u/ConsiderationLife865

I don’t have any particular articles/links to share but I remember seeing multiple sources (whether by the CDC or others) about LGBTQ+ rates on IPV (and also CSV/SA). Out of the groups of men, despite being overall lower than their female counterparts, bisexual men reported the highest amount of IPV compared to both straight and gay men.

(Also, for the CSV I saw it from kinda an outdated? study from 2016-17, and though it did show that both gay and bi men reported higher amounts of CSV, but the reason I think it’s outdated is that the “made to penetrate” is put from a separate category from rape, and bisexual men’s rates under “rape” was not adequately recorded to have an actual statistic.)

I understand how some type of homophobia/queerphobia will lead to negative stereotyping leading to abuse from a partner, but I want to know the complexities of it and why it’s higher than gay men in particular. I also know about anti-bisexual stereotypes such as bi men being seen as more “promiscuous”, not picking a side, DL etc. but I’m wondering to what extent does it slip into relational abuse from all genders? Are there any structural issues I’m missing out on? I’d like to hear some perspectives.

i’m searching for a fic where satoru and suguru don’t rly last that long as a couple but suguru doesn’t defect and they don’t go no contact, but are rather on good terms or still friends.

and yes i know a lot of yall are gonna be like “BOOOORIIIIING!” but i’d like to see what a more “mundane” fic with not much angst, preferably not lovers to *strangers*, but they are still capable of being a situationship, having their own spaces while still taking the time to love each other from a distance even if that distance isn’t physical. i wanna see the psychological processes of being in this state of a relationship. hope it’s not a fic where they go no contact 😭

TW: SA mention, some spoilers?

i remember briefly reading the fic in the title like a couple of months ago but when i tried to search for it (whether logged in or not, no matter how much i try) i couldn’t find it so it was probably deleted :(

it had the description “suguru wasn’t a slut, he was just experienced” and satoru was a virgin who lied about his experiences and kept disappointing suguru 😭 it kept me on edge SO MANY TIMES which was pretty much the entire point i fear. it made it hard to read so i pretty much read the first few chapters and then skimmed until near the end. don’t ask me about any significant details bc i probably don’t remember much outside of what i listed

with slut!guru that we have here he’s constantly hooking up with lots of people including his friends. i’m interested in discussing the meaning/influences as to him being promiscuous including psychological mechanisms, whether it’s what anyone remembers from the fic or whether someone has any headcanons of him like that.

i also apologize if i have terrible comprehension bc i genuinely don’t remember the storyline for his reasons for doing so (TW/spoiler) >!outside of a flashback of him being raped at a bar and ended up killing riko from being reckless on a motorcycle.!< that shit really fucks you up FOR LIFE. i also remember in that same chapter satoru ends up being attracted to his best friend and held back his feelings until the current timeline in the fic.

does anyone remember anything from this fic or have any other headcanons of slut!guru? i’d like to know!

this is a follow up to a question that’s been already asked but this i’m posting this so i can be delusional and convince myself i’d be his type if he didn’t hate monkeys. fuck

this is completely random but i remembered a fact during my childhood that which may or may not have had to do with my autism. i knew i was autistic ever since i was very young, and a common activity in recess/pe was some type of tag, and after trying it for some time i didn’t like the feeling of being chased so i’d always sit out. i’d wonder how these kids are ok playing something like that where they’d have to learn “risk” of being in a “vulnerable” state, until “it” happens (having to use lots of quotations bc these are a framework of how a child first learns concepts)

thankfully that 1) i wasn’t necessarily bullied in elementary school for being “special” (until i went to a different district for middle school) and 2) the teachers were always kind and understanding of my differences so they’d never make a big deal over me not participating or pressure me into joining (bare minimum ofc but idk how worse it might be for other ppl’s experiences). i think i’ve always been aversive into it bc in that game i’d usually adapt learned helplessness and it might’ve been a mindset subconsciously ingrained in my childhood that i’ll always be vulnerable in some way compared to others. i was probably also raised to be pretty risk averse and am uncomfortable or scared going steps o it of my comfort zone compared to others kids. i can’t rly remember much but i can kinda sense it

i’d like to know the psychology of the game tag and why others may also have been aversive to it. and whether it relates to your personal autistic experience

Has anyone been noticing the grass smelling like literal cow dung today? Did they do something with the grass lately?

so by this question here’s a few disclaimers:

1. i’m not using this as a “not all men” because i know the harm of that argument being used to minimize the experience of women, and also the alarming amount of men that mistreat women. i am not trying to prioritize men’s feelings over women’s safety.

