u/AdviceMysterious8442

I’m a woman and people usually assume I’m only interested in stereotypically feminine hobbies because I like fashion, beauty, and art. I do enjoy those things, but I’ve realized I’m craving something more hands-on and practical too. I've always considered myself gender-neutral but never really been aware of it until recently. When I was younger I loved woodworking because we could have it as a class in school and I want to get back into it.

I really want to learn things like woodworking, fixing bikes, car mechanics, building/repairing stuff, or other skills where you work with your hands and actually make or fix something in real life. I'm envious of men having this space and are automatically recommended these as hobbies. Whenever I speak about needing a hobby, people only recommend "feminine things". I've also been curious about sailing boats and water sports. Since I'm not close to my family (actually not at all) I don't have a male figure to guide me or a cousin or brother to take me to these things. What do I do? I feel intimidated. But at the same time it is causing me great depression not being able to express myself and do the things I actually like.

The problem is I’m a complete beginner and honestly nervous about showing up alone as a woman in spaces that seem male-dominated. It was already a lot in engineering school for me. It was like my outside gender (woman) was the only thing being acknowledge (I'm taking a leave of absent). I don’t know where to start or what beginner-friendly hobbies/classes/communities are welcoming.

Has anyone else felt this way? What’s a good first step for someone with zero experience?

Hii i didn’t know where to ask this but I thought here since there are other women. Basically I’ve been positing on Reddit here anonymously because it’s been nice getting stuff off my chest and not think about anything else.

but lately I’ve been thinking about opening a real Reddit account. Obviously not with my full real name. it’s just that there are so many people who comment and I ish we could connect better but I also want it to be more real? Like so you know I’m a real person haha. you would know what I look like as an example. I wouldn’t post anymore about my personal life ofc! Just hobbies, interest and self improvement, spiritual etc

has anyone created a real account and made friends etc. and how was it?

I deleted other social medias ago in 2020 and I’m 25.

In friendships and relationship. How does one attract the desired friendships or relationships in life. let me give an example. I always wanted collaborative female friendships. What is the real way to experience it. If I were to describe myself I’m really a non-judgemental person, I would say I’m open minded, I‘m not perfect, I have flaws,I’m truly interested in self improvement, therapy, getting to know myself and my hobbies. I want to talk about things like how our upbringing was, and what we have learned from it. What we can change. and how we can grow from it. Or what we have learned in therapy session that might be useful tips . How we(I) can become better humans. I can’t seem to find like-minded woman around me.

Is it that nobody around me is like this or is it that maybe I’m not ready for that type of friendship yet. Maybe I have a blockage. I don’t know. I’m really open minded for suggesting of what to do. I find that being desperate is not something that work and I learned that through trial and error but now it’s seems like I’m connecting with nobody.

what would you recommend for someone like me to do. as I said I’m not perfect but I do feel like I’m getting into my self care, my goals, hobbies, therapy etc

I just feel like I got super unlucky with a lot of things and that in order to turn things around I’d have to work 200% harder than everyone else.

I grew up with a toxic neglectful family --> no safe space, no help/network, poor social skills, trauma.

I moved out to free myself --> only for 100 new problems to appear. Bills, therapy costs, everything is expensive.

I went to university twice --> had a mental breakdown both times and got diagnosed with ADHD/autism too late.

Got ADHD/autism diagnoses --> the process took A YEAR and guess what? Still no medicine yet. The public system where I’m getting help keeps “forgetting” to book my appointments (even though they’re the ones controlling it). I called multiple times before but I’m not doing it again. The normal timeline for diagnosis + medication is max 6 months, so I genuinely don’t know wtf is going on.

Tried making friends --> got in and out of diferent friendgroups but the second I stopped initiating, my phone went dry.

Dating --> my severe untreated anxiety has basically kept me from dating. I’d get therapy if I could actually afford it.

