u/Brilliant-Tea-3831

For those who have been placed on a PIP unreasonably, how did you behave after?

Asking because I keep seeing posts about ‘responding carefully’ to the PIP with an email, but it’s been 3 weeks since I was put on mine with no further talk about it from my manager, and I haven’t addressed it either because of how unreasonable it is. But should I have?

For context, I was offered a pay rise the same week they put me on the PIP.. makes no sense. So naturally I’ve went the other way and began job searching.

I feel so out of place and question everyday while working away whether there‘s an expectation that I should be communicating about it and having regular chats/meetings about it.

I’ve [F] worked with my colleague for just over 1 year, and from day one we bonded and worked together well. We work remotely, so our connection developed over calls and he delivered all of my training so he had a reason to call me frequently, but even me being new to the company, knew that him spending hours a day talking to me and going off topic into personal talk was maybe a little unusual and I could feel/hear the attraction from him. He doesn’t chat to the other team members and is introverted, and he shared that he felt the most comfortable with me.

This continued everyday for around 12 months even after the training period. Regardless of the talking, we of course got the work complete and achieved a lot together successfully. He began indirectly flirting, making up ‘work reasons‘ to meet me and sometimes sending me messages outside of work. We live far from each other and a lot of travel planning would go into meeting, so we still hadn’t met during this time, just him bringing it up and discussing how fun it would be etc.

This is a colleague who over 12 months, opened up to me a lot and invested a lot of time talking to me professionally and personally. Lots of trying to get to know me, learning about me and my family, compliments on my looks, flirting from him, sharing his traumas, staying on the phone after work hours because he was ‘enjoying the call‘ so much. Lots of ‘I’ve never met anyone with your mind set, you’re intriguing’ type of comments.

A couple of months ago, this stopped out of the blue. He avoids calling me even for work purposes now. He’s like a stranger, cold. From day one I have worked hard, progressed quite quickly and received a pay rise, but since his change towards me, I’ve felt isolated and no longer prioritised work-wise from him as a mentor. The confusion has knocked my confidence and made me worry about my job, and truthfully, it’s hurt my ego.

His personal reasons could be that he met someone, is busy, got bored etc.. but I’m constantly questioning if his change in behaviour is work related rather than his personal feelings. Has he got in trouble at work? Have my work successes made him feel not needed and a lack of control? Or have I hurt his ego in some way personally?

I guess I’m seeking similar stories or opinions on this because I’m not in a position to ask him directly yet.

Thanks for reading

TL;DR relationship with colleague seemed perfect professionally and personally, then he distanced himself

After not being able to travel out of my city for 3 years, I’ve decided to give medication a try to see if it’ll make me get on public transport and start getting my life back. I’m also having CBT, EMDR and exposure therapy.

I’ve been prescribed propranolol to take as a when needed.

I’m curious about people’s experiences, does it help with fight or flight (adrenaline, fleeing, tunnel vision)? I know it helps with the physical side only, just wondering if those who have intense panic attacks have felt a difference?

I’m constantly confused about whether I fit the criteria for agoraphobia and panic disorder even though I describe myself as this and my therapist uses these terms about me.

Confusion comes from not having frequent panic attacks - just living in fear of them, which makes me question is that even panic disorder or just OCD? I’ve gone months/years in between having them and in 20 years, I’ve only had two extreme ones, the others were mild silent anxiety attacks.

Agoraphobia confusion comes from - nothing triggers anxiety except being away from a hospital. So my life now revolves around being near one (which my home is, so I spend a lot of time at home), but being outside, open spaces etc don’t make me anxious. I can do anything comfortably as long as a hospital is near. If I could carry a doctor around with me in my pocket, I’d be on a plane to the other side of the world tomorrow after not travelling for 3 years because I’ve stayed at home to be near the hospital.

Anyone else have similar thoughts/behaviours?

Keeping this as real as possible and not paint myself out to be perfect here so people can make a fair judgment.

I‘ve worked for my company for almost 2 years. Instantly hit it off with my colleagues, felt very well liked and part of the team. This felt clear to me based on the amount of time they spent wanting to talk to me, finding reasons to be around me, buddying up to work together, trying to meet up outside etc.

First six months was a training period, made a few errors which I was pulled up on straight away and corrected on (thankfully nothing too drastic, typo type of errors). I picked things up quickly and found my place/routine around 8 months in after passing probation.

Things were great team-wise and performance wise. Passed my yearly review, manager listed my strengths and told me I’m valued, I felt this too. We discussed progression in the future, and I was told my weakness is ‘attention to detail when under pressure‘, but reassured they are there to support me with this, and a comment was made about protecting me as I am committed, and others keep leaving.

