u/AdorableSite3098

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Hi. I just wanted to apologize for a post I made that got me banned from the mtf sub reddit. I was going through a rough patch (dysphoria and all that) and said things I regret. I am so sorry.

Hoy quería comentar lo que fue uno de los peores días de mi vida. Tengo 18 años y soy de España. Estaba en los últimos días de clases. El punto es que hice un chiste de humor negro pero mis compañeras no se lo tomaron bien y dijeron ciertas cosas que me afectaron (tengo TOC moral y político para que entiendan) intenté tranquilizarme escuchando música pero no sirvió y stampe mi silla contra el suelo donde no había nadie y cuando la profesora se enfadó hice lo que siempre hago cuando me siento en peligro y me consume el miedo. Corro. Los profesores intentaron detenerme diciendo que habláramos o que hablara con mi madre que me había llamado pero estaba en un ataque de pánico y no los escuche. Salte la vaya y un profesor y una profesora de orientación me persiguieron por un rato. Tuvo que venir la policía y una ambulancia. Me sedaron y llevaron al hospital. Pase ahí toda la tarjeta. Ese día teníamos una obra de teatro y yo tenía un papel importante. Por obvias razones no estuve ese día no cuando la hicieron en el teatro de mi pueblo. Mis dos amores que hice ese curso nunca volvieron a hablarme. Les mandé mensajes pero no me respondieron. Me dejaron en visto. Eso me dolió mucho porque yo pensé que éramos amigos de verdad. Estoy llorando mientras escribo esto. Ya han pasado dos meses y me duele casi como si hubiera sido ayer. Aveces lo recuerdo y el arrepentimiento y dolor me invade. Espero poder perdonarme algún día.

I hate myself for too many things I did wrong. Most of them aren't that important—people have already forgotten them—yet I still dwell on them and judge myself; not a day goes by without me regretting something I’ve done. And I simply cannot forgive myself, even though I want to.

Ya no lo aguanto. Todo me duele. Todo el dolor que hay en el mundo. Dios no existe o es malvado porque un Dios bueno no permitiría esto. Me quiero matar pero no tengo las pelotas para hacerlo. Mis problemas mentales, mis traumas ya no lo soporto. Quiero que esto termine. Quiero que mis obsesiones y malestar paren. Tengo una buena vida pero nací defectuoso y no puedo disfrutarla. Ya no puedo más.

Hace un año cometi uno de los peores errores de mi vida y ahora soy alguien hipersensible que ya no puede disfrutar de nada. Acabo de salir de ver la película de Spider-Man brand new day, que la esperado por cinco años, y solo por una escena ahora estoy deprimido y lo odio todo y a todos. Últimamente tengo y estoy teniendo mientras escribo esto pensamientos suicidas. Habeces me gustaría hacerlo pero no tengo el valor para hacerlo. Me avergüenzo de quien soy odio a los que son como yo y a los que no son como yo también​. Ahora no le encuentro sentido ni gracia a la vida. Todo me duele. Y no me vengáis con lo de mi familia y amigos. Si me quiero suicidar que se jodan, no me importa si sufren después de que me vaya. Es mi vida y yo decido que hacer con ella. No se por qué escribo esto. Dios mío ¿que estoy haciendo con mi vida?

Hi, I’m someone who isn't really sure if I’m trans or not. Some days I feel comfortable with my gender, and other days I wish I were the other one. However, part of what holds me back from transitioning is things like this—and other places online—that make it seem like being trans is horrible, full of downsides, and a shitty life. I know that’s not the case, but seeing so much negativity makes me afraid of and resistant to the idea of being trans. Because of my confusion, I made a post on another trans subreddit that was in such poor taste that I got permanently banned. I didn't intend to offend anyone, and I still feel guilty and terrible about what I wrote in that post. I’m scared of not knowing whether I am trans or not—maybe I’m living the wrong way—but if I *am* trans, I feel afraid of and resistant to everything that entails (I’m not trying to offend anyone; this is just how I feel).

Hi, I’m someone who isn't really sure if I’m trans or not. Some days I feel comfortable with my gender, and other days I wish I were the other one. However, part of what holds me back from transitioning is things like this—and other places online—that make it seem like being trans is horrible, full of downsides, and a shitty life. I know that’s not the case, but seeing so much negativity makes me afraid of and resistant to the idea of being trans. Because of my confusion, I made a post on another trans subreddit that was in such poor taste that I got permanently banned. I didn't intend to offend anyone, and I still feel guilty and terrible about what I wrote in that post. I’m scared of not knowing whether I am trans or not—maybe I’m living the wrong way—but if I *am* trans, I feel afraid of and resistant to everything that entails (I’m not trying to offend anyone; this is just how I feel).

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I don’t think I’m trans, but I do have a strong feminine side that I’ve been trying to hide. Even though I want to remain a man, I’d like to bring that side out so I don’t have to keep it hidden my whole life. Any advice on how to do that?

I don't want to transition; even though I'm most likely trans, I don't want to do it—I'm scared. I've read so many stories from trans people saying their lives are shit and that they live under oppression. Even if I did it, I’d never be 100% a woman, so it’s better to do nothing. In the end, it would be all downsides; I don't know, but I'd rather die than become trans.

