u/Beneficial-Damage343

hi everyone I (f22) and my bf (m36) have been together almost two years - exept for a week long break up a few weeks ago
me and my boyfriend typically always do things together because I like to save base and I’ve never pushed back on him not coming with me anywhere it’s like I’ve never thought about it, noticed that he only does my plans. He will never go out and do his own thing. He will only ever do what I’m doing so if I say I wanna stay in, he wants to stay in if I wanna go hang out and ride motorcycles he wants to come and hang out and ride motorcycles and whenever I do that, he always gives me a hard time about there being other guys there but unfortunately, I can’t help that there’s other guys there now to my point. I’ve recently made a new friend a girl that rides a motorcycle and we both been riding bikes together a lot lately, but of course, my boyfriend has been tagging along. told him that I wanna go out with her tomorrow to ride bikes and he said oh I wish I could come but I have my kid and I said no that’s OK. I think I wanna just go alone anyways with just hurt and it just be a girl thing while he came back at me and said it’s never just a girl thing and that doesn’t slide with him anymore insinuating that I’m lying about it just being a girl thing because there is other guys there unfortunately I can’t control who shows up at the motorcycle spot. I don’t talk to any of the guys and he knows that I don’t even know any of them I’m meeting a lot of these people for the first time anyways, I told him that I think I wanted to go alone and he was like oh no I think if it’s OK I’ll just come with you. I’m like no it’s OK. I think I wanna just go alone and he’s like no like you’re not going alone and I’m like what the heck like why am I on a leash now? Can I not go out by myself and if it matters, I have not done anything within the relationship to break his trust if anything I’ve done everything to gain his trust like we go through each other’s phones every month I don’t really go through his cause honestly, I don’t really care, but I let him go through my phone every single month and see everything because I have nothing to hide but yeah, he just sat me down last night and told me that he feels like he’s in the shadows and I’m embarrassed of him and he doesn’t understand why he can’t just come with me and he’s so hurt that I don’t want him to come with me. Is it that bad of a thing do not want to do everything in life with your boyfriend, even if those guys around? since this relationship, he always piggybacks off whatever I’m doing he will never do his own thing. He can never go out by himself. I don’t understand why cause he has so many things that he used to do, but he will not do them because he will only do whatever I’m doing, and I encourage him to hang out with friends and family and people that are not me all the time
TL:DR
Boyfriend always hangs out with me and comes along for all my plans. First time I push back and express that I would like to hang out with just one of my girlfriends and not him. He is upset and says that he is in the shadows. your guys is happy medium for doing things with your boyfriend versus not with your boyfriend.

hi everyone , i’ll keep it short and sweet , i f22 and my bf m36 have been togther a year and a half now , on my instagram i have 11 posts , 4 of which include him , i post regularly but don’t post him every time , he has not posted me for over a year ( i do not care but just putting it oht there ) he called me out today saying im always posting when im with friends and he doesn’t know if im trying to be a “cool girl” or what but i never post him blah blah he feels like he’s in the shadows blah blah, i never ask him to post me , i dont think its that deep, anyone we actually knows us knows we are togther , its just socials and frankly i think its kind of childish to throw a fit about this, especially being the ripe age of 36
just looking for insight , am i being too harsh ? in my mind im not and hes being a baby and childish but maybe im close minded
to add , we do EVERYTHING together , like i cant go anywhere alone , so he may feel hidden on socials but in person he is always with me

hi everyone , i’ll keep it short and sweet , i f22 and my bf m36 have been togther a year and a half now , on my instagram i have 11 posts , 4 of which include him , i post regularly but don’t post him every time , he has not posted me for over a year ( i do not care but just putting it oht there ) he called me out today saying im always posting when im with friends and he doesn’t know if im trying to be a “cool girl” or what but i never post him blah blah he feels like he’s in the shadows blah blah, i never ask him to post me , i dont think its that deep, anyone we actually knows us knows we are togther , its just socials and frankly i think its kind of childish to throw a fit about this, especially being the ripe age of 36
just looking for insight , am i being too harsh ? in my mind im not and hes being a baby and childish but maybe im close minded