5 weeks ago, my manager told me they are pushing to get me a pay rise as they said I deserve it and work hard. Two weeks after that, I had 12 days off work (annual leave), and when I returned, my manager called me and pointed out two errors which I had made that came to light whilst I was off, and proceeded to tell me that I am now being put on a performance and improvement plan. I took accountability for the errors, again nothing drastic (typo and misplaced something), but felt instant confusion due to all the good I do for the team, the recent praise, the positive comments, (pay rise, being protected etc) the relationship being so great and so on.

Since the PIP news, there has been a complete shift in the teams atmosphere from their side. I’m keeping my head down, getting on with my tasks and being careful with errors regardless how sad I feel. I know they can hear the sadness in my voice, not my usual chirpy self and I admit I’ve pulled back from the communication a bit or at least i’m not so chipper. They can see the work I’m still doing but they continue to give me the silent treatment and they have not put any effort or time into retraining me like they said they would.

Two weeks after the PIP was served, I was told I had a pay rise. Confused. Still the silent treatment, isolation, lack of support.

I’m constantly speculating what is going on, I feel paranoid, invisible and disrespected. But should I?

If you read this, thank you!

To those with severe agoraphobia and panic attacks, housebound and not travelled for months/years - have you ever just woke up one day and left your house, hopped on a bus or long car journey, had a severe panic attack but kept going and got your life back in a day and never looked back?

Asking because exposure therapy, CBT and EMDR is slowly leading me to that point. More and more I’m becoming desperate and questioning whether I could go out there and just do it. As always, the vision of an extreme panic attack in an awkward place holds me back.

Currently having therapy for panic disorder and agoraphobia, and will begin to discuss dissociation with my therapist in more detail but I also wanted to ask here for a better understanding.

Background context: Mental health declined when I turned 15 (34 now) after my first panic attack. It was severe, traumatic and left me with panic disorder, OCD, and episodes of depersonalisation and agoraphobia 19 years later.

Since I turned 30, through therapy and self reflection, I have became more aware of my psyche from child me to now, and believe I potentially have a dissociation disorder.

I know dissociation is a known symptom of anxiety, which I definitely experience during panic attacks, but there’s other reasons I think it might have been there before the anxiety and panic.

These are:

Lack of own identity, changing and fixating on new personalities/interests (since childhood)

Surface level thinking, never felt deeply connected to anything or the present moment - poor decision making because of this

Blurred memories, life feels like a dream or show that I’ve floated along in

Memory gaps, memories come and go

Intense waves of dissociation like I just fell asleep mid task or conversation, these are seconds long and happen when there’s no panic or anxiety

Mind chatter always in the background which wakes me up in the night

DPDR after panic attacks and in my sleep, existential thoughts wake me up

Any opinions would help 🙌🏼

Been working at my company for almost 2 years now. Small team, me and one colleague (my team leader) are about the same age and he did all my training, literally got/get on like a house on fire. We work remotely so our working relationship is all via calls which we were having every day, for hours, multiple times a day (don’t worry, we were working and chatting)

Naturally after a while, as the training was no longer needed, the communication dropped off. But it’s dropped off to the point where we only communicate if I need help, and it’s a quick ’yes, here’s the help, bye’. I can’t remember the last time I was asked if I was ok.

This is a colleague who gave the whole ‘we’ll be work partners, run this place together‘ type of comments.

What could have happened? Or am I just in my head? I am not someone who shows emotion at work, I mirror people so there’s no ‘too needy or annoying‘ behaviour from my side. And this is a job I care about, and hold on to what he says due to wanting to progress here and develop so I’m paranoid now.

Currently having therapy for panic disorder and agoraphobia, and will begin to discuss dissociation with my therapist in more detail but I also wanted to ask here for a better understanding.

Background context: Mental health declined when I turned 15 (34 now) after my first panic attack. It was severe, traumatic and left me with panic disorder, OCD, and episodes of depersonalisation and agoraphobia 19 years later.

Since I turned 30, through therapy and self reflection, I have became more aware of my psyche from child me to now, and believe I potentially have a dissociation disorder.

I know dissociation is a known symptom of anxiety, which I definitely experience during panic attacks, but there’s other reasons I think it might have been there before the anxiety and panic.

These are:

Lack of own identity, changing and fixating on new personalities/interests (since childhood)

Surface level thinking, never felt deeply connected to anything - poor decision making

Blurred memories, life feels like a dream or show that I’ve floated along in

Memory gaps, memories come and go

Intense waves of dissociation like I just fell asleep mid task or conversation, these are seconds long and happen when there’s no panic or anxiety

Any opinions would help 🙌🏼

I definitely dissociate whilst having panic attacks, although I don’t really notice until I’ve calmed down and can see that I disconnected for moment in the chaos, but I also have these very brief (few seconds) glitches even when I’m not in a panic or having anxiety, where it feels like I just fell asleep for a second and lost touch with reality. They happen when I feel relaxed, washing the dishes or something. A brief adrenaline rush follows because they scare me, but within 3 seconds it’s all done and I’m still continuing whatever I’m doing.

