u/Any_Yogurtcloset2302

So I’ve dated a few times and a common pattern I notice is that whenever I go with the guy that asks me out first or initiates first, it always ends badly. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but I’ve noticed a pattern. Even if I think they would be a good partner, are kind, etc it will usually end badly.

I’ve never asked out a guy before, but I’m wondering if changing my approach to doing the initiating/ asking out would result in better outcomes. Since I’m picking the guys with the qualities I desire compared to just waiting for something to fall into my lap. And I’m not talking about anything crazy. More so, “oh I think he’s cute, he’s nice, and he seems to be mature. I’ll ask him out.” Not something crazy like he needs to drive a fancy car, be 6’0, be a millionaire, etc. Just to show what I mean by picking the guy with the qualities I desire ya know.

Any thoughts on this?

So I’ve dated a few times and a common pattern I notice is that whenever I go with the guy that asks me out first or initiates first, it always ends badly. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but I’ve noticed a pattern. Even if I think they would be a good partner, are kind, etc it will usually end badly.

I’ve never asked out a guy before, but I’m wondering if changing my approach to doing the initiating/ asking out would result in better outcomes. Since I’m picking the guys with the qualities I desire compared to just waiting for something to fall into my lap.

Any thoughts on this?

Basically the title. I’ve (23F) gone on dates a handful of times, but I’ve never had a bf or been intimate before. On paper, it’s not really a big deal, but I’m starting to think that maybe I should kind of give up to alleviate the pressure and loneliness that it’s causing me. I have great friends and familial relationships, but I guess it’s just the romantic aspect of things I yearn for.

I have hobbies, which are language classes, trying new coffee shops, and coed soccer. I’ve been flirted with there (sports) before, but I always realize that I’m being flirted with after it’s too late and I can’t make a move. Usually never see the guy again since they drop in and then there are some regulars I see frequently that I’m on a name to name basis with now. I also have a slight fear of shitting where I eat basically.

I really enjoy these hobbies, but I’m afraid that if I start dating guys who also go to these hobbies that things could go south and then it’s uncomfortable. I understand that people meet others to date at hobbies, but I don’t want to make my hobbies an IRL version of dating apps.

Do I just stop focusing on or decenter dating altogether to help ease the pressure of feeling behind? Do I have a bad approach? Am I doing anything wrong?

Today, I 23F went to play a soccer game and this guy 20M-21M on the field randomly asks me about the necklace I’m wearing (basic heart locket). He goes “oh I thought you were from my country since we have a similar necklace/pendant.” I ask him what country he’s from and he says Spain.

Fast forward, we switch teams and my team is playing against his. He keeps talking to me while we are playing and says “sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant to ask you where you were from, but I didn’t want to get in your way (I was walking to the other field). We keep playing and he’s asking me where I’m from, how long I’ve been in the state, etc.

During the game he passes me the ball to help me score a goal for my team. I almost get it in and he goes “I tried to help you! And he says “You have a good foot on you.” Mind you, he’s playing for the other team, not mine lol. I say thank you and laugh.

Finally, it’s time for us to switch teams again and as we are walking off the field to get water her goes “man I need your skincare routine. You’re glistening!! I really need that skincare routine (while smiling).” After this I realized he was flirting with me.

I lingered on the field and talked to a few people and I didn’t see him, but then as I’m walking to my car and get in, I see him outside of his car kinda hanging out. The problem is: I’m already driving away, so it would be awkward to hop out of my car to go talk to him.

There is technically one way I can try and find him, but it’s a little embarrassing. I’d have to individually message like 2-3 guys with Spanish sounding last names to see if they’re him on the soccer app we have. It tells you who went, but no profile pics. I’ve never seen him play before, so I don’t know how long until I’ll see him again. And he said he didn’t know he was playing on our specific level (novices) and he was a bit more advanced, so I may not ever see him again. Do I message him or cut my losses and move on?

Tl;dr: I tifu and didn’t realize he was flirting with me until it was too late

Today, I 23F went to play a soccer game and this guy 20M-21M on the field randomly asks me about the necklace I’m wearing (basic heart locket). He goes “oh I thought you were from my country since we have a similar necklace/pendant.” I ask him what country he’s from and he says Spain.

Fast forward, we switch teams and my team is playing against his. He keeps talking to me while we are playing and says “sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant to ask you where you were from, but I didn’t want to get in your way (I was walking to the other field). We keep playing and he’s asking me where I’m from, how long I’ve been in the state, etc.

During the game he passes me the ball to help me score a goal for my team. I almost get it in and he goes “I tried to help you! And he says “You have a good foot on you.” Mind you, he’s playing for the other team, not mine lol. I say thank you and laugh.

