u/Fun_Border_8057

How do some average girls date a guy “above their league” ?

An acquaintance girl friend of mine is dating a guy who is conventionally attractive, handsome, athletic, has cool hobbies, academically successful, interning at a prestigious company, ambitious and comes from a celebrity/influencer family. Because of that he has a lot of followers on social media. An everyone are calling him handsome on social media and telling him to model.

As you can imagine, he is very popular in my university. Many girls find him intimidating. He is the guy many women would want to date. Guys like that look at me don't even bother giving their time to talk to me, even something as small as small talk.

By comparison, this girl, she is fairly average and plain looking (definitely compared to him), doesn't have the same level of influencer popularity (just a normal college student girl), and comes from a different cultural and ethnic background to him (she is east asian and the guy is white but looks like a model). She does come from an upper middle class family.

She was also only a university freshman when they met and started dating, so no real achievements/status establishment in university too (the guy is not a freshman). Yet they are now in a serious committed relationship and guy celebrates her and shows her off, at least on social media.

I suspect she was interested in and pursued him first? or else the other way around doesn't make sense?

Most of my female friends date men who are more successful professionally, but, in my opinion, they’re better-looking than their boyfriends. So I can see a give-and-take there. With this girl, though, I don’t see that same balance. She’s “dating up” across all the areas I’m comparing, rather than just career and success.

I don't believe she just got lucky, because a pattern I've noticed about her is that she is highly ambitious about everything in general, she became student council president in high school and regularly tries out for and secures competitive opportunities, from the companies she applies for to the university clubs she joins, they are all socially regarded as high tier and competitive to get into.

There are two things I’m trying to understand:

1. How did she find the confidence to pursue such a guy romantically? Most of my girl friends look at him and they are intimidated, so how was she so confident?
2. How she got him to successfully reciprocate and choose her, presumably when he had many options and many asian girls that look like her too

I know guys are big on how a girl looks above anything else, especially guys that are highly sought after.

But this girl looks pretty average and plain, like most asian girls in my university, and definitely not as good looking compared to him.

So what makes someone seemingly average able to attract a person “above their league”? in literally multiple aspects in this case? especially as a girl, where its not as common to date above their league compared to vice versa? What is this girl (and people like her) doing differently, where high value men say yes to be with her? what is their secret?

How do some average girls date someone “above their league” ?

An acquaintance girl friend of mine is dating a guy who is conventionally attractive, handsome, athletic, academically successful, interning at a prestigious company, and comes from a celebrity/influencer family. Because of that he has a lot of followers on social media. An everyone are calling him handsome on social media and telling him to model.

As you can imagine, he is very popular in my university. Many girls find him intimidating. He is the guy many women would want to date. Guys like that look at me don't even bother giving their time to talk to me, even something as small as small talk.

By comparison, this girl, she is fairly average and plain looking (definitely compared to him), doesn't have the same level of influencer popularity (just a normal college student girl), and comes from a different cultural and ethnic background to him (she is asian and the guy is white but looks like a model). She does come from an upper middle class family.

She was also only a university freshman when they met and started dating, so no real achievements/status establishment in university too (the guy is not a freshman). Yet they are now in a serious committed relationship.

I suspect she was interested in and pursued him first?

I don't believe she just got lucky, because a pattern I've noticed about her is that she is highly ambitious about everything in general, she became student council president in high school and regularly tries out for and secures competitive opportunities, from the companies she applies for to the university clubs she joins, they are all socially regarded as high tier and competitive to get into.

That may explain where she got the confidence to approach him, but it doesn’t explain how she got him to reciprocate when he presumably had many options?

I know guys are big on how a girl looks above anything else, especially guys that are highly sought after.

But this girl looks pretty average and plain, like most asian girls in my university, and definitely not as good looking compared to him. And she was interested in him first too.

