u/Defiant-Shopping8048

fellow induction/preemie/NICU moms/parents chime in here pls but anyone is welcome to give advice. also i'm too tired to check for typos, i apologize in advance.

I was diagnosed with sudden onset severe preeclampsia at 35 weeks to the day. they got me on magnesium and all this other crap and said that i had to be induced. i agreed with this, thats not the problem here at all, but just everything that went down is fucking with my head. now, idk if you've ever had the mag but fucking hell everything is a goddamn blur from those few days. i was in the hospital a total of 8 days.

i'm so depressed that i got no part of the birth experience i wanted, i didn't even get to hold him after birth for longer than maybe 10 seconds before they took him from me for the NICU. i feel so disconnected from the whole entire birth, like i genuinely almost cannot believe i gave birth i keep thinking "gotta plan for the hospital so i can make sure it goes smoothly" and whatnot b4 i realize ive literally already given birth. the not holding him i think is fucking with me the most. i'll never get that sticky newborn skin to skin feeling ever again, no amount of the skin to skin i've done in the NICU feels the same. i think this is a major contributor.

i keep looking at my nearly flat belly and feels so sad. he wasn't supposed to even be here yet. i was still supposed to be poking him through my belly and playing little games with him but now he's here and i can't even experience it fully bc he's stuck in the NICU for at least another week :/

every fucking time i look at this kid he doesn't feel like mine. it feels like im babysitting some other persons kid or some shit. i love him dearly but also he literally doesn't feel like my son. no part of the exploded becoming a parent went how i thought it might, and maybe that was just naive of me, but it's seriously fucking with my ability to bond with him fully. he doesn't even rlly look much like me, which obv ik can change cuz lwk he looks nothing like my partner either so.

but yea, i feel sad and depressed and awful bc this whole situation got fucked up and i was out of it for most of it and now i cant even bond with my child properly.

not to mention they didn't give me a damn pump until 10 hours later so i'm on a stupid strict regiment to get my supply to start again basically which isn't helping the stress out.

sorry if this post is incoherent, i'm high on fent after the placement of my foley balloon because im getting induced after showing up to triage with 161/115 BP.

basically i did not have the typical severe headache, face/hand swelling, or vision changes at all and my BP originally did not go over the 140/90 range (135/85 is where it was, which is decently higher than my usual tho). in the last week or so i suddenly started having severe nausea and some vomiting with it, my heartburn was suddenly incurable no matter what i used, i gained 11 pounds in one fucking week, i had bad SOB like constantly felt like a bad chest cold, my feet and calves were basically balloons, and was having weird patches on numbness on my face. at first i chalked this up to shitty third trimester bullshit but i was definitely on the cautious side bc although it's not the classical symptoms it's not unheard of in preeclampsia. did a routine urinalysis that showed 1+ as my protein reading. despite my symptoms, my OB (an MFM specialist bc i have epilepsy) did not seem concerned and just casually said we'd test it again in a week. i bought a blood pressure cuff off amazon to be safe and the instant it arrived i took my BP, 159/96. i laughed and thought "this cuff is prolly just a POS and a waste of money" but in the back of my mind i knew my symptoms were symptoms of preeclampsia and i did have protein in my urine just a few days ago. i took it twice more and got readings in that same range. i called triage and they said to come in.

lo and behold i show up and they take my BP, now 161/115. it stays that way after several readings 10-15 minutes apart so they swiftly IV me and give me medications to bring it down which just barely worked at first (far more controlled now tho). the gist from here on is that as several doctors came to see me it went from "we're gonna monitor you and possibly have to induce you" to "we're definitely inducing you".

so now here i am, coming down off of fent with a foley balloon in my cervix. about to meet my baby boy in 24-84ish hours. all i'm wondering is what if i didn't listen to my gut and buy that damn cuff after not feeling comfy w my OB dismissing my concerns. my baby and/or i could've died is what triage implied and they said they're so glad i came in.

follow your gut instincts guys, it could save your life. it's better to feel a bit stupid than it is to die.