Finally, it’s time for us to switch teams again and as we are walking off the field to get water her goes “man I need your skincare routine. You’re glistening!! I really need that skincare routine (while smiling).” After this I realized he was flirting with me.

I lingered on the field and talked to a few people and I didn’t see him, but then as I’m walking to my car and get in, I see him outside of his car kinda hanging out. The problem is: I’m already driving away, so it would be awkward to hop out of my car to go talk to him.

There is technically one way I can try and find him, but it’s a little embarrassing. I’d have to individually message like 2-3 guys with Spanish sounding last names to see if they’re him on the soccer app we have. It tells you who went, but no profile pics. I’ve never seen him play before, so I don’t know how long until I’ll see him again. And he said he didn’t know he was playing on our specific level (novices) and he was a bit more advanced, so I may not ever see him again. Do I message him or cut my losses and move on?

Td;lr:

Do I 23F reach out and message him 21M after realizing he was flirting with me or cut my losses?

Today, I 23F went to play a soccer game and this guy 20M-21M on the field randomly asks me about the necklace I’m wearing (basic heart locket). He goes “oh I thought you were from my country since we have a similar necklace/pendant.” I ask him what country he’s from and he says Spain.

Fast forward, we switch teams and my team is playing against his. He keeps talking to me while we are playing and says “sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant to ask you where you were from, but I didn’t want to get in your way (I was walking to the other field). We keep playing and he’s asking me where I’m from, how long I’ve been in the state, etc.

During the game he passes me the ball to help me score a goal for my team. I almost get it in and he goes “I tried to help you! And he says “You have a good foot on you.” Mind you, he’s playing for the other team, not mine lol. I say thank you and laugh.

Finally, it’s time for us to switch teams again and as we are walking off the field to get water her goes “man I need your skincare routine. You’re glistening!! I really need that skincare routine (while smiling).” After this I realized he was flirting with me.

I lingered on the field and talked to a few people and I didn’t see him, but then as I’m walking to my car and get in, I see him outside of his car kinda hanging out. The problem is: I’m already driving away, so it would be awkward to hop out of my car to go talk to him.

There is technically one way I can try and find him, but it’s a little embarrassing. I’d have to individually message like 2-3 guys with Spanish sounding last names to see if they’re him on the soccer app we have. It tells you who went, but no profile pics. I’ve never seen him play before, so I don’t know how long until I’ll see him again. And he said he didn’t know he was playing on our specific level (novices) and he was a bit more advanced, so I may not ever see him again. Do I message him or cut my losses and move on?

Basically the title. At this point I think there’s actually something wrong with me.

Today, I went to play a pickup soccer game and this guy on the field randomly asks me about the necklace I’m wearing (basic heart locket). He goes “oh I thought you were from my country since we have a similar necklace/pendant.” I ask him what country he’s from and he says Spain.

Fast forward, we switch teams and my team is playing against his. He keeps talking to me while we are playing and says “sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant to ask you where you were from, but I didn’t want to get in your way (I was walking to the other field). We keep playing and he’s asking me where I’m from, how long I’ve been in the state, etc.

During the game he passes me the ball to help me score a goal for my team. I almost get it in and he goes “I tried to help you! And he says “You have a good foot on you.” Mind you, he’s playing for the other team, not mine lol. I say thank you and laugh.

Finally, it’s time for us to switch teams again and as we are walking off the field to get water her goes “man I need your skincare routine. You’re glistening!! I really need that skincare routine (while smiling).” After this I realized he was flirting with me.

I lingered on the field and talked to a few people and I didn’t see him, but then as I’m walking to my car and get in, I see him outside of his car kinda hanging out. The problem is: I’m already driving away, so it would be awkward to hop out of my car to go talk to him.

I knowwww I should have just did it. I’m so mad at myself. There is technically one way I can try and find him, but it’s a little embarrassing. I’d have to individually message like 4 guys with Spanish sounding last names to see if they’re him on the pickup soccer app we have. It tells you who went, but no profile pics. Should I do it or just take my loss for the day? I’ve never seen him play before, so I don’t know how long until I’ll see him again? Too desperate? 😭

WHY DO I KEEP FUMBLING MY GOD 😭

How can I start realizing I’m the moment I’m being flirted with vs after the fact? Advice?

Basically the title. At this point I think there’s actually something wrong with me.

Today, I went to play a pickup soccer game and this guy on the field randomly asks me about the necklace I’m wearing (basic heart locket). He goes “oh I thought you were from my country since we have a similar necklace/pendant.” I ask him what country he’s from and he says Spain.