Hobbies --> I spent too much money on hobbies that I never finished/started and even at times threw out/sold it. My current hobby interest is too expensive for me to get into.

Going to the doctor --> My normal doctors hand is tied since I'm getting "medicine" from the public system and can't help in any way.

It's not too bad I know but I'm just ... in a weird waiting/confused phase in my life I guess?

The only thing I enjoy rn is my walk + matcha + podcast combo, everything else either feels overwhelming or I’m severely over it and couldn’t be bothered anymore. I don't even watch as many movies or youtube because I find it boring...

Has anyone else been through something like this. How do I survive this phase and what haven't I done?

The rest of my family doesn't bother me after I stopped answering them. I moved cities but live in the same city as my sister. My mom pressured me (I was still naive back then) to give my sister a key to my apartment and they both know where I live. I want nothing to do with these two and I'm serious. Because of the way my family is I know they will show up at my apartment sometime (I know my sister went to my apartment without me being there before), and she use to drop by unannounced. I want to ghost them both but don't know what to do? My mom spammed my phone but luckly stopped after I let the phone ring 13 times. My sister has also stopped contacting me after she tried every tactic (crying, buying me gifts etc). If I ask for my key (chip and door key) back hell is going to break loose, If i keep not answering - I know my mom is going to crack bc she is too emotional? She repeately has told my sister to contact me. I want to remain non-chalant/chill about this but I just can feel my mom's energy about to explode and she doesn't even live in my city. How do I handle this shit. I can't move from where I currently live..

Please don’t judge, I’m genuinely trying to understand this about myself.

I usually wash my hair every 3–4 days, and on those days I take a full shower. But I’ve noticed I really struggle to shower on days when I’m not washing my hair. On the days I don't shower, ofc I wash off armpits, private parts etc, thought i should add that!

For some reason, my mind tells me it’s a “waste of time” if it’s not an “everything shower.” I know that doesn’t really make sense, but it feels very real to me in the moment. I’ve tried showering without washing my hair, but I just end up feeling dirty afterward because my hair isn’t freshly washed, even if my body is clean. It makes the whole shower feel pointless or incomplete.

I’m not sure what to do. Should I start washing my hair more often so every shower feels “complete”? Or is there a way to get comfortable with showering without needing to wash my hair each time?

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Did you just end up washing your hair more often to get to showering more? Why do I feel so silly just washing my body?

Hey girlies 💖

I grew up with a neglectful mom and wasn’t taught a lot of basic life things, and I’m also AuDHD with social anxiety, so I’m figuring things out on my own. For context I’m 25.

I don’t really have friends or family to ask, so I’m trying to improve small areas of my life step by step to avoid overwhelming myself.

Right now I’m stuck on purses/bags because I only own a backpack (from high school 😭) and a tote (that is old asf too), and I don’t know what staple bags I should have as woman. I do know I want new ones because one thing I often have anxiety about going out is that I don’t know how to bring it and stuff my pockets or leave with a tote bag that is old asf.

I live in a bigger city now and I’m trying my best to get out more and be on the go (school, part-time job, beach, shopping, runs), and I see other girls with different bags for different occasions and I feel a bit lost.

I also see them carry cute charms on. When I went to college I also saw really organized bags and I wonder how I can do that.

I’d love recommendations for bags that are functional but also cute.

I saved up a bit and want to invest in a small glow-up. But Also can’t really take to many risk. I just want a few different ones for different occasion. i dont know why i feel super overwhelm by this and get anxiety to go bag shop.

Any recommendation would mean a lot. please provide links. I can always send it to ChatGPT and find something similar availaibe in europe! 💕

edit: also how do you organize your bag collection? I live in a small 1 bed room apartment so space is limited. any advice on this is also appreciated 💖💖

I see women in my city all the time looking SOO put together and effortless, and I’m like… how?? what is the system?? how are you doing all of this without your brain melting?? I’ve been building and modifying my routine for about 2 years now, and I’m still not even done writing everything down. This is just part of it (this doesn’t even include things like making breakfast, hair packing my bag, or anything outside of just getting ready.)

