If anyone could read my birth chart please, I'd be very happy to do them a tarot reading!
Comment and I'll dm you, keep in mind it'll only work if your account is not "mature" / older lol :)
Please make sure to be polite, respectful, and patient!
I feel like I have a little talent for it and I know that readings I do for myself and people irl are quite accurate, not to be arrogant or anything though, but id love to try it for other people online!
If you're interested, please comment and I'll dm you if it lets me (if your acc is deemed as like older / mature it wont work tho!)
please make sure to be kind, polite, patient, and respectful :)
I know this is like really embarrassing but ive been playing minecraft literally since i was a kid and now im basically a grown woman but im still too terrified to play on anything but peaceful mode and ive never beat the ender dragon or gone to the nether 💔 its weird because i can literally play any horror game but like bro whats wrong with me pls help
What are some of your head cannons for these two? 🥹
I think Pinkie, Fluttershy, or Rarity stick out the most for this.
It genuinely baffles me how some people seriously think that Gale was worse than Snow. I truly want to try to understand where this way of thinking even comes from though. HOW?
I feel like Katniss is a very unreliable narrorator, and so we can't take what she says as law, especially with the capitol putting their spin on it, as we saw with SOTR.
But Katniss says that Johanna won her games by hiding and acting like a weak, snivelling fool, but then came out at the end, and it turns out she could kill lethaly with an axe and that it was "all just an act".
But what if she genuinely was just a poor, terrified, little girl, who was doing her best to survive by hiding, but then snapped at the end from pure desperation and drive to survive, and the capitol just twisted the story to make it "more entertaining"?
Hope this makes sense!
I have a theory about her character. I could rant about this for ages, but I really don't think that she cared in the slightest for Cato, and had an endgame plan of killing him.
So, we know that in the book she tried to sneak in a poisoned ring, but it was confiscated. She's a career tribute, so why would she ever use such a weapon on just any tribute, unless it was another career?
And think about it, if you're part of the career pack and one of the strongest tributes, it'd be best to be strong but not THE strongest. Because when tensions get high as the games go on, everyone is likely to turn on the strongest.
Say that you're a career and there's two others left. One weaker than you, one stronger than you. Logically, in the endgame you'd team up with the weaker one to defeat the stronger one, because that increases your odds as you can defeat one alone, but not the other. So, being really "friendly" with the biggest career and falling asleep together wouldn't be a bad move on her part if she planned to kill him in his sleep later on. Just saying!
Also, you need to remember that her preformance is most likely and very sadly a persona for sponsors. I highly doubt that she was really just a "dumb blonde", giggly enough to seriously be catching any sort of feelings for Cato, a guy she had just met, without any sort of plan or reason. And no offense, but guys are steteotypically more likely to think with their parts then girls are.
FREE MY GIRL GLIMMER!!!
Okay so aside from all personal feelings about whether or not you like the character, just from looks alone, who do you think was...
the prettiest overall?
had the best royal design for their character personality?
had the best rebel design for their character personality?
had the best wonderland design for their character personality?
the most overrated design?
the most underrated design?
I know its probably my fault for venting on the internet anyway to strangers and stuff so of course i invite things like this in whenever i make a post and i run that risk every time i do, but i'm still really hurt and upset about it. :(
I made a venting post about having to be forced to see my grandparents because they don't seem long for this world even though I really don't want to be around them for a second. In the post (its all now deleted) i provided context that theyre genuinelly horrible people, and that i wasnt even legally allowed to see them for years, and that they abused my mum and so many other things, and also that i was personally abused by my bio dad as a kid. A majority of the comments on the thread though started calling me a horrible person and selfish and even accused me of being a narcissist multiple times and it just really hurt because they don't have any clue of what I've been through or what my family has for that matter. I haven't even told them the full of it because I can't go into depth about the true horrors of what my grandparents and grandfather specifically have done because I'm too ashamed to talk about it as it's so vile and disgusting and he genuinely deserves to rot in hell for it, but even with the context I had provided, people still acused me of being the problem for speaking about my "poor" grandparents so harshly.
