u/Grouchy_Tap_8264

If I die and still have to poop! I’m done!

Or pee or eat or sleep!

I swear to God, every day I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. What the fuck happened in there? I went to bed tired, gave my body eight whole hours to figure this shit out, and somehow I wake up feeling like somebody beat the shit out of me. I wasn’t asking my body to rebuild a transmission. Just lay there unconscious. Instead I wake up feeling worse than when I started, and then it takes me HOURS to fully become a person again. I’m walking around the house like a recently reanimated corpse, panic drinking coffee and water, staring at walls while trying to remember my own name, and then finally, FINALLY, right around the time I start feeling somewhat functional…now it’s 11am…I’m fucking hungry.

Oh, COME ON!!!! So now we have to stop everything and find some bullshit to eat. And that’s a whole project by itself. What do we have? What sounds good? What hasn’t expired? What can I make without dirtying seventeen dishes? Fine, whatever, find food, eat food, problem solved. Except now I’m tired AGAIN. What kind of system is this? I JUST GOT HERE. I spent three goddamn hours waking this body up and apparently a sandwich and a cookie have enough power to shut the entire operation back down. So now I need another hour to recover from lunch, and right when I start feeling human again my body goes, “Oh, by the way, now you gotta take a shit.” Fantastic. Another mandatory appointment with myself. You can’t even just shit whenever you want because you’re an adult with responsibilities. You have to find the right time to shit. You have to schedule your bowel movements like a fucking dentist appointment.

Alright, fine, that’s done. Surely now we’re good, right? We’ve slept, we’ve eaten, we’ve shit. The human maintenance checklist has to be complete at some point. Nope. Now I gotta piss. And of course it never starts as an emergency. It starts as this polite little suggestion from your bladder like,

“Hey, whenever you get a chance…”

and you think, yeah yeah, I’ll go in a minute. Then ten minutes later your bladder apparently loses all patience and goes, “ACTUALLY, WE’RE DOING THIS RIGHT FUCKING NOW.” Suddenly I’m standing there squeezing my legs together, unable to concentrate on anything, doing the peepee shuffle like that somehow creates more room inside my body. How does needing to pee go from absolutely nothing to a full scale hostage situation in twelve minutes? There’s no middle setting. It’s either “we’re fine” or “YOU HAVE THIRTY SECONDS TO FIND A TOILET BEFORE WE HUMILIATE BOTH OF US.” So fine, I go pee, and for one beautiful moment everything is okay. We made it. Mission accomplished.

Then I’m FUCKING HUNGRY AGAIN. AGAIN? Didn’t we JUST do this? How many times a day does this fucking machine need to be refueled? Imagine if your car was like this. You fill the tank in the morning, drive six miles, and suddenly a light comes on saying, “Hey buddy… little hungry again.” I WOULD SELL THE FUCKING CAR. BUT APPARENTLY I have to keep this body for the rest of my life, so fine, now we’re finding food again. You eat, and of course eating makes you tired again, except this time there’s no coming back from it because now it’s 6:30. That’s it. You’ve crossed the event horizon. You’re not waking back up from this one. You’re just tired for the rest of the day now…so you drag yourself around for the rest of the day masquerading as a proper person until you’re finally tired enough to go to bed.

Ya know…where sleep happens….?

Except you don’t actually go to sleep. You assume the position of sleep. You get into bed, close your eyes, arrange the pillow, pull the blanket up, and basically do a very committed impression of a dead person while your brain suddenly decides this is the perfect time to become fully alert. So now you’re lying there mentally reviewing every mistake you’ve ever made, every awkward conversation you’ve ever had, every stupid thing you’ve ever said, and eventually your brain decides it’s finished it’s presentation…but not because you’re finally ready to fall asleep. No!!! No!!! No!!! it’s because your restless leg has distracted you from your past failings long enough for you to accidentally pass out. Then eight hours later you wake up…FUCKING TIRED AGAIN?!??!!!

So if I die…and somehow “wake up” conscious, eternal, or whatever the fuck happens next…after spending what already feels like an eternity doing all this maintenance bullshit…eating, sleeping, shitting, pissing, recovering from eating, trying to sleep, waking up tired…..only to get to heaven, or whatever, and somebody says, “Welcome! Breakfast is from seven to ten,” I AM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BREAKFAST?! I’M DEAD?! I thought that was the whole fucking point?! And God forbid I get to the afterlife and I still have to find a bathroom?! Absolutely fucking not….