say you’ve been in a relationship for a little over a year and your boyfriend who’s 36, ( too old to have ig) group chat with all his friends pop up, and you get a quick glance unintentionally and you catch your name , and you two are very open with phones but i don’t care to see his group chat , anyways i catch my name and i ask him to show me , he says no, and we go back and forth to the point i said if you don’t show me in leaving , he showed me , his friends were ripping me to shreds in the chat, like saying really really mean things , and i didn’t even scroll up far , he never chimed in as far as i could read but he never stopped them until i found out and freaked , but now he tries to get me to hang with him and his friends but i’m not interested and he says how everything in the group chat was a joke , all a joke
what would you do?

hii so i’m 22 and my boyfriend is 36, we’ve been together a year and a half now , he also has a kid from his last marriage
few things - i’m not a kid person , he knew that -still tried it
but lately i’ve been noticing him spending a lot more time with his daughter , which is amazing and i’m happy they are building a good relationship , but as that relationship grows i feel more and more shut out like there isn’t room for me here? unless i play step mom
but^^im happy for him and her, it’s important they have a good relationship while she’s young
up until about 6 months ago the relationship was really good, i was content -didn’t wanna leave , he is kind and i love the way he communicates
but there is also bad , like he’d rather spend money on nintendo games or groceries and im left doing groceries consistently , and i dont think he hears me when we communicate issues -like if i bring something up that bothers me , he counters with something i did months ago that he never brought up before, and i feel like he doesn’t respect my boundaries in a few ways like i have a insta360 and we put it on his dirtbike because he wanted to, i just said please be careful (it was brand new) and he didn’t say anything and i think i was looking for some kind of acknowledgment that he atleast heard me , but i said again please be careful -he planned on doing wheelies - and again he would not even say like -yes i will be careful and that makes me feel bad

anywho
last night we got into a discussion and he said if i ever wanted to leave i could so i brought up how realisticly i don’t think this relationship will go much longer due to him having a kid , it’s a big divide in the relationship and it makes me almost resentful ? please don’t hate me , i know it’s bad to think like that , but that’s why i wanted to have the convo-i know it’s not healthy to feel this way and it’s not fair to the kid and no matter what she will always have to come first in his life-i can’t stress enough i want him to have a good relationship with her- and i think unless i can love her as much as i love him this relationship is doomed
sorry back to story we discussed it on the couch- he was upset and didn’t want it to happen but we talked really late last night so i said i was going to sleep at my sisters and we would discuss this more the next day cause we were both tired and i didn’t want to do anything rational
he didn’t like that- he didn’t want me to go -we went back and forth for awhile and he offered to sleep in the other room so i finally agreed cause it was late , when i agreed to that and started getting in bed he started saying how he doesn’t understand why we can’t just sleep in the same bed , and that he will sleep with clothes on and won’t try to have sex with me (that’s not why i didn’t want to sleep togther and kind of annoyed me that, that’s where his mind was at) but he wouldn’t leave the bedroom , finally he did and went to the couch -there is another bed in the house, don’t know why he took the couch , well i went to the bathroom and put on a ridicoulas looking face mask cause hydration ✨ and then closed the bedroom door and crawled in bed , well, he piped up saying how it’s sneaky of me to close the door, on my own i always sleep with door closed but with his kid (he has her half the time) he keeps the door open , anyways he started going crazy cause i closed the door, finally i just said im leaving and im done arguing
so that’s where im at now , and i think im maybe looking for clarity - like he’s a great guy, in ways i know i wont ever find in another person - he does a lot for me (not financially-ex wife got all his $$) but he also does things like i mentioned up top , and i think i just need to know if when we talk tonight i need to cut the rope, after spending time alone i feel sad - but i think its mainly said cause im saying goodbye to a life i have known for so long , and not so much the relationship ? but for weeks , leaving has been in my mind - i just think im young and i want to live more

