u/Flaky-Boysenberry466

I can not get over a situation that happened to me last year. this person is 100% out of my life and I will never see or talk to him again but the pain he left on my life still lives with me and it’s honestly pathetic that I can’t move on! We “dated” for about 5 weeks and I made my intentions clear and asked about his early on. He made it seem like we were really building something. Then he started pulling back and rejecting any request to see him in person, and when I asked about the change he always reassured me that it wasn’t about him not being interested and that he was just “busy and overwhelmed”. It went on like this for a month and once he even sent me a long heart-felt text about how he is not lying about being busy, he still wants to see me, hes not ending things with me, he understands what it’s like to be broken hearted, and if I have any other fears to bring them to him.

well, it turns out that he actually wasn’t interested in me anymore and had no intentions of seeing me again and it was all a cryptic way to end things with me because he never had feelings for me he finally admitted. how do I move on from this? it’s really messed with my brain and now I feel I could never trust any other man’s words again because, even if I ask them directly if they are into me or not they will find words to make them not look like the bad guy while still not giving me what I want (either love or a clear ending).

has anyone else received a ”cryptic rejection”? how do I move on from this?

How do you know if someone leans avoidant rather than just not wanting you specifically? I know I shouldn’t be putting my energy into this because, either way the end result is the same - not having a relationship with someone I cared about.

It seemed like avoidant attachment because he started off initially seeming so interested and sweet and even when I noticed he wasn’t prioritizing getting to know me or spending time with me he would reassure me that it had nothing to do with him not being interested…but I noticed that as soon as we got closer (sex) he stopped wanting to see me or talk to me as often.

I just would like to know how you can tell the difference because if I know he is avoidant I would feel better that it’s just not me specifically that he didn’t want, and it’s a pattern of pushing away safe healthy love…

I’ve noticed that no man has ever really put effort into getting to know me or spending time with me. I very rarely date but I noticed that when I do, I am always the one putting the effort in to keep things going. they always think I’m so sweet, pretty, funny, cute, strong, but don’t ask me questions or plan other dates. I’ve even noticed when I was on the apps that men would compliment me and tell me how I’m so pretty and after talking about a common interest one guy even said I was his perfect type but he didn’t ask to see me in person. the last guy that broke my heart early last year, he said how he’s always the one putting effort into the relationship but he didn’t do any of that with me. he clearly thought I was beautiful and sweet and all of these great things but he never really cared to get to know me.

Why? I feel like they don’t really give me a chance to see who I am. I understand if they weren’t interested but… they clearly were…

Gemini, Leo, and Aries Venus all came on strong and romantic and charming and genuinely receptive to my love until one day they just ripped the rug out from under me and admitted they didn’t have feelings. The worst one was the aries Venus. I thought his Pisces moon would have been delighted to find someone like me who was actually going to give him the steady love he apparently had been hoping for.. (I’m a Scorpio venus).

Im so traumatized from them now that I genuinely don’t know how to tell if a man is actually feeling things for me or if they are just dating me because I’m there - because their actions all proved they were feeling things for me..

I can’t seem to find anyone around my age! I’ve tried going to parks and meetups and sports clubs but it seems like everyone is 20 or 45 theres no inbetween. I’m kinda panicking now, I haven’t made any friends since I’ve moved here 2 months ago. is there a specific age group sports club I can join or something?

I understand needing some alone time in life but it seems like it’s popular now for men to need to spend a majority of their time alone, at least the ones I come into contact with.

I just wonder, if you need a lot of alone time but you simultaneously want a relationship, how is that going to work? You want a partner, but you would also rather be in your house alone while there is a person who cares about you a few miles away that would be delighted to just sit next to you on the couch even if in silence?

How do relationships ever get started if you require a lot of alone time, because in order for the relationship to ever get serious you need to commit some real time to them to see what they are like in all areas of life and to really get to know them, you cant do that if you would mostly prefer to be alone. could you ever love someone enough that you would rather spend time with them than be alone? And even if that happens, how would you even get to the point of loving them if you don’t spend enough time with them because you’re always prioritizing your alone time?