* Paul supported Angela/Mary Alice taking their son Dana/Zach

* Paul was pissed that Martha goaded his wife to suicide

* He continued to support his son

* He continued to battle the psychotic sister.

I mostly support the wives of Wisteria Lane (cul-de-sac as described), but he wasn't "evil" like the blackmailer, nor her psychotic and evblackmailed. I am not defending murder, but if I were,, grief is weird and angry and confusing. We saw angry Andrew hit Juanita Solis when rejected by his dad and he got a redemption arc, but Paul was treated as a villain.

In most cases, the multiple men with their many cheating and failings and love-children suck a bit more, and then there are multiple casual statuatory rapes (Susan was right about Gaby, but mat ain't matching with Julie and Porter) or coercive rape threats, but Paul was faithful to Mary Alice and hated someone who caused his wife's death when he was grieving.

In real life, would I excuse ANY OF THEM, no. But in the show, he was grieving and lost it when that hateful creature thought it was funny.

All of you have been online family for a time. I cut ties. Normally i am more eloquent but I am very much so struggling right now. Please forgive if I sound 12, because that is a bit how I feel. My former mother is nuts. I found sub on suggestion because she was baptizing herself in name of her savior, trump. I cut off contact for what is left of my sanity 2 years ago.

Shockingly, she actually stopped contact too.

A few months ago she and all her siblings (uncle and aunt) let me know something was wrong.. He passed Thursday, and I don't know how I fucking feel.

So I am a bridesmaid in my friends wedding. She just had a bachelorette party at the grooms family’s cabin for 2 nights.

It started off okay, but as the attendants got more and more drunk, the racism and anti-semitism started coming out. For context, everyone else in the wedding party is white. I am mixed Jewish and Asian (and Irish but not relevant to this post).

My part of the party was to put on a tea party in the afternoon. I spent weeks hand decorating a tea set as a wedding present. Weddings are huge in my culture and I wanted to share that joy, I bought and cooked a bunch of my cultural food (but the basic stuff even western food people like, lumpia, baked deserts, and skyflakes with cheese and meat). I of course checked with the bride and MOH before hand and both of that would be okay, with the bride saying she loved Lumpia.

I was so proud of it and it looked beautiful all set up. But immediately, some of the bridal party started making the “ew ethnic food” faces (POC, IKYKYK) One of them chased around another with a sweet bun, laughing about how weird and “scary” it was. It was literally bread and cream. I sent pictures of my set up to other friends to see if it was something I did wrong, and everyone said it looked amazing.

[EDIT: cause I need to be precise. People did say thank you, including the bride. They said the set up was very pretty. It was the reaction to the food by some of them (family of the groom who also made the Auschwitz jokes) that I was describing. That being said, almost nobody spoke during the tea party portion, and blamed it on being tired. The bride and friends did not say anything about the reactions of the other girls. The main feedback I got as that I was clearly a witch because my tea put everyone to sleep. It was a hibiscus, rose, mint, and calamansi mix.]

But oh well, maybe that food isn’t for them. I moved on. But then the racist jokes started. The party started on Juneteenth, you can imagine the “jokes” that came out of that. Then antisemitic jokes about holocaust camps and more.

This is a direct quote “I say a lot of nazi and holocaust jokes for someone who isn’t racist”. I was trapped on a boat with them when this started happening.

Later that night, as I was grabbing something from a room to then leave, the main perpetrator said to someone I considered a close friend “I was worried you’d be offended by the Auschwitz jokes because you’re German”. That friend replied she wasn’t offended. I spoke up “well I might be offended because I’m Jewish”. I got up to leave with my stuff, and the girl said “she’s going back to auschwitz!”

My friend, the bride, everyone laughed.

I went outside and I cried. They saw me from the window when they all came to eat food. Not a single one of my “friends” came to check on me.

The vibes continued along that line, and I felt like I was in the Jewish/asian version of get out, stuck in a giant home with a bunch of racist white people. But honestly, the fear from it wasn’t the worst part, it was that not a single one of my “friends” said anything.

I then was in a 4 hour car ride with one of said friends/bridesmaids on the way home. She spent the last hour of it lecturing me about how she’s “someone who can be cordial around people she doesn’t agree with, but not everyone has that skill, especially when it’s personal” and that “I need to put myself in other people’s shoes and see that they have positive intentions” and more.