So what makes someone seemingly average able to attract a person “above their league”? in literally multiple aspects in this case? especially as a girl, where its not as common to date above their league compared to vice versa? What is this girl (and people like her) doing differently, where high value men say yes to be with her? what is their secret?

There’s a coworker I find genuinely cool and interesting, and I really wanted to build a friendship with him. Every time I try to strike up a conversation, though, he acts completely indifferent and uninterested. It’s pretty clear he doesn’t want to be friends.

I know nobody owes me their friendship or energy. Usually, I don’t care if people don't vibe with me, but when it’s someone I actually respect and I really like, the rejection HURTS.

How do you guys usually deal with this kind of situation?

He's (24m) a work colleague of mine, i have worked with him on a project for a few months and we have met in person before once. i have a crush on him. i had complimented him once before on how smart he was.

I saw him walking towards my office building in the morning, so i deliberately walked past him/overtook him on a narrow escalator so he'd notice me, but I'm not sure if he did, and even if he did, I don't know if he realised it was intentional, and not coincidental.

About five minutes later, he caught me staring at him as he was entering the office building. He waved at me because I was looking at him from a distance. I waved back, and as he was walking toward the elevator, I went up to him and started talking.

To not seem suspicious for staring earlier, I said, "Sorry, I was just trying to recognise if it was really you or not," but he gave me a bit of a side-eye and a weird look, like he thought i was weird.

Then, on the elevator, we made some small talk. He asked me what days I come into the office, and I told him.

I said I come to the office usually, but usually go to a different building cause my team is there, but Wednesdays I come to this building (his building). I said it because I knew his schedule, that he only comes to office Wednesdays, to this building. i said this to covertly let him know that it overlaps.

He asked me why is that?

When asked, I told him a cover up reason, that my team has a standing lunch booking in this building on Wednesdays.

Then I asked him, "What about you? What days do you come to office?"

And he said "iiiiiiii only come Wednesdays."

after he said that, I messed up the small talk because I got really nervous, I broke eye contact and looked away while still asking him a question, so it came off really awkward.

He didn't say anything after that. He turned his face away and didn't look at me the whole elevator ride; it was just silence. the silence and the head turn away from me felt very deliberate. like he wanted me to know that he is facing away from me and he is not accepting anymore questions.

When my floor came and I was leaving the elevator, he said "cya" in a cold tone. I replied, "See you around, bye!" in a more cheerful tone to make up for the awkwardness.

So from this, do you think he sensed that I have a crush on him and subtly rejected me?

He's (24m) a work colleague of mine, i have worked with him on a project for a few months and we have met in person before once. i have a crush on him. i had complimented him once before on how smart he was.

I saw him walking towards my office building in the morning, so i deliberately walked past him/overtook him on a narrow escalator so he'd notice me, but I'm not sure if he did, and even if he did, I don't know if he realised it was intentional, and not coincidental.

About five minutes later, he caught me staring at him as he was entering the office building. He waved at me because I was looking at him from a distance. I waved back, and as he was walking toward the elevator, I went up to him and started talking.

To not seem suspicious for staring earlier, I said, "Sorry, I was just trying to recognise if it was really you or not," but he gave me a bit of a side-eye and a weird look, like he thought i was weird.

Then, on the elevator, we made some small talk. He asked me what days I come into the office, and I told him.

I said I come to the office usually, but usually go to a different building cause my team is there, but Wednesdays I come to this building (his building). I said it because I knew his schedule, that he only comes to office Wednesdays, to this building. i said this to covertly let him know that it overlaps.

He asked me why is that?

When asked, I told him a cover up reason, that my team has a standing lunch booking in this building on Wednesdays.

Then I asked him, "What about you? What days do you come to office?"

And he said "iiiiiiii only come Wednesdays."

after he said that, I messed up the small talk because I got really nervous, I broke eye contact and looked away while still asking him a question, so it came off really awkward.

