Hello tout le monde,

Je voulais savoir s'il y avait d'autres personnes qui ont connu la même chose que moi, et si elles ont réussi à au final après avoir travaillées sur elles, à se faire des vraies amitiés stables et équilibrées.

Récemment, j'ai réalisé (F22) que j'avais un espèce de schéma relationnel : je suis une personne assez empathique, et j'attire/accepte systématiquement des gens plutôt immatures émotionnellement, dépendants ou insécures. Avec le recul, je commence enfin à voir clair dans mes 2 dernières "amitiés" significatives (qu'on appellera Anna et Chloé), et c'est un peu triste.

1) Anna

La première amie dont je vais parler (on l'appellera Anna) était avec une fille plutôt réservée que je me suis faite au lycée. Inconsciemment avec le recul, je pense que je me suis installée dans un rôle de béquille émotionnelle pour elle pendant le lycée. Etant donné que nous étions H24 ensemble durant le lycée (toutes nos années ont été faites ensemble), eh bien j'écoutais sa vie, ses problèmes avec son mec, je la soutenais, j'étais là pour elle, comme une amie le ferait. Nous passions tout notre temps ensemble toute la semaine. On se voyait aussi parfois en dehors du lycée toutes les deux pour boire des verres, et parfois des sorties avec également d'autres potes du lycée. Et moi naïvement je pensais que rien n'allait bouger dans notre relation en rentrant en études supérieures. Je me suis dit qu'on allait faire des efforts toutes les deux pour se voir. Sauf qu'arrivé en études supérieures, on se donnait des nouvelles, elle m'avait proposé une soirée organisée par notre campus universitaire que j'avais acceptée pour y aller avec elle du coup. Et puis au final elle m'a posé un lapin pour cette soirée (elle n'y pensait plus et était avec sa soeur). Je n'ai pas apprécié et je lui ai dit calmement, au final elle s'est excusée vaguement puis m'a dit que c'était de ma faute car je ne lui avait pas envoyé un message pour reconfirmer le jour même, sauf que c'était clairement convenu deux jours avant que cela se faisait. Pour moi si elle était pas sûre c'est à elle de m'envoyer un message. Elle m'a dit de repartir chez moi (alors que je m'étais déplacée) pour attendre qu'elle ait fini avec sa soeur et qu'on mange ensemble, ce que j'ai refusé car je trouvais ça un peu gonflé de sa part après m'avoir posé un lapin, et au delà de ça elle a commencé à dénigrer l'évènement auquel on devait aller ensemble, donc je lui ai dit que je retournais chez moi pour manger et que j'irai à la suite de l'évènement à 20 heures (une autre fille que je venais de rencontrer dans ma promo (qu'on va appeler Lisa) m'avait proposé de venir, et donc je me suis dit que Anna pouvait me rejoindre plus tard à l'évènement directement du coup vu que je l'avais prévenu que j'y allais). Au final durant l'évènement, Lisa et moi croisons une autre fille que je connaissais du lycée (Manon) avec des gens qu'elle avait rencontré à la rentrée, et elle m'a proposé qu'on se joigne à eux pour aller dans un bar après. Ce que j'ai accepté. Arrivé au bar je reçois un énorme pavé d'Anna qui m'explique être blessée du fait que je ne l'ai pas invitée (elle a su par Manon que nous étions ensemble), qu'elle a "toujours été là pour moi et s'est toujours fait passé avant moi" bref tout un pavé culpabilisant alors que selon moi je n'avais au final rien fait de mal, surtout après son lapin. Au final je lui ai dit qu'on reparlerait de ça plus tard car là ce n'était pas le moment, et pas comme ça. Au final elle est revenue seulement au bout de 3 semaines, et elle s'est fait passé pour une victime, on a pu en reparler, elle a compris mon ressenti et moi de mon côté et je suis passée outre en comprenant son ressenti également et en la laissant dire que c'était un malentendu entre nous (à postériori je me rends compte que c'est elle qui a manqué de considération envers moi, qui m'a posé un lapin sans vraiment prendre la responsabilité, et au final j'ai été trop gentille).

Ca c'était un exemple de ce qui allait m'attendre avec elle. Au final les mois suivant j'ai essayé de maintenir cette relation en lui proposant qu'on se voit de nombreuses fois, mais elle n'étais pas vraiment dispo et me disait qu'elle "me redirait" sans jamais vraiment me redire. Parfois elle me contactait pour avoir des infos sur les cours ou autre. On a pu se voir une ou deux fois mais par mon initiative. Le jour où j'ai traversé une phase de ma vie compliquée (une rupture amoureuse inattendue avec mon ex du lycée), elle ne m'a pas vraiment soutenue et m'a même dit "bon pour te changer les idées, ça te dit demain de venir préparer la salle pour mon anniversaire ?". Elle me gardait avec des miettes, des petits messages ou flashback de temps en temps. Moi je prenais de la distance en me disant que je la verrais pas souvent mais que c'était "déjà ça". L'année d'après, elle me disait "je vais t'inviter à mon anniversaire", pour au final finir par voir dans sa story qu'elle l'avait fait sans me dire. Dès que je prenais mes distances avec elle suite à ça je me rendais compte que j'étais dans une amitié à sens unique, elle me disait des choses comme "je peux te poser une question ? J'ai l'impression que tu veux pas me voir" ou ce genre de choses. Quand je lui parlais de mon ressenti notamment par rapport à cet anniversaire elle me disait "j'avais pas la place pour inviter tout le monde. Et je comptais faire un restau avec toi pour mon anniversaire", au final ce resto ne s'est jamais fait. Bref j'ai compris que le lien n'existait que parce que j'étais une ressource d'écoute pour elle, dès que j'ai eu besoin de recevoir et/ou qu'elle devait faire un effort pour maintenir le lien, il n'y avait plus personne.

2) Chloé

C'est en parallèle de cette distance progressive avec Anna, durant ma licence, que je me suis rapprochée d'une autre fille de ma promo (on l'appellera Chloé). À cette époque, j’avais fait une grosse crise existentielle en entrant dans les études supérieures, je me sentais très seule, et j'avais un grand besoin de connexion suite à la désillusion que je venais de vivre avec Anna et de la rupture subie avec mon ex du lycée (qui est partie avec une autre fille). Chloé était là, on allait à la salle de sport ensemble (je pouvais inviter quelqu'un avec mon abonnement, et donc je lui avais proposé pour qu'on puisse se rapprocher en dehors des cours), on se racontait nos vies, nos histoires avec les garçons, et naïvement, je pensais construire une amitié petit à petit.

Sauf que la dynamique est devenue super déséquilibrée au fur et à mesure. Au bout d'un peu plus d'1 an d'amitié avec Chloé, j'ai rencontré un nouveau garçon qui est devenu mon copain. Puis Chloé a commencé à me lancer des micro-aggressions régulières peut-être pour tester mes limites. C'était des phrases que je ne relevais pas sur le coup et qui au début pouvaient paraître anodines, mais au fur et à mesure c'était de pire en pire. Par exemple, elle était capable de me balancer devant un de ses potes : « T'as vraiment une sale gueule » pendant des premières vacances qu'on passait ensemble parce que j'étais malade donc blanche, ou alors un peu plus tard au restaurant devant mon copain : « C'est vraiment pendant les vacances que je me suis rendue compte que tu prenais vraiment jamais de décisions ». Ou encore, après des taquineries amicales et habituelles entre nous à la salle de sport, elle s'est même mise à m'attaquer avec des remarques ultra crues du genre « J'espère que ton copain va bien t'enCULER ce soir » parce qu'elle savait que mon copain dormait chez moi le soir là.