2. i am also aware about women’s cautiousness that it could be any man in their life harming them, and trust me i 100% get this because i’m also a woman.

3. i know by “good men” it should not mean men who do the bare minimum, but also having many good qualities in general and actively challenge patriarchy.

so i know the majority will end up keeping the system intact by not calling out or intervening with instances with misogyny, which i know is a terrible thing. i certainly don’t think a lot of women’s lived experiences are exaggerating, unless you go on specific parts of social media which tends to amplify EVERYTHING. but i don’t think its an extremely small number of men meeting the bare minimum, because a lot of men who don’t tend to give their demographic a bad rep. but i do think it kinda is a small number that truly goes out of their way to challenge most aspects of patriarchy and help stand up for women. for relationship wise, i can’t rly speak much bc i don’t have any experience, but i think there’s more men that make great partners than you expect.

but the problem is we’re all still on a spectrum of patriarchy and even those good partners will end up exhibiting some degree of problematic beliefs or behaviors, as for all of us as humans. men in particular, deep into their socialization, do not find any benefit or incentive to actively challenge misogyny, tho i’d argue that this generation of men has had to unlearn at least some patriarchal values to some degree.

now for the main point i’m about to address, the men, not only those who call out and challenge misogyny, but also have good traits in general, are generally labeled as “rare exceptions”. i see why it seems this way but it’s less about the amount of men doing it and more on the label. i feel like there’s a middle ground between covering up the horrific acts committed by men to “purify” their reputation, and reducing the all kinds of good (more so character traits associated with anti-patriarchal values) to just “exceptions”. don’t get me wrong, again this is not a “not all men” because unfortunately it’s so many men, but i feel like reducing these men as just “exceptions” will make their identity sound condescending. and of course, a good man will understand the struggles that the women around them endure without perceiving an attack on their identity, but it gets to a point where it seems like that man is good in spite of being man, as if being a man isn’t just a part of who you are. it’s not like being a man is supposed to cancel out any positive qualities you have. i actually think men who do good should be considered an example of how men can be attentive, empathetic, resilient, community-oriented etc. none of these traits are antithetical to manhood.

i understand when other women vent about men it’s not about men as an oppressive class, but sometimes it’s good for us to remember the difference between men as a general identity descriptor and men as an oppressive class. i believe the good men deserve their own fair representation of men as a whole, because as much as men are socialized into committing horrible acts against women, i think men as a whole are not inherently bad. in fact, i believe part of the solution for dismantling patriarchy is to rebrand a more holistic version of men, that doesn’t have anything to do with misogyny. i am aware most women want that too and the problem is not enough men are at that point yet but if we create the narrative that good men are good in spite of being men, it will make any change seem like it doesn’t matter. such as “the majority of men are awful so why does it matter when men do good” “men are bad by default so when a man is good it’s only a coincidence because they were meant to be bad” “the bar is still low so they’re still gonna be disappointing no matter what” and i know these sound like strawmen but that’s pretty much what i’m getting when i’m seeing content on my instagram reels. it’s like defeatism or a “why try?” mentality and it’s getting counterproductive.

i don’t think men need to be all like “yea we suck” in order to be a good person. a lot may develop those attitudes after hearing what their female friends have gone through, but i believe you can acknowledge women’s lived experiences without self-hatred towards your identity or developing an unhealthy relationship with it. and this isn’t about slight discomfort when questioning your privilege, i’m talking about excessive shame/guilt cycles developing into maladaptive thought patterns interfering with your sense of self. i feel like this is what happens when we define being a “good man” by a lack of horrible characteristics, as opposed to a presence of positive ones.