But even having everything written down, I'm not consistent with it and I will be late to something or say I'm sick if I can't do it all.

Anyway, here’s (part of) my current morning routine... I want to know if this i crazy that I have to write everything down like this

Morning routine

-Wake up-

[Bathroom]

[Put on contact lenses]

[Throw out garbage from contact lenses]

[Make your bed]

-Get ready-

--Clothing & Perfume/deo--

[Take out outfit (remember bra)]

[Take off sleep wear]

[Put on outfit]

[Put deodorant on]

[Find vaseline > put on both wrist > put it away]

[Find perfume > spray > put it away]

[Finally: Put sleep wear away]

--Hygiene--

--- Mouth & Teeth---

[Brush teeth & Floss]

[Put away toothbrush/paste etc.]

[Put on lip tint]

[Take of lip tint]

[Clean up any mess from it]

--- Skincare---

[Do face skin care products]

[Put products away]

---Makeup routine---

[Take out makeup bag from closet]

----eyes----

[Do your eyebrows first. Set them]

[Eyelash curl]

[Mascara]

[Concealer]

[Put away eye products]

----Face----

[Concealer]

[Bronzer and blush]

[Setting spray]

[Put away face products]

----lips----

[Lip line]

[Lip gloss]

[Put the lippies for the day in a bag and in your bag]

[Add gum to your lip bag]

[Put away lip products you dont need]

----Final makeup step----

[If you need to touch up on something specific add to little makeup bag as well]

[Return makeup box to it's place]

[Get cleaning wipes]

[Wipe down surface]

[Throw out cleaning wipes]

-Finito-

Final output: me being changed, perfumed/deodorized, moisturized, and with my makeup done.

missing: hair is not done or styled, i havent eaten breakfast, or got ready to go out the door... to be continued i guess...

Hi everyone,

TLDR: I’m looking for advice from people who got the help and support they needed (Autism/adhd) from their public support system. How was it and how did you get comfortable having someone in your space?

context:

I was recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and I feel like my life has fallen apart. For context I’m 25 years Old.

I’m a student, but been failing classes for 3 years straight. This goes far beyond school. I feel like I’ve completely lost my footing. I’m struggling with basic daily functioning, structure, and taking care of myself. Even small things feel overwhelming.

I also don’t really have a support system — no close friends or family I can rely on — and the loneliness makes everything feel heavier. I moved to a bigger city at 22 thinking I was ready to leave behind my toxic family and udbringing.

Lately, I’ve been hit with this realization:

I don’t think I can handle things on my own anymore.

I have a lot of different challenges at once:

• Very limited social life and isolation
• Difficulty leaving the house and being active
• Struggling to build and maintain routines
• Financial stress and unstable living situation. My student apartment is absolutely insane cost and I feel like I have to get out of it.
• A difficult upbringing and family issues that I’m only now ready to face (it feels very complex and overwhelming, like there’s a lot to “unpack”).

I feel like right now what is on my mind a lot is all of the unpack trauma I carried with me. I haven’t been able to actually sit down and breathe.

My family issues runs so deep that it‘s literally blocking me at every point in my life: my social life, my school life, my finances. I feel like I Have to unpack this but I have to do it the right way. I have a shit ton of baggage and it would probably take at least 6 months to one year to unpack.

It feels like too many problems at once, and I don’t even know where to start or if it’s even possible to fix any of it.

I am technically connected to public support, but the waiting times are long. An example is a started my adhd/autism diagnosis in may last year. I still don’t have access to medication. And my times for my social workers haven’t even been registered.… the public system in Europe sucks.

and I don’t feel like I can just wait. I’m open to getting help (even paying for therapy!!)

