u/Adventurous-Buy-2902

I (44F) have been thinking a lot lately about my mom, dad and sister. No idea why. Have been estranged from my dad for at least 20 years, my sister 12-15 years, mom for 3 years after she was a no show at my wedding. Dad was physically, verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive growing up. Mom is self-centered, narcissistic, lacks empathy. Sister (5 years younger) and I have never gotten along, always deeply hated each other, not sure why. None of them are loving. Contacting them would add nothing positive or productive to my life. I know the reason I want to reach out is to feel connection, love, belonging. I want my dad to independently acknowledge and apologize for his abuse. I want to know why he treated me the way he did. I want my mom to be motherly. And I want to feel like I have connection to people who’ve always known me. I know I won’t get any of this reaching out to them. But there’s a hole of some sort, an ache I feel that’s become quite strong and seems to be ever growing as of late. I don’t know why. My job is great, I have a great spouse, a drama free life. I want to keep it that way. Reaching out to them may result in an upheaval of emotions. But not reaching out to them is getting too distracting. What do I do?

I am a “deep winter” (light olive skin with dark brown hair/eyes). So, I look best in jewel tones. I want to build a Birkin collection of leather colors in deep teal (blue green color), deep olive, and a saturated blue violet. The Hermes store near me didn’t have much in the way of these color swatches. Photos of resale bags online in these colors varies widely. So what do you believe are the best Hermes colors for deep teal (blue green color), deep olive, and blue violet? I like the Birkin 35 size so it will also need to be a lightweight leather.

I (44F) have been thinking a lot lately about my mom, dad and sister. No idea why. Have been estranged from my dad for at least 20 years, my sister 12-15 years, mom for 3 years after she was a no show at my wedding. Dad was physically, verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive growing up. Mom is self-centered, narcissistic, lacks empathy. Sister (5 years younger) and I have never gotten along, always deeply hated each other, not sure why. None of them are loving. Contacting them would add nothing positive or productive to my life. I know the reason I want to reach out is to feel connection, love, belonging. I want my dad to independently acknowledge and apologize for his abuse. I want to know why he treated me the way he did. I want my mom to be motherly. And I want to feel like I have connection to people who’ve always known me. I know I won’t get any of this reaching out to them. But there’s a hole of some sort, an ache I feel that’s become quite strong and seems to be ever growing as of late. I don’t know why. My job is great, I have a great spouse, a drama free life. I want to keep it that way. Reaching out to them may result in an upheaval of emotions. But not reaching out to them is getting too distracting. What do I do?

Today’s my birthday. I turned 44. Spent the WHOLE day in bed, just wanting it to be over. I have depression and it bottomed out today. I felt extra tired despite lots of sleep. It was an unexpected day of reflection — me wishing I had nicer things, looked more put together, had a perfectly appointed house, that simply leaving the house didn’t seem so arduous every single day. I have a great job but I don’t feel like I’m getting “ahead” in life. If I’m lucky, I’ll get to do this for another 56 years…but that seems exhausting and SUCH a long time. I don’t know how to maintain interest and excitement to last 56 more years. Or even 20 more years. I want to feel joy but all I feel is tired and disinterest.

Stopped by the grocery store the other day and a woman was outside with her elementary school aged kid asking for money for groceries. So I walked them in and told her to get whatever she needed. Mostly fresh vegetables. I’ve been cash strapped before so I didn’t mind for her and her daughter. She started complaining how she’d been scheduled to clean a home but they only needed her a few hours so she didn’t make the amount she thought she would to be able to buy groceries. When she’d finished her grocery shopping, she “suddenly” remembered she “needed” baby formula and filled the entire bottom of the cart with formula. I wondered at the time if she really had a baby since wouldn’t that be your first food concern as they’re the most vulnerable? Then I reasoned maybe she was nervous to lead with that since it’s likely the most expensive. Or, it was the last aisle we passed. Then I decided SOME baby must need it, so it’s fine. But the more I think about it the angrier I get. SOMEONE irresponsibly had yet another kid they can’t afford. Someone’s covering to try and feed that baby - whether a family member, friend, neighbor. But I’ve managed not to have a kid during my life on earth. There are also tons of things I haven’t had because I couldn’t afford it. People who can’t afford kids shouldn’t have them. It’s a drain on society in SO many ways! Makes me wish people had to apply to be allowed to become parents. If you don’t meet an economic threshold, you don’t get to have one. End of story. Same as makes we wish we had a policy where if a parent gets their kid sent to foster care, adopted, pawned off on someone else to raise or care for, or is a shitty parent, they don’t get ANY MORE opportunities to have kids. God, the irresponsibility of people having kids who SHOULDN’T have kids!

AITAH for getting irritated when people from the sauna and steam room "rinse" their sweaty selves off in the community lap pool instead of using the shower spicket RIGHT outside the sauna and steam room before hopping into the pool?