hii so i’m 22 and my boyfriend is 36, we’ve been together a year and a half now , he also has a kid from his last marriage
few things - i’m not a kid person , he knew that -still tried it
but lately i’ve been noticing him spending a lot more time with his daughter , which is amazing and i’m happy they are building a good relationship , but as that relationship grows i feel more and more shut out like there isn’t room for me here? unless i play step mom
but^^im happy for him and her, it’s important they have a good relationship while she’s young
up until about 6 months ago the relationship was really good, i was content -didn’t wanna leave , he is kind and i love the way he communicates
but there is also bad , like he’d rather spend money on nintendo games or groceries and im left doing groceries consistently , and i dont think he hears me when we communicate issues -like if i bring something up that bothers me , he counters with something i did months ago that he never brought up before, and i feel like he doesn’t respect my boundaries in a few ways like i have a insta360 and we put it on his dirtbike because he wanted to, i just said please be careful (it was brand new) and he didn’t say anything and i think i was looking for some kind of acknowledgment that he atleast heard me , but i said again please be careful -he planned on doing wheelies - and again he would not even say like -yes i will be careful and that makes me feel bad

anywho
last night we got into a discussion and he said if i ever wanted to leave i could so i brought up how realisticly i don’t think this relationship will go much longer due to him having a kid , it’s a big divide in the relationship and it makes me almost resentful ? please don’t hate me , i know it’s bad to think like that , but that’s why i wanted to have the convo-i know it’s not healthy to feel this way and it’s not fair to the kid and no matter what she will always have to come first in his life-i can’t stress enough i want him to have a good relationship with her- and i think unless i can love her as much as i love him this relationship is doomed
sorry back to story we discussed it on the couch- he was upset and didn’t want it to happen but we talked really late last night so i said i was going to sleep at my sisters and we would discuss this more the next day cause we were both tired and i didn’t want to do anything rational
he didn’t like that- he didn’t want me to go -we went back and forth for awhile and he offered to sleep in the other room so i finally agreed cause it was late , when i agreed to that and started getting in bed he started saying how he doesn’t understand why we can’t just sleep in the same bed , and that he will sleep with clothes on and won’t try to have sex with me (that’s not why i didn’t want to sleep togther and kind of annoyed me that, that’s where his mind was at) but he wouldn’t leave the bedroom , finally he did and went to the couch -there is another bed in the house, don’t know why he took the couch , well i went to the bathroom and put on a ridicoulas looking face mask cause hydration ✨ and then closed the bedroom door and crawled in bed , well, he piped up saying how it’s sneaky of me to close the door, on my own i always sleep with door closed but with his kid (he has her half the time) he keeps the door open , anyways he started going crazy cause i closed the door, finally i just said im leaving and im done arguing
so that’s where im at now , and i think im maybe looking for clarity - like he’s a great guy, in ways i know i wont ever find in another person - he does a lot for me (not financially-ex wife got all his $$) but he also does things like i mentioned up top , and i think i just need to know if when we talk tonight i need to cut the rope, after spending time alone i feel sad - but i think its mainly said cause im saying goodbye to a life i have known for so long , and not so much the relationship ? but for weeks , leaving has been in my mind - i just think im young and i want to live more

hii so i’m 22 and my boyfriend is 36, we’ve been together a year and a half now , he also has a kid from his last marriage
few things - i’m not a kid person , he knew that -still tried it
but lately i’ve been noticing him spending a lot more time with his daughter , which is amazing and i’m happy they are building a good relationship , but as that relationship grows i feel more and more shut out like there isn’t room for me here? unless i play step mom
but^^im happy for him and her, it’s important they have a good relationship while she’s young
up until about 6 months ago the relationship was really good, i was content -didn’t wanna leave , he is kind and i love the way he communicates
but there is also bad , like he’d rather spend money on nintendo games or groceries and im left doing groceries consistently , and i dont think he hears me when we communicate issues -like if i bring something up that bothers me , he counters with something i did months ago that he never brought up before, and i feel like he doesn’t respect my boundaries in a few ways like i have a insta360 and we put it on his dirtbike because he wanted to, i just said please be careful (it was brand new) and he didn’t say anything and i think i was looking for some kind of acknowledgment that he atleast heard me , but i said again please be careful -he planned on doing wheelies - and again he would not even say like -yes i will be careful and that makes me feel bad