For context, this cabin was 4 hours away and I have a pretty moderate disability. I was using 110% of my energy for this, and had no energy left by the end of it. I pushed myself to extremes for these friends and the bride, and it was reciprocated with laughing at anti-semetic jokes at my expense.

The wedding is next weekend. I can barely see from the migraine I have, and my legs are struggling with walking. I don’t feel it’s worth it to hurt myself for someone who couldn’t bother to stand up for me, or even check on me after.

All my friends of color agree with me, but this was my highschool friend group (I grew up in a very white town) and I also feel guilty like I’m letting them down. I’m not quite sure what to do, so Reddit, please help me out.

EDIT: I was a history major (which makes this whole thing even worse!!) so I have to add context that I didn’t realized I missed until the comments

1. The friend in the car is the friend who said she wasn’t offended by the holocaust jokes to the person( she was asked by the “jokester” because she’s German and lives in Germany). In the car, she did say that she is absolutely against the concentration camp “joke” and that she feels guilty she didn’t say anything (the words “I’m sorry” never came out of her mouth though), but then I brought up the other stuff with the food and racist comments, and that’s when she went on that tangent.

She also said she saw the racism but told me in those situations you just have to ignore it and choose to not be around those people again. As she knew there was racism happening, including towards me, and didn’t say anything or check in on me, I will be choosing to not be around her again.

I also told her repeatedly that I didn’t want to talk about this now because I was so physically done and she said “this is my car and I am driving. I don’t want to be uncomfortable and have this tension here. We are talking”. I have a vocal cord disorder and my speaking is limited so I didn’t say much, and I didn’t want to get dropped off on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere. I told her she crossed a boundary she can’t come back from though.

2. The people making the racist jokes were the sibling/cousins of the groom. My friends were the ones laughing along and not saying anything

3. I have been long distance with these friends since highschool. The friend in the car with me was in a social justice club with me in highschool. There was not signs of this behavior before from either this friend or the bride. In fact, the bride went with me to an anti-ICE fundraiser party earlier this year and we had a lot of fun. I have never been shy with my opinions, especially as someone who studied history. This was the first time I was hanging with them around a bunch of other people. In reviewing these comments, I have realized that they may be not racist when with me before, but didn’t stop or say anything about racism when it happened, which is in fact racism. That is a key difference

I am also more white than not. I am ethnically Jewish but not religiously. I often don’t feel like I have a right to be upset about these things because other family have gone through worse. That’s something I’m working to unlearn and this was definitely some exposure therapy to that

4. Why didn’t I say anything at the party? Because I was in the middle of nowhere surrounded by drunk people making racist comments at me. I have survived violence before and know that sometimes keeping your mouth shut is what needs to happen until you’re in a safe space

5. Lastly I will not be going to the wedding.

I need to get off screens because my head is killing me, but your comments and support helped settle me emotionally.

I will decide tomorrow how I will inform the bride

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I have a very good British-American friend in his 30's who has been in U.S. since late teens, and so never caught up on many of our childhood traditions. We had a conversation about Mr. Rogers the other day, and it occurred to me, that he would have zero clue what a "snipe" is.

For all not in U.S. who want to ruin the joy of snipes: >!it is a time-honored tradition that is a good-hearted prank in which you lead children around woods or fields armed with a pillowcase to catch and a pie-tin and spoon to make noises to lure, in search of a creature that does not exist. It is fun, and usually ends in laughter for all.!<

He's very good-natured and I know he'll enjoy it, and we are both excited to bring a bit of childhood back to both our lives. I have spent a couple days telling him about the snipes all over our neighborhood, and have him looking forward to catching his first one with me.

We shall go in search of our friendly neighborhood snipes shortly.

I was raped from 7th birthday until day before 13th. I didn't get my period until day before 15th, so I had all the fun of feeling like I wasn't actually "okay" on top of abuse and bullying. I am a mess. I am 46. and I post others things, but I am mostly just always scared. I had a good therapist, and then my invasive mother with a different last name contacted her and I cut her off.

My life started to improve. I am shockingly not an addict, but I am horrible at life-choices. I am terrified of these people, daily.

3 years ago, I thought I had a safe place to move.

The saying that we can't move from problems, doesnt apply to when our problems are abusers.

I guess I am venting.

but it is so unfair to feel scared every day. I never quite figured out froend past 4.

He taught school after me. There were allegations after me. I am guilty for all of those. it is my fault that he hurt other kids