also the infamous quote “the best man is just the average woman” because what are we getting out of upholding this moral superiority complex we have as women? why are we associating good traits to exclusively women? that’s a rebrand of the patriarchy’s work atp. i think it’s only useful when addressing society’s constant expectations of women to prioritize others’ needs before their own and adopt the “nurturing” role while praising men for the bare minimum. but i think we can address the disparity between female and male socialization by diminishing the work men have had to get to this point, especially if they actively had to break out of a patriarchal conditioning, which is supposed to reside DEEP in your subconscious and all aspects of our society. i’m not telling other women to praise men for being decent human being, but i don’t think those good traits should be framed as countering their male identity, being a man is just part of who they are and so is being a good person, they don’t negate one another. tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if some of these men felt like they were being used as “one of the good ones” having part of their identity diminished or reduced to something they have to “fix”. it’s also a reason why i’ve heard about trans men and mascs experiencing constant discrimination/mistreatment within their own communities.

i also think this one ig user @itsangelahan also has a point in one of her videos in which creating a dichotomy of “good” and “bad” reduces us to how well we distance ourselves from one of our personal identities, rather than using our humanity to to examine the relationships with these identities to become the best of ourselves. this applies to people of every demographic, and doesn’t apply to just love and belongingness, but just community in general.

tl;dr i am aware how it was designed by the system to keep as little men challenging misogyny regularly, but i don’t believe reducing them to this “rare exception” label will help recognize the change and overall good that men can do for us, to promote the idea the men can and should do better. being a man is not something to “fix” nor helps men acknowledge the humanity they want to connect with when challenging patriarchal conditioning. i only think bringing up “good men” is a problem when distracting from the violence a lot of men enact on women. this is not putting the responsibility on women to coddle men! this is just my take on how we should treat what we label the “good ones”

i (21f) am into feminism but struggle with moral OCD. i feel like i can use ocd techniques when deeming thoughts as irrational but when it comes to these issues i can’t tell if it’s irrational thoughts i’m challenging or actual real world facts/experiences that tend to have exaggerated takes. and by gender issues i specifically mean about men, what to feel about men, and specifically “good men”. the ❌ is NOT MY BELIEFS i promise but rather what i felt like i had to incorporate from social media (lately instagram) into my belief system despite not aligning with my true feelings (marked by the ✅). but sometimes the ❌ thoughts get so strong and due to my pattern of trusting others’ opinions over my own i get into basically an anxiety attack/rumination episode because i don’t feel like i’m morally intact if ykwim. it takes a lot of nuance to counter these thoughts and it’s getting tiring.

does anyone know if this is helpful? because it helps relieve me personally, tho others may find that it worsens their rumination

here are the inauthentic and authentic beliefs i wrote down in my notes app (since this subreddit doesn’t allow images):

❌ “no matter how much of a good person a man is, he will never contribute to goodness of men because he is still part of a class that was designed to be awful. he is good in spite of being a man”

✅ “a man is good if he overcomes his patriarchal conditioning, which can be an example of men being good. him being a man doesn’t define whether he is good or bad, it is not an inherently negative thing, just a descriptor of who he is. these men deserve to be appreciated”

❌ “men being good means nothing because the vast majority of them systemically do awful things, and dating culture and the rest of society revolves around men sucking, so good men are only isolated examples”

✅ “we are all being on systemic and individual levels. men are conditioned to be misogynistic and be complicit in multiple forms of patriarchal behaviors. they cannot control being brainwashed because the system actively discourages men or reduces opportunities for them to improve themselves and the best we can do is make our own interpersonal/individual impact, and the men who do that matter very deeply.”

❌ “a good man is just an average woman”

✅ “many men have been socialized to view poor behavior as the norm, which is why it’s harder for men to break their conditioning to reach the “baseline” level set for women. this is not to strip men of accountability but it does explain why. men being good should not be compared to women being good because we define our “good” indefinitely. plus, the reason women meet these standards more easily is not because women are naturally better human beings, but have rather faced pressures by the patriarchy into the “nurturing”, “prosocial” role.”

❌ “a good man acknowledges how awful their gender is and would not want to associate with them”

✅ “men don’t necessarily have to hate their own gender to be good. they can encourage the men in their lives to do the same, they can have their own relationship with maleness. they can redefine what it is to be a man and see the good in other men without erasing the misogyny occuring around us.”