I also enjoy my alone time, but if I actually found someone that I like, I just feel that time with them would be better spent than time alone.

(this post is only for the people who genuinely need a lot of alone time, you know who you are. We all need alone time but there are people who need a lot more if it than the average person)

Scorpio Venus and I download about 2 or 3 times a a year and delete within 3 days. I hate them. I think it’s ruined love and dating. it’s programmed so many people’s minds to look at people like Amazon shopping. always looking for the next best thing while having 4 others in your cart. I wish they never existed. people that are single and introverted don’t force themselves to leave the house because they have the perception of options on the apps. Men trying to use it as a quick hookup. not to mention I HATE swiping no 250 times for every one yes.

it’s just a momentary feeling of wanting to fuck someone and then it’s over. I’ll never experience the life long love I want more than anything because it doesn’t exist. they just want to fuck me and then I’m not a person to them anymore.

Hey there, I’m 31F and my whole life I’ve been told how beautiful I am. And more than that, I’ve been told I’m also so sweet and loving and conversational and fun. But for some reason, no man has ever had romantic feelings for me. Even after dating me for 6 weeks and making me feel like they really care about me - suddenly they dont have romantic feelings for me.

When I talk to strangers in passing like in airplanes or bars or grocery store checkout lines (especially old men or women) they are always so shocked that I am single. they think I am so sweet and pretty that theres no possible way a man hasn’t latched onto me.

I just have to know if this is a common experience that other beautiful women have been rejected so much in their life.

31F, I’ve gotten my heart broken horribly 3 times in a row over the past 6 years by situations that really misled me. they weren’t even real relationships. but each time, I felt like I was finally going to enter a relationship with someone who was reciprocating my affection and intentions, just to find out they “didn’t feel it” the whole time and I feel lied to.

I don’t know how I’m supposed to open my heart ever again. I’m terrified of getting close to someone or kissing someone or doing anything romantic because I feel they are going to do all of these things with me without actually enjoying it.

its been a year and a half since the last time I got mislead and broken, and I haven’t moved on. I recently went on 4 dates with a guy that I was so terrified of showing any affection or real interest and I told him I didn’t want to text between dates. I told him I had been really hurt in the past so I would appreciate if he could take the lead. but he never made any moves and after 4 dates (no kissing or hand holding or affection of any kind, just chats over drinks or meals) he called it off.

I thought love is supposed to be fun and sweet and romantic but I’m too scared of showing that side of me again because I know it’s going to get taken advantage of and I’m going to hear once again “I don’t feel it”.

What am I supposed to do from here? Accept that the love I have is something that no guy wants and just be alone forever?

Ive done so much work and soul searching and reading the past few years to figure out this heartbreaking pattern that has existed in the entirety of my life. No one has ever loved me - not my family, friends, relationships. They like me and think I’m sweet and funny, loving, fun, interesting, beautiful…but they don’t prioritize me or even care if I am in their life or not. It started with my dad, and my mom, then my sisters, and then friends, and then men who I was dating.

I know that this pattern could be traced back to me subconsciously feeling like I need to “earn” the love I didn’t get from my family. (that’s how much work I’ve done on this by the way - I know the root cause of it). but still, it doesnt explain how this pattern still exists even when I’m aware of it, and I know I’m not chasing men or friends who are careless about me. the men who claim they really like me, give me a really sweet love and it seems obvious they are falling for me or at least feeling what I feel for them, until they sit me down one day and say it’s over because they don’t have any feelings for me.. and it’s shocking. I haven’t dated in a year and a half now because love doesn’t feel safe anymore, it feels like the precursor for pain. to always wonder if their affection and attention is real or if they are taking it just because its there, not because they actually care about me..

And I also don’t think this pattern exists because I solely pick people who feel lukewarm about me from the start, because it happens even with men who clearly are caring about me and enjoying spending time with me.

So what is it? Why am I constantly the person people like, but don’t love?