He didn't say anything after that. He turned his face away and didn't look at me the whole elevator ride; it was just silence. the silence and the head turn away from me felt very deliberate. like he wanted me to know that he is facing away from me and he is not accepting anymore questions.

When my floor came and I was leaving the elevator, he said "cya" in a cold tone. I replied, "See you around, bye!" in a more cheerful tone to make up for the awkwardness.

So from this, do you think he sensed that I have a crush on him and subtly rejected me?

Hey guys, how do you guys deal with friends or acquaintances who make you really, really envious? So, I have this friend. She used to be an ugly duckling like me, but she came from a wealthy family, so after high school at 18, she got plastic surgery. She changed her eyes, nose, jaw, and she had a glow up.

And she also got a return on investment for all of the cosmetic work she did by getting an extremely handsome model-like looking boyfriend, who is also really successful.

He is really handsome, extremely intelligent because he was top of the class in university, works as a successful software engineer at a prestigious tech company. Basically, he's handsome, successful, smart, like all in one. And her boyfriend seems to LOVE her and treats her like the queen of england herself, shows her off her on Instagram when they go on fancy dates, Valentine's Day, anniversaries, birthdays.

And looking at their relationship, me so envious because her boyfriend is literally THE PACKAGE.

I also wanted a boyfriend like that, but i have been unsuccessful due various reasons, and I can't even get plastic surgery like her because I'm too broke. If you've had friends like this, how do you guys deal with it? Should I cut her off for my own sanity? Or what should I do? What do you guys think is the right move?

hey guys, my crush (22M) that i havent talked to much asked me when do i come to the office in the elevator.
he doesnt see me often because i work in a different building
is this a good sign or is he just making elevator small talk because he doesnt see me often and i shouldn't get my hopes up?

For those of you with boyfriend/husband, who do you think was interested first?

Were you interested first and he eventually reciprocated, or was he interested first and you reciprocated? I’m not just asking who officially asked whom out, sometimes the person who asks is responding to interest the other person had already shown.

For those of you with boyfriend/husband, who do you think was interested first?

Were you interested first and he eventually reciprocated, or was he interested first and you reciprocated? I’m not just asking who officially asked whom out, sometimes the person who asks is responding to interest the other person had already shown.

For those of you with boyfriends, who do you think was interested first?

Were you interested first and he eventually reciprocated, or was he interested first and you reciprocated? I’m not just asking who officially asked whom out, sometimes the person who asks is responding to interest the other person had already shown.

For those of you with boyfriends, who do you think was interested first?

Were you interested first and he eventually reciprocated, or was he interested first and you reciprocated? I’m not just asking who officially asked whom out, sometimes the person who asks is responding to interest the other person had already shown.

Hey guys, I developed a crush on a guy from one of my university group projects. The project and class have now ended, so I no longer have a natural reason to see or talk to him.

I would like to become friends with him and get to know him better before considering asking him out, but I am not sure how to create repeated interactions with him

What would be a natural way to stay in contact, spend more time around him, and gradually build a friendship?

Hey guys, there is this guy who is conventionally attractive, extremely smart, athletic, successful, driven, popular, from a very rich and posh family, and has tens of thousands of Instagram followers. He got medals at university for being top academically, does a ton of sports, and is basically the kind of “very top of the dating market” guy many girls would want to date.

Despite being attractive, he has a scary RBF, similar to male high-fashion models, which makes him intimidating to approach or talk to. He also has a bad-boy / male mean-girl type of personality. He can be disrespectful or dismissive toward people over even small mistakes, and when he is not interested in someone, he does not really engage in basic social politeness or small talk just to be kind. From what I can see, he seems aloof and uninterested in most people, but with people he actually likes, he seems very sweet, engaged, and supportive.

The confusing part is that the girl he is dating seems really average in every way. She is a freshman in university, only about five months into university from high school, looks plain, there are 1000 other girls at my university who look just like her. She also does not seem to have any major achievements, impressive profile, or social connections yet. So, dating league-wise, the couple does not really make sense to me.