Fast forward, we switch teams and my team is playing against his. He keeps talking to me while we are playing and says “sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant to ask you where you were from, but I didn’t want to get in your way (I was walking to the other field). We keep playing and he’s asking me where I’m from, how long I’ve been in the state, etc.

During the game he passes me the ball to help me score a goal for my team. I almost get it in and he goes “I tried to help you! And he says “You have a good foot on you.” Mind you, he’s playing for the other team, not mine lol. I say thank you and laugh.

Finally, it’s time for us to switch teams again and as we are walking off the field to get water her goes “man I need your skincare routine. You’re glistening!! I really need that skincare routine (while smiling).” After this I realized he was flirting with me.

I lingered on the field and talked to a few people and I didn’t see him, but then as I’m walking to my car and get in, I see him outside of his car kinda hanging out. The problem is: I’m already driving away, so it would be awkward to hop out of my car to go talk to him.

I knowwww I should have just did it. I’m so mad at myself. There is technically one way I can try and find him, but it’s a little embarrassing. I’d have to individually message like 4 guys with Spanish sounding last names to see if they’re him on the pickup soccer app we have. It tells you who went, but no profile pics. Should I do it or just take my loss for the day? I’ve never seen him play before, so I don’t know how long until I’ll see him again? Too desperate? 😭

WHY DO I KEEP FUMBLING MY GOD 😭

How can I start realizing I’m the moment I’m being flirted with vs after the fact? Advice?

Basically the title. At this point I think there’s actually something wrong with me.

Today, I went to play a pickup soccer game and this guy on the field randomly asks me about the necklace I’m wearing (basic heart locket). He goes “oh I thought you were from my country since we have a similar necklace/pendant.” I ask him what country he’s from and he says Spain.

Fast forward, we switch teams and my team is playing against his. He keeps talking to me while we are playing and says “sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant to ask you where you were from, but I didn’t want to get in your way (I was walking to the other field). We keep playing and he’s asking me where I’m from, how long I’ve been in the state, etc.

During the game he passes me the ball to help me score a goal for my team. I almost get it in and he goes “I tried to help you! And he says “You have a good foot on you.” Mind you, he’s playing for the other team, not mine lol. I say thank you and laugh.

Finally, it’s time for us to switch teams again and as we are walking off the field to get water her goes “man I need your skincare routine. You’re glistening!! I really need that skincare routine (while smiling).” After this I realized he was flirting with me.

I lingered on the field and talked to a few people and I didn’t see him, but then as I’m walking to my car and get in, I see him outside of his car kinda hanging out. The problem is: I’m already driving away, so it would be awkward to hop out of my car to go talk to him.

I knowwww I should have just did it. I’m so mad at myself. There is technically one way I can try and find him, but it’s a little embarrassing. I’d have to individually message like 4 guys with Spanish sounding last names to see if they’re him on the pickup soccer app we have. It tells you who went, but no profile pics. Should I do it or just take my loss for the day? I’ve never seen him play before, so I don’t know how long until I’ll see him again? Too desperate? 😭

WHY DO I KEEP FUMBLING MY GOD 😭

How can I start realizing I’m the moment I’m being flirted with vs after the fact? Advice?

Basically the title. At this point I think there’s actually something wrong with me.

Today, I went to play a pickup soccer game and this guy on the field randomly asks me about the necklace I’m wearing (basic heart locket). He goes “oh I thought you were from my country since we have a similar necklace/pendant.” I ask him what country he’s from and he says Spain.

Fast forward, we switch teams and my team is playing against his. He keeps talking to me while we are playing and says “sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant to ask you where you were from, but I didn’t want to get in your way (I was walking to the other field). We keep playing and he’s asking me where I’m from, how long I’ve been in the state, etc.

During the game he passes me the ball to help me score a goal for my team. I almost get it in and he goes “I tried to help you! And he says “You have a good foot on you.” Mind you, he’s playing for the other team, not mine lol. I say thank you and laugh.

Finally, it’s time for us to switch teams again and as we are walking off the field to get water her goes “man I need your skincare routine. You’re glistening!! I really need that skincare routine (while smiling).” After this I realized he was flirting with me.

I lingered on the field and talked to a few people and I didn’t see him, but then as I’m walking to my car and get in, I see him outside of his car kinda hanging out. The problem is: I’m already driving away, so it would be awkward to hop out of my car to go talk to him.

I knowwww I should have just did it. I’m so mad at myself. There is technically one way I can try and find him, but it’s a little embarrassing. I’d have to individually message like 4 guys with Spanish sounding last names to see if they’re him on the pickup soccer app we have. It tells you who went, but no profile pics. Should I do it or just take my loss for the day? I’ve never seen him play before, so I don’t know how long until I’ll see him again? Too desperate? 😭

WHY DO I KEEP FUMBLING MY GOD 😭

How can I start realizing I’m the moment I’m being flirted with vs after the fact? Advice?

