u/Dangerous-Tax5830

I feel like I am the physical embodiment of envy. I exist in a constant state of envy, jealousy, and fear of missing out. It’s not okay to live like this.. i’ll spend my whole life wishing i had what others did or thinking that they possess the secret key to happiness- while i’m stuck with this inevitable huge void. I can’t accept that things didn’t go perfectly, I can’t accept that i don’t have that thing or that lifestyle or that experience or that privilege that someone else does. This isn’t surface level either… my skin and soul literally BURNS with envy. It consumes me day and night. I lose sleep at night and lose hours and hours in the day green in the face with envy.

Can anybody else relate to this?? any advice or support welcome, i genuinely am exhausted of dealing with it

I’m honestly really scared and confused right now, and I’m hoping some other trans girls might have some insight or similar experiences.
I graduated in May and started estrogen around the same time. Before starting HRT, I wouldn’t say I was doing amazing, but I was getting through my days. I felt relatively optimistic and hopeful about the future.
Then I started estrogen, and over the following months it feels like everything just completely crashed down.
This summer I was constantly spiraling. I felt extremely dissociated, emotionally unstable, and like I was genuinely losing my mind sometimes. I became really dependent on male validation and got into a really unhealthy place mentally. I also suspect I have OCD and possibly BPD, and it honestly felt like those symptoms became MUCH worse during this period.
I want to be really clear: I am NOT saying estrogen definitely caused any of this. I don’t even necessarily believe that it did. I’m just looking at the timeline and thinking, “…why does this line up so much?”
Now I’ve run out of estrogen because my mom was paying for it out of pocket, and our insurance doesn’t cover it. She can’t afford to keep paying for it, and I can’t afford what I was paying through Planned Parenthood either. I’m also almost out of my testosterone blockers, so I’m really worried about suddenly being without everything.
The weird thing is that since running out of estrogen, I’ve actually been feeling a little happier and more like myself. I don’t want to jump to conclusions because I could feel awful again tomorrow, but right now I’m noticing a difference.
And honestly, I really don’t want this to mean that estrogen isn’t right for me.
I have wanted to transition for years. I know I’m trans. I know I want to be a girl. I’ve spent countless nights thinking about this, and I’m not suddenly questioning whether I want to transition. I don’t want to be a guy. Becoming a girl has been something I’ve looked forward to for so long.
So if estrogen really is contributing to my mental health problems, what the hell am I supposed to do?
Could this potentially be something that happens when your body/brain is adjusting to estrogen and then improves after being on it longer? Has anyone experienced a significant mental health crash after starting HRT that eventually settled down? Or did changing the estrogen dose/type/method make a difference?
And then there’s the practical problem: where can I get estrogen and blockers affordably?
I was getting estrogen through Planned Parenthood, but paying completely out of pocket became too expensive. I was using patches, and I’ve heard those can be one of the more expensive forms of estrogen. If anyone knows of cheaper options, clinics, programs, pharmacies, etc. that could help someone who doesn’t have insurance coverage for HRT, I’d really appreciate it.
I don’t want to just stop taking everything, especially the blockers, but I’m kind of stuck financially right now.
Basically, I’m looking for two things:
Has anyone else experienced something like this mentally after starting estrogen, and did it eventually improve?
What are the cheapest/safest ways to get estrogen + testosterone blockers if insurance won’t cover them?
I’m really scared because I want to be on estrogen. I don’t want this experience to mean that I can’t transition. I just don’t know what’s happening to me right now.

I have the issue of going to write a song and dumping my feelings on the page. I end up being too broad and end up with five songs that say the same sort of thing slightly different. How do I get more specific??

Because i think a good lyricist would be able to write 5 songs about the same situation or feeling and each being different and saying something different, but i tend to be almost too confessional. Like for instance, going through a breakup i could write a whole album about…
but i struggle to do that and it ends up just being very broad like “this is how i feel and this is the situation” type thing and the songs just repeat themselves.

I’m 18F in Minnesota; he’s in California. We met on an app and have talked every day for two weeks.

Lately his replies are getting shorter and slower. I’ve asked to call, but he says he hates calls — his ex made him call constantly. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, holding back feelings so I don’t come off as “crazy” like her.

My sister says play harder to get and text him less. But how far do I take that before he just loses interest?

When is it okay to send the “are you losing interest?” text? Do I step back and let him initiate? Or do I say something honest like “I get attached easily and I really like you, and I don’t want to get hurt”?