Puis après, elle a commencé à s'infiltrer carrément dans mon couple avec mon copain actuel (Romain). Juste après des vacances, elle a créé un groupe Snapchat à trois avec lui, quand je lui ai dit que cela finissait par me mettre mal à l'aise ce groupe (car elle commençait à déplacer les conversations qu'on avait toutes les deux dans ce groupe avec mon copain et à y parler tous les jours), elle a arrêté d'envoyer dans le groupe mais est allée lui parler en privé tous les jours sur Snapchat à la place. Ensuite elle s'est incrustée dans sa bande de potes à lui avant moi, et elle avait des comportements hyper déplacés. Un autre jour encore, devant une autre connaissance à nous, elle m'a dit "Toi t'as vraiment pas de tact" et quand je me défendais en disant "mais qu'est-ce que tu racontes" elle rétorquait en disant "mais si même ton copain le dit", et après elle justifiait ce qu'elle disait en disant qu'une fois j'avais pas accepté un horaire qu'elle avait décidé pour nous pour aller à la salle (bah oui logique je suis pas forcément dispo quand toi tu en as envie.. donc je lui avais dit, mais pas de manière violente, de manière normale). Un jour, elle a même essayé de s'installer sur le siège passager à l'avant de la voiture de mon copain à ma place, et quand je lui ai fait remarqué en mode "euuuh Chloé bah vas-y mets toi devant" (de manière ironique), elle a inventé une excuse bidon avec la poignée de porte pour dire qu'elle ne le trouvait pas et que c'est pour ça qu'elle est restée devant longtemps. C'était bizarre.

Le point de non-retour est arrivé quand elle a proposé à mon copain d'aller à la salle de sport en tête-à-tête. Je lui ai dit que cela me dérangeait et là les semaines qui ont suivies ont été horribles. Les remarques agressives ont augmenté, elle m'excluait en amphi en proposant des bonbons à tout le monde sauf à moi. Et quand j'ai essayé de lui parler pour comprendre ce qu'il se passait, elle a complètement retourné la situation pour me faire passer pour la fille folle, jalouse et parano : « C'est juste de l'amitié, il faut avoir confiance » et que justement elle prenait ma limite comme un manque de confiance en elle. Ou encore "Si tu voulais pas que je sois pote avec fallait pas l'emmener en vacances" (sauf que je vois pas le rapport, ils peuvent bien s'entendre durant des sorties sans qu'elle cherche à créer un lien en dehors et faire des trucs chelou. En plus c'est pas moi qui ai "emmené mon copain" mais lui qui a raccourci son contrat de travail pour venir...). Elle est même allé dire à mon copain "elle me prend la tête parce qu'on se parle. J'essaye d'arrange les choses mais elle ne veut pas". Et là j'ai tout couper avec elle car c'était trop et irrattrapable de toute façon. J'ai l'impression qu'elle a profité de ma réserve naturelle pendant deux ans pour monopoliser l'espace, et à la fin, elle a utilisé cette même réserve comme une excuse pour me rejeter, en disant que je ne "donnais pas assez de potins" à son goût et qu'en ce moment elle a de l'anxiété donc c'est pour ça qu'elle s'investissait plus (alors qu'elle était capable de le faire auprès de mon copain, et des ses autres copines...). Quand j'ai définitivement coupé les ponts avec elle, elle s'est rapprochée de la seule autre personne que je connaissais plutôt bien pour essayer de m'isoler dans la promo.

J'ai 22 ans, et cela fait maintenant plus de 5 ans que je vis des relations déséquilibrées où je finis maltraitée ou abandonnée. Je désespère un peu, et je ne sais pas ce que je fais de mal.

J'ai compris aujourd'hui que je laissais sûrement trop les gens venir à moi, et que ce n'étaient pas les meilleures personnes, ni pour les bonnes raisons. J'ai compris aussi que je fonctionne peut-être trop en exclusivité en amitié (je suis introvertie donc je m'éparpille pas trop), et que du coup je gagnerais à approfondir avec plus de personnes. Si vous avez vécu un schéma similaire, que vous avez réussi à vous en sortir et à construire des amitiés saines et réciproques après avoir travaillé sur vous, je suis très preneuse de vos conseils et de vos perspectives.

Merci de m'avoir lue <3

I’m F21 and I’d like some advice on an ambiguous situation with my boyfriend (M22) and a girl from his friend group (F22). At the beginning of our relationship, we used to spend time with a group of friends that included a girl my boyfriend only vaguely knew through one of his friends (let’s call him Gérard).

My boyfriend started spending time in this girl’s social circle. At first, it was mainly him who was invited, but I was also invited through him. At the beginning, she was nice to me and included me pretty well. But after about 10 months of hanging out, I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable.

One time, during a group outing at a theme park (around ten people), at the end of the day when we were all standing in a circle chatting before heading home, she suddenly splashed him with the remaining water in her bottle while laughing (we were basically the only three not talking at that moment, just listening). My boyfriend tried to dodge it and even ran a bit out of the circle while laughing, and she chased him laughing loudly, even though I was standing right next to them the whole time. She didn’t look at me once, even though I was literally right there. My boyfriend said something like: “Ugh, you’re annoying. I’m going back to ‘my girl’, I prefer that anyway” while smiling and coming back to me. She kept smiling widely and stared at him intensely for a few seconds before looking away, still with a little smirk, completely ignoring me the whole time. That was the first time I saw something like that between them and I felt really uncomfortable, especially because of my boyfriend’s slightly awkward comment, which kind of indirectly compared us.

About two weeks later, she told him (when I wasn’t there): “Anyway, you’re my last male hope haha” after talking about how disappointed she was with all the men she had dated (implying they were all terrible). My boyfriend told me he felt awkward and “froze”, so he didn’t say anything. Right after that, she apparently added that he had good values, was mature, funny, treated me well, etc. This happened during a group outing where she immediately sat next to my boyfriend on the bench during the last evening before their mutual friend Gérard left to study abroad. (He’s supposed to be her childhood best friend, but they’ve drifted a bit since he got into a relationship.) That night she talked a lot to my boyfriend and kind of ignored her own friend sitting on the other side of her.

Recently, she’s also been telling my boyfriend about her dating “failures” and bad dates (not really asking for advice, just talking about it). She also compliments him a lot: “You’re really funny,” “That’s really mature what you’re doing/saying,” especially when he talks about his efforts in our relationship. Her behavior toward me has gradually become colder. At one of her house parties, when we arrived, she greeted him very enthusiastically (“Oh, you went to the hairdresser!” said in a high-pitched voice, that was the first thing she said when he got out of the car), while giving me a much colder greeting. Then she immediately offered to help him carry things from the car, even though I was also unloading stuff with my arms full, like I was basically invisible.

Another example: on a trip, we were split into cars. She asked me to go in my friend’s car (which made sense), but then she got into my boyfriend’s car. During the ride, I needed the airport address, so I messaged her (since she wasn’t driving). She didn’t reply for over 20 minutes even though she was on her phone at the start of the ride. Later, when the people in the back fell asleep, she put her phone down and started a long personal conversation with my boyfriend about topics she usually only discusses with him when I’m not around. My friend and I eventually had to call my boyfriend via Bluetooth to get the address. She replied much later saying she “didn’t see the message.”

Looking back, the “you’re my last male hope” comment and all this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. I know my boyfriend had previously talked to her (and others in the group) about our relationship issues and his efforts to improve things (working on himself, reading books, planning surprises, etc.). I don’t know exactly what he was looking for, validation maybe, but she wasn’t really giving advice, just reassuring him that he was mature and that what he was doing was sweet.

Before the group trip, I asked my boyfriend seriously to distance himself from her because I was uncomfortable. He agreed and did so when I was around. During the trip, they barely spoke in front of me. But at one point, when I wasn’t paying attention, he lightly teased her and she reacted very theatrically, like “Omg you’re mean!!” laughing, then followed him saying “come here” and lightly hitting his arm. Then she went back to the group saying, “okay, that's true, I'm like that.”

That bothered me because it felt like the dynamic immediately came back as soon as I wasn’t directly watching, even though he had said he would keep distance.

