u/CockamouseGoesWee

I immigrated from England when I was 9 and I am still so confused about how much significance is placed on generational identity in the US. I understand for psychology and clinical studies that differences between each generation is new.

But why does anyone really care if you are a millennial zillennial or Gen Z or whatever? Seriously. millennials are young enough to be an older brother.

I grew up dirt poor anyway so I grew up with 80's and 90's cartoons when we did have TV. I feel like generational identities are really for middle class people because working class people are always going to be a decade behind or 2 decades ahead in trends

I'm finally growing in my beard and with it there is an atrocity on my face of a bunch of ingrown hairs. Hell, the ingrown hairs are everywhere from my stomach up.

I have had people look at my face funny and now I am worried people think I have herpes when I don't. I'm tested and I am a virgin. Cold sores don't even look like acne but I remember in middle school people would accuse me of having herpes when I got breakouts by my nose side of my upper lip.

How do I stop the ingrown hairs? I obviously shower and wash my face every day. I use face scrubs.

Hair is growing everywhere, like lichen discovering an island for the first time. And now I am getting ingrown hairs absolutely everywhere. My face, my chest, my stomach.

I have had people look at my face funny and now I am worried people think I have herpes when I don't. Cold sores don't even look like acne but I remember in middle school people would accuse me of having herpes when I got breakouts by my nose side of my upper lip. It's clearly just a pimple but you know how this goes.

How do I stop the ingrown hairs? I obviously shower and wash my face every day. I use face scrubs.

I (24m) have been trying to consider how to handle dating. Honesty is the best policy unless you've got piles of baggage you've had friends leave you for, much less someone you're supposed to trust beyond friendship.

Anyways, I have CPTSD from typical daddy issues, being bullied, being almost SA'd at 11 and then 19, my eldest brother died when he was 15 and I was 12, and my childhood best friend died at 19.

I don't ever info dump on people, but a lot of basic questions that are typically asked on a date like those about how many siblings I have always really hurt and I don't know how to answer them. First dates are supposed to be fun. Do I have one or two brothers?

And then, on top of that, I have never had a positive sexual experience and I do have a lot of sexual trauma. I know I'm supposed to be good in the bedroom if I am supposed to make my partner happy and stay. Is this something I bring up before or after doing things?

And for relationships, I was never with my friend. We were young and it was just a crush. Unless a playground wedding counts, I have never been in a couple. And I'm 24!

I already lost a lot of potential friends because they didn't like that I had problems and I'm honestly lonely and I don't know how to fix this.

My PTSD is mostly under control. I sometimes get panic attacks, overly plan, have my back against the wall when I sleep, freak out when I am restrained, get claustrophobic, and on very rare occasions dissociate. I also get frequent nightmares and night terrors. But I am able to go into nursing school without a problem and I can cope with stress and I am responsible.

WIBTAH if I maybe stretched the truth so I don't scare anybody off and say I have one brother if asked about that and just skip the trauma entirely for everything else too? And if asked about my parents I could just talk about my mother and say my father wasn't really in the picture much (which is kinda true).

I don't know, Carol. It's really hard to say.

And then they go on asking why you didn't correct them on the pronouns and names they were using even though all my files showed clearly I am a male with a male name.

And they get so offended they did that, too. So then I lie and say "don't worry I misgender myself all the time too" to make them stop feeling sorry for themselves.

It's always during professional meetings and emails, too. And it's like dear lord, just copy and paste the name at least. Call me "you" in person. Hell, even call me "that"!

How can I best set boundaries to get people to stop doing this?

Idk who needs to hear this, but it's just a nickname for Athanasios, though many Greek diaspora sometimes go by Tom or Nathan.

It's always been one of the most common names out there, and there is a feminine version Athanasia as well, and that version of Thanos is Thana.

It was not invented by Marvel lol

It was during senior year of high school and I was just eating with my friends. This guy who kept asking me out, and I kept saying no and truthfully saying I was busy after school, just walked up to me, stuck his phone right up my face and upped the volume. It was straight up porn. Right in the middle of the cafeteria. I nearly beat his ass but my friends stopped me.