My grandparents are so delusional and insane sometimes. I just feel like I need to get this off my chest. Me and my grandparents haven't had the best relationship and I cut contact with them for a few years until very recently and they're very overjoyed to see me and I am too although it's a little uncomfortable. I've been kind of painted as the golden child in a way by them because the rest of the family also kind of cut contact and my mum was the only one who semi-stayed, and I used to be extremely close with my nanna growing up. When I first saw them for the first time in like years, they started crying, which I have never seen my grandad do before apart from funerals, nor has my mum. But I feel like they've been trying to buy me back and placing almost bribes for me to come over. For example, they gave me a vintage diamond ring the first time I saw them for "working hard at my studies". I don't want to be arrogant but I'm kind of the most successful out of the grandkids already and I think I have the brightest future, but they have like delusional expectations of me I think. It doesn't even come from a place of malice, they're just delusional. Like they started saying stuff like if I get \_\_\_ grade, I'll get £\_\_\_. But the grades were insane. Like as in if I got that, I'd be at an elite school, like the best in the country, and it really annoyed me. They constantly brag to others about me and how smart I am and I do think that I'm somewhat intelligent, but I'm not Einstein by any means and I have a lot to learn. I tried to explain half jokingly that they don't have to worry about their money because I don't think I'll be getting those grades but they just started laughing thinking I was joking then looked bewildered. Meanwhile, I was abused by my bio dad and cut contact when I was a kid and wasn't legally allowed to see him anyway for years, and because of the trauma I was homeschooled for a while and missed out on so much but have already managed to overcome so much and have very good grades, especially all things considered, but you can't expect miracles. All while they don't have a gcse to their name and don't have any awe inspring job themselves! And on the very first time I went around there, my nanna had the nerve to ask me when I'd see my bio dad again. Like... never? Are you for real? You never even liked him. But it's just so out of touch. I was in hospital because of him. Why would I ever forgive him? They're lucky that I forgave them, and that was only because they aren't looking too healthy! And then my nanna also randomly started grilling me about my money, because my mum mentions that I have a mini business which is really just a hobby, but my nanna brags about that to people. She kept pressuring me about how much money I'm making and everything and it's like why do you want to know? What's it to you? And i got the feeling that she was like secretly judging me for not being "self sufficient" when I don't wanna say my age on here fully, but I'm literally 2 years away from being old enough to 🍷🍻🍾 (UK). I just had my birthday too. Why would I have a house of my own? Are you for real? This all happened on the first and second meeting after not seeing them for like 4 years btw. Its crazy. I know they love me and it doesnt come from a place of malice but like use your brains or common sense I beg. I also know its small and nothing to complain about but it hurts when I used to be close with her before everything happened and theyre just so uncomfy to be around. Also the way they were acting when god forbid I coughed when they started blowing cigar smoke in my face because I have athsma! Kids these days don't know how to behave and have a smoke, am I right?
My grandparents are so delusional and insane sometimes. I just feel like I need to get this off my chest. Me and my grandparents haven't had the best relationship and I cut contact with them for a few years until very recently and they're very overjoyed to see me and I am too although it's a little uncomfortable. I've been kind of painted as the golden child in a way by them because the rest of the family also kind of cut contact and my mum was the only one who semi-stayed, and I used to be extremely close with my nanna growing up. When I first saw them for the first time in like years, they started crying, which I have never seen my grandad do before apart from funerals, nor has my mum. But I feel like they've been trying to buy me back and placing almost bribes for me to come over. For example, they gave me a vintage diamond ring the first time I saw them for "working hard at my studies". I don't want to be arrogant but I'm kind of the most successful out of the grandkids already and I think I have the brightest future, but they have like delusional expectations of me I think. It doesn't even come from a place of malice, they're just delusional. Like they started saying stuff like if I get ___ grade, I'll get £___. But the grades were insane. Like as in if I got that, I'd be at an elite school, like the best in the country, and it really annoyed me. They constantly brag to others about me and how smart I am and I do think that I'm somewhat intelligent, but I'm not Einstein by any means and I have a lot to learn. I tried to explain half jokingly that they don't have to worry about their money because I don't think I'll be getting those