I feel like there is so much love and care in my heart that is going to waste because I have no one to give it to. :(

Have you ever been genuinely interested and romantically engaged with a woman and then lose all spark and interest after you have sex? Why? What changed for you? Unless the sex was really bad, which honestly I still don’t think is a dealbreaker because if you like someone, then you learn how to have good sex together and what you both like.

I stay single for most of my life because I don’t want to date guys that are assholes, flashy egos, etc…but when I finally find a good, sweet, nice guy, they treat me badly. Good and smart guys with good relationships with their families, good heads on their shoulders… They welcome my affection for a few weeks and make me think we have something special growing until one day they break the news to me that they don’t see me in a romantic way, even though they just did so many romantic and intimate things for me. and its like a switch went off, they suddenly have no more interest in being touched or held by me and nothing I can say or do can get to them, like they just went cold… they even said the cruelest things to me after I was pretty desperate to get an answer or explanation for that behavior..

But the assholes are the ones that want me..guys that cant form an emotion more than hungry angry and horny, want me, but I don‘t date them because I like to think that I’m smart and know that wouldnt be a good experience. (not to mention I’m not even attracted to that anyways).

So what is it? Why do good guys treat me like crap and why are the assholes the only ones that want to pursue me?

31F and I’ve been single for so many years. I got my heart utterly shattered last year and im trying hard to find someone but it’s all so exhausting because I’m doing things I don’t want to do just to get out in the open to expose myself to people.

Im going to events, walks, hikes, picnics, barcades, trivia, and all of these social things while ALSO having to look around the whole time for guys I might be interested in. it’s exhausting. all I want to do is go home after work, cook dinner, watch a show, play my games and do my usual stuff without having to constantly look for events and gatherings in town. it’s so exhausting… but theres no other way for me to meet guys…

not to mention that while I’ve been doing this the last few weeks that I’ve actively been making an effort to expose myself, I only have seen one decently interesting guy and I embarrassed myself because as he was leaving after our little chat, I called after him before he left and I ran up to him and asked if he was single and he said no. I felt like crying.

I’ve deleted the apps again but I’ve noticed this saying (or something along the lines of it) on so many men’s profiles. And it frustrates me in a way I can’t really explain…

Sorry but do you think if a woman is wanting a relationship, that means you need to be fully committed from the first date?? that if you go on one date you are automatically in a relationship? ”need time to see if we are a match” “I want to start off just getting to know each other” “eventually I want a relationship but only if we get along“ - FREAKIN DUH!!! that’s how dating WORKS!!! You go on a date or two and see if you get along and if you don’t, there is no harm on not seeing each other again. You don’t owe someone anything after 1 or 2 dates

Im a Scorpio Venus and its been a heartbreaking theme in my life that men like me, care about me, enjoy spending time with me, find me extremely attractive and sensual and really enjoy intimacy with me, for some reason don’t develop romantic feelings and don’t fall in love.

Maybe it’s my curse or maybe Scorpio Venus is just too much for people (or not enough if I’m going to quote them literally)

You think she’s funny, sweet, strong, beautiful, she wants to spend time with you, cared about you, and she also has a huge libido? What would hold you back from feeling anything for her other than friendship?

I just cant stand hearing repeatedly that “I just didn’t fall in love“ after all of these men told me they thought I was all of these things and apparently thought I was so lovely and “shouldn’t worry because you‘ll have no problem finding someone who will appreciate you”

I don’t get why this has happened to me so many times (4 times over the last 6 years). I‘m hurting

To just “lose feelings“ for someone - I don’t get it. I’m not talking about scenarios where you lose feelings over time when you realize your partner isnt appreciating you or loving you the way you need, I’m talking about people who just lose feelings one random day for someone they were crazy about the day before, with someone who has shown them nothing but love and consistency and devotion.

How does it happen? What type of people does this happen to? Have you ever lost feelings in this way, or have been on the receiving side of it?

I hear stories of people losing feelings in this way and I truly think this could never happen to me. I know in my heart I’m built for a love that lasts until the day I die.