Another problem:

I struggle with letting people in — both emotionally, but also in a very practical sense. My living space has gotten quite messy, and the idea of someone seeing how I actually live, or helping me with basic things, makes me feel very exposed and uncomfortable. But I need to get over this because I cannot keep living like this. I don’t have a family to come and support me.

there is a law here that people with autism can get help! this means someone who will help you with starting and finish task, admin work, sending applications, go on walks with and take out trash. But for some reason I’m so terrified of needing someone else help.

but at the same time I’ve tried now … for three years ans I’m starting to feel like I need to get the help that is available.

That’s probably the hardest part for me.

So I wanted to ask:

• How did you come to terms with not being able to manage everything on your own?
• How did you start opening up to help, when it felt uncomfortable or even impossible?

I think part of me still resists it, even though I know I need it.

If anyone has been in a similar place, I would really appreciate hearing your experience.

also is there a specific kind of therapy. Right now I have to problems:

- my adhd and autism

- my family trauma.

Thank you for reading.

I literally just slept (daydreaming) through January–May. I seriously just woke up a couple of days ago, and I’m 25. This is insane. I’ve been doing this since my early teen years. I’ve basically just realized I slept through my teen years.... COVID didn’t help much either. This is why I'm so immature. Tbh guys, in my head we are in fall 2024 and I'm trying to catch up.

Life severely humbled me when I moved out at 23 and realized I have no skills, no hobbies (that I’ve stuck to), no real friends, and I was failing at uni despite being really smart. I just realized that maladaptive daydreaming (undiagnosed ADHD) has been a big reason. I used to think I was so nonchalant about things… omg.

Now when I walk outside, I’m genuinely shocked that people have hobbies outside the home like fishing, sailing, and swimming. and that they’re in actual relationships (yes, I said it). And they get ready every single day in the morning? And have a night routine and plan ahead?... wtf...

Anyways, enough complaining. I want to share a couple of tips that have helped me snap out of maladaptive daydreaming. I still fall back sometimes, but these things have helped over the past two years, and especially the last few days to get back into the real world.

• I don’t listen to music: in earphones anymore at all. This removed a lot of the brain fog and that “out of this world” feeling. Music would honestly send me to another planet haha. It helped a lot cutting it. I can still drift off without music, but at least it’s not triggered as easily. It was hard but after realizing that I've been sleeping for 5 months, I was humbled.
• Going out multiple times a week. Different random spots, even if it makes no sensebeach, park, café. Seeing people actually live life helped me a lot and gave me some realistic inspiration. Everything doesn’t need to be perfect.
• Effective journaling. When I say effective, I mean getting things on paper, reviewing them, and seeing what you can ACTUALLY act on. Throw out physically anything that is just delusion/not real and not useful. You will find out how much isn't actually something you can do.
• Hobbies that get you out of your own head. I love reading, painting, watching movies, and writing, but those can be very triggering for maladaptive daydreaming. I literally thought I was Vincent Van Gough, daydreaming about how it must have felt painting "The starry night" HELP. You need hobbies that force you out of your head. I know not everyone is social or has good friends (myself included), so here are a few suggestions: join a class: art, dance, gym, biking, language, or cooking. Don’t bring headphones, and keep your phone in your bag (or even better, leave it at home). This forces your attention onto someone else, your surroundings, and even social interaction.
• Try your best to create a life you don't want to run away from: This is ofc easier said than done. I've been loving planning small solo-dates with myself that I know I will go to. An example is small habits like treating myself for coffee and nice breakfast before work, buying new clothes or shoes can really help get that feeling of "I like being here" as in irl lmao. Again a lot of people around you that you see everyday, they have good network, friends, study buddies to help them keep on track. So if you don't have that, you have to be extra mindful about treating yourself. Your basically doing the extra work!

I’ve realized a lot of my maladaptive daydreaming starts when I’m alone too much or not around people. You don’t actually need friends to do these things. Just courage.

Someone suggested scheduling daydreaming. That honestly sounds good but I don't know, I haven’t tried it yet!