Basically the title. At this point I think there’s actually something wrong with me.

Today, I went to play a pickup soccer game and this guy on the field randomly asks me about the necklace I’m wearing (basic heart locket). He goes “oh I thought you were from my country since we have a similar necklace/pendant.” I ask him what country he’s from and he says Spain.

Fast forward, we switch teams and my team is playing against his. He keeps talking to me while we are playing and says “sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant to ask you where you were from, but I didn’t want to get in your way (I was walking to the other field). We keep playing and he’s asking me where I’m from, how long I’ve been in the state, etc.

During the game he passes me the ball to help me score a goal for my team. I almost get it in and he goes “I tried to help you! And he says “You have a good foot on you.” Mind you, he’s playing for the other team, not mine lol. I say thank you and laugh.

Finally, it’s time for us to switch teams again and as we are walking off the field to get water her goes “man I need your skincare routine. You’re glistening!! I really need that skincare routine (while smiling).” After this I realized he was flirting with me.

I lingered on the field and talked to a few people and I didn’t see him, but then as I’m walking to my car and get in, I see him outside of his car kinda hanging out. The problem is: I’m already driving away, so it would be awkward to hop out of my car to go talk to him.

I knowwww I should have just did it. I’m so mad at myself. There is technically one way I can try and find him, but it’s a little embarrassing. I’d have to individually message like 4 guys with Spanish sounding last names to see if they’re him on the pickup soccer app we have. It tells you who went, but no profile pics. Should I do it or just take my loss for the day? I’ve never seen him play before, so I don’t know how long until I’ll see him again? Too desperate? 😭

WHY DO I KEEP FUMBLING MY GOD 😭

How can I start realizing I’m the moment I’m being flirted with vs after the fact? Advice?

Basically the title. At this point I think there’s actually something wrong with me.

Today, I went to play a pickup soccer game and this guy on the field randomly asks me about the necklace I’m wearing (basic heart locket). He goes “oh I thought you were from my country since we have a similar necklace/pendant.” I ask him what country he’s from and he says Spain.

Fast forward, we switch teams and my team is playing against his. He keeps talking to me while we are playing and says “sorry I didn’t mean to be rude. I meant to ask you where you were from, but I didn’t want to get in your way (I was walking to the other field). We keep playing and he’s asking me where I’m from, how long I’ve been in the state, etc.

During the game he passes me the ball to help me score a goal for my team. I almost get it in and he goes “I tried to help you! And he says “You have a good foot on you.” Mind you, he’s playing for the other team, not mine lol. I say thank you and laugh.

Finally, it’s time for us to switch teams again and as we are walking off the field to get water her goes “man I need your skincare routine. You’re glistening!! I really need that skincare routine (while smiling).” After this I realized he was flirting with me.

I lingered on the field and talked to a few people and I didn’t see him, but then as I’m walking to my car and get in, I see him outside of his car kinda hanging out. The problem is: I’m already driving away, so it would be awkward to hop out of my car to go talk to him.

WHY DO I KEEP FUMBLING MY GOD 😭

How can I start realizing I’m the moment I’m being flirted with vs after the fact? Advice?

Interested or not interested?

So like the title says, would it be weird if I found (and followed) the Instagram of a guy I think is cute through an account of mutual friends or people you both know and followed them?

Or would it be better to wait until the next time you see the guy in person and ask them for it?

A big group of people I know from a group hobby hung out at a bar, but I didn’t get this guys Instagram who I sat next to and talked with. I just remembered that I had the Instagram of a mutual acquaintance and I found his account. Weird or no? Should I wait to ask for it?

What are some common things women do that might unintentionally put a guy they like in the friend zone?

So I went to a post hobby meet up yesterday night. We all met at a local bar and sat and talked for about 2-3 hours. The guy I ended up sitting next to went to get an extra chair and pulled out a chair for me to sit. I ended up forgetting my drivers license at home, so I got a non alcoholic drink. He asked me what I head having and I told him and he offered to get me a drink. I accepted and we talked on and off and with everyone else we were sitting with for the rest of the time at the bar. He was having a beer and I’ve never had beer before since I’m not much of a drinker , so I asked him what it taste like and he said I could take a sip out of his drink. I drank a little and then I asked him a few more beer related questions just to be engaging and keep the convo going.

He smelled really good and I wanted to tell him that to try and show interest, but I didn’t know if that would be weird lmao. My friend said I should have said it, but of course, my nerves got the best of me.