this stuff doesn't feel real tbsh, i was so confident i was probably overreacting bc i felt so dumb after
my chat w my OB. thank god that didn't stop me. time to meet my son <3

sorry if this post is incoherent, i'm high on fent after the placement of my foley balloon because im getting induced after showing up to triage with 161/115 BP.

basically i did not have the typical severe headache, face/hand swelling, or vision changes at all and my BP originally did not go over the 140/90 range (135/85 is where it was, which is decently higher than my usual tho). in the last week or so i suddenly started having severe nausea and some vomiting with it, my heartburn was suddenly incurable no matter what i used, i gained 11 pounds in one fucking week, i had bad SOB like constantly felt like a bad chest cold, my feet and calves were basically balloons, and was having weird patches on numbness on my face. at first i chalked this up to shitty third trimester bullshit but i was definitely on the cautious side bc although it's not the classical symptoms it's not unheard of in preeclampsia. did a routine urinalysis that showed 1+ as my protein reading. despite my symptoms, my OB (an MFM specialist bc i have epilepsy) did not seem concerned and just casually said we'd test it again in a week. i bought a blood pressure cuff off amazon to be safe and the instant it arrived i took my BP, 159/96. i laughed and thought "this cuff is prolly just a POS and a waste of money" but in the back of my mind i knew my symptoms were symptoms of preeclampsia and i did have protein in my urine just a few days ago. i took it twice more and got readings in that same range. i called triage and they said to come in.

lo and behold i show up and they take my BP, now 161/115. it stays that way after several readings 10-15 minutes apart so they swiftly IV me and give me medications to bring it down which just barely worked at first (far more controlled now tho). the gist from here on is that as several doctors came to see me it went from "we're gonna monitor you and possibly have to induce you" to "we're definitely inducing you".

so now here i am, coming down off of fent with a foley balloon in my cervix. about to meet my baby boy in 24-84ish hours. all i'm wondering is what if i didn't listen to my gut and buy that damn cuff after not feeling comfy w my OB dismissing my concerns. my baby and/or i could've died is what triage implied and they said they're so glad i came in.

follow your gut instincts guys, it could save your life. it's better to feel a bit stupid than it is to die.

this stuff doesn't feel real tbsh, i was so confident i was probably overreacting bc i felt so dumb after
my chat w my OB. thank god that didn't stop me. time to meet my son <3

for a little context, i cut my parents (and subsequently my siblings + their spouses after they started attacking me for my decision, they were both golden children so i expected it ngl) off in february of this year. i did so bc i found out i was pregnant and i did reflections on the past after finding myself scared at the idea of leaving my child alone with my parents ever out of fear they'd shame him and stuff the way they shamed me and whatnot. they were outright emotionally and verbally abusive to me growing up, and it got a lot worse when i came out as trans/nonbinary and queer. i'm not gonna go into specifics, just know it was bad and when i moved out i thought maybe i could have a relationship with them since there's so much distance now (i literally live across the country) but things were definitely rocky and whatnot. after many conversations where they'd ignore my boundaries and the whole pregnancy realization thing, i finally just did it and cut them off. had never felt happier, more free, or emotionally safer in my life. it was great. my mom did try and text my fiance at one point to get to me but that conversation made it clear that she didn't get it and said shit like, "you know, you've hurt us, too" in reference to me cutting her off and said that i needed to apologize for that if we were gonna reconcile as if she thought SHE was the one that gets to determine if that happens?? so, i want it to be clear, the following stuff is not her being genuine, im 99% certain it's more love bombing like she tried to do months ago on facebook to me that she tried sending my fiance b4 he blocked her.