PLEASE SHARE REALISTIC ADVICE SO WE CAN HELP EACHOTHER!

If I put in more hours at work and really grind, I can afford better tools, invest in my hobbies, and actually build my skills. But then I’m so exhausted I don’t have the energy or creativity to use any of it. I’m not a human during those times. If you ask why not use vacation time, and honestly I would probably spend time resting and catching up with 100 personal deadlines and problems. Honestly, my least creative periods have always been when I’m working the most.

On the flip side, if I work less, I feel insanely creative and curious. I’m better at catching up and actually be a freaking human being and take care of myself I can come up with tons of ideas and solutions but I can’t afford to act on them.

So it feels like I’m constantly choosing between burnout or being broke.

It’s starting to feel like a pointless cycle, and I don’t know how to break out of it?

I just want to upgrade my lifestyle and actually develop the skills that I'm interested in learning.. Am i missing something.

ANY ADVICE IS LOANS ACTUALLY A SOLUTION OR AM I TRIPPING?

TLDR: I had a deep realization that my sister in particular, but also my mother, has been jealous and has been sabotaging me. They have spent years trying to confuse me when it comes to my looks, career, and relationships/friendships. And it isn’t only towards me but also the other women in their lives. They both obviously have a mental disorder, but I can’t tell which, as I’m not a psychologist. What is worst is that they both portray themselves as good role model/allies, but they are really just evil people with evil intentions.

I‘m just looking for some advice from people who went through similar things!

I could write the longest essay (I will write more details in the end) about something I realized through therapy for my ADHD—that I have been totally naive and unaware of (I think my mind wanted to keep the good thoughts about family members).

But right now I’m just looking for advice from people who have also been through something similar. Why? I mentioned some things (not all) to a trusted coworker (because we both talk about mental health), and she was really concerned with the amount of hate I’ve experienced from my mom/sister.

I thought it was normal up until then.

Okay, here comes the story:

I couldn’t find the root cause of my anxiety, BDD, and OCD, and it turns out a lot of it is from growing up around my older sister (she’s 30 now, 5 years older than me) and my mother. I cut contact with my sister around last year after she continued to belittle me and my chosen career path.

I can summarize some of the things they have done and said that have really poisoned my mind.

Here are some of the things I’ve experienced:

My sister reduces people to their looks or status and is extremely intimidated by her smart, good-looking colleagues. She points out people flaws and if she cant find any, she will call them a b***. She has done this with me too and has been trying to delude me into believing that I am worth nothing besides my looks, giving me terrible advice and telling me I should just focus on marriage. She told me to get a nose job at age 13.

When I went through my depression, I let go of myself (not even that bad, but I would stop wearing makeup and wear sweatpants), and she would almost weekly or monthly remind me that “my prime” is over and that I’m finished (this was when I was 20–22), and send me pictures of me when I was 18, saying that I will never be as pretty as that again.

Over the years, she has given me terrible friendship advice, relationship advice, and especially career advice. She was really against me going into engineering, saying I will never be able to finish it and that I should do something easier. Also saying I’m too old (I started when I was 22).

My mom is weirdly threatened by my looks (I’m not even that pretty, in my opinion) and also by other women’s looks. This is the root cause of my body dysmorphia. She would mock me for doing normal things like getting ready and putting on makeup. If she saw a woman on the street wearing something like a short skirt, she would say that woman is disgusting. And it was constant mockery. I always felt like she was jealous because she didn’t have the skill or interest to care for her looks, and she calls herself humble because of this. One time when I was 12, I wore a skirt and my mom called me a w*** (I was wearing leggings). My mom’s personality is complex because she’s known for her charisma, but I swear underneath it all she is very insecure.

I can now tell that both of them have serious internalized misogyny or are just extremely sexist.

I literally had the thought: when have they done something that could help me grow or given me good advice? Not a single thought comes into my mind.