grades but they just started laughing thinking I was joking then looked bewildered. Meanwhile, I was abused by my bio dad and cut contact when I was a kid and wasn't legally allowed to see him anyway for years, and because of the trauma I was homeschooled for a while and missed out on so much but have already managed to overcome so much and have very good grades, especially all things considered, but you can't expect miracles. All while they don't have a gcse to their name and don't have any awe inspring job themselves! And on the very first time I went around there, my nanna had the nerve to ask me when I'd see my bio dad again. Like... never? Are you for real? You never even liked him. But it's just so out of touch. I was in hospital because of him. Why would I ever forgive him? They're lucky that I forgave them, and that was only because they aren't looking too healthy! And then my nanna also randomly started grilling me about my money, because my mum mentions that I have a mini business which is really just a hobby, but my nanna brags about that to people. She kept pressuring me about how much money I'm making and everything and it's like why do you want to know? What's it to you? And i got the feeling that she was like secretly judging me for not being "self sufficient" when I don't wanna say my age on here fully, but I'm literally 2 years away from being old enough to 🍷🍻🍾 (UK). I just had my birthday too. Why would I have a house of my own? Are you for real? This all happened on the first and second meeting after not seeing them for like 4 years btw. Its crazy. I know they love me and it doesnt come from a place of malice but like use your brains or common sense I beg. I also know its small and nothing to complain about but it hurts when I used to be close with her before everything happened and theyre just so uncomfy to be around. Also the way they were acting when god forbid I coughed when they started blowing cigar smoke in my face because I have athsma! Kids these days don't know how to behave and have a smoke, am I right?
I'm about to go to college and I'm picking my subjects, but I'm hearing so many people call all of them mickey mouse subjects and that I'm not gonna go anywhere with them and it's made me feel quite disheartened. I'm doing law, politics, and english language.
I'm about to go to college and I'm picking my subjects, but I'm hearing so many people call all of them mickey mouse subjects and that I'm not gonna go anywhere with them and it's made me feel quite disheartened. I'm doing law, politics, and english language.
I'm looking for tarot meaning books, which are the best in your opinion? :)
Beginner here! Can someone please tell me what the like highlighted lines mean like the extra thick ones? And is that the same as the highlighted square around some of the things at the bottom? Hope this makes any sense lol! Also is there a difference between the red and blue lines? Tysm to anyone who answers and helps <3
Im so fucking disgusted omg. Im on a diet and trying to lose a bit of weight after i gained a bit of weight off my holiday, nothing major, just wanna go back to normal. But i got hungry and saw people online giving tips and saying to watch mukkbangs. THEY ARE FUCKING VILE. DOWNRIGHT MINGING AND DISGUSTING OMDS. Nah im not even joking i wanna cry after trying to watch one. Maybe they arent all like that but like fucking hell that was sickening. Like shoving face full of 10k calories, lip smacking, dripping food down themselves, fucking m04n1ng which genuinely made me wonder if it was some f3t1sh freak content. Im sorry but NEVER AGAIN. I know its probably like "well what did you expect? Its a mukkbang", and i know i bear responsibility but like... Have some sympathy please because you dont know how gross it was. He was like rolling his eyes back and making weird noises like in a really yk way and it was horrible. You aint s3xy mate. I expected idk polite eating with manners and idk, i guess i expected the large portions, but like thats not really too much of the problem, idk. I just wanted some manners bro...😭
I don't know exactly why but drama just seems to follow me wherever I go, even if I feel like I don't do a lot to cause it. But, I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it just a little bit. Maybe I just have a very eventful life, or maybe I just notice drama more than most people because I have quite a lot of friends and also maybe look for it subconsciously.
​
But anyway, I find myself always in crazy situations and I have quite a lot of different friends. But I don't know if this is because of a problem within myself (which I'd be open to finding out about so I can admit it, grow, and change for the better) or if my friends and the people I surround myself with are the problem, but I constantly feel like I find myself compelled to shit talk my friends.
​
Not shit talk in the "oh, her hair's horrible" way, or anything catty like that. Moreso like "oh, did you see what _ did to _?" way if that makes sense. I honestly find gossip about the first thing quite pathetic and hate it, but with the latter, on the other hand, it's the complete opposite. However, I'm still vey careful with who I speak to since I don't want to risk ruining my reputation or potentially losing anyone, although most of the time it isn't like it's anything I wouldn't say to their face.