I have shown this guy to my friends, and some of them know of him too. They have admitted they would never go for someone like him because his hobbies, success, personality, and overall profile intimidate them. They say things like, “Why would he talk to girls like us?” even though, looks-wise, they look similar to the girl he is dating. Most of my friends feel inadequate going for someone like him.

He seems genuinely in love with this girl. Judging from his Instagram stories, he shows her off on his Instagram, seems proud of her, and appears to be really kind and gentle with her.

What I do not understand is how the girl he is dating had the confidence to go for him and how she got him to successfully reciprocate? How was she not intimidated by his success, status, rude personality toward other people, and intimidating RBF like most people are? Even my friends admit say that "she's punching up"

I assume she was the one who was interested first or pursued him, because he is popular, has a much louder presence, an already established profile, a huge social circle, and many people at my university know him. She is also a year younger than him, just starting university, has a smaller presence, and appears to have a less impressive profile compared to him. It does not make sense to me that he would have been interested first, he also has so many options for the guy he is.

What I do not understand is where her confidence came from, or how she felt comfortable pursuing someone like him at her level.

Even I feel intimidated by him, and I have a similar level of academic achievement and profile as him. So I am genuinely trying to understand how she was not intimidated and how she had the confidence to pursue him, especially as a freshman in university where everything is new and unfamiliar.

I am asking because I want to learn from her but cant really ask her this. This is also challenging how I thought dating worked. I always assumed people generally dated within their leagues, but this is the first time I have seen something like this, especially where the guy seems above the girl’s league. It has honestly broken my brain a bit and challenged how I thought the world worked. I am trying to understand how she had the confidence to go for him. Have you guys seen a similar couple like this where is the girl seems much more low profile compared to the guy? How do you make sense of it?

Hey guys, so there was this guy. He’s conventionally attractive, really cute, really smart, got medals at university, and now works at a top tech company, comes from a really rich, posh family. Basically, he’s the kind of guy that most girls would die to date. I’m pretty sure he gets hit on a lot just from his looks alone, even before you even factor in his achievements or social status.

What confuses me is that he’s dating a girl who, purely in terms of conventional looks, seems pretty average. She's also average in terms of her achievements and social status. I know looks and social status aren’t everything and I get that attraction is way more complex than that, personality, confidence, intelligence, humour, values, emotional connection, all of that matters way more long-term.

Seeing this difference between them, and what it seems like an "unbalanced" relationship from the outside, I want to know the answers to things like:

who pursued who first? What does she have that made him want her over all the other girls who are interested in him? How did their relationship come to be? I’m not asking this in a judgmental way toward her, I’m genuinely trying to understand what I’m missing because I'm a really curious person, and want to know how these things come into place and I also want to learn from her! But i cant really ask these to them directly, as I'm worried it might come across as offensive. From the outside it just seems unexpected to a lot of people.

I also had a crush on this guy before i found out that he was dating. I was mainly attracted to his intelligence and personality, looks were just a bonus. But after finding out he’s dating her, I’ve been feeling pretty down about it.

It’s also made me kind of demotivated about dating in general. Because guys like him feel really rare. Like when I look around, I don’t see many girls ending up with someone who has that combination of looks, intelligence, success, ambition, and background. 99% of the girls I know are not with a guy who has it all like he does.

So that’s where I’m at. It makes me feel like there’s not much point trying or getting invested in meeting other guys and dating, because I’m not going to find someone like that again anyway, realistically speaking. Advice would be appreciated.

He's (24m) a work colleague of mine, but we actually know each other from a uni group project. So he knows me (24f) beforehand and we have met in person before.

I deliberately walked past him/overtook him on a narrow escalator so he'd notice me, but I'm not sure if he did, and even if he did, I don't know if he realised it was intentional.