My mom and sister didn’t help me when I was moving out. The worst thing is that I realized they withhold resources and information that would help me grow as a person. You don’t know how many times I’ve realized that they were in a position where they could help me, and they didn’t. My mom knew I had anxiety for YEARS and never took me to therapy.

She literally laughs at memories of me panicking before going to kindergarten and having to skip because of it. How messed up is that?

Also think its worth noting that my older sister is extremely smart and intelligent and the fact that I know she has withheld helping me in so many situation (I can be a little slow due to neurodivergency) that just hurts to know. My whole life I thought we were friends and yes that she was a little trouble but I always blamed it on mood swings etc

This is just the top of the iceberg. there is a lot shit I could probably add (maybe I will update as I remember)

Anyways, I’m going to grieve what would’ve changed if I had a family like, let’s say, my colleague, who has her mother going with her to doctor’s appointments and helping with the medication process who helps her when she is in need.

For my sister and mother, they just have a weird smirk and are genuinely happy for when I’m going through shit.

Has anyone been able to move past this and actually crafted a beautiful life for themselves?

TLDR: I had a deep realization that my sister in particular, but also my mother, has been jealous and has been sabotaging me. They have spent years trying to confuse me when it comes to my looks, career, and relationships/friendships. And it isn’t only towards me but also the other women in their lives. They both obviously have a mental disorder, but I can’t tell which, as I’m not a psychologist. What is worst is that they both portray themselves as good role model/allies, but they are really just evil people with evil intentions.

I could write the longest essay (I will write more details in the end) about something I realized through therapy for my ADHD—that I have been totally naive and unaware of (I think my mind wanted to keep the good thoughts about family members).

But right now I’m just looking for advice from people who have also been through something similar. Why? I mentioned some things (not all) to a trusted coworker (because we both talk about mental health), and she was really concerned with the amount of hate I’ve experienced from my mom/sister.

I thought it was normal up until then.

Okay, here comes the story:

I couldn’t find the root cause of my anxiety, BDD, and OCD, and it turns out a lot of it is from growing up around my older sister (she’s 30 now, 5 years older than me) and my mother. I cut contact with my sister around last year after she continued to belittle me and my chosen career path.

I can summarize some of the things they have done and said that have really poisoned my mind.

Here are some of the things I’ve experienced:

My sister reduces people to their looks or status and is extremely intimidated by her smart, good-looking colleagues. She points out people flaws and if she cant find any, she will call them a b***. She has done this with me too and has been trying to delude me into believing that I am worth nothing besides my looks, giving me terrible advice and telling me I should just focus on marriage. She told me to get a nose job at age 13.

When I went through my depression, I let go of myself (not even that bad, but I would stop wearing makeup and wear sweatpants), and she would almost weekly or monthly remind me that “my prime” is over and that I’m finished (this was when I was 20–22), and send me pictures of me when I was 18, saying that I will never be as pretty as that again.

Over the years, she has given me terrible friendship advice, relationship advice, and especially career advice. She was really against me going into engineering, saying I will never be able to finish it and that I should do something easier. Also saying I’m too old (I started when I was 22).

My mom is weirdly threatened by my looks (I’m not even that pretty, in my opinion) and also by other women’s looks. This is the root cause of my body dysmorphia. She would mock me for doing normal things like getting ready and putting on makeup. If she saw a woman on the street wearing something like a short skirt, she would say that woman is disgusting. And it was constant mockery. I always felt like she was jealous because she didn’t have the skill or interest to care for her looks, and she calls herself humble because of this. One time when I was 12, I wore a skirt and my mom called me a whore (I was wearing leggings). My mom’s personality is complex because she’s known for her charisma, but I swear underneath it all she is very insecure.

I can now tell that both of them have serious internalized misogyny or are just extremely sexist.

I literally had the thought: when have they done something that could help me grow or given me good advice? Not a single thought comes into my mind.