For some context i am 18 years old (f) and live in minnesota. The boy i’m talking to lives in california. I met him on an app and ever since that night we have been talking everyday for around two weeks. One thing about me is I am an overthinker and a control freak, who gets attached fast. So all of these things can play into how I act in these situations.
My actual need for advice: Where do I go from here?
We’ve been talking for two weeks. He sometimes responds right away sometimes takes a few hours. I’m the same way, and I purposely don’t respond right away to play a little hard to get and not seem desperate. I feel like he might slowly be losing some interest and his replies are becoming shorter, and the response times are becoming longer apart.
I’ve asked to call and he said he doesn’t want to because he hates calls, his ex was crazy and made him call her 24/7 so he doesn’t like it. I also feel like i’m walking on eggshells because I don’t want him to judge things about me in the lense of his ex. And i feel like i have to subdue some feelings because i don’t want him to think i’m crazy or weird— we’ve only been talking for 2 weeks. When is it okay to send the “Are you losing interest in me?” text? Do I take a step back and let him take initiative and prove he has interest in me because i feel like it’s becoming more one sided day by day. My sisters advice was to play more hard to get and stop texting him all the time. But how far do I go with that until my playing hard to get makes him lose interest? He’s also a good guy and very hot so I don’t feel very secure in the fact that he won’t see a hot girl in LA and leave me in the dust. Do I bring up this conversation? “I get attached easily and I really like you and i don’t want to get my heart broken…”
it all feels too soon for that though and I know that but it is truly how I feel..
I’ve never felt this way talking to a man i feel like I can truly be myself in a lot of ways and I’ve shared some of the deepest parts of me already. That being said the walking on eggshells thing is still very real.
I’ve tried to tell myself just stop overthinking it and let it be..
but i am like the least chill person ever so I don’t know how to just not care lol… hense why i’m asking on reddit
This is one of my first few talking stages ever. it’s rare that a man has feelings for me so when it happens this is how i react. It might also be important to mention i’m trans. I’ve never dated or talked to anyone in person. Please be kind!! I know a lot of this is just overthinking and idk i feel like i might like dumb but I just want genuine real advice please
😞😞

can u girls help me in how you have “feminized” your body or just gotten curves in general. i dont like the idea that “curves” is feminine like feminine bodies come in all shapes and sizes but i digress- i personally just want curves. help!!!

When am I supposed to like… start???
i’m on hrt i started like a month ago. i’m moved out and live with my sister. when do i cut bangs? when do i start buying girl clothes? when do i start presenting as a girl. i’m not out to everyone (some family dad, grandma) im just like well im on hrt but now what like do i wait till my boobs grow in or what??? idk does anyone get how i feel im just like now fucking what how do i start and when and like ugh it’s just so stressful as a well like it’s so much easier to be a lazy boy and not have to deal with the controversy of being trans in the midwest and shave my face everyday and actually pick out an outfit instead of wearing the same 3 pairs of sweatpants and sweatshirt

is there any music that sounds like if Magdalena Bay or tame impala made a country album?
Not traditional country or Nashville radio country, but something that combines:
country/Americana imagery (small towns, gravel roads, lakes, water towers, summer nights)
dreamy or psychedelic production
synths/electronic textures
cosmic, ethereal vibes
preferably female vocals
Some artists that have pieces of what I’m looking for:
Magdalena Bay
Ethel Cain
Kacey Musgraves (Golden Hour)
Faye Webster
Beach House
Weyes Blood
cosmic, ethereal, digital, but country and twangy
Basically music that feels like a girl from a tiny Midwestern town staring at the stars and realizing the universe is alive.
Does anything like this actually exist, or am I imagining a genre that hasn’t been made yet?

i need help. my mom is okay with me transitioning but only if i go through the medical professional way and not the informed consent planned parenthood way. i am 18, so i could just go but i want her support and also the financial coverage with insurance

how do i even go about this? where do i go, what is the process? is there a way i can do it online

this is just so extremely saddening to me as i’ve already been waiting my whole life and don’t want to have to prove myself to people so they can decide that this is right for me

hey! i’m starting estrogen in around a month. i have a question regarding having a penis/masturbating. so i actually enjoy having a penis and i like the pleasure that comes along with it/masturbating. also i am already on antidepressants which significantly have an impact already on my libido or like sex drive i guess? from what i know about estrogen, it can have an impact on like penis function and libido, but is there a way i can keep that penile function and be able to masturbate like normal

hey ladies, I’m starting HRT in about a month!! I’ve never been more excited about something in my life. I’m ssooooo ready to start this journey.
Now I do have a question for you guys, though.. I vape. I would say compared to my other friends who vape I do it significantly less only a few times a day like I’m not a heavy heavy vaper lol. I just use it to get by through the day sometimes, but my question is will I need to quit completely while starting HRT because I’ve heard that vaping or nicotine while doing estrogen can significantly lessen the effects of the estrogen. And I definitely do not want that to happen, but I also am really not ready to try and quit vaping yet- eventually I want to but within this next year I don’t know if I could. So that all being said my question is….for the amount that I vape, which is only a few times a day I don’t really use it that often, Would it be okay for me to still vape?( yes I know you probably will just say quit anyways because it’s bad for you but let’s pretend that’s not an option) will even this small amount of nicotine significantly have an impact on the way the estrogen works?

why does it sometimes take like 5 or 6 listens of the same album or song for it to finally click?! like that’s happened to me so many times and honestly some of my favorite albums ever, the first listen i didn’t like them. ALSO what is the weird thing of like loving a specific artist. like for me i just absolutely love taylor swift and will like any song she puts out. i often find myself listening to new music and being like, “if taylor swift made this it would probably be one of my favorite songs” it’s just cuz i like have a connection with her already and im already like in deep into that world? idk im trying to expand my taste but i often just find that im really weird when it comes to listening to new stuff.

who do u think is the absolute closest music artists to magdalena bays sound. i’m on a journey to find something that evokes the same feeling as imagine disk