​
I have this smaller main friend group of about 5 girls with myself included and for the first year of knowing each other, I've never felt compelled to talk bad about one another because it was such a non-toxic friendship and we all had such a good bond, and even though I wasn't as close with one of the girls as I was the rest and got an iffy vibe from her, I never really wanted to talk bad about her.
​
But during the second year, I feel like things have changed. Maybe it's exam stress (although I highly doubt it is for them) or something else, but 2 out of us 5 have been annoying me increasingly much recently and I can't take it. Let's just say girl A and girl B.
​
Girl B I had quite a solid friendship with, and not to be rude or anything, but she's kind of on the bigger side. Now I've had problems with eating in the past but managed to overcome it, although I still struggle a little with it from time to time now. But anyway, at one point girl B kept trying to get me alone, and only when we were alone she'd start making really weird comments to me.
​
Stuff about weight, like "I'm so fat", "I wish I looked like you", and got weirdly defensive about her eating chips in front of me as if I would ever judge her for something like that? Like she said "I don't normally eat like this btw" even though she genuinely does and that's fine, it's none of my business, but I've known her for like a year and a half now so it's like why are you lying when I didn't even say anything or think anything in the first place?
​
But these comments were so awkward for me because I didn't know how to respond properly because how do you reply to things like that? I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I myself know how difficult food problems can be and I'd say I'm very sympathetic towards it.
​
But the comments kept getting more and more frequent and she kept pulling me aside to say them and would only ever say it when it was us two, and then they started getting worse. Until eventually, she started randomly asking me for tips on how to get skinnier but in a really unhealthy way if you know what I mean.
​
When she brought this up it was like my body had like a physical reaction and I panicked and started to feel like genuinely sick and didn't know what to say. I had already been really awkward and didn't say much to her before hoping she'd get the hint I didn't wanna talk about food stuff and even politely asked to change the topic convo so many different times, but she just never listened. But now I panicked and I just told her perhaps a little snappily that I already told her I don't want to talk about it and I stormed off.
​
I thought she would finally take the hint, but she didn't and kept pressing the next day. My eyes started to get a little watery and I felt like I was gonna cry and I asked her once more to stop and that it's a really hard subject for me to talk about and I don't wanna relapse or anything like that, but she just wouldn't listen.
​
But one day I think she got really pissed off at me for saying no to the conversation and she just snapped and hasn't been really the same to me since. Like backhanded passive aggressive comments, and I tried to ignore it because I recognised that she was probably just hurt with no one else in the group to turn to, but regardless I don't want to give her any tips of something that's dangerous, not just for her but also for myself, but I was still sympathetic because I know how hard it can be so I didn't say anything back.
​
But then she started openly calling me fat in a "joking" way, and I'm really not trying to be rude but it was just crazy coming from her because she's quite literally so much bigger than I am and wider even though I'm taller and idk. But I don't wanna compare bodies or be mean but you know. And I tried to shrug it off again and not retaliate because I feel really bad for her and I get it, and I tried to not take it to heart, but this time it kind of did affect me a bit, and I cried and had another small relapse before I got back to being healthy again.
​
One of my friends girl A had noticed this though, and had asked if I was okay, and so I told her everything, and she had said that she noticed the vibe was "off" between me and girl B, but couldn't really put her finger on it. I told her all of the things she said, and how she was doing it in a sneaky way because she'd only ever be openly mean when it was just me and her, and would constantly force the two of us in positions where we'd be alone and I couldn't leave.
​
Girl A is very protective over me, and I appericiate that in a friend, and just really needed someone to talk to. But instead of criticising the actual actions and words of girl B, girl A started mocking her because of her weight and laughing at and taking the piss out of her and it got to just being downright cruel.
​
This is probably one of my shortcomings and mistakes and I take full responsibility for it being wrong, but I didn't know what to do in that situation and part of me was a little hurt still, so I laughed with her when it was just me and girl A.
​
I was a bit upset about the friendship group kind of falling apart though and felt like I partially was to blame for it in a way, and things were just more tense, and girl B kind of went to hang out with a different friend group.