My mom and sister didn’t help me when I was moving out. The worst thing is that I realized they withhold resources and information that would help me grow as a person. You don’t know how many times I’ve realized that they were in a position where they could help me, and they didn’t. My mom knew I had anxiety for YEARS and never took me to therapy.

She literally laughs at memories of me panicking before going to kindergarten and having to skip because of it. How messed up is that?

Also think its worth noting that my older sister is extremely smart and intelligent and the fact that I know she has withheld helping me in so many situation (I can be a little slow due to neurodivergency) that just hurts to know. My whole life I thought we were friends and yes that she was a little trouble but I always blamed it on mood swings etc

This is just the top of the iceberg. there is a lot shit I could probably add (maybe I will update as I remember)

Anyways, I’m going to grieve what would’ve changed if I had a family like, let’s say, my colleague, who has her mother going with her to doctor’s appointments and helping with the medication process who helps her when she is in need.

For my sister and mother, they just have a weird smirk and are genuinely happy for when I’m going through shit.

Has anyone been able to move past this and actually crafted a beautiful life for themselves?

I HAVE to get my hands to this perfume. It's my favorite summer scent that has the perfect balance between clean/ocean/sweet&salty. I'm literally crying. I'm in Europe where can I get it?? Aqua is not as good as this one!

walk past her.. the scent was amazing but I was really shy but then I thought sh*t too good to ignore. I would have never thought she was wearing Paco Rabanne Million Gold for Her and omg… you have to smell this on skin, not just a tester strip.

It’s such a clean, grown-up sweet scent like classy, soft, and feminine without being too much. It smells like summer imo!

I’m about to order it right now 😭
Would love to hear what you guys think about it!!

Let me add: when I went to the store, the woman working there said it’s one of her favorites and that it has to be smelled on skin (after i tried the test strip and thought it was very basic) the test strip or bottle doesn’t do it justice!!

I don’t know if it’s really an ADHD thing, but I feel like I live more in my head compared to my friends. The way I notice this is that I blinked and it’s already May tomorrow. Even though I’m at work, outside with friends, or doing stuff, I feel like I mostly exist in this other parallel timeline compared to other people. Maybe a way to describe it is that i feel like i floating through life and they are actually living it. It actually concerns me sometimes ngl.

Today I’ve been out and about, but I still feel kind of spacey compared to others. One thing that stood out was when I was with a friend—I hadn’t hung out with her in what felt like 3–4 months, but it was actually almost a year. She was kind of worried for me when she realized I thought it felt like yesterday, haha. I know time blindness is a thing with ADHD, but does anyone else experience this? I turned 25 this year and I felt like I turned 20 2 years ago haha.

I grew up in an Abrahamic religion, and while I still think there are beautiful lessons in each religion and something to learn from, I can’t help but feel that taking some distance from my religion has allowed me to grow. Not just a little, a whole lot. This might just be a personal experience, but as I went through different stages of confusion by letting go, I realized that we are all just humans... literally EVERYONE IS GOING THROUGH SOMETHING and I gained so much more empathy and understanding.

I was able to let go of my ego and talk about things I wouldn’t have before. When I was more engaged in my religion, I often held back because certain topics felt taboo or forbidden. I also never questioned things, which made me really small minded. Lately, I’ve also been experiencing a sense of really seeing people.. like really seeing them and being seen in return, especially when we talk about heavier things. It feels easier to drop the persona in those moments.

Once I started doing my own thing, I was able to navigate through some of my past trauma and journal about it to the point where I’m now comfortable mentioning it to others without trauma dumping or feeling overly emotional or embarrassed. Because I'm so in tune with what the fuck is going on that I can explain it with ease. The way I can now casually talk about certain traumatic experiences, without tension, has allowed me to open up deeper conversations with people I'm not even that close to.

There is literally no reason in "acting" or having a facade.