anywho
last night we got into a discussion and he said if i ever wanted to leave i could so i brought up how realisticly i don’t think this relationship will go much longer due to him having a kid , it’s a big divide in the relationship and it makes me almost resentful ? please don’t hate me , i know it’s bad to think like that , but that’s why i wanted to have the convo-i know it’s not healthy to feel this way and it’s not fair to the kid and no matter what she will always have to come first in his life-i can’t stress enough i want him to have a good relationship with her- and i think unless i can love her as much as i love him this relationship is doomed
sorry back to story we discussed it on the couch- he was upset and didn’t want it to happen but we talked really late last night so i said i was going to sleep at my sisters and we would discuss this more the next day cause we were both tired and i didn’t want to do anything rational
he didn’t like that- he didn’t want me to go -we went back and forth for awhile and he offered to sleep in the other room so i finally agreed cause it was late , when i agreed to that and started getting in bed he started saying how he doesn’t understand why we can’t just sleep in the same bed , and that he will sleep with clothes on and won’t try to have sex with me (that’s not why i didn’t want to sleep togther and kind of annoyed me that, that’s where his mind was at) but he wouldn’t leave the bedroom , finally he did and went to the couch -there is another bed in the house, don’t know why he took the couch , well i went to the bathroom and put on a ridicoulas looking face mask cause hydration ✨ and then closed the bedroom door and crawled in bed , well, he piped up saying how it’s sneaky of me to close the door, on my own i always sleep with door closed but with his kid (he has her half the time) he keeps the door open , anyways he started going crazy cause i closed the door, finally i just said im leaving and im done arguing
so that’s where im at now , and i think im maybe looking for clarity - like he’s a great guy, in ways i know i wont ever find in another person - he does a lot for me (not financially-ex wife got all his $$) but he also does things like i mentioned up top , and i think i just need to know if when we talk tonight i need to cut the rope, after spending time alone i feel sad - but i think its mainly said cause im saying goodbye to a life i have known for so long , and not so much the relationship ? but for weeks , leaving has been in my mind - i just think im young and i want to live more

hii so i’m 22 and my boyfriend is 36, we’ve been together a year and a half now , he also has a kid from his last marriage
few things - i’m not a kid person , he knew that -still tried it
but lately i’ve been noticing him spending a lot more time with his daughter , which is amazing and i’m happy they are building a good relationship , but as that relationship grows i feel more and more shut out like there isn’t room for me here? unless i play step mom
but^^im happy for him and her, it’s important they have a good relationship while she’s young
up until about 6 months ago the relationship was really good, i was content -didn’t wanna leave , he is kind and i love the way he communicates
but there is also bad , like he’d rather spend money on nintendo games or groceries and im left doing groceries consistently , and i dont think he hears me when we communicate issues -like if i bring something up that bothers me , he counters with something i did months ago that he never brought up before, and i feel like he doesn’t respect my boundaries in a few ways like i have a insta360 and we put it on his dirtbike because he wanted to, i just said please be careful (it was brand new) and he didn’t say anything and i think i was looking for some kind of acknowledgment that he atleast heard me , but i said again please be careful -he planned on doing wheelies - and again he would not even say like -yes i will be careful and that makes me feel bad