now, fast forward to yesterday. my fiancé came inside with an amazon package and he opens it and goes "your face masks arrived" and i said "i didn't order any face masks??" and i grab the package and im like "why does it only say 'A. [last name]'? it doesn't even have my full name on it?" and i think thats when it clicked for my fiance bc my mom still doesn't use my correct name on mail, she puts my first initial (which is the same first initial as my deadname) and that's it. so he reaches into the package and pulls out a gift receipt and very sternly/annoyed says, "oh. you're mom sent it." i just kind of sighed. at first what hit me was this small wave of exhaustion, sort of like an, "ugh just leave me alone" feeling but as i stared at the face masks my eyes just teared up. it's such a small, gentle little gift. it's something that in any normal context should be a loving gesture that makes you happy. instead, for me, it's just a reminder of what i don't have anymore and never will have. my fiance just held me while i sobbed to him. i couldn't fully articulate why it hurt so bad. why this tiny gift hit smth so hard in me.

today, i'm showering and my fiance texts me, "your mother is a horrible person" and i texted back "oh??" and he walked into the bathroom holding another small amazon package. slippers. i just sighed and told him to do whatever with them pretty much. i tried to joke that i needed new slippers anyway, but it wasn't funny to me fr it was just shitty again. to add to it, the label on the manufacturers packaging said "gifts for women" in the string of keywords. that coupled in with only using my first initial instead of my name pissed me off a bit even if it wasn't fully intentional on her part.

then he leaves for work and two seconds after walking out of the house he walks back in and goes, "oh my god your mother is insane" and i just went "is there ANOTHER one???" this time it's some kind of gel moisturizer made for dealing with dry skin during pregnancy. this one fucking broke me i can't fully explain it. a cute little helpful pregnancy gift, right? in any other context, sure. all these stupid cute little gifts that in any other fucking context i should get to be happy and grateful for but i just can't. the pregnancy gift fucking killed me. i want a mom. i wanna sit there and tell her about my pregnancy, my symptoms, joke about the third trimester struggles together, and i always pictured a mom in the delivery room with me holding my hand and supporting me. i want my mom. i just want her. i want my mom. as i'm sat here sobbing i just want my mom to hug me. i just want my fucking mom.

every single time i felt this way over the years i try and trick myself into thinking i do have a mom and that i just need to accept how she treats me in order to have one. and all the other times ive gone low contact and she's promised to change and done shit like this, i got back and nothing actually changes and it's just exhausting and disappointing every fucking time. i know that's what'll happen again. but fuck man i'd be lying if i said i didn't wanna try again so bad rn even if i know i actually won't. it's so painful. i just want my mom.

and i'm so pissed that i'm in this position. i'm pissed too bc it feels like she's winning. i'm supposed to feel bad rn and wanna go back, that's her whole point she wants to make rn. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i just wanna be free from this shit. i finally hadn't heard anything for months and was starting to feel so much freer and shit and now i'm being bombarded and reminded with what i'm missing and what i'll never have bc she simply isn't actually capable of it.

my one friend joked to me that i should just take advantage of the gifts and use them but i just can't at all. just looking at them makes me sad.

my fiance suggested returning them since the gift receipt has an option to. doing that sounds painful too. i can't win here. returning them feels painful. keeping them feels painful. for some reason the idea of her seeing the returned status on her amazon acct and the refund on her bank statements hurts. idfk why i feel bad for HER, she's never given me that privilege. it's all so painful and sad no matter what decision i fucking make here. i can't fucking win.

i'm in so much pain. no amount of my friends or fiance, despite how amazing they all are, will ever be a mom, my mom. i just want my mom to come hug me rn and tell me it'll be alright but she doesn't fucking exist. idk what to do rn. i cant stop crying.

this will be kind of long but totally worth the read, i promise. it might give you something to think about perhaps that may help with that grief of losing the "just the two of us" feeling. i hope this fits the parameters of the subreddit.

firstly, for some context, today my fiance and i had to clean a lot of the apartment and organize it in preparation for my upcoming due date. afterwards we were both hungry, but trying to save money for the baby we both decided eating out wasn't a great idea so we had to cook. as he's cooking his food i'm looking in the fridge to decide what i want i finally go, "im gonna make myself a quesadilla" and he says okay and then immediately, in a tone you can tell that im just about at my breaking point and on the verge of tears i go, "nevermind, i dont know, nevermind im too tired and everything hurts" and he says, "hey, just let me know what you want in the quesadilla and ill make it for you." and he did make me a quesadilla, he even went the extra mile and gave it a crispy cheese crust on top and gave me a lime. we sat on our couch together, watching youtube and eating our dinners.