So overall, it feels like his action reopened the door for that dynamic to continue. On the way back, she even got into the Bolt right after my boyfriend and ended up sitting between him and me.

What do you think she’s trying to do? What do you think I should do, knowing that my boyfriend tells me he's going to take some distance, but doesn't really do it like this time during the trip? (keeping in mind there’s already some history in the relationship, where I already gave him a second chance after my trust in him was shaken by things he did, like breaking promises, hid his clubbing outings from me (because he tell me he don’t like going without me), and not setting boundaries with his best friend, who sexualized me, was jealous, and told him not to ‘listen too much to girls’)

Thanks for reading :)

I’m F21 and I’d like some advice on an ambiguous situation with my boyfriend (M22) and a girl from his friend group (F22). At the beginning of our relationship, we used to spend time with a group of friends that included a girl my boyfriend only vaguely knew through one of his friends (let’s call him Gérard).

My boyfriend started spending time in this girl’s social circle. At first, it was mainly him who was invited, but I was also invited through him. At the beginning, she was nice to me and included me pretty well. But after about 10 months of hanging out, I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable.

One time, during a group outing at a theme park (around ten people), at the end of the day when we were all standing in a circle chatting before heading home, she suddenly splashed him with the remaining water in her bottle while laughing (we were basically the only three not talking at that moment, just listening). My boyfriend tried to dodge it and even ran a bit out of the circle while laughing, and she chased him laughing loudly, even though I was standing right next to them the whole time. She didn’t look at me once, even though I was literally right there. My boyfriend said something like: “Ugh, you’re annoying. I’m going back to ‘my girl’, I prefer that anyway” while smiling and coming back to me. She kept smiling widely and stared at him intensely for a few seconds before looking away, still with a little smirk, completely ignoring me the whole time. That was the first time I saw something like that between them and I felt really uncomfortable, especially because of my boyfriend’s slightly awkward comment, which kind of indirectly compared us.

About two weeks later, she told him (when I wasn’t there): “Anyway, you’re my last male hope haha” after talking about how disappointed she was with all the men she had dated (implying they were all terrible). My boyfriend told me he felt awkward and “froze”, so he didn’t say anything. Right after that, she apparently added that he had good values, was mature, funny, treated me well, etc. This happened during a group outing where she immediately sat next to my boyfriend on the bench during the last evening before their mutual friend Gérard left to study abroad. (He’s supposed to be her childhood best friend, but they’ve drifted a bit since he got into a relationship.) That night she talked a lot to my boyfriend and kind of ignored her own friend sitting on the other side of her.

Recently, she’s also been telling my boyfriend about her dating “failures” and bad dates (not really asking for advice, just talking about it). She also compliments him a lot: “You’re really funny,” “That’s really mature what you’re doing/saying,” especially when he talks about his efforts in our relationship. Her behavior toward me has gradually become colder. At one of her house parties, when we arrived, she greeted him very enthusiastically (“Oh, you went to the hairdresser!” said in a high-pitched voice, that was the first thing she said when he got out of the car), while giving me a much colder greeting. Then she immediately offered to help him carry things from the car, even though I was also unloading stuff with my arms full, like I was basically invisible.

Another example: on a trip, we were split into cars. She asked me to go in my friend’s car (which made sense), but then she got into my boyfriend’s car. During the ride, I needed the airport address, so I messaged her (since she wasn’t driving). She didn’t reply for over 20 minutes even though she was on her phone at the start of the ride. Later, when the people in the back fell asleep, she put her phone down and started a long personal conversation with my boyfriend about topics she usually only discusses with him when I’m not around. My friend and I eventually had to call my boyfriend via Bluetooth to get the address. She replied much later saying she “didn’t see the message.”

Looking back, the “you’re my last male hope” comment and all this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. I know my boyfriend had previously talked to her (and others in the group) about our relationship issues and his efforts to improve things (working on himself, reading books, planning surprises, etc.). I don’t know exactly what he was looking for, validation maybe, but she wasn’t really giving advice, just reassuring him that he was mature and that what he was doing was sweet.

Before the group trip, I asked my boyfriend seriously to distance himself from her because I was uncomfortable. He agreed and did so when I was around. During the trip, they barely spoke in front of me. But at one point, when I wasn’t paying attention, he lightly teased her and she reacted very theatrically, like “Omg you’re mean!!” laughing, then followed him saying “come here” and lightly hitting his arm. Then she went back to the group saying, “okay, that's true, I'm like that.”

That bothered me because it felt like the dynamic immediately came back as soon as I wasn’t directly watching, even though he had said he would keep distance. So overall, it feels like his action reopened the door for that dynamic to continue. On the way back, she even got into the Bolt right after my boyfriend and ended up sitting between him and me.

What do you think she’s trying to do? What do you think I should do, knowing that my boyfriend tells me he's going to take some distance, but doesn't really do it like this time during the trip? (keeping in mind there’s already some history in the relationship, where I already gave him a second chance after my trust in him was shaken by things he did, like breaking promises, hid his clubbing outings from me (because he tell me he don’t like going without me), and not setting boundaries with his best friend, who sexualized me, was jealous, and told him not to ‘listen too much to girls’)

Thanks for reading :)

I’m F21 and I’d like some advice on an ambiguous situation with my boyfriend (M22) and a girl from his friend group (F22). At the beginning of our relationship, we used to spend time with a group of friends that included a girl my boyfriend only vaguely knew through one of his friends (let’s call him Gérard).

My boyfriend started spending time in this girl’s social circle. At first, it was mainly him who was invited, but I was also invited through him. At the beginning, she was nice to me and included me pretty well. But after about 10 months of hanging out, I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable.

One time, during a group outing at a theme park (around ten people), at the end of the day when we were all standing in a circle chatting before heading home, she suddenly splashed him with the remaining water in her bottle while laughing (we were basically the only three not talking at that moment, just listening). My boyfriend tried to dodge it and even ran a bit out of the circle while laughing, and she chased him laughing loudly, even though I was standing right next to them the whole time. She didn’t look at me once, even though I was literally right there. My boyfriend said something like: “Ugh, you’re annoying. I’m going back to ‘my girl’, I prefer that anyway” while smiling and coming back to me. She kept smiling widely and stared at him intensely for a few seconds before looking away, still with a little smirk, completely ignoring me the whole time. That was the first time I saw something like that between them and I felt really uncomfortable, especially because of my boyfriend’s slightly awkward comment, which kind of indirectly compared us.

About two weeks later, she told him (when I wasn’t there): “Anyway, you’re my last male hope haha” after talking about how disappointed she was with all the men she had dated (implying they were all terrible). My boyfriend told me he felt awkward and “froze”, so he didn’t say anything. Right after that, she apparently added that he had good values, was mature, funny, treated me well, etc. This happened during a group outing where she immediately sat next to my boyfriend on the bench during the last evening before their mutual friend Gérard left to study abroad. (He’s supposed to be her childhood best friend, but they’ve drifted a bit since he got into a relationship.) That night she talked a lot to my boyfriend and kind of ignored her own friend sitting on the other side of her.

Recently, she’s also been telling my boyfriend about her dating “failures” and bad dates (not really asking for advice, just talking about it). She also compliments him a lot: “You’re really funny,” “That’s really mature what you’re doing/saying,” especially when he talks about his efforts in our relationship. Her behavior toward me has gradually become colder. At one of her house parties, when we arrived, she greeted him very enthusiastically (“Oh, you went to the hairdresser!” said in a high-pitched voice, that was the first thing she said when he got out of the car), while giving me a much colder greeting. Then she immediately offered to help him carry things from the car, even though I was also unloading stuff with my arms full, like I was basically invisible.