​
But now girl A has started doing a few bits in general too, like just disrespecting me and my other friends boundaries. I won't judge anyone for what substances they take and do, even if I don't personally agree with it or want to do it myself. But I genuinely think that my friend has an addiction to something (idk if I'm allowed to say it on here) and it's been impacting her severely I think.
​
But girl A has offered me it multiple times to which I've always just said "no thank you, it's not my thing", and moved on. But then she started being passive aggressive and tried to peer pressure me I think? Like what are we, 12? It was really weird but I just told her really firmly that I'm not going to be doing it, but then she started acting as if I was some victim of overly strict parents?
​
Although my parents have warned me about side affects and educated me from a very young age, it is genuinely completely my choice not to take them. I've had the opportunity to accept it several times without my parents knowing, and I've always just declined because that's my choice. But she started crying and going off on a substance induced rant about how cruel and strict my parents are and how she wishes that they'd die.
​
Obviously this was really fucked up and I stopped being as close with her after and have only really tolerated her after since it's been the last few months we'd have to be together. But this has been the same with my studies too, if I study and get good grades suddenly my parents are villains and dictators, as if I can't have my own ambitions and drive, and if I do then I'm a victim somehow?
​
But anyway, it's been exhausting, and I've only been in contact with one of the friends from the rest of the group since school has finished, and we've gotten closer, but mostly shit talking girl A and girl B and their actions because she was stories of girl A disrespecting her boundaries and different weird stories abour girl B being passive aggressive.
​
And it's made me wonder if I might be the problem? I know it sounds a bit crazy, but I do seem to gravitate towards drama I think, because I must do since all of these crazy things keep happening. And I do love drama, mainly just tv shows I guess because I have more than enough of it in my own life, but I also love IRL drama when it doesn't involve me. So I guess I'm just wondering if I've sought this all out myself somehow subconsciously without realising it because so many crazy things (much more and far worse) than this keep constantly happening, and I'm starting to question if I'm the problem and if I just secretly enjoy it all deep down, and if I love gossip? I really want to try to change if I am partly to blame though so please be brutally honest and give constructive criticism and an honest opinion in the replies please, all responses are appericiated, thank you for reading <3
I don't know exactly why but drama just seems to follow me wherever I go, even if I feel like I don't do a lot to cause it. But, I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it just a little bit. Maybe I just have a very eventful life, or maybe I just notice drama more than most people because I have quite a lot of friends and also maybe look for it subconsciously.
​
But anyway, I find myself always in crazy situations and I have quite a lot of different friends. But I don't know if this is because of a problem within myself (which I'd be open to finding out about so I can admit it, grow, and change for the better) or if my friends and the people I surround myself with are the problem, but I constantly feel like I find myself compelled to shit talk my friends.
​
Not shit talk in the "oh, her hair's horrible" way, or anything catty like that. Moreso like "oh, did you see what _ did to _?" way if that makes sense. I honestly find gossip about the first thing quite pathetic and hate it, but with the latter, on the other hand, it's the complete opposite. However, I'm still vey careful with who I speak to since I don't want to risk ruining my reputation or potentially losing anyone, although most of the time it isn't like it's anything I wouldn't say to their face.
​
I have this smaller main friend group of about 5 girls with myself included and for the first year of knowing each other, I've never felt compelled to talk bad about one another because it was such a non-toxic friendship and we all had such a good bond, and even though I wasn't as close with one of the girls as I was the rest and got an iffy vibe from her, I never really wanted to talk bad about her.
​
But during the second year, I feel like things have changed. Maybe it's exam stress (although I highly doubt it is for them) or something else, but 2 out of us 5 have been annoying me increasingly much recently and I can't take it. Let's just say girl A and girl B.
​
Girl B I had quite a solid friendship with, and not to be rude or anything, but she's kind of on the bigger side. Now I've had problems with eating in the past but managed to overcome it, although I still struggle a little with it from time to time now. But anyway, at one point girl B kept trying to get me alone, and only when we were alone she'd start making really weird comments to me.