anywho
last night we got into a discussion and he said if i ever wanted to leave i could so i brought up how realisticly i don’t think this relationship will go much longer due to him having a kid , it’s a big divide in the relationship and it makes me almost resentful ? please don’t hate me , i know it’s bad to think like that , but that’s why i wanted to have the convo-i know it’s not healthy to feel this way and it’s not fair to the kid and no matter what she will always have to come first in his life-i can’t stress enough i want him to have a good relationship with her- and i think unless i can love her as much as i love him this relationship is doomed
sorry back to story we discussed it on the couch- he was upset and didn’t want it to happen but we talked really late last night so i said i was going to sleep at my sisters and we would discuss this more the next day cause we were both tired and i didn’t want to do anything rational
he didn’t like that- he didn’t want me to go -we went back and forth for awhile and he offered to sleep in the other room so i finally agreed cause it was late , when i agreed to that and started getting in bed he started saying how he doesn’t understand why we can’t just sleep in the same bed , and that he will sleep with clothes on and won’t try to have sex with me (that’s not why i didn’t want to sleep togther and kind of annoyed me that, that’s where his mind was at) but he wouldn’t leave the bedroom , finally he did and went to the couch -there is another bed in the house, don’t know why he took the couch , well i went to the bathroom and put on a ridicoulas looking face mask cause hydration ✨ and then closed the bedroom door and crawled in bed , well, he piped up saying how it’s sneaky of me to close the door, on my own i always sleep with door closed but with his kid (he has her half the time) he keeps the door open , anyways he started going crazy cause i closed the door, finally i just said im leaving and im done arguing
so that’s where im at now , and i think im maybe looking for clarity - like he’s a great guy, in ways i know i wont ever find in another person - he does a lot for me (not financially-ex wife got all his $$) but he also does things like i mentioned up top , and i think i just need to know if when we talk tonight i need to cut the rope, after spending time alone i feel sad - but i think its mainly said cause im saying goodbye to a life i have known for so long , and not so much the relationship ? but for weeks , leaving has been in my mind - i just think im young and i want to live more

hii so i’m 22 and my boyfriend is 36, we’ve been together a year and a half now , he also has a kid from his last marriage
few things - i’m not a kid person , he knew that -still tried it
but lately i’ve been noticing him spending a lot more time with his daughter , which is amazing and i’m happy they are building a good relationship , but as that relationship grows i feel more and more shut out like there isn’t room for me here? unless i play step mom
but^^im happy for him and her, it’s important they have a good relationship while she’s young
up until about 6 months ago the relationship was really good, i was content -didn’t wanna leave , he is kind and i love the way he communicates
but there is also bad , like he’d rather spend money on nintendo games or groceries and im left doing groceries consistently , and i dont think he hears me when we communicate issues -like if i bring something up that bothers me , he counters with something i did months ago that he never brought up before, and i feel like he doesn’t respect my boundaries in a few ways like i have a insta360 and we put it on his dirtbike because he wanted to, i just said please be careful (it was brand new) and he didn’t say anything and i think i was looking for some kind of acknowledgment that he atleast heard me , but i said again please be careful -he planned on doing wheelies - and again he would not even say like -yes i will be careful and that makes me feel bad

anywho
last night we got into a discussion and he said if i ever wanted to leave i could so i brought up how realisticly i don’t think this relationship will go much longer due to him having a kid , it’s a big divide in the relationship and it makes me almost resentful ? please don’t hate me , i know it’s bad to think like that , but that’s why i wanted to have the convo-i know it’s not healthy to feel this way and it’s not fair to the kid and no matter what she will always have to come first in his life-i can’t stress enough i want him to have a good relationship with her- and i think unless i can love her as much as i love him this relationship is doomed
sorry back to story we discussed it on the couch- he was upset and didn’t want it to happen but we talked really late last night so i said i was going to sleep at my sisters and we would discuss this more the next day cause we were both tired and i didn’t want to do anything rational
he didn’t like that- he didn’t want me to go -we went back and forth for awhile and he offered to sleep in the other room so i finally agreed cause it was late , when i agreed to that and started getting in bed he started saying how he doesn’t understand why we can’t just sleep in the same bed , and that he will sleep with clothes on and won’t try to have sex with me (that’s not why i didn’t want to sleep togther and kind of annoyed me that, that’s where his mind was at) but he wouldn’t leave the bedroom , finally he did and went to the couch -there is another bed in the house, don’t know why he took the couch , well i went to the bathroom and put on a ridicoulas looking face mask cause hydration ✨ and then closed the bedroom door and crawled in bed , well, he piped up saying how it’s sneaky of me to close the door, on my own i always sleep with door closed but with his kid (he has her half the time) he keeps the door open , anyways he started going crazy cause i closed the door, finally i just said im leaving and im done arguing
so that’s where im at now , and i think im maybe looking for clarity - like he’s a great guy, in ways i know i wont ever find in another person - he does a lot for me (not financially-ex wife got all his $$) but he also does things like i mentioned up top , and i think i just need to know if when we talk tonight i need to cut the rope, after spending time alone i feel sad - but i think its mainly said cause im saying goodbye to a life i have known for so long , and not so much the relationship ? but for weeks , leaving has been in my mind - i just think im young and i want to live more