Another example: on a trip, we were split into cars. She asked me to go in my friend’s car (which made sense), but then she got into my boyfriend’s car. During the ride, I needed the airport address, so I messaged her (since she wasn’t driving). She didn’t reply for over 20 minutes even though she was on her phone at the start of the ride. Later, when the people in the back fell asleep, she put her phone down and started a long personal conversation with my boyfriend about topics she usually only discusses with him when I’m not around. My friend and I eventually had to call my boyfriend via Bluetooth to get the address. She replied much later saying she “didn’t see the message.”

Looking back, the “you’re my last male hope” comment and all this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. I know my boyfriend had previously talked to her (and others in the group) about our relationship issues and his efforts to improve things (working on himself, reading books, planning surprises, etc.). I don’t know exactly what he was looking for, validation maybe, but she wasn’t really giving advice, just reassuring him that he was mature and that what he was doing was sweet.

Before the group trip, I asked my boyfriend seriously to distance himself from her because I was uncomfortable. He agreed and did so when I was around. During the trip, they barely spoke in front of me. But at one point, when I wasn’t paying attention, he lightly teased her and she reacted very theatrically, like “Omg you’re mean!!” laughing, then followed him saying “come here” and lightly hitting his arm. Then she went back to the group saying, “okay, that's true, I'm like that.”

That bothered me because it felt like the dynamic immediately came back as soon as I wasn’t directly watching, even though he had said he would keep distance.

So overall, it feels like his action reopened the door for that dynamic to continue. On the way back, she even got into the Bolt right after my boyfriend and ended up sitting between him and me.

What do you think she’s trying to do? What do you think I should do, knowing that my boyfriend tells me he's going to take some distance, but doesn't really do it like this time during the trip? (keeping in mind there’s already some history in the relationship, where I already gave him a second chance after my trust in him was shaken by things he did, like breaking promises, hid his clubbing outings from me (because he tell me he don’t like going without me), and not setting boundaries with his best friend, who sexualized me, was jealous, and told him not to ‘listen too much to girls’)

Thanks for reading and replying :)

I’m F21 and I’d like some advice on an ambiguous situation with my boyfriend (M22) and a girl from his friend group (F22). At the beginning of our relationship, we used to spend time with a group of friends that included a girl my boyfriend only vaguely knew through one of his friends (let’s call him Gérard).

My boyfriend started spending time in this girl’s social circle. At first, it was mainly him who was invited, but I was also invited through him. At the beginning, she was nice to me and included me pretty well. But after about 10 months of hanging out, I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable.

One time, during a group outing at a theme park (around ten people), at the end of the day when we were all standing in a circle chatting before heading home, she suddenly splashed him with the remaining water in her bottle while laughing (we were basically the only three not talking at that moment, just listening). My boyfriend tried to dodge it and even ran a bit out of the circle while laughing, and she chased him laughing loudly, even though I was standing right next to them the whole time. She didn’t look at me once, even though I was literally right there. My boyfriend said something like: “Ugh, you’re annoying. I’m going back to ‘my girl’, I prefer that anyway” while smiling and coming back to me. She kept smiling widely and stared at him intensely for a few seconds before looking away, still with a little smirk, completely ignoring me the whole time. That was the first time I saw something like that between them and I felt really uncomfortable, especially because of my boyfriend’s slightly awkward comment, which kind of indirectly compared us.

About two weeks later, she told him (when I wasn’t there): “Anyway, you’re my last male hope haha” after talking about how disappointed she was with all the men she had dated (implying they were all terrible). My boyfriend told me he felt awkward and “froze”, so he didn’t say anything. Right after that, she apparently added that he had good values, was mature, funny, treated me well, etc. This happened during a group outing where she immediately sat next to my boyfriend on the bench during the last evening before their mutual friend Gérard left to study abroad. (He’s supposed to be her childhood best friend, but they’ve drifted a bit since he got into a relationship.) That night she talked a lot to my boyfriend and kind of ignored her own friend sitting on the other side of her.

My boyfriend later told Gérard about this situation to get his opinion. When he mentioned the “last male hope” comment, Gérard said it was very weird. He said she doesn’t usually talk about him like that, and actually has criticized him in the past regarding how he treated exes. Also, Gérard’s girlfriend (who had just met this social circle) noticed that this girl seemed unusually close to my boyfriend compared to other male friends in the group, even those she’s known longer.

Recently, she’s also been telling my boyfriend about her dating “failures” and bad dates (not really asking for advice, just talking about it). She also compliments him a lot: “You’re really funny,” “That’s really mature what you’re doing/saying,” especially when he talks about his efforts in our relationship. Her behavior toward me has gradually become colder. At one of her house parties, when we arrived, she greeted him very enthusiastically (“Oh, you went to the hairdresser!” said in a high-pitched voice, that was the first thing she said when he got out of the car), while giving me a much colder greeting. Then she immediately offered to help him carry things from the car, even though I was also unloading stuff with my arms full, like I was basically invisible.

Another example: on a trip, we were split into cars. She asked me to go in my friend’s car (which made sense), but then she got into my boyfriend’s car. During the ride, I needed the airport address, so I messaged her (since she wasn’t driving). She didn’t reply for over 20 minutes even though she was on her phone at the start of the ride. Later, when the people in the back fell asleep, she put her phone down and started a long personal conversation with my boyfriend about topics she usually only discusses with him when I’m not around. My friend and I eventually had to call my boyfriend via Bluetooth to get the address. She replied much later saying she “didn’t see the message.”

Looking back, the “you’re my last male hope” comment and all this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. I know my boyfriend had previously talked to her (and others in the group) about our relationship issues and his efforts to improve things (working on himself, reading books, planning surprises, etc.). I don’t know exactly what he was looking for, validation maybe, but she wasn’t really giving advice, just reassuring him that he was mature and that what he was doing was sweet.

Before the group trip, I asked my boyfriend seriously to distance himself from her because I was uncomfortable. He agreed and did so when I was around. During the trip, they barely spoke in front of me. But at one point, when I wasn’t paying attention, he lightly teased her and she reacted very theatrically, like “Omg you’re mean!!” laughing, then followed him saying “come here” and lightly hitting his arm. Then she went back to the group saying, “okay, that's true, I'm like that.”

That bothered me because it felt like the dynamic immediately came back as soon as I wasn’t directly watching, even though he had said he would keep distance.

So overall, it feels like his action reopened the door for that dynamic to continue. On the way back, she even got into the Bolt right after my boyfriend and ended up sitting between him and me.

What do you think she’s trying to do? What do you think I should do, knowing that my boyfriend tells me he's going to take some distance, but doesn't really do it like this time during the trip? (keeping in mind there’s already some history in the relationship, where I already gave him a second chance after my trust in him was shaken by things he did, like breaking promises, hid his clubbing outings from me (because he tell me he don’t like going without me), and not setting boundaries with his best friend, who sexualized me, was jealous, and told him not to ‘listen too much to girls’)

Thanks for reading :)

I’m F21 and I’d like some advice on an ambiguous situation with my boyfriend (M22) and a girl from his friend group (F22). At the beginning of our relationship, we used to spend time with a group of friends that included a girl my boyfriend only vaguely knew through one of his friends (let’s call him Gérard).

My boyfriend started spending time in this girl’s social circle. At first, it was mainly him who was invited, but I was also invited through him. At the beginning, she was nice to me and included me pretty well. But after about 10 months of hanging out, I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable.

One time, during a group outing at a theme park (around ten people), at the end of the day when we were all standing in a circle chatting before heading home, she suddenly splashed him with the remaining water in her bottle while laughing (we were basically the only three not talking at that moment, just listening). My boyfriend tried to dodge it and even ran a bit out of the circle while laughing, and she chased him laughing loudly, even though I was standing right next to them the whole time. She didn’t look at me once, even though I was literally right there. My boyfriend said something like: “Ugh, you’re annoying. I’m going back to ‘my girl’, I prefer that anyway” while smiling and coming back to me. She kept smiling widely and stared at him intensely for a few seconds before looking away, still with a little smirk, completely ignoring me the whole time. That was the first time I saw something like that between them and I felt really uncomfortable, especially because of my boyfriend’s slightly awkward comment, which kind of indirectly compared us.