​
Stuff about weight, like "I'm so fat", "I wish I looked like you", and got weirdly defensive about her eating chips in front of me as if I would ever judge her for something like that? Like she said "I don't normally eat like this btw" even though she genuinely does and that's fine, it's none of my business, but I've known her for like a year and a half now so it's like why are you lying when I didn't even say anything or think anything in the first place?
​
But these comments were so awkward for me because I didn't know how to respond properly because how do you reply to things like that? I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I myself know how difficult food problems can be and I'd say I'm very sympathetic towards it.
​
But the comments kept getting more and more frequent and she kept pulling me aside to say them and would only ever say it when it was us two, and then they started getting worse. Until eventually, she started randomly asking me for tips on how to get skinnier but in a really unhealthy way if you know what I mean.
​
When she brought this up it was like my body had like a physical reaction and I panicked and started to feel like genuinely sick and didn't know what to say. I had already been really awkward and didn't say much to her before hoping she'd get the hint I didn't wanna talk about food stuff and even politely asked to change the topic convo so many different times, but she just never listened. But now I panicked and I just told her perhaps a little snappily that I already told her I don't want to talk about it and I stormed off.
​
I thought she would finally take the hint, but she didn't and kept pressing the next day. My eyes started to get a little watery and I felt like I was gonna cry and I asked her once more to stop and that it's a really hard subject for me to talk about and I don't wanna relapse or anything like that, but she just wouldn't listen.
​
But one day I think she got really pissed off at me for saying no to the conversation and she just snapped and hasn't been really the same to me since. Like backhanded passive aggressive comments, and I tried to ignore it because I recognised that she was probably just hurt with no one else in the group to turn to, but regardless I don't want to give her any tips of something that's dangerous, not just for her but also for myself, but I was still sympathetic because I know how hard it can be so I didn't say anything back.
​
But then she started openly calling me fat in a "joking" way, and I'm really not trying to be rude but it was just crazy coming from her because she's quite literally so much bigger than I am and wider even though I'm taller and idk. But I don't wanna compare bodies or be mean but you know. And I tried to shrug it off again and not retaliate because I feel really bad for her and I get it, and I tried to not take it to heart, but this time it kind of did affect me a bit, and I cried and had another small relapse before I got back to being healthy again.
​
One of my friends girl A had noticed this though, and had asked if I was okay, and so I told her everything, and she had said that she noticed the vibe was "off" between me and girl B, but couldn't really put her finger on it. I told her all of the things she said, and how she was doing it in a sneaky way because she'd only ever be openly mean when it was just me and her, and would constantly force the two of us in positions where we'd be alone and I couldn't leave.
​
Girl A is very protective over me, and I appericiate that in a friend, and just really needed someone to talk to. But instead of criticising the actual actions and words of girl B, girl A started mocking her because of her weight and laughing at and taking the piss out of her and it got to just being downright cruel.
​
This is probably one of my shortcomings and mistakes and I take full responsibility for it being wrong, but I didn't know what to do in that situation and part of me was a little hurt still, so I laughed with her when it was just me and girl A.
​
I was a bit upset about the friendship group kind of falling apart though and felt like I partially was to blame for it in a way, and things were just more tense, and girl B kind of went to hang out with a different friend group.
​
But now girl A has started doing a few bits in general too, like just disrespecting me and my other friends boundaries. I won't judge anyone for what substances they take and do, even if I don't personally agree with it or want to do it myself. But I genuinely think that my friend has an addiction to something (idk if I'm allowed to say it on here) and it's been impacting her severely I think.
​
But girl A has offered me it multiple times to which I've always just said "no thank you, it's not my thing", and moved on. But then she started being passive aggressive and tried to peer pressure me I think? Like what are we, 12? It was really weird but I just told her really firmly that I'm not going to be doing it, but then she started acting as if I was some victim of overly strict parents?
​
Although my parents have warned me about side affects and educated me from a very young age, it is genuinely completely my choice not to take them. I've had the opportunity to accept it several times without my parents knowing, and I've always just declined because that's my choice. But she started crying and going off on a substance induced rant about how cruel and strict my parents are and how she wishes that they'd die.
​
Obviously this was really fucked up and I stopped being as close with her after and have only really tolerated her after since it's been the last few months we'd have to be together. But this has been the same with my studies too, if I study and get good grades suddenly my parents are villains and dictators, as if I can't have my own ambitions and drive, and if I do then I'm a victim somehow?