now, while he and i were cleaning the apartment and organizing things, i found the stack of the letters he sent me from navy bootcamp b4 they discharged him due to a past injury they didn't wanna risk anything with. after dinner, i read through each letter and they were all so sweet to reread, but one stood out the most.

it was addressed to: "the love of my life" and it said:

"
hey honey, i love you so much. you make me so happy and i want to spend my life with you. you are my home, family, and everything a person could ask for. you make me whole in a way no one else can. you are everything to me and when i get out of this place ill be here by your side. <3 i miss you so much, i love you so much, and i always will <3

p.s. i love you <3
"

cue me sobbing.

this letter has so much more meaning when you know the context that this was only 8 months into dating when we were 19 years old. such hopeful, young love where we was saying he wanted to spend his life with me. not to say i didn't feel exactly the same way, but we can all admit that at 19 and 8 months in there's still a high chance that doesn't occur lol. but it did, in fact, occur.

this letter kind of changed my whole perspective on stuff. previously, no matter how badly i wanted this baby, and he was in fact planned, recently as the end of the pregnancy nears i used to be so sad thinking how we're no longer going to be "just the two of us" n stuff. i even used to cry about it sometimes and ask myself why i gave up my youthful relationship even if i wanted this baby and already loved him so dearly. now, idk how to word it exactly but, im seeing it differently now. seeing those two 19 year olds sending letters back and forth and seeing that only 8 months in he said he wanted to spend his life with me and that actually happened and im living that rn. i'm with my one person. and we were just sitting on the couch after a day of chores and errands eating dinner together in the dark living room lit only by the tv we were watching together with our child there with us even if we can't see him yet. that's just life. there's no young love or youth to that, and instead of sad i feel really happy. this is my forever, and it's not young youthful little adventures, sure, but rather two people in love just living their lives as each others one true static, never-changing thing no matter what life does. we traded those 19 year olds sending letters back and forth for two parents sitting on the couch together feeling content and in love. there's nothing lost in that trade, in fact there's quite a lot gained. that young love isn't useless or dumb, and if that's where you're at right now don't take it for granted or rush it, but this new love is way better and happier. those two youngins didn't lose any of that youthful hope, it just evolved into a deep knowing, a certainty.

he came into the room as i was sobbing over the letters and he hugged me and cracked a few jokes to me about how bad the spelling in his letters is. then he laid down in *our* bed and motioned for me to lay with him. and in that moment, the feeling of that love being better was only cemented as i laid there, head on his chest and me in his arms as i could hear his heartbeat and feel our baby moving in my belly.

this will be kind of long but totally worth the read, i promise. it might give you something to think about perhaps that may help with that grief of losing the "just the two of us" feeling. i hope this fits the parameters of the subreddit.

firstly, for some context, today my fiance and i had to clean a lot of the apartment and organize it in preparation for my upcoming due date. afterwards we were both hungry, but trying to save money for the baby we both decided eating out wasn't a great idea so we had to cook. as he's cooking his food i'm looking in the fridge to decide what i want i finally go, "im gonna make myself a quesadilla" and he says okay and then immediately, in a tone you can tell that im just about at my breaking point and on the verge of tears i go, "nevermind, i dont know, nevermind im too tired and everything hurts" and he says, "hey, just let me know what you want in the quesadilla and ill make it for you." and he did make me a quesadilla, he even went the extra mile and gave it a crispy cheese crust on top and gave me a lime. we sat on our couch together, watching youtube and eating our dinners.

now, while he and i were cleaning the apartment and organizing things, i found the stack of the letters he sent me from navy bootcamp b4 they discharged him due to a past injury they didn't wanna risk anything with. after dinner, i read through each letter and they were all so sweet to reread, but one stood out the most.