About two weeks later, she told him (when I wasn’t there): “Anyway, you’re my last male hope haha” after talking about how disappointed she was with all the men she had dated (implying they were all terrible). My boyfriend told me he felt awkward and “froze”, so he didn’t say anything. Right after that, she apparently added that he had good values, was mature, funny, treated me well, etc. This happened during a group outing where she immediately sat next to my boyfriend on the bench during the last evening before their mutual friend Gérard left to study abroad. (He’s supposed to be her childhood best friend, but they’ve drifted a bit since he got into a relationship.) That night she talked a lot to my boyfriend and kind of ignored her own friend sitting on the other side of her.

My boyfriend later told Gérard about this situation to get his opinion. When he mentioned the “last male hope” comment, Gérard said it was very weird. He said she doesn’t usually talk about him like that, and actually has criticized him in the past regarding how he treated exes. Also, Gérard’s girlfriend (who had just met this social circle) noticed that this girl seemed unusually close to my boyfriend compared to other male friends in the group, even those she’s known longer.

Recently, she’s also been telling my boyfriend about her dating “failures” and bad dates (not really asking for advice, just talking about it). She also compliments him a lot: “You’re really funny,” “That’s really mature what you’re doing/saying,” especially when he talks about his efforts in our relationship. Her behavior toward me has gradually become colder. At one of her house parties, when we arrived, she greeted him very enthusiastically (“Oh, you went to the hairdresser!” said in a high-pitched voice, that was the first thing she said when he got out of the car), while giving me a much colder greeting. Then she immediately offered to help him carry things from the car, even though I was also unloading stuff with my arms full, like I was basically invisible.

Another example: on a trip, we were split into cars. She asked me to go in my friend’s car (which made sense), but then she got into my boyfriend’s car. During the ride, I needed the airport address, so I messaged her (since she wasn’t driving). She didn’t reply for over 20 minutes even though she was on her phone at the start of the ride. Later, when the people in the back fell asleep, she put her phone down and started a long personal conversation with my boyfriend about topics she usually only discusses with him when I’m not around. My friend and I eventually had to call my boyfriend via Bluetooth to get the address. She replied much later saying she “didn’t see the message.”

Looking back, the “you’re my last male hope” comment and all this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. I know my boyfriend had previously talked to her (and others in the group) about our relationship issues and his efforts to improve things (working on himself, reading books, planning surprises, etc.). I don’t know exactly what he was looking for, validation maybe, but she wasn’t really giving advice, just reassuring him that he was mature and that what he was doing was sweet.

Before the group trip, I asked my boyfriend seriously to distance himself from her because I was uncomfortable. He agreed and did so when I was around. During the trip, they barely spoke in front of me. But at one point, when I wasn’t paying attention, he lightly teased her and she reacted very theatrically, like “Omg you’re mean!!” laughing, then followed him saying “come here” and lightly hitting his arm. Then she went back to the group saying, “okay, that's true, I'm like that.”

That bothered me because it felt like the dynamic immediately came back as soon as I wasn’t directly watching, even though he had said he would keep distance.

So overall, it feels like his action reopened the door for that dynamic to continue. On the way back, she even got into the Bolt right after my boyfriend and ended up sitting between him and me.

What do you think she’s trying to do? What do you think I should do, knowing that my boyfriend tells me he's going to take some distance, but doesn't really do it like this time during the trip? (keeping in mind there’s already some history in the relationship, where I already gave him a second chance after my trust in him was shaken by things he did, like breaking promises, hid his clubbing outings from me (because he tell me he don’t like going without me), and not setting boundaries with his best friend, who sexualized me, was jealous, and told him not to ‘listen too much to girls’)

Thanks for reading :)

I’m F21 and I’d like some advice on an ambiguous situation with my boyfriend (M22) and a girl from his friend group (F22). At the beginning of our relationship, we used to spend time with a group of friends that included a girl my boyfriend only vaguely knew through one of his friends (let’s call him Gérard).

My boyfriend started spending time in this girl’s social circle. At first, it was mainly him who was invited, but I was also invited through him. At the beginning, she was nice to me and included me pretty well. But after about 10 months of hanging out, I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable.

One time, during a group outing at a theme park (around ten people), at the end of the day when we were all standing in a circle chatting before heading home, she suddenly splashed him with the remaining water in her bottle while laughing (we were basically the only three not talking at that moment, just listening). My boyfriend tried to dodge it and even ran a bit out of the circle while laughing, and she chased him laughing loudly, even though I was standing right next to them the whole time. She didn’t look at me once, even though I was literally right there. My boyfriend said something like: “Ugh, you’re annoying. I’m going back to ‘my girl’, I prefer that anyway” while smiling and coming back to me. She kept smiling widely and stared at him intensely for a few seconds before looking away, still with a little smirk, completely ignoring me the whole time. That was the first time I saw something like that between them and I felt really uncomfortable, especially because of my boyfriend’s slightly awkward comment, which kind of indirectly compared us.

About two weeks later, she told him (when I wasn’t there): “Anyway, you’re my last male hope haha” after talking about how disappointed she was with all the men she had dated (implying they were all terrible). My boyfriend told me he felt awkward and “froze”, so he didn’t say anything. Right after that, she apparently added that he had good values, was mature, funny, treated me well, etc. This happened during a group outing where she immediately sat next to my boyfriend on the bench during the last evening before their mutual friend Gérard left to study abroad. (He’s supposed to be her childhood best friend, but they’ve drifted a bit since he got into a relationship.) That night she talked a lot to my boyfriend and kind of ignored her own friend sitting on the other side of her.

My boyfriend later told Gérard about this situation to get his opinion. When he mentioned the “last male hope” comment, Gérard said it was very weird. He said she doesn’t usually talk about him like that, and actually has criticized him in the past regarding how he treated exes. Also, Gérard’s girlfriend (who had just met this social circle) noticed that this girl seemed unusually close to my boyfriend compared to other male friends in the group, even those she’s known longer.

Recently, she’s also been telling my boyfriend about her dating “failures” and bad dates (not really asking for advice, just talking about it). She also compliments him a lot: “You’re really funny,” “That’s really mature what you’re doing/saying,” especially when he talks about his efforts in our relationship. Her behavior toward me has gradually become colder. At one of her house parties, when we arrived, she greeted him very enthusiastically (“Oh, you went to the hairdresser!” said in a high-pitched voice, that was the first thing she said when he got out of the car), while giving me a much colder greeting. Then she immediately offered to help him carry things from the car, even though I was also unloading stuff with my arms full, like I was basically invisible.

Another example: on a trip, we were split into cars. She asked me to go in my friend’s car (which made sense), but then she got into my boyfriend’s car. During the ride, I needed the airport address, so I messaged her (since she wasn’t driving). She didn’t reply for over 20 minutes even though she was on her phone at the start of the ride. Later, when the people in the back fell asleep, she put her phone down and started a long personal conversation with my boyfriend about topics she usually only discusses with him when I’m not around. My friend and I eventually had to call my boyfriend via Bluetooth to get the address. She replied much later saying she “didn’t see the message.”

Looking back, the “you’re my last male hope” comment and all this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. I know my boyfriend had previously talked to her (and others in the group) about our relationship issues and his efforts to improve things (working on himself, reading books, planning surprises, etc.). I don’t know exactly what he was looking for, validation maybe, but she wasn’t really giving advice, just reassuring him that he was mature and that what he was doing was sweet.

Before the group trip, I asked my boyfriend seriously to distance himself from her because I was uncomfortable. He agreed and did so when I was around. During the trip, they barely spoke in front of me. But at one point, when I wasn’t paying attention, he lightly teased her and she reacted very theatrically, like “Omg you’re mean!!” laughing, then followed him saying “come here” and lightly hitting his arm. Then she went back to the group saying, “okay, that's true, I'm like that.”

