Me (M 21) and my boyfriend (M24) have been together since January 2022, and have been friends since July 2018.
We met when I was 14 and he was 17, and started dating when I was 17 and he was 20. So we've been in each others lives nearly 8 years.
It might be impotent to note that he has diagnosed bpd, cptsd, and mdd. While I have ocd and gad (generalized anxiety disorder). There have been a few feelings I've noticed myself having that make me feel I should be concerned, but I'm not.
believe 2.5 years ago, had accidentally spent $50 of his money (thought it was my card selected AND thought the price was the usual $9.99 but after I had already did the face scan for apple, I saw the price). Our friend at the time had told him and convinced him I did it on purpose. So when he came home from work, I tried apologizing and explaining what happened and he was talking as well. We were talking over each other and he ended up slapping me in the face and told me to 'just shut up: (For reference, I am 5'4" and small framed/skinny and he is 6'4" and very muscular/built). I ended up going to the bathroom to be alone and he was outside the door apologizing profusely and nothing like that has happened since. The friend told me I deserved being hit and she would've done it too if she were him.
But during that friendship we had with our old friend, a lot of my time was spent with her as she was extremely demanding and would go silent if she didn't get her way. I shouldn't have stayed her friend, but we had gotten close so quickly that it felt like we were meant to be friends. My boyfriend would get annoyed with how much I'd spend time with her and then turn around and be anxious that she didn't like me (she would regularly bully us both one day and ghost us, then tell us how we were angels on earth and her favorite people every the next while blowing up our phones so it felt confusing for me). My boyfriend was mad at me for not calling him on his lunch break like we usually did and went off on me saying that the friend hated me and was going to leave me in the end. We ended up resolving the issue and he apologized. Ever since our friendship ended with this girl, he hasn't been that way again.
What concerns me is I feel so attached and bonded to him that I've had thoughts that even if he became abusive or bad, that I wouldn't care and I'd stay. I truly don't feel scared. I feel content or comfort for some reason? He was abused physically SEVERELY from ages 4-19 by his father, which is why he has