He then proceeded to follow me in the hallways for the rest of the year. I graduated in 2020, so COVID shut everything down a few months before school ended. At least I didn't have to see that creep ever again.

Seriously, who does that? Jfc.

And for that matter, I have not had a single "sexual" experience that I actually wanted. It's always people thinking they are owed my body. And now I have a very negative outlook on sex. A group of the popular girls when I was 11 tried to molest me during a camping trip. They were supposed to be my friends and safe. I didn't know anything about the birds and the bees when I was 11, I was still rolling in mud all day. I didn't even realize that was molestation what I went through until I was about 20. And then after I stopped them, they laughed at me and spread rumors about me. Then when I was 19 I was almost raped at work while a student employee. I dropped the internship I was supposed to go for and people looked at me different after I tried to report it.

I know this is something I am supposed to get over, but I've not had one single experience where I felt respected and viewed as more than just a body or conquest. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever trust someone enough to have sex with. It's terrifying knowing that at any moment, they can just choose to do the wrong thing because they want to. And I am supposed to just trust they continue to make the right decision even though I never experienced anyone make the right decision.

I don't know any of the jargon people expect me to know. So during the rare instances I do enter a city to escape rural life, I often find that I disappoint queer people by not really understanding any of the references.

Until a few weeks ago, I thought Pink Pony Club was about a woman becoming a stripper and somehow finding empowerment about it. Idk anything about drag shows or gay clubs.

I feel like a massive fraud sometimes calling myself gay. I don't find women attractive at all, but being gay often is read as almost a culture and I don't know any of it. I guess it's like how people can be deaf and Deaf in a way.

Not like I can do anything about it while I am still in nursing school, but it is what it is.

When going to Planned Parenthood, my doctors and nurses expected me to have had friends inform me about different things I'm apparently supposed to know, but all my friends ditched me when I came out. I've just been winging it.

Another issue is I am a virgin and unless you count a crush I had with my best friend at 9 and we had a playground wedding a relationship, I never had one. So a part of me worries I don't even count as gay cause it doesn't mean anything right now.

And as much as online has done to inform me about certain things, I only know how to research for things I know how to research. I don't know where to begin with gay stuff. And frankly I am concerned there's gonna be a point where it's too late for me to. I'm already 24, that's a quarter century of being entirely clueless.

Erik Erikson described my current life stage as Intimacy vs. Isolation. I fear that based on my current living situation that I will only have a few years to correct the isolation before my life is ruined.

I don't know any of the jargon people expect me to know. So during the rare instances I do enter a city to escape rural life, I often find that I disappoint queer people by not really understanding any of the references.

Until a few weeks ago, I thought Pink Pony Club was about a woman becoming a stripper and somehow finding empowerment about it. Idk anything about drag shows or gay clubs.

I feel like a massive fraud sometimes calling myself gay. I don't find women attractive at all, but being gay often is read as almost a culture and I don't know any of it. I guess it's like how people can be deaf and Deaf in a way.

Not like I can do anything about it while I am still in nursing school, but it is what it is.

When going to Planned Parenthood, my doctors and nurses expected me to have had friends inform me about different things I'm apparently supposed to know, but all my friends ditched me when I came out. I've just been winging it.

Another issue is I am a virgin and unless you count a crush I had with my best friend at 9 and we had a playground wedding a relationship, I never had one. So a part of me worries I don't even count as gay cause it doesn't mean anything right now.

And as much as online has done to inform me about certain things, I only know how to research for things I know how to research. I don't know where to begin with gay stuff. And frankly I am concerned there's gonna be a point where it's too late for me to. I'm already 24, that's a quarter century of being entirely clueless.

Erik Erikson described my current life stage as Intimacy vs. Isolation. I fear that based on my current living situation that I will only have a few years to correct the isolation before my life is ruined.

If someone does this, does she become empress of the lesbians? Or would this lead to the world's destruction?