That bothered me because it felt like the dynamic immediately came back as soon as I wasn’t directly watching, even though he had said he would keep distance.

So overall, it feels like his action reopened the door for that dynamic to continue. On the way back, she even got into the Bolt right after my boyfriend and ended up sitting between him and me.

What do you think she’s trying to do? What do you think I should do, knowing that my boyfriend tells me he's going to take some distance, but doesn't really do it like this time during the trip? (keeping in mind there’s already some history in the relationship, where I already gave him a second chance after my trust in him was shaken by things he did, like breaking promises, hid his clubbing outings from me (because he tell me he don’t like going without me), and not setting boundaries with his best friend, who sexualized me, was jealous, and told him not to ‘listen too much to girls’)

Thanks for reading :)

I’m F21 and I’d like some advice on an ambiguous situation with my boyfriend (M22) and a girl from his friend group (F22). At the beginning of our relationship, we used to spend time with a group of friends that included a girl my boyfriend only vaguely knew through one of his friends (let’s call him Gérard).

My boyfriend started spending time in this girl’s social circle. At first, it was mainly him who was invited, but I was also invited through him. At the beginning, she was nice to me and included me pretty well. But after about 10 months of hanging out, I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable.

One time, during a group outing at a theme park (around ten people), at the end of the day when we were all standing in a circle chatting before heading home, she suddenly splashed him with the remaining water in her bottle while laughing (we were basically the only three not talking at that moment, just listening). My boyfriend tried to dodge it and even ran a bit out of the circle while laughing, and she chased him laughing loudly, even though I was standing right next to them the whole time. She didn’t look at me once, even though I was literally right there. My boyfriend said something like: “Ugh, you’re annoying. I’m going back to ‘my girl’, I prefer that anyway” while smiling and coming back to me. She kept smiling widely and stared at him intensely for a few seconds before looking away, still with a little smirk, completely ignoring me the whole time. That was the first time I saw something like that between them and I felt really uncomfortable, especially because of my boyfriend’s slightly awkward comment, which kind of indirectly compared us.

About two weeks later, she told him (when I wasn’t there): “Anyway, you’re my last male hope haha” after talking about how disappointed she was with all the men she had dated (implying they were all terrible). My boyfriend told me he felt awkward and “froze”, so he didn’t say anything. Right after that, she apparently added that he had good values, was mature, funny, treated me well, etc. This happened during a group outing where she immediately sat next to my boyfriend on the bench during the last evening before their mutual friend Gérard left to study abroad. (He’s supposed to be her childhood best friend, but they’ve drifted a bit since he got into a relationship.) That night she talked a lot to my boyfriend and kind of ignored her own friend sitting on the other side of her.

Recently, she’s also been telling my boyfriend about her dating “failures” and bad dates (not really asking for advice, just talking about it). She also compliments him a lot: “You’re really funny,” “That’s really mature what you’re doing/saying,” especially when he talks about his efforts in our relationship. Her behavior toward me has gradually become colder. At one of her house parties, when we arrived, she greeted him very enthusiastically (“Oh, you went to the hairdresser!” said in a high-pitched voice, that was the first thing she said when he got out of the car), while giving me a much colder greeting. Then she immediately offered to help him carry things from the car, even though I was also unloading stuff with my arms full, like I was basically invisible.

Another example: on a trip, we were split into cars. She asked me to go in my friend’s car (which made sense), but then she got into my boyfriend’s car. During the ride, I needed the airport address, so I messaged her (since she wasn’t driving). She didn’t reply for over 20 minutes even though she was on her phone at the start of the ride. Later, when the people in the back fell asleep, she put her phone down and started a long personal conversation with my boyfriend about topics she usually only discusses with him when I’m not around. My friend and I eventually had to call my boyfriend via Bluetooth to get the address. She replied much later saying she “didn’t see the message.”

Looking back, the “you’re my last male hope” comment and all this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. I know my boyfriend had previously talked to her (and others in the group) about our relationship issues and his efforts to improve things (working on himself, reading books, planning surprises, etc.). I don’t know exactly what he was looking for, validation maybe, but she wasn’t really giving advice, just reassuring him that he was mature and that what he was doing was sweet.

Before the group trip, I asked my boyfriend seriously to distance himself from her because I was uncomfortable. He agreed and did so when I was around. During the trip, they barely spoke in front of me. But at one point, when I wasn’t paying attention, he lightly teased her and she reacted very theatrically, like “Omg you’re mean!!” laughing, then followed him saying “come here” and lightly hitting his arm. Then she went back to the group saying, “okay, that's true, I'm like that.”

That bothered me because it felt like the dynamic immediately came back as soon as I wasn’t directly watching, even though he had said he would keep distance.

So overall, it feels like his action reopened the door for that dynamic to continue. On the way back, she even got into the Bolt right after my boyfriend and ended up sitting between him and me.

What do you think she’s trying to do? What do you think I should do, knowing that my boyfriend tells me he's going to take some distance, but doesn't really do it like this time during the trip? (keeping in mind there’s already some history in the relationship, where I already gave him a second chance after my trust in him was shaken by things he did, like breaking promises and not setting boundaries with his best friend, who sexualized me, was jealous, and told him not to ‘listen too much to girls’)”

Thanks for reading <3

I’m F21 and I’d like an outside perspective (female or male) on an ambiguous situation with my boyfriend (M22) and a girl from his friend group (F22). At the beginning of our relationship, we used to spend time with a group of friends that included a girl my boyfriend only vaguely knew through one of his friends (let’s call him Gérard).

My boyfriend started spending time in this girl’s social circle. At first, it was mainly him who was invited, but I was also invited through him. At the beginning, she was nice to me and included me pretty well. But after about 10 months of hanging out, I started noticing things that made me uncomfortable.

One time, during a group outing at a theme park (around ten people), at the end of the day when we were all standing in a circle chatting before heading home, she suddenly splashed him with the remaining water in her bottle while laughing (we were basically the only three not talking at that moment, just listening). My boyfriend tried to dodge it and even ran a bit out of the circle while laughing, and she chased him laughing loudly, even though I was standing right next to them the whole time. She didn’t look at me once, even though I was literally right there. My boyfriend said something like: “Ugh, you’re annoying. I’m going back to ‘my girl’, I prefer that anyway” while smiling and coming back to me. She kept smiling widely and stared at him intensely for a few seconds before looking away, still with a little smirk, completely ignoring me the whole time. That was the first time I saw something like that between them and I felt really uncomfortable, especially because of my boyfriend’s slightly awkward comment, which kind of indirectly compared us.

About two weeks later, she told him (when I wasn’t there): “Anyway, you’re my last male hope haha” after talking about how disappointed she was with all the men she had dated (implying they were all terrible). My boyfriend told me he felt awkward and “froze”, so he didn’t say anything. Right after that, she apparently added that he had good values, was mature, funny, treated me well, etc. This happened during a group outing where she immediately sat next to my boyfriend on the bench during the last evening before their mutual friend Gérard left to study abroad. (He’s supposed to be her childhood best friend, but they’ve drifted a bit since he got into a relationship.) That night she talked a lot to my boyfriend and kind of ignored her own friend sitting on the other side of her.

My boyfriend later told Gérard about this situation to get his opinion. When he mentioned the “last male hope” comment, Gérard said it was very weird. He said she doesn’t usually talk about him like that, and actually has criticized him in the past regarding how he treated exes. Also, Gérard’s girlfriend (who had just met this social circle) noticed that this girl seemed unusually close to my boyfriend compared to other male friends in the group, even those she’s known longer.