Going to a doctor and therapist and being open about my mental health has also helped me a lo . That has helped me far more than praying alone ever did. I still recognize that prayer has beautiful elements, and I’m not trying to diminish it, but actively working through my problems looking at them almost every day helped me understand them until things finally clicked.

Has anyone else experienced something like this?

I wrote this post yesterday: How to deal with internalized misogyny

But I also want to include more context: Yesterday at work, while talking to my female coworkers, I realized how different we are. They grew up with more open-minded parents and ways of thinking, whereas I realized I’ve had this rigid internal idea of what a woman is and how she should be… Anyway:

I’ll try my best to recall the dream, but there are probably bits and pieces missing.

I was at a restaurant with my friend (don't know hwo), but the restaurant and eating in general was in the water/beach location). We were sitting in these balloon-like things filled with air, and our food was being delivered to us thorugh a server. Our food never came, and all of a sudden my friend vanished.

The restaurant was located in some kind of tower in the water that you had to climb, and it was normal to just jump very far down afterward.

I went up to ask for my order, and the place was kind of like a central hub where music would play throughout the tower and people in the water could hear it. There was a guy taking orders. I guess I was flirting with him and said some very provocative things I normally wouldn’t, because there wasn’t anyone else around. In the moment, I felt confident because he was a complete stranger. Also he was flirting back with me but I think very shocked at my blunt way of hitting on him.

It turns out that some people I know, including a coworker, were at the beach/in the water. He called them and told them all about how I was a “promiscuous girl,” in a joking way. He even knew my manager, and I was so embarrassed!!!

I was so embarrassed that I decided to get drunk but I put alcohol in my cereal and milk (choco lmao). A girl I met last year showed up and said, “What are you doing, [my name]?” I don’t even have a friendship with her but if I recall was very man-obsessed too.

I also forgot to mention that I tried to connect my music to the speaker system, but it kept denying it and playing ads, which was embarrassing because it would stop all the music in the water as well. Then another girl came, connected her phone, and it worked perfectly. I also needed to jump down into the water—I was hesitant at first, but then I did it.

The timeline of the dream is really weird, but the guy I was hitting on wanted to hang out with people I know, some of my classmates and my manager. I was too embarrassed to go with them, so I asked if I could stay there (I guess he owned the place, or suddenly his apartment was the restaurant), but he said no because a lot of drunk, weird people had been trying to do that.

Anyway, I was really sad and had to clean my dishes. I felt awful because the people I knew were waiting for me, and I was completely embarrassed. I needed to wash my dishes, but I decided to go into a bathroom to do it. After I washed them I was headed towards the group but my dishes were completely wet and I decided to go back to get some paper. I saw the guy reaction from a far being pissed at me going back. In the bathroom, a girl was doing her makeup. I just needed some paper to dry the plates. She was annoyed that I came in, but when I explained, she relaxed.

The others were still waiting for me, and the guy I had been hitting on looked slightly annoyed.

Then suddenly, while walking with them, I saw other people I know, but my age had changed—I was much younger, like 13–14. I somehow knew they were walking around with a teacher. The teacher was a kind, beautiful woman (kind of resembles my english teacher growing up who was young and stunning) who, for some reason, I knew was on Prozac (I don't know how though). I decided to run to her and leave my misery behind.

I went to her and cried, and she told me she was going to help me and everything is okay. But suddenly, there were guards in yellow clothing chasing us, and I heard someone say, “She has found an escape” (referring to the woman). In the dream, I felt like I had found another reality where I could get help, where people didn’t know about the embarrassing things I had said and accepted me.

That’s when the dream ended. I woke up feeling like I was still being chased by the guards but also thinking, “Yes, I found my way.”

What does all of this mean and are there any hidden meaning missing? I woke up super confused.
There are unfortunately a lot of details missing since I can’t remember everything.

For more context I will say I came to a very sad realization that most of my life after puberty has been completely performative. To the point that I now at 25, feel like I've lost connection to my real self. I don't even know her...

It’s getting exhausting....