I know the official answer is that they are stupid, but with phallo I need the hysterectomy and then the 2-3 phallo surgeries. And of course this is just for one specific surgery variation. There's egg freezing, top surgery, and any other necessary surgeries.

So...it doesn't make sense.

Why do they think it's not sexual harassment to ask? Why do they care? That's not how to land a date. I swear people don't know how to woo anymore.

Also cis people are wusses lol

In fear of sounding like a total horrible asshole son, I (24m) wasted my youth not getting drunk or making friends, but being the primary caregiver of my mother while she battled cancer. I had to take care of my little brother and become a parent to him through his high school years, all while I was in college as a full-time student and the leader of one of our biggest organizations.

I never once heard a thank you, anyone offering a shred of help. No. Every single person gets mad at me when I say I am tired and asks why I never asked for help. I don't know, maybe it's because I actually did and they never listened, just mhmm'd it before talking about their stupid problems with dating.

But did it end and did I get to live my own life once my mother entered remission? No. Now she has a bunch of autoimmune issues and she's back to saying she's dying and she's essentially bedridden. And I do everything and she is honestly a terrible patient because she keeps, as soon as she gets a bit of energy, uses all that energy to do something laborous. And then she crashes, and complains, and I tell her off for exhausting herself. But does she learn? No.

And then, I am expected to be perfect by absolutely everyone. And everyone judges me for still living with my mother even though I am taking care of her. And then people give the brilliant advice of having someone else take care of her. There is no one else.

And I still have to yell at my little brother to do basic things and stop arguing with our mother. He lives in a whole other universe. I am my mother's retirement plan. I am told off for not being married and having kids. With what time? And then, on top of things, I have my own surgeries and chronic health issues to deal with.

If I try to make friends and I end up being 5 minutes late and I say "sorry, I am the caretaker of my mother and I promise to make time for ya'll but life is a big hectic sometimes", people then complain that I am killing the vibe. So no, I don't have any "found family" to help.

Tbh, I would love to just drive 100 miles away and never say another word to anybody anymore. I often sit in my car for hours and stare at nothing because that is the only time I don't hear complaining or criticism or anyone just talking my ear off complaining to me about their problems while never once asking about me or how I am doing. I have never once gone clubbing or done anything stupid and crazy and be young. No. I am not allowed to do that. Because who would take care of my family?

If I hear one more person tell me I should do self-care, I am pulling out a tooth.

Just a few days ago I snapped at my brother and told him to stop making things worse for me and he needs to learn how to shut the fuck up for once in his life and stop stressing out our mother. I said I took care of him all through high school and honestly, he never once had to take care of anyone even himself, because I am the one telling him what to do. I then said I had just about enough of both him and our mother. He is an adult now and he needs to grow up.

Tbh it felt so good finally saying something, but I know that hurt him and I worry I was a bit excessive.

My hysto consultation appointment went well and we are going forward with all the stuff for that.

My doctor of course asked how long I wanted this for and I said since I was nine. He then asked for general history regarding my transition. He also had a med school student so I'm guessing this was also for him since they probably don't get many trans men patients in rural Ohio and I don't mind answering.

But when he asked about prior practitioners that worked with me before my current Planned Parenthood setup, expecting me to have gone to a Children's Hospital, that made me really sad. I said no, and I'd kept most of my feelings regarding gender dysphoria to myself until last year.

Idk, it was pretty sad it was expected that I had help before I began medically transitioning. People, including doctors, just told me I was exaggerating and I'd grow out of it. I was just a tomboy, that's why I said I was a boy and hated all girl things. I tried really hard for my mother to be the daughter she always wanted, but I couldn't wear a dress even as a baby and it broke her heart. I could never be that daughter for her. I didn't hear the word transgender until I was 14, and then I never thought of it again till I was 22.

Also dw he wasn't snooping in on info, my insurance has been hell and he's trying to build a solid case that I need my surgery. Thankfully, ig, I also have horrible periods that have not stopped on Testosterone.

Anyways, I really like my OBGYN for this and he seems really understanding. But goddammit he made me sad there because I was reminded how every adult in my life failed me.