Recently, she’s also been telling my boyfriend about her dating “failures” and bad dates (not really asking for advice, just talking about it). She also compliments him a lot: “You’re really funny,” “That’s really mature what you’re doing/saying,” especially when he talks about his efforts in our relationship. Her behavior toward me has gradually become colder. At one of her house parties, when we arrived, she greeted him very enthusiastically (“Oh, you went to the hairdresser!” said in a high-pitched voice, that was the first thing she said when he got out of the car), while giving me a much colder greeting. Then she immediately offered to help him carry things from the car, even though I was also unloading stuff with my arms full, like I was basically invisible.

Another example: on a trip, we were split into cars. She asked me to go in my friend’s car (which made sense), but then she got into my boyfriend’s car. During the ride, I needed the airport address, so I messaged her (since she wasn’t driving). She didn’t reply for over 20 minutes even though she was on her phone at the start of the ride. Later, when the people in the back fell asleep, she put her phone down and started a long personal conversation with my boyfriend about topics she usually only discusses with him when I’m not around. My friend and I eventually had to call my boyfriend via Bluetooth to get the address. She replied much later saying she “didn’t see the message.”

Looking back, the “you’re my last male hope” comment and all this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. I know my boyfriend had previously talked to her (and others in the group) about our relationship issues and his efforts to improve things (working on himself, reading books, planning surprises, etc.). I don’t know exactly what he was looking for, validation maybe, but she wasn’t really giving advice, just reassuring him that he was mature and that what he was doing was sweet.

Before the group trip, I asked my boyfriend seriously to distance himself from her because I was uncomfortable. He agreed and did so when I was around. During the trip, they barely spoke in front of me. But at one point, when I wasn’t paying attention, he lightly teased her and she reacted very theatrically, like “Omg you’re mean!!” laughing, then followed him saying “come here” and lightly hitting his arm. Then she went back to the group saying, “okay, that's true, I'm like that.”

That bothered me because it felt like the dynamic immediately came back as soon as I wasn’t directly watching, even though he had said he would keep distance.

So overall, it feels like his action reopened the door for that dynamic to continue. On the way back, she even got into the Bolt right after my boyfriend and ended up sitting between him and me.

Sorry for the long message, but there were a lot of important details.

What do you think she’s trying to do?

How would you handle this situation? Should we just tolerate it since my boyfriend tells me he's going to take some distance, but doesn't really do it like this time during the trip? or should I consider a breakup because he’s not really respecting my boundaries (keeping in mind there’s already some history in the relationship, where I already gave him a second chance after my trust in him was shaken by things he did, like breaking promises and not setting boundaries with his best friend, who sexualized me, was jealous, and told him not to "listen too much to girls")?

Thanks for reading :)

F21 et j'aimerais avoir un avis extérieur féminin (ou masculin ça m'intéresse aussi) sur une situation ambigüe avec mon copain (M22) et une fille de son groupe de potes (F22). Au début de notre relation, nous passions du temps avec un groupe de potes où se trouvait une fille que mon copain connaissait vaguement par l'intermédiaire d'un de ses amis (qu'on va appeler Gérard).

Mon copain a commencé à fréquenter le cercle social de cette fille. En premier lieu c’est mon copain qui était invité, mais j’étais également invitée par son intermédiaire. Au début, elle était gentille avec moi et m'intégrait plutôt bien. Mais après environ 10 mois de fréquentation, j'ai remarqué des choses qui m'ont mise mal à l'aise : lors d'une sortie de groupe à un parc d'attraction (une dizaine de personnes), d’un coup, alors que c’était la fin de la journée et que nous étions tous en cercle pour discuter une dernière fois avant de reprendre la route, elle l'a éclaboussé avec l'eau qui lui restait de dans sa bouteille en riant (alors que nous étions tous les trois les seuls à ne pas parler et à écouter la conversation à ce moment là). Mon copain a essayé d'éviter l'eau et a même couru un peu en dehors du cercle pour lui échapper (en rigolant aussi), et elle l'a poursuivi en riant très fort, alors que j'étais juste à côté d'eux dans le cercle. Elle ne m'a pas regardée une seule fois, alors que j'étais littéralement à côté d'eux. Mon copain a dit : « Alala t'es chiante. Je retourne avec 'moi', je préfère finalement » en souriant tout en revenant vers moi, et elle a continué à sourire de toutes ses dents et à le regarder intensément pendant quelques secondes jusqu’a détourner son regard mais toujours avec un petit sourire en coin, en m'ignorant toujours (elle m’a pas regardé une seule fois alors que moi je la regardais tout du long du coup). C’était la première fois que je voyais un truc comme ça devant mes yeux entre eux et j’avais été hyper mal à l’aise, et encore plus avec la phrase un peu maladroite de mon copain où il a fait une comparaison implicite entre nous deux au final. Environ deux semaines plus tard, elle lui a dit (en mon absence) : « De toute façon t’es mon dernier espoir masculin haha », après lui avoir confié sa déception envers tous les hommes qu'elle avait fréquentés (sous-entendant qu'ils étaient tous nuls). D'après ce que mon copain m'a dit il a été mal-à l'aise, et a "buggé", donc n'a rien dit. Elle aurait tout de suite après expliqué qu'il avait des valeurs, de la maturité, de l'humour, qu'il me traitait bien, etc. Faut savoir qu'elle lui a dit ça lors d'une sortie de groupe, où elle se serait empressée de s'asseoir à côté de mon copain sur la banquette, lors de la dernière soirée où leur ami Gérard en commun était encore en France avant de repartir faire ses études à l'étranger (c'est censé être le meilleur ami de la fille, mais ils se sont un peu éloignés depuis que Gérard est en couple). Faut savoir aussi que durant cette soirée elle parlait beaucoup à mon copain et ignorait un peu son amie à elle qui était de l'autre côté d'elle sur la banquette, et qui parfois essayait de se joindre à la conversation. Mon copain a parlé de cette situation à Gérard, l'ami de cette fille depuis l'enfance (qui est aussi l'ami de mon copain du coup), pour savoir ce qu'il en pensait. Quand il lui a fait part de cette phrase ("t'es mon dernier espoir masculin"), Gérard lui aurait dit que ça c'était très chelou (elle ne lui vante pas ce genre de qualités de "mec bien" à lui, au contraire elle a déjà dit ouvertement que Gérard "n'avait pas toujours respecté ses anciennes copines" etc). De même, la copine de Gérard qui venait tout juste de rencontrer ce cercle social aurait fait la remarque à Gérard que cette fille était assez proche de lui et de mon copain (comparativement aux autres potes mecs à elle du groupe, potes depuis plus longtemps que mon copain l'est avec elle d'ailleurs). Sauf que la différence, c'est que mon copain n'est pas du tout un ami d'enfance à elle, et que la dynamique entre eux a changé/évolué récemment quoi (quand j'étais déjà avec lui). De plus, ces dernières semaines/mois, elle lui faisait régulièrement part de ses « déceptions » amoureuses et de ses dates ratés (non pas pour lui demander conseil, mais simplement pour en parler, d’ailleurs c’était même pas sérieux elle datait des mecs pour le plaisir). Elle le complimentait ouvertement : « Tu es vraiment drôle », « C'est très mature ce que tu dis/fait là » (lorsqu'il se confiait à elle sur ses efforts pour notre relation). Son comportement envers moi est devenu progressivement plus froid quand j’ai commencé à la revoir. À une soirée chez elle, quand nous venions d'arriver en sortant tous les deux de la voiture, elle l'a salué avec enthousiasme (« Oh, tu es allée chez le coiffeur ! » avec une voix aiguë, la première chose qu'elle a dite, et immédiatement dès qu'il est sorti de la voiture) tout en me faisant la bise plus froidement dans un second temps, puis a proposé de l'aider à décharger la voiture alors que je la déchargeais également et que j’avais plein de choses sous les bras mdr (comme si j'étais invisible). Autre chose : pour le voyage on se répartissait dans les voitures, et elle m’a demandé d’aller dans la voiture de mon amie (jusque là ok normal, vu que c’était mon amie, qu'elle avait le plus petite voiture et que j'étais plus proche d'elle que elle), mais elle est montée dans la voiture de mon copain, il y avait un autre couple dont l’amie de cette fille à l’arrière dans la voiture de mon copain également (le groupe entier était réparti dans trois voitures différente). Durant le trajet, j’avais besoin de l’adresse de l’aéroport, alors je me suis dit que j’allais envoyer un message à cette fille (puisqu’elle ne conduisait pas et était à l’avant). A posteriori, d’après mon copain, elle était sur son téléphone tout le début du trajet, mais elle n’a pas répondu à mon message pendant plus de 20 minutes. Donc pendant le trajet : elle était au téléphone alors que le couple à l’arrière était éveillé. Dès qu’ils se sont endormis, elle a posé son téléphone et a entamé une longue conversation avec mon copain, parlant de choses personnelles, le genre de sujets intimes qu’elle aborde habituellement avec lui (quand je suis pas là). Avec mon amie, on a dû appeler mon copain (en Bluetooth pendant qu’il conduisait) pour avoir l’adresse du coup. Elle a envoyé un message « désolée, je n’avais pas vu » plusieurs minutes après qu’on l’ait déjà obtenue par un autre moyen.