This is where I fucked up. As we are all getting up and saying good night, I go to tell him thank you again for the drink and that I really appreciated it. He said it was no big deal at all as he put his hand on my shoulder and sigh…..I fist bumped him since everyone was doing it to each other.

I feel like shittttttt for not going for it and my friend told me I was being super oblivious and that it was obvious that he wouldn’t have a gf or say not to me giving him my number.

What do you all think? Was I being oblivious or was he being nice?

So I went to a post hobby meet up yesterday night. We all met at a local bar and sat and talked for about 2-3 hours. The guy I ended up sitting next to went to get an extra chair and pulled out a chair for me to sit. I ended up forgetting my drivers license at home, so I got a non alcoholic drink. He asked me what I head having and I told him and he offered to get me a drink. I accepted and we talked on and off and with everyone else we were sitting with for the rest of the time at the bar. He was having a beer and I’ve never had beer before since I’m not much of a drinker , so I asked him what it taste like and he said I could take a sip out of his drink. I drank a little and then I asked him a few more beer related questions just to be engaging and keep the convo going.

He smelled really good and I wanted to tell him that to try and show interest, but I didn’t know if that would be weird lmao. My friend said I should have said it, but of course, my nerves got the best of me.

This is where I fucked up. As we are all getting up and saying good night, I go to tell him thank you again for the drink and that I really appreciated it. He said it was no big deal at all as he put his hand on my shoulder and sigh…..I fist bumped him since everyone was doing it to each other.

I feel like shittttttt for not going for it and my friend told me I was being super oblivious and that it was obvious that he wouldn’t have a gf or say not to me giving him my number.

What do you guys as men think? Was I being oblivious or was he being nice?

Say you’re at a bar or on a date and guy refers to his exes as mid. Does that mean he’s insecure? Does that mean he was the problem in the relationships? What’s the point in telling you any of this?
Anything else?

So I went to a post hobby meet up yesterday night. We all met at a local bar and sat and talked for about 2-3 hours. The guy I ended up sitting next to went to get an extra chair and pulled out a chair for me to sit. I ended up forgetting my drivers license at home, so I got a non alcoholic drink. He asked me what I head having and I told him and he offered to get me a drink. I accepted and we talked on and off and with everyone else we were sitting with for the rest of the time at the bar. He was having a beer and I’ve never had beer before since I’m not much of a drinker , so I asked him what it taste like and he said I could take a sip out of his drink. I drank a little and then I asked him a few more beer related questions just to be engaging and keep the convo going.

He smelled really good and I wanted to tell him that to try and show interest, but I didn’t know if that would be weird lmao. My friend said I should have said it, but of course, my nerves got the best of me.

This is where I fucked up. As we are all getting up and saying good night, I go to tell him thank you again for the drink and that I really appreciated it. He said it was no big deal at all as he put his hand on my shoulder and sigh…..I fist bumped him since everyone was doing it to each other.

I feel like shittttttt for not going for it and my friend told me I was being super oblivious and that it was obvious that he wouldn’t have a gf or say not to me giving him my number.

He did make a few strange comments about his exes being “mid,” but beyond that he seemed like a nice guy. Was this a red flag?

What do you guys as men think? Was I being oblivious or was he being nice?

So I went to a post hobby meet up yesterday night. We all met at a local bar and sat and talked for about 2-3 hours. The guy I ended up sitting next to went to get an extra chair and pulled out a chair for me to sit. I ended up forgetting my drivers license at home, so I got a non alcoholic drink. He asked me what I head having and I told him and he offered to get me a drink. I accepted and we talked on and off and with everyone else we were sitting with for the rest of the time at the bar. He was having a beer and I’ve never had beer before since I’m not much of a drinker , so I asked him what it taste like and he said I could take a sip out of his drink. I drank a little and then I asked him a few more beer related questions just to be engaging and keep the convo going.

He smelled really good and I wanted to tell him that to try and show interest, but I didn’t know if that would be weird lmao. My friend said I should have said it, but of course, my nerves got the best of me.

This is where I fucked up. As we are all getting up and saying good night, I go to tell him thank you again for the drink and that I really appreciated it. He said it was no big deal at all as he put his hand on my shoulder and sigh…..I fist bumped him since everyone was doing it to each other.

I feel like shittttttt for not going for it and my friend told me I was being super oblivious and that it was obvious that he wouldn’t have a gf or say not to me giving him my number.

He did make a few strange comments about his exes being “mid,” but beyond that he seemed like a nice guy. Was this a red flag?

What do you guys as men think? Was I being oblivious or was he being nice?