About five minutes later, he caught me staring at him as he was entering the office building. He waved at me because I was looking at him from a distance. I waved back, and as he was walking toward the elevator, I went up to him and started talking.

To not seem suspicious for staring earlier, I said, "Sorry, I was just trying to recognise if it was really you or not," but he gave me a bit of a side-eye and a weird look.

Then, on the elevator, we made some small talk. He asked me what days I come into the office, and I told him. He was very cold or tired?

I said I come to the office everyday, but usually go to one building cause my team is there, but Wednesdays I come to a different building. I didn't provide a reason for that to him, I said it because I knew his schedule, that he only comes to office Wednesdays, to covertly let him know that it overlaps.

He asked me why is that?

When asked, I told him a cover up reason, that my team has a standing lunch booking in that building on Wednesdays.

Then I asked him, "What about you? What days do you come to office?"

And he said "iiiiiiii only come Wednesdays."

Then I messed up the small talk because I was really nervous, I broke eye contact and looked away while still asking him a question, so it came off really awkward.

He didn't say much after that. He turned his face away and didn't look at me the whole elevator ride; it was just silence. the silence and the head turn away from me felt very deliberate to me?

When my floor came and I was leaving the elevator, he said "cya" in a cold tone. I replied, "See you around, bye!" in a more cheerful tone to make up for the awkwardness.

So from this, do you think he sensed that I have a crush on him? Or does he just think I'm weird? And is there any coming back from this?

I’m 24F, in my final year of uni, and it’s suddenly hitting me that so many girls I know, friends, acquaintances, classmates, all seem to have boyfriends. A lot of these girls are also really smart, ambitious, straight-A students, and their boyfriends seem similarly driven/successful too.

I genuinely don’t understand how these relationships actually happen.

Are these girls intentionally pursuing guys they’re interested in and subtly flirting/building things over time? Or are they mostly just socialising normally and eventually the guy asks them out?

How do these things usually unfold in real life? Who is interested first? Who starts flirting first? I know guys often make the “official” move of asking the girl out, but before that point, what is actually happening?

I’m pretty introverted, and I feel like I somehow missed an unspoken social process that everyone around me understands naturally.

I’ve tried asking friends I know, but they’re usually super vague about it or don’t really explain much, which I guess is understandable.

I just genuinely want to understand how relationships in uni usually start from other people’s experiences.

I’m 24F, in my final year of uni, and it’s suddenly hitting me that so many girls I know, friends, acquaintances, classmates, all seem to have boyfriends. A lot of these girls are also really smart, ambitious, straight-A students, and their boyfriends seem similarly driven/successful too.

I genuinely don’t understand how these relationships actually happen.

Are these girls intentionally pursuing guys they’re interested in and subtly flirting/building things over time? Or are they mostly just socialising normally and eventually the guy asks them out?

How do these things usually unfold in real life? Who is interested first? Who starts flirting first? I know guys often make the “official” move of asking the girl out, but before that point, what is actually happening?

I’m pretty introverted, and I feel like I somehow missed an unspoken social process that everyone around me understands naturally.

I’ve tried asking friends I know, but they’re usually super vague about it or don’t really explain much, which I guess is understandable.

I just genuinely want to understand how relationships in uni usually start from other people’s experiences.

hey guys, my crush (22M) that i havent talked to much asked me what days i come to the office in the elevator.
he doesnt see me often because i work in a different building
is this a good sign or is he just making elevator small talk because he doesnt see me often and i shouldn't get my hopes up?

hey guys, my crush (22M) that i havent talked to much asked me what days i come to the office in the elevator.
he doesnt see me often because i work in a different building
is this a good sign or is he just making elevator small talk because he doesnt see me often and i shouldn't get my hopes up?

hey guys, my crush that i havent talked to much asked me what days i come to the office in the elevator.

he doesnt see me often because i work in a different building

is this a good sign or is he just making elevator small talk because he doesnt see me often and i shouldn't get my hopes up?