comments that I feel also add to the whole topic.

I’m telling her that AI is damaging the environment and it isn’t helpful but she doesn’t care. She goes— “well what else am I supposed to do” (maybe not use AI??). She already listens to podcasts from doctors who treat hEDS, reads books on it, occasionally sees a nurse practitioner to ask questions, and has support from others that have it.

I also tell her she is likely to get misinformed or take the things it is saying as complete facts. She almost always automatically assumes the AI is correct, and she uses it to back up her unfounded claims. She already self-diagnoses (though she is formally diagnosed with hEDS), so I feel as though she is just doing only damage in the long run, but she won’t listen.

My mom is already gullible to health trends. She believed gluten and food dyes caused my ADHD for a while. She reads symptoms of disorders and tells herself she has them.

It isn’t that I won’t talk to her due to this, but it is something that irritates me more and more the longer she follows it as truth.

Edit: I am going to tell my mom I’m sorry for being dismissive. I will set a clearer boundary and let her know that AI frustrates me and I don’t like hearing of her possibly being misinformed, so we can shift topics together. I think I was expecting people to agree, but now I see I was wrong.

Found in the wild - this cafe is known for working with and training developmentally disabled young adults.

I (25F) have been living in hell (student apartments) with these two girls (both below 20) for almost a year. They've been dirty, disrespectful, loud at night, and ignorant to ever request ive given to be respectful and nothing has changed. My lease ends in july and I wont physically be living there for the remaining months until I can move into my new apartment. The lease stays in my name and ill continue to pay it until my lease ends.

Problem time: Theyre claiming i should keep the account in my name even after ive moved out to a new apartment so they dont have to pay the security deposit. Transferring account holder names comes with a deposit of about $230 and its proof the new holder has money to uphold the next continuing bills. I already payed the deposit when I took over the account from my last roommate who moved out. What these girls are claiming is that for them to avoid paying anything, I should just keep the account in my name for... the rest of my life? And if I miss any days paying THEIR bills, its going to reflect negativily on me. Their other option is having ME pay the deposit (proof of THIER credit) because im the one moving out. Which is not how that works anyway, because to transfer it, they have to call and put in their information. All of us are refusing to pay. The last option is having me cancel it and we all get a $50 charge and they open a new account. Which i want to avoid because 1) i dont think i should be paying anything and 2) i dont want to put the other girl who hasnt been a problem through having to pay for something she wasnt involved in. It shows my frustration through the texts, I know I may be in the wrong for that. But for this situation alone, am I overreacting?

Edit for more info: if i cancel, we all are given fees of $50. I want to avoid thst because I dont want to make it my other roommates problem (the other girl ive been good with.) Also to add, $50 is a lot to me since I budget and rarely have enough to pay random fees. It might not sound like a lot to some people, but its rare for me to just having extra money to spend on fees I could avoid.

Final edit: glad I didnt cancel the account like I was told to do because the new apartment im moving to uses the same company. So if I had canceled it I would have been affected negativily anyway which I am glad I didnt. When I move, the account moves with me and they'll have to open their own account and pay the deposit anyway. Thanks for all the advice and comments though.

Info: I did say previously "My lease ends in july but me, along with the only other roommate ive liked, will not be paying the months of june and july since we wont be there. Im not staying in the apartment if I dont have to, especially since its summer break." This was very poor wording on my part. What i meant was, previously (before the post and texting), me and another girl would not pay the energy bill because we wouldnt physically be there. This has since changed, and i, along with her, will continue paying regardless. But I am not breaking my lease nor leaving the others to pay the rent. I will still pay the rent and energy until my lease ends in july, I just physically wont be there and will be with my parents until I can officially move out. Thank you for all the comments bringing this up, and I apologize for wording it so badly at first.

Someone ive been friends with a little under a year is about to be 40 years old and she's dating an 18 year old guy?

I told her that 18 years olds are basically kids at our age.

she tried to justify it by saying "I've always viewed him as a man."

I was really grossed out when she said that so I just blocked her number and on all social media platforms.

Apparently she's never dated anyone close to her age.

Edit: it seems most of you agree that I am NOR. I really was second guessing myself because yes 18 is a legal but doesn't make it right IMHO. I have asked many people i know IRL they all agreed it's weird (even the men i know) but i do live in a pretty conservative state which is why i asked reddit. I am sticking to my decision and keeping her out of my life.

P.S in the comments somewhere i posted the screenshot of the conversation

update

Legally in our state he can't buy tabacco or any smoking products till 21 same with alcohol.

In my state you can't even legally marry under the age of 19 it requires specific legal requirements or parental consent

He has not reached the legal age of majority in our state. Meaning in the laws of our state he is still a minor

However him being 18 makes him fair game for people like her

Final answer before I turn off my notifications for good I am glad I blocked her. I could never be friends with someone who dates minors. I no longer feel guilty about just blocking her mid conversation. I won't delete this post or anything in case some younger people read this, maybe it could safe a life.

I understand humans are not perfect... I don't expect my friends and loved ones to be perfect but I damn sure expect them to not date minors.

EDIT: after reading some replies I should add some additional details for clarity.

1. Very key detail I forgot to add is that my brothers daughter will be a flower girl as long as she is able and comfortable to walk herself down the aisle. This is another part of her being an “exception” is that she’d be IN the wedding.

2. My sister regularly visits the state with her entire family just to come see her in laws. They often stay with the inlaws for up to a month at a time without seeing my family. I do love my sister but it’s a very very complex family dynamic. My sister has also missed multiple other big events of mine over far more petty things so I fully expected her to say she wouldn’t come if it was kids free. My brother just really came outta left field.

I called my oldest sister today and told her that my wedding (in March 2027) will be a kid free wedding. She lives out of state but her in laws are nearby to the wedding and are more than willing to watch her kids. My sister is currently pregnant and will have a 7-8 month old by the time the wedding rolls around and said she feels okay leaving her two oldest kids with the grandparents but not the youngest. I then asked if her husband would be willing to stay with the kids in that case and she said she wouldn’t leave them alone with him either. So basically she’s not coming which is her decision to make, I don’t fully get it but I’m not mad at her either.
The texts are from a conversation with my brother after I talked to my sister. To be clear his daughter (who will be roughly 1.5) is the only kid that is invited to the wedding, honestly because she’s the only kid really in my life (complicated family dynamics and distance). Anyways so his daughter is coming to the wedding but this entire text chain was prompted by me telling our sister (who neither of us are super close with) that she can’t bring her kids.

I’m 18F and I have a close friend (also 18F) that I’ve known since high school. We tell each other pretty much everything, or at least I thought we did.

A few days ago we were hanging out and I was venting about another girl in our friend group. I wasn’t being nice, I’ll admit that. I said she comes off fake sometimes and that I don’t really trust her.

I didn’t think much of it because it was just me venting in what I thought was a private conversation.

Yesterday though, that girl confronted me out of nowhere and basically repeated almost word for word what I had said. So obviously the only way she would know is if my friend told her.

I asked my friend about it and she didn’t even deny it. She said she felt “weird keeping it from her” and thought she deserved to know.

Now things are awkward in the whole group and I feel kind of betrayed, but at the same time I did say those things.

I just thought there was an unspoken rule that when you vent to a close friend, it stays between you.

Now I’m being made out to be the problem because “I said it in the first place.”

I don’t know if I’m more upset at her for repeating it or at myself for saying it at all.

AIO for being mad at her for telling, even though I said it?