it was addressed to: "the love of my life" and it said:

"
hey honey, i love you so much. you make me so happy and i want to spend my life with you. you are my home, family, and everything a person could ask for. you make me whole in a way no one else can. you are everything to me and when i get out of this place ill be here by your side. <3 i miss you so much, i love you so much, and i always will <3

p.s. i love you <3
"

cue me sobbing.

this letter has so much more meaning when you know the context that this was only 8 months into dating when we were 19 years old. such hopeful, young love where we was saying he wanted to spend his life with me. not to say i didn't feel exactly the same way, but we can all admit that at 19 and 8 months in there's still a high chance that doesn't occur lol. but it did, in fact, occur.

this letter kind of changed my whole perspective on stuff. previously, no matter how badly i wanted this baby, and he was in fact planned, recently as the end of the pregnancy nears i used to be so sad thinking how we're no longer going to be "just the two of us" n stuff. i even used to cry about it sometimes and ask myself why i gave up my youthful relationship even if i wanted this baby and already loved him so dearly. now, idk how to word it exactly but, im seeing it differently now. seeing those two 19 year olds sending letters back and forth and seeing that only 8 months in he said he wanted to spend his life with me and that actually happened and im living that rn. i'm with my one person. and we were just sitting on the couch after a day of chores and errands eating dinner together in the dark living room lit only by the tv we were watching together with our child there with us even if we can't see him yet. that's just life. there's no young love or youth to that, and instead of sad i feel really happy. this is my forever, and it's not young youthful little adventures, sure, but rather two people in love just living their lives as each others one true static, never-changing thing no matter what life does. we traded those 19 year olds sending letters back and forth for two parents sitting on the couch together feeling content and in love. there's nothing lost in that trade, in fact there's quite a lot gained. that young love isn't useless or dumb, and if that's where you're at right now don't take it for granted or rush it, but this new love is way better and happier. those two youngins didn't lose any of that youthful hope, it just evolved into a deep knowing.

he came into the room as i was sobbing over the letters and he hugged me and cracked a few jokes to me about how bad the spelling in his letters is. then he laid down in *our* bed and motioned for me to lay with him. and in that moment, the feeling of that love being better was only cemented as i laid there, head on his chest and me in his arms as i could hear his heartbeat and feel our baby moving in my belly.

I was thinking about this the other day for whatever reason, and I wanna preface this with I don't know a whole lot about muslim culture tbsh so please educate me if any of this is off base or ignorant. I identify as a far more masculine leaning nonbinary person (using he/they pronouns) but I am AFAB. From what I understand, muslim culture doesn't really recognize trans ppl and such and it's frowned upon to be LGBTQ+. However, in college I met SEVERAL non-homophobic/transphobic muslim people that respected my name and pronouns and such. I'm wondering if it's good to just warn someone you're masc identifying incase that would make them uncomfortable taking off their hijab around you or anything like that (assuming you're even somehow in a situation where they wouldn't already know this but would be in a private enough situation for them to consider removing their hijab). I quite honestly wouldn't rlly be that offended if they were like "you're AFAB so idgaf if you see my hair" so therefore I figure it's no harm no foul to just warn them rq but does anyone think that would be weird? I'd probably do it anyway just incase but I wanna hear some opinions on if you should. this both feels like an obvious answer to me and still something i'm second guessing lmao idk why.

my fiance wants to start going to a curly hair salon bc he's decided recently he wants to really take care of his curls. he mostly just wants a deep wash that'll make his curls healthier and a small trim. he wants someone who specializes in and knows a lot about curly hair. preferably one that's not like terribly expensive as we are saving up for a baby, but if that's not possible we'll take any recs!

I'm super autistic and dunno how to do this the right way, pls gimme tips lol. Also idk the actual ages but the title wouldn't lemme put "20sNB/M".