​
But anyway, it's been exhausting, and I've only been in contact with one of the friends from the rest of the group since school has finished, and we've gotten closer, but mostly shit talking girl A and girl B and their actions because she was stories of girl A disrespecting her boundaries and different weird stories abour girl B being passive aggressive.
​
And it's made me wonder if I might be the problem? I know it sounds a bit crazy, but I do seem to gravitate towards drama I think, because I must do since all of these crazy things keep happening. And I do love drama, mainly just tv shows I guess because I have more than enough of it in my own life, but I also love IRL drama when it doesn't involve me. So I guess I'm just wondering if I've sought this all out myself somehow subconsciously without realising it because so many crazy things (much more and far worse) than this keep constantly happening, and I'm starting to question if I'm the problem and if I just secretly enjoy it all deep down, and if I love gossip? I really want to try to change if I am partly to blame though so please be brutally honest and give constructive criticism and an honest opinion in the replies please, all responses are appericiated, thank you for reading <3
I don't know exactly why but drama just seems to follow me wherever I go, even if I feel like I don't do a lot to cause it. But, I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it just a little bit. Maybe I just have a very eventful life, or maybe I just notice drama more than most people because I have quite a lot of friends and also maybe look for it subconsciously.
​
But anyway, I find myself always in crazy situations and I have quite a lot of different friends. But I don't know if this is because of a problem within myself (which I'd be open to finding out about so I can admit it, grow, and change for the better) or if my friends and the people I surround myself with are the problem, but I constantly feel like I find myself compelled to shit talk my friends.
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Not shit talk in the "oh, her hair's horrible" way, or anything catty like that. Moreso like "oh, did you see what _ did to _?" way if that makes sense. I honestly find gossip about the first thing quite pathetic and hate it, but with the latter, on the other hand, it's the complete opposite. However, I'm still vey careful with who I speak to since I don't want to risk ruining my reputation or potentially losing anyone, although most of the time it isn't like it's anything I wouldn't say to their face.
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I have this smaller main friend group of about 5 girls with myself included and for the first year of knowing each other, I've never felt compelled to talk bad about one another because it was such a non-toxic friendship and we all had such a good bond, and even though I wasn't as close with one of the girls as I was the rest and got an iffy vibe from her, I never really wanted to talk bad about her.
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But during the second year, I feel like things have changed. Maybe it's exam stress (although I highly doubt it is for them) or something else, but 2 out of us 5 have been annoying me increasingly much recently and I can't take it. Let's just say girl A and girl B.
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Girl B I had quite a solid friendship with, and not to be rude or anything, but she's kind of on the bigger side. Now I've had problems with eating in the past but managed to overcome it, although I still struggle a little with it from time to time now. But anyway, at one point girl B kept trying to get me alone, and only when we were alone she'd start making really weird comments to me.
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Stuff about weight, like "I'm so fat", "I wish I looked like you", and got weirdly defensive about her eating chips in front of me as if I would ever judge her for something like that? Like she said "I don't normally eat like this btw" even though she genuinely does and that's fine, it's none of my business, but I've known her for like a year and a half now so it's like why are you lying when I didn't even say anything or think anything in the first place?
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But these comments were so awkward for me because I didn't know how to respond properly because how do you reply to things like that? I didn't want to hurt her feelings because I myself know how difficult food problems can be and I'd say I'm very sympathetic towards it.
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But the comments kept getting more and more frequent and she kept pulling me aside to say them and would only ever say it when it was us two, and then they started getting worse. Until eventually, she started randomly asking me for tips on how to get skinnier but in a really unhealthy way if you know what I mean.
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When she brought this up it was like my body had like a physical reaction and I panicked and started to feel like genuinely sick and didn't know what to say. I had already been really awkward and didn't say much to her before hoping she'd get the hint I didn't wanna talk about food stuff and even politely asked to change the topic convo so many different times, but she just never listened. But now I panicked and I just told her perhaps a little snappily that I already told her I don't want to talk about it and I stormed off.