Anyone else experience this and know what it is?

I’ve often heard the term ‘mental breakdown’ thrown around since I was a child but never really knew exactly what it meant, I just assumed it was a mental health issue of some sort and people just summarised it with this label.

When I was 15, I had a severe panic attack and was in a state of shock for days after, I withdrew, felt catatonic, and panic disorder and OCD then followed. My whole personality and thinking process changed. I remember friends even saying to me confused ’it’s like you’re a different person’

At the time, a friend asked me if I’d had a mental breakdown. I got defensive and said no, I’m having panic attacks and thats it. But I must admit that since then (now 34) I have often wondered what exactly happened and if this is how a mental breakdown presents itself.

Ok guys I realise ‘jealous‘ was not the correct word here ^ maybe possessive?

Asking on behalf of my friend that told me her male friend questioned her about why she changed her profile photo on social media.

My friend is in a long term relationship with a man, she is rather private on social media and in real life, and only updates her profile photo every few months. That’s about as active as she is on social media.

She told me recently that her close male friend, who’s in a relationship of his own with a woman, asked why she updates her profile photo especially with photos where she knows she looks good, and it got us both thinking, is he judging? Jealous? Or just curious? He also told her his girlfriend doesn’t do it.

She isn’t offended by the question, just unsure why he asked.

Asking on behalf of my friend that told me her male friend questioned her about why she changed her profile photo on social media.

My friend is in a long term relationship with a man, she is rather private on social media and in real life, and only updates her profile photo every few months. That’s about as active as she is on social media.

She told me recently that her close male friend, who’s in a relationship of his own with a woman, asked why she updates her profile photo especially with photos where she knows she looks good, and it got us both thinking, is he judging? Jealous? Or just curious? He also told her his girlfriend doesn’t do it.

She isn’t offended by the question, just unsure why he asked.

Guy connects with girl on social media (not a dating site) starts talking to her every day through calls. Deep talks, surface level talks, flirting, planning on meeting (live in different counties)

Communication changes from every day to once a week, but in that one conversation he mentions all the things he knows are important to the girl like asking about her family and her special interests, reminds her ‘how similar they are‘ all while seeming a bit frustrated, then goes quiet again for a week.

Opinions?

I don‘t take medication for anxiety and feel nervous about it, but my therapist advised recently that I consider it to help with the exposure and most importantly, to get me home and visit my family.

I live 3 hours away and would have to travel by train to visit them. I haven’t travelled there in 3 years as I panic if I don’t stay in close proximity to a hospital. My panic attacks are sudden and severe when they happen, I go from 0-100 in a matter of seconds.

Which medication is good for taking just before a long journey, that lasts a few hours that won’t make me feel drowsy, but will eliminate any extreme panic?

My partner, who is also so my safe person, sometimes goes out of town for the day for his job, to see family etc. When he does, I don’t feel comfortable in my own home so I’ve been known to sit in the hospital waiting area for 12 hours until he’s home as I feel safest there. These moments really make me realise how much control the anxiety has over me.

I’m at a point where ’being rid of panic attacks’ isn’t even my goal anymore. My goal is to be able to go outside, travel on public transport etc whether a panic attack happens or not and be ok with it if it does.

Has anyone here went from being agoraphobic to doing this? If so, how did you be ok with the possibility of having the extreme type of panic attack anywhere? Trains, hiking, driving etc?

Interested to know if having a child helped you overcome agoraphobia with having a little one to care for and needing to be outside/travelling frequently?

My panic disorder and agoraphobia fixates around needing to be near a hospital at all times (I live near one) and I’ve developed a belief that’s it’s the only safe place and where the panic will stop. I don‘t end up in the hospital when I have one because just knowing it’s near is enough to stop the panic from escalating, but, because of the ‘what if’ thoughts, I’ve not left my town in 3 years and feel desperate to get my life back.

I’d love to hear some reassurance and a reality check on why a hospital isn’t needed for this.

I know applying safety behaviours is common with panic disorder, but I’d like to hear from those who don’t actually have panic attacks anymore because you have built up that many safety nets, and only have them when the nets aren’t there anymore.

I’m trying to slowly drop them so that I can allow the panic in, so that I can learn they are manageable and get my life back as I am agoraphobic now due to the extreme avoidance and living around my safety behaviours.