u/Flaky-Boysenberry466

This concept is just so crazy to me that it has repeatedly happened that men don’t have “enough” feelings for me... because I either have feelings or I don’t. I don’t think I’ve ever dated someone and thought “yeah I have feelings but not enough”. they are either there, or they aren’t…how does that work? I just don’t get it. to “kind of“ be falling in love but not enough to where you want to actually prioritize the connection? what??

I am 31F with a Scorpio Venus and for the last 6 years I’ve been single and trying to find someone, I’ve noticed (looking back) that everyone who I was interested in (who also broke my heart) had a fire or air Venus. I’m wondering if its more likely that the older we get, its more likely that someone who is single is single because they want to be. And more commonly it seems that people with earth/water Venus’s have committed to their person long ago while most of the dating market at this age are people who were dating for experiences / adventures / life lessons (fire/air Venus’s)? and this isn’t to say that their way is WRONG it just doesn’t match what I want (commitment and intentionality and partnership forever)

I just want to find my Capricorn Venus man who will commit to me and match my life long devotion 🥲

What is wrong with just wanting romance and wanting to spend time with someone you like instead of just texting all the time or going two weeks without seeing each other? Why is it clingy for wanting to genuinely build a relationship instead of constantly living in a state of “let’s see where it goes” “I don’t know how I feel yet” “I don’t know them yet” “impress me”.

Why do people say I am clingy just because I want to have some romance and to actually see and touch the person I like? I know there is a line where it can be too much where if you abandon your own life and want to see them 24/7, but jeez why can’t people just be excited about each other anymore? “I met this person I liked and I’m motivated and intentional about finding a partner, and I felt really good with them, so I want to see them again two days from now when I’m free, and make plans for next weekend, and you know what I have a long lunch tomorrow and seeing them for 10 minutes would be really nice”.

Why do we have to be all cold and distant and slow moving instead of just leaning into feelings and just have some god damned romance without seeming “clingy”????

I refuse to ever use the apps again but I’m wondering how people in Portland can meet people in other ways? I’m brand new in the city and I also just want to make friends and build a community anyways!

Are there any clubs you recommend? Regular events or activities? Places to hangout regularly and I’ll start seeing the same faces?

for reference I’m 31F :) I really like video games, food, pickeball but I’m into trying tennis, I walk my dog a lot, I also like technology and movies and just chillin on a picnic blanket in the sun. That’s pretty much my life. Just to give an idea of who I am as a person for context on which events/clubs could be recommended to me. thank you!!

Side note I tried a run club once but I couldn’t keep up and they all kept running without me so I don’t think I could ever try that again 🫠

I get so angry when I hear people always tell me “there’s so many people out there, just move on and find someone else”. but every time something doesn’t work out with a guy I’m dating, I’m even more devastated because I know it’s going to be at least a year or two before I find another guy I would even be interested in going on a date with.

Am I alone in this? I don’t think my standards are too high, I just want someone nice and goofy, nerdy, smart, interesting. but I so rarely find the and when I do, I only get a few weeks of them before they tell me they don’t “feel it“.

31F and last year I experienced for the 3rd time hearing someone I was dating and falling for rip the rug out from under me by telling me they didn’t fall in love. Its shocking every time and it takes me a long time to get over it, it messes with my self image and my ability to trust in my senses.

They all tell me they think I’m such a lovely, beautiful, funny, cute, and loving woman but for whatever reason they didn’t feel any feelings for me. And they have absolutely no reasons why - no incompatibilities, no red flags, no misalignments for the future… and it truly makes me crazy because, the chemistry is there too. The clearly enjoy spending time with me and are attracted to me too, so I just don’t get it.

I havent been able to even look at another man for an entire year. I don’t know how I’m ever supposed to trust again that someone is actually into me or not.

What does it say about me if I continuously fail to elicit romantic feelings in men that I am spending romantic time with?