I don't want to transition; even though I'm most likely trans, I don't want to do it—I'm scared. I've read so many stories from trans people saying their lives are shit and that they are discrimnate . Even if I did it, I’d never be 100% a woman, so it’s better to do nothing. In the end, it would be all downsides; I don't know, but I'd rather die than become trans.

Me metí a muchos foros y leído un par de mangas trans / genderbender. Lado positivo: descubrí que no soy trans (aunque si lo fuera no tendría nada de malo) Lado negativo: lei y vi cosas que me han dejado tocado y perturbado y con ansiedad más de la que ya tenía y ahora no puedo dormir ni tengo ganas de nada y me da miedo esa clase de gente y temas, pero es mi culpa no la suya, ya ni me puedo masturbar porque me duele Demasiado el pecho por la ansiedad, y aquí estoy, volviendo a esta aplicación que odio tanto, cometiendo los mismos errores una y otra vez, pero esque duele demasiado... Soy un fracasado

No puedo más, hoy estaba bien, hasta que entre en una publicación de mangas LGTB y ¿Adivinen a quien le dio un ataque de pánico y tuvo un día de mierda? Me da miedo lo LGTB, en parte porque me da miedo ser uno de ellos, también le tengo miedo a las mujeres y los negros, tengo TOC y mi toc va orientado a la discriminacion y lo político y eso me provoca malestar y ataques de pánico, por culpa de uno de esos ataques de pánico no pude hacer la obra que había preparado por todo el año (acabo de terminar bachillerato) me está destrozando la vida, llevo así un año, da igual a donde vaya o que vea, no hay lugar seguro​​, es como tener a un mounstro susurrándote cosas y un dolor punzante en el estómago todo el tiempo todos los días. Ya no veo la luz al final del túnel y aún así sigue volviendo esta web que tanto odio, en la que he leído tantos comentarios que me han puesto peor, una y otra y otra y otra vez, a pesar de que llaman dicho que debería alejarme de Internet, pero no lo hago, tal vez es porque creo que me lo merezco.

I keep coming back to this website I hate so much—over and over—knowing I’ll only find things that will cause me more pain. I’m scared—terrified—of what I might or might not do to myself, and of LGBTQ+ people, Black people, and women (I don’t hate them; I believe in equality, but they fill me with an indescribable horror because of my obsessions). It’s like having a monster whispering in my ear almost every hour of every day. I was doing fine today until I clicked on a post about LGBTQ+ manga—you know, for Pride Month and all that—and *bam*, I spiraled; I got hit with obsessions and panic attacks. It’s been a shitty day just because of that one small mistake. (And that happend a lot of times) Whenever I see things like that, I feel a terror that I know is stupid, yet the fear won't go away—not because of the people themselves, but because of the monster riding my back. Politics and other things trigger it, too. It’s a constant pain; even though there are brief moments where I finally feel free, they last less than a second before that feeling of pressure, anxiety, pain, and emptiness rushes back—leaving me with no desire to do anything and a fear of everything.

It is an idea for a comic that takes place in Pizzeria Simulator, where we see the 5 days and nights during which the game takes place while also exploring the characters' pasts.

Ideas for the comic:

• A more human William Afton, but without ceasing to be a monster, who excuses his murders as part of a scientific pursuit to discover immortality (because of his thanatophobia). After losing his wife and his son Evan, the only people he cared about, in a fit of rage and drunkenness he killed the 5 children. After discovering they were possessed, he began killing more in order to experiment with remnant. His son Michael (who is the protagonist) achieved what William wanted after the events of Sister Location: immortality. Michael regenerated after what happened with Ennard and became immortal; even if he wanted to die, he couldn't.

Michael has a whole character arc in which he learns to forgive himself for killing his brother and move on. He feels guilty because it was due to his brother's death that his father became a complete psychopath and started the killings. The comic's message is that no matter how badly things go in life, not everything has to end badly; you have to keep moving forward despite loss and pain, for the loved ones you still have and for yourself. Michael would have a relationship with Vanessa, but despite that he wanted to die in the pizzeria. Vanessa tries to help him, but Michael refuses to accept help. His brother (who possesses Golden Freddy together with Cassidy) gets him out of that mindset and forgives him for what he did. Evan goes to heaven, while Cassidy takes William to the depths of the earth, to an underground cave where nobody will ever be able to find him, to torture him forever in UCN.

Michael forgives himself and lives a happy life with Vanessa. The end of the comic is Michael entering heaven after many, many years, and his brother startling him the way he used to.

I would also take advantage of the Afton family being reunited to create interactions between them. The interviews would also show flashbacks. Michael would reproach his father for what he did, would be angry with Baby and Molten Freddy for entering his body, and would feel sorry for Charlotte since they were friends as children.

Henry is a sort of father figure to Michael, and he would invent an anti-scooper to remove the remnant from him so that he can age and have a normal life.

It's called *Five Decades at Freddy's* because everything takes place from 1983 (with the Bite of '83) to 2023 (I know Pizzeria Simulator takes place in 2026, but this is a reinterpretation).

And it would have a total of 6 issues (the 6th would be an epilogue).

What do you think?