❌ “men are bad by default and have to force themselves into being decent human beings”

✅ “no one is bad by default. we all learn some type of bad behavior somewhere and that’s the literal process that helps us grow. for men and misogyny specifically, it’s a type of conditioning that not everyone has the gift of being able to do, but hopefully we can help make progress as a society by providing material conditions that catalyze social change and unlearning oppressive systems”

❌ “all positive traits are what women have and all negative traits are what men have”

✅ “what are you talking about? how do we define positive and negative? this is clearly an exaggerated trait and is not related to what manhood and womanhood are.”

❌ “the only way we can liberate ourselves from patriarchy is if men undergo severe consequences for generations. they need to be collectively punished regardless of who they are as individuals because no nice way will work. that’s why they have their loneliness epidemic now.”

✅ “collective punishment does not and will never work for collective liberation. stripping the “bad people” from their humanity will only lead to new systems of oppression being created and no one is exempt from having their unexamined beliefs being put into action. the best we can do is create material conditions that no longer make patriarchy necessary and come up with autonomous, healthy ways to make people undo their harm.”

❌ sees a man doing something good “don’t care, still not lonely enough.”

✅ “will you please shut the fuck up?”

tl;dr i don’t hate men, and the social media has amplified all forms of “extreme” takes but sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s extreme or whatnot. it makes me upset because i don’t wanna view a gender as evil because it’s not a good structural lens

has anyone taken calc 3 with jay nulph? what will the exams be like and what study strategies should you use for this class?

guys i need help. this is fandom/special interest related so if anyone relates to this with any character that’s great. i’ve loved suguru geto from jjk for about 4 years. but looking at his whole fanbase, i feel like i’m a fake fan. and yes i know it’s not a competition on who loves him the most and that your interest isn’t invalidated just because others like it more than you. but, the past 2 years have been bleak with more depressive symptoms (anhedonia) and i wish i’d get that spark back. not that i lost interest in him as a character because he’s still at the back of my mind all the time, but i just hold on to him while my mind envisions a blurry concept of him instead of a vivid one. and that’s what makes me feel like i can’t enjoy anything anymore. i wish i had a vivid imagination that could make me happy. i haven’t got any new interests the past 4 (or more?) years and this anhedonia is kicking my ass lmao.

i used to be part of the geto/stsg fandom on twt until i left due to the toxicity. maybe it’s a huge fandom that makes me feel like i don’t enjoy it as much? it’s strange because i thought i would be more invested if there’s more content to enjoy of that character. like my other favorite character (illumi from hxh) has barely any content anymore as it used to so i’m used to the community being dead lmao.

now for suguru, i feel like its more important to me personally because i imagine self insert. i have an AU in my head where suguru and i are dating but the thing is i don’t even know myself. i have to fill in the blanks how it happens too. but i don’t even read suguru x reader fics and idk what’s propelling me from doing so but maybe its the tropes i see in most of the tags that make me not wanna read it. i feel like a fake partner who’s basically useless, doesn’t know their partner’s background, favorite color or food, hobbies, and are just using them. i wouldn’t even do that to a hypothetical partner because i’d get to know them and feel some sort of emotional attachment to them involving how they perceive me. maybe that’s where i’m scared. idk how i’ll turn out in my own AU and my mind just isn’t good at imaginative things. what is going on

i don’t like how angst the ending was with geto so i like imagining happy endings. but i dont even have the imaginative materials or creativity to imagine how said universe would be like. i just imagine the characters doing things next to me in my boring nonexistent everyday life kinda like parallel play. this disability has ruined my life.

and even worse the main ship satosugu i really used to enjoy back in 2022 but then i became insecure because i felt like i wanted a chance with geto in my head. i found it funny how i could bring a concept like the making the matching names SATORU and SUGURU, yin and yang, two characters the author made soulmates, translated into a more realistic world where there is no author to make these things happen. bc a suguru (not geto, different last name since there is no satoru gojo in my AU) with me has gotta happen in my head. but then i feel like i’m not bringing anything to the table in this imaginary relationship but i just wanted suguru to love me. or maybe i just don’t have self love and don’t know myself but i haven’t gone down to the specifics of that problem yet.