Avec le recul, cette phrase (« Tu es mon dernier espoir masculin ») et tous ces comportements ne sont pas sortis de nulle part. Je sais que copain s'était confié à elle et a d’autres personnes du groupe quelques mois auparavant au sujet de notre relation (à elle spécifiquement je ne sais pas combien de fois), en expliquant vaguement ce qui n'allait pas (on avait déjà eu des problèmes par rapport au fait qu’un de ses amis était jaloux de notre relation, s’immisçait dans notre couple, ne me respectait pas et était toxique en poussant mon copain à ne pas respecter mes limites et à faire des choses contre productives pour notre couple, et mon copain ne fixait pas de limites). Il lui avait particulièrement parlé de ses efforts pour améliorer notre couple (travailler sur lui-même pour être plus à l'écoute, lire des livres, me préparer des surprises etc.). Je ne sais pas ce qu'il cherchait à ce moment-là, une forme de validation ou autre chose peut-être, mais en tout cas, elle ne lui donnait pas de conseils. Elle le confortait dans ses propos, lui disant que ses paroles et ses actes étaient matures et que c'était trop mignon les surprises ou choses qu'il prévoyait. Quelques mois plus tôt (et la pour le coup j’ai cru que c’était une erreur, j’avais fait aucun lien), elle avait également publié une photo de groupe sur Instagram et avait correctement identifié tout le monde (une dizaine de personne)… sauf moi. Elle avait identifié un autre compte avec le même prénom que le mien, alors qu'elle connaissait le mien (elle m'avait déjà envoyé quelques messages pratiques sur insta quelques jours plus tôt).

Commençant à ne pas trop aimer ce rapprochement, avant le voyage avec ce groupe, j'ai demandé sérieusement à mon copain de prendre ses distances avec elle et de ne plus lui donner la même attention qu'avant car je me sentais pas bien avec cette situation (je lui ai parlé de tout ce que je ressentais et de ce que j’en pensais). Il l'a fait quelques temps quand j'étais dans les parages. Donc pendant le voyage, ils se sont à peine parlé car j'étais là et mon copain était avec moi souvent. Mais quand j'avais le dos un peu tourné et que je parlais à mon amie, il l'a taquinée une fois vers la fin du voyage (pourtant tout se passait très bien jusque-là, toutes leurs interactions étaient normales il y avait rien) et elle a eu une réaction hyper théâtrale avec un sourire en disant « Oommmg, mais t’es méchant !!! » pendant que mon copain souriait de la petite pique qu'il lui avait envoyé, et pendant qu'il était en train de s'éloigner, elle l'a suivi en lui disant "viens là toi" et en lui donnant une petite tape sur le bras, pour en plus après revenir dans le groupe et dire « bon c’est vrai que je suis un peu comme ça ». Cela m'a dérangée et je n'ai pas compris pourquoi il a fait ça, car il m'avait dit qu'il prendrait ses distances sérieusement. J'ai eu l'impression qu'il suffisait que je tourne le dos pour qu'il réactive leur dynamique ambiguë entre eux.

Donc au final cet action de sa part a comme redonné une « ouverture » à la fille pour que cette dynamique reprenne entre eux. D’ailleurs lors du retour, cette fille est rentrée dans le bolt juste après mon copain (et avant moi) et s’était donc placée entre mon copain et moi dans le Bolt.

Désolée pour la longueur du message, mais il y avait beaucoup de détails importants.

Que pensez-vous que cette fille cherche?

Qu'auriez-vous fait pour gérer cette situation ? Est-ce que je dois la tolérer puisque mon copain me dit qu'il va prendre des distances mais au final ne le fait pas vraiment (comme le montre le voyage), ou envisager potentiellement une rupture car mon copain ne respecte pas vraiment mes limites (sachant qu'il y a déjà un passif dans notre relation où je lui ai déjà donné une seconde chance après que ma confiance en lui ait été fragilisée par des actions qu'il avait faites, notamment des promesses non tenues et des limites qu'il n'avait pas mises à son meilleur ami à lui qui me sexualisait/était jaloux et lui disait de pas "trop écouter les filles") ?

Merci d'avoir lu :)

Hello !

J'ai une question pour vous les mecs. Est-ce qu'avec les copines que vous avez pu avoir dans votre vie vous vous sentiez sereins pour exprimer vos émotions et besoins dans la relation ? Si non, pourquoi, est-ce par inconfort personnel/manque d'habitude, ou parce qu'elles n'étaient pas capables d'accueillir tout ça ?

Et est-ce que vous vous sentiez sereins dans le fait que vos copines n'allaient pas faire des choses qui allaient vous faire du mal (émotionnellement j'entends) ?

Parce qu'on parle beaucoup de la sécurité émotionnelle pour une femme dans un couple, alors qu'en vrai c'est important pour tout le monde homme comme femme. Du coup je voudrais savoir si vous aviez des expériences à raconter à ce sujet ou juste une réponse simple à cette question.

Merci :)

Coucou tout le monde !

J’ai une question sur les amitiés, car j'ai vu passer pas mal de posts disant que c'est pas si facile que cela de construire des vraies amitiés solides avec une vraie affection réciproque. Donc j'aimerais bien récolter un max d'histoires pour en savoir un peu plus sur vos meilleures amitiés.

Du coup ma question c'est :

=> Vous avez rencontré vos 2-3 meilleurs amis actuels comment ET où ?

Peu importe l’âge au moment où vous les avez rencontrés, mais aujourd'hui actuellement, vos amitiés les plus proches/les plus solides, qui sont-elles ?

Et aussi ce qui m’intéresse c’est comment ça s'est fait ? Genre :

• qui a fait le premier pas ?
• comment dans le temps, vous êtes passées de connaissance/pote à vraie amitié réciproque où vous pouvez comptez l'un sur l'autre ?

Si vous avez envie de raconter un peu vos histoires rapidement, ça m’intéresse vraiment ☺️

Merci !

Coucou tout le monde !

J’ai une question sur les amitiés, en ce moment je suis dans une période un peu creuse de ma vie amicalement parlant (F22), et je voulais en savoir un peu plus sur vos meilleures expériences.

Du coup ma question c'est :

=> Vous avez rencontré vos 2-3 meilleurs amies actuels comment ET où ?

Peu importe l’âge au moment où vous les avez rencontré, mais aujourd'hui à l'âge adulte, vos amitiés les plus proches, qui sont-elles ?

Et aussi ce qui m’intéresse c’est comment ça s'est fait ? Genre :

• qui a fait le premier pas ?
• comment dans le temps, vous êtes passées de connaissance/pote à vraie amitié réciproque où vous pouvez comptez l'une sur l'autre ?

Si vous avez envie de raconter un peu vos histoires rapidement, ça m’intéresse vraiment ☺️

Merci !