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I thought she would finally take the hint, but she didn't and kept pressing the next day. My eyes started to get a little watery and I felt like I was gonna cry and I asked her once more to stop and that it's a really hard subject for me to talk about and I don't wanna relapse or anything like that, but she just wouldn't listen.
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But one day I think she got really pissed off at me for saying no to the conversation and she just snapped and hasn't been really the same to me since. Like backhanded passive aggressive comments, and I tried to ignore it because I recognised that she was probably just hurt with no one else in the group to turn to, but regardless I don't want to give her any tips of something that's dangerous, not just for her but also for myself, but I was still sympathetic because I know how hard it can be so I didn't say anything back.
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But then she started openly calling me fat in a "joking" way, and I'm really not trying to be rude but it was just crazy coming from her because she's quite literally so much bigger than I am and wider even though I'm taller and idk. But I don't wanna compare bodies or be mean but you know. And I tried to shrug it off again and not retaliate because I feel really bad for her and I get it, and I tried to not take it to heart, but this time it kind of did affect me a bit, and I cried and had another small relapse before I got back to being healthy again.
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One of my friends girl A had noticed this though, and had asked if I was okay, and so I told her everything, and she had said that she noticed the vibe was "off" between me and girl B, but couldn't really put her finger on it. I told her all of the things she said, and how she was doing it in a sneaky way because she'd only ever be openly mean when it was just me and her, and would constantly force the two of us in positions where we'd be alone and I couldn't leave.
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Girl A is very protective over me, and I appericiate that in a friend, and just really needed someone to talk to. But instead of criticising the actual actions and words of girl B, girl A started mocking her because of her weight and laughing at and taking the piss out of her and it got to just being downright cruel.
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This is probably one of my shortcomings and mistakes and I take full responsibility for it being wrong, but I didn't know what to do in that situation and part of me was a little hurt still, so I laughed with her when it was just me and girl A.
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I was a bit upset about the friendship group kind of falling apart though and felt like I partially was to blame for it in a way, and things were just more tense, and girl B kind of went to hang out with a different friend group.
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But now girl A has started doing a few bits in general too, like just disrespecting me and my other friends boundaries. I won't judge anyone for what substances they take and do, even if I don't personally agree with it or want to do it myself. But I genuinely think that my friend has an addiction to something (idk if I'm allowed to say it on here) and it's been impacting her severely I think.
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But girl A has offered me it multiple times to which I've always just said "no thank you, it's not my thing", and moved on. But then she started being passive aggressive and tried to peer pressure me I think? Like what are we, 12? It was really weird but I just told her really firmly that I'm not going to be doing it, but then she started acting as if I was some victim of overly strict parents?
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Although my parents have warned me about side affects and educated me from a very young age, it is genuinely completely my choice not to take them. I've had the opportunity to accept it several times without my parents knowing, and I've always just declined because that's my choice. But she started crying and going off on a substance induced rant about how cruel and strict my parents are and how she wishes that they'd die.
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Obviously this was really fucked up and I stopped being as close with her after and have only really tolerated her after since it's been the last few months we'd have to be together. But this has been the same with my studies too, if I study and get good grades suddenly my parents are villains and dictators, as if I can't have my own ambitions and drive, and if I do then I'm a victim somehow?
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But anyway, it's been exhausting, and I've only been in contact with one of the friends from the rest of the group since school has finished, and we've gotten closer, but mostly shit talking girl A and girl B and their actions because she was stories of girl A disrespecting her boundaries and different weird stories abour girl B being passive aggressive.
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And it's made me wonder if I might be the problem? I know it sounds a bit crazy, but I do seem to gravitate towards drama I think, because I must do since all of these crazy things keep happening. And I do love drama, mainly just tv shows I guess because I have more than enough of it in my own life, but I also love IRL drama when it doesn't involve me. So I guess I'm just wondering if I've sought this all out myself somehow subconsciously without realising it because so many crazy things (much more and far worse) than this keep constantly happening, and I'm starting to question if I'm the problem and if I just secretly enjoy it all deep down, and if I love gossip? I really want to try to change if I am partly to blame though so please be brutally honest and give constructive criticism and an honest opinion in the replies please, all responses are appericiated, thank you for reading <3