Basically a couple moved in across the hall from my fiancé (21M) and I (21NB) just a few days ago. I left a short welcome note that basically just said hi, sorry our cat is loud sometimes, we're expecting a baby soon btw sorry if that's loud also, and left my fiancé and i's numbers incase they ever need anything. Next morning woke up to a text from one of them introducing them (20sNB) and their partner (20sM) and saying they love cats and kids so it's no problem w the noise and they said our note was right on time because their breaker tripped and they couldn't find the breaker and needed some help. After a few days of fiascos involving the apparently locked breaker and dangerous electrical systems in their apt specifically and us contacting the state for inspections n stuff cuz our landlord refused to help we've been texting a lot abt that stuff. Throughout the course of that I've found out one of them is not only also NB and queer like me, but they're also from and grew up in the same area i grew up in across the country roughly and they literally have two of the same chronic illnesses I do too lmao. Like insane level coincidence lol. So far they both seem really cool and I wanna maybe try and become friends outside of just being neighbors if they're open to it? How do I do that without being weird? What're the steps/stages? I need tips/advice lol.

i have hEDS, diagnosed roughly 1.5 years ago. i'm about 6 months pregnant rn and im just tryna prep for the future like toddler and even like kindergarten age. i have trouble even holding my cats for too long (and they are literally only between 10-15 pounds depending on breed lmao) when they want attention but i wanna be able to hold my kid if they want me to, esp if his dad isn't immediately available to instead in the moment. newborn im not super worried abt bc id imagine the sling does a decent amt of the work, right? correct me if not. but any tips on what i can do to like be able to maybe hold him longer when he's older and heavier? any exercises you recommend? or anything i could ask PT abt that they could help with? any tips are welcome just lmk! the pain i get from holding things for too long happens mostly in my elbows, shoulders, and knees tbh if that helps for context, sometimes my ankles if it's for a rather long time.

siblings are heavily attacking me for being NC w my parents and it hurts

i always saw this coming because for whatever reason i was the scapegoat. i was abused and they weren't, in fact one of my siblings was even adopted out of an abusive household so who tf is gonna believe me that my parents could do that amazing deed and then turn around and abuse me.

yesterday my sister in law texted me to tell me my parents are "a wreck" bc i cut them off and that i need to reconsider. when i was steadfast that im not contacting them again bc i was literally abused and that what she's asking of me isn't okay she texted me a whole thing about how in the time that she's known me i've been nothing but an awful person and that im a hypochondriac seeking attention that always plays the victim and literally said the phrase "you're not actually disabled, you don't have any health issues" when i could so easily send over my medical records saying otherwise. like such certainty and based on what??? like what an insane thing to just throw on me when that wasn't even part of the conversation too?? but it's the exact same stuff my parents used to say, so no doubt she heard it from them and chose to just believe it ig.

but then i texted my group chat w my siblings and their spouses and just sent a message finally explaining what i went through from our parents and why i made the decision i did and why im not willing to go back on it. i even said so many times in the message that i dont expect or even hope that they cut off our parents, side with me, hate them, etc. like literally anything like that. i woke up today to my brother responding to that text saying that im putrid for lying about being abused and all this other shit and how the only person who was abused was our adopted brother and our parents couldn't have abused me if they saved him from abuse (which i totally saw coming) and it just hurt.

i'm being made out to be this horrid, attention-seeking person that's faking abuse and illnesses and stuff. whatever man. i'm done with this whole fucking family but it still hurts so much yk? my therapist said to expect that they will protect the family dynamic and not support me but it still hurts to have any hope of being seen squashed. you think i wanted this?? bro i WANT PARENTS SO BAD, it's not easy to just cut ppl off. and it took months before i even told anyone i cut them off like how tf is that attention seeking??? idek man, i'm so defeated rn.

A while ago there was a reddit story that all the comments were really upset with their take on, so much so that they read it again in a different video a while later and gave new takes and the comments thanked them for revisiting it. I can't for the life of me even remember what the story was, though? Does anyone remember which story it was, and even better do you remember the two videos it showed up in? I think maybe I remember Court being in the original video but that could be entirely wrong, does anyone know what I'm talking abt??