hii so i’m 22 and my boyfriend is 36, we’ve been together a year and a half now , he also has a kid from his last marriage
few things - i’m not a kid person , he knew that -still tried it
but lately i’ve been noticing him spending a lot more time with his daughter , which is amazing and i’m happy they are building a good relationship , but as that relationship grows i feel more and more shut out like there isn’t room for me here? unless i play step mom
but^^im happy for him and her, it’s important they have a good relationship while she’s young
up until about 6 months ago the relationship was really good, i was content -didn’t wanna leave , he is kind and i love the way he communicates
but there is also bad , like he’d rather spend money on nintendo games or groceries and im left doing groceries consistently , and i dont think he hears me when we communicate issues -like if i bring something up that bothers me , he counters with something i did months ago that he never brought up before, and i feel like he doesn’t respect my boundaries in a few ways like i have a insta360 and we put it on his dirtbike because he wanted to, i just said please be careful (it was brand new) and he didn’t say anything and i think i was looking for some kind of acknowledgment that he atleast heard me , but i said again please be careful -he planned on doing wheelies - and again he would not even say like -yes i will be careful and that makes me feel bad

anywho
last night we got into a discussion and he said if i ever wanted to leave i could so i brought up how realisticly i don’t think this relationship will go much longer due to him having a kid , it’s a big divide in the relationship and it makes me almost resentful ? please don’t hate me , i know it’s bad to think like that , but that’s why i wanted to have the convo-i know it’s not healthy to feel this way and it’s not fair to the kid and no matter what she will always have to come first in his life-i can’t stress enough i want him to have a good relationship with her- and i think unless i can love her as much as i love him this relationship is doomed
sorry back to story we discussed it on the couch- he was upset and didn’t want it to happen but we talked really late last night so i said i was going to sleep at my sisters and we would discuss this more the next day cause we were both tired and i didn’t want to do anything rational
he didn’t like that- he didn’t want me to go -we went back and forth for awhile and he offered to sleep in the other room so i finally agreed cause it was late , when i agreed to that and started getting in bed he started saying how he doesn’t understand why we can’t just sleep in the same bed , and that he will sleep with clothes on and won’t try to have sex with me (that’s not why i didn’t want to sleep togther and kind of annoyed me that, that’s where his mind was at) but he wouldn’t leave the bedroom , finally he did and went to the couch -there is another bed in the house, don’t know why he took the couch , well i went to the bathroom and put on a ridicoulas looking face mask cause hydration ✨ and then closed the bedroom door and crawled in bed , well, he piped up saying how it’s sneaky of me to close the door, on my own i always sleep with door closed but with his kid (he has her half the time) he keeps the door open , anyways he started going crazy cause i closed the door, finally i just said im leaving and im done arguing
so that’s where im at now , and i think im maybe looking for clarity - like he’s a great guy, in ways i know i wont ever find in another person - he does a lot for me (not financially-ex wife got all his $$) but he also does things like i mentioned up top , and i think i just need to know if when we talk tonight i need to cut the rope, after spending time alone i feel sad - but i think its mainly said cause im saying goodbye to a life i have known for so long , and not so much the relationship ? but for weeks , leaving has been in my mind - i just think im young and i want to live more