maybe my autism makes my imagination more blurry/wayyy too general and i can’t have abilities to form specific scenes and details. i also never watched many movies or read many books growing up due to my adhd (difficulties concentrating and processing words into ideas) and limited interests. that’s why my reading comprehension has been stunted since childhood and that’s maybe why i didn’t read many fanfics of what i wanted to imagine. i really really want to imagine more vividly but idk what part of my brain chemistry has stunted it. i want to connect with my inner world more, the only place that has made my autistic ass happy. what is going on and what do i do. what makes me have a blurred distinction of function and reality and making me not wanna connect with the real world anymore.

suguru geto i am truly sorry.

So this may be partially a personal problem, idk why this is a weird feeling but I have not witnessed much good form the men around me or irl, but even if I do encounter a rare occassion of a man being a decent human it’s usually something I wouldn’t pay attention to but I get visibly ENRAGED. Because tell me why we have to wait for our oppressors to become “better people” when the damage their group did to us for centuries is irreversible. Idgaf how good they are as an individual, giving them a chance to live their lives so freely already put ours at risk, even if they end up not harming us. I want them to learn the hard way. No amount of genuine redemption they can do will make them less deserving of their loneliness and if I could choose, they’d start off lonely (and by that I mean ISOLATED or even experiencing what we go through so they learn it the hard way) because thinking about just a man being a good person just doesn’t sound natural to me. I know it feels so wrong but I can’t rly help it. Idk if therapy would help me atp. I want them to not only stay lonely, but also stay DESERVING of that loneliness.

And by that I don’t want them to stay bad in the way us women are at risk, but in a way where we gain our freedom by giving them their inevitable consequences. No nice solution should be given to the oppressors in which all niceness has led to our downfall. I don’t want them to learn the easy way, I need them to carry that guilt for generations. Idk if I even want them to be better as long as they’re part of that class…

so i just completed COP3223 but a couple of my projects aren’t regraded yet despite there being a policy in the syllabus that projects could be regraded if submitted before may 1st, all of which i fixed and submitted before that deadline. i tried to contact my prof on edstem that i completed and submitted them but he hasn’t responded to that one. however he DID regrade an implementation of one of my projects but neglected the rest. since grades are apparently supposed to be in by today, what should i do if he doesn’t regrade them after i follow the policy and submit it before the deadline?

so i failed calc 3 last semester and failed linear algebra this semester (yes i know i’m losing in life) and i want to retake both of them this summer. i signed up for calc 3 for 1:30-2:30 pm MTWTh and the only linear algebra section is during that time. i tried to find a different time slot for calc but there were no other sections left so i didn’t want to lose what i have. i don’t know if attendance is mandatory for calc but i have the same professor for linear algebra in which attendance is not mandatory.

i did not know i was gonna fail linear algebra until my final exam score came out and i was extremely disappointed. i know i can retake linear algebra in the fall but it’s hard to take it with 4 other classes so preferably i’d like to get it over with, and if i do well i can get off of any potential academic probation sooner before the fall semester starts.

since i do plan to take both, unfortunately both classes are the exact same time so i am not sure how i can work this out. is there any way to talk to any staff about this conflict to see if i can fit into any other calc 3 sections? i dont wanna wait until fall and wait even longer to get my gpa back up. if their only response is to take it in the fall then ill just keep my classes and see what class to attend on what day 🤷🏻‍♀️

so apparently i got an email that a psych lecture i signed up for next semester (EXP 3250- principles of human factors psychology) has been cancelled next semester and that there is an online portion for it. i’ve already had at least half of my psych classes online bc of more availability and i’m getting tired of it bc i’m not rly getting much out of it and it only feels like completing something instead of truly learning.

when i searched for in person lectures for this semester there weren’t many good options or there’s a conflict with my other classes. why ucf must you make it harder for us psych majors mind you we’re the major with the largest graduating class and yet it’s getting so hard. what’s going on guys

also i’m double majoring in statistics so i take most in person classes for that bc it’s the only option and i feel like stem heavy courses are more prioritized than psychology. for psychology if i wanna learn more about it i feel like the best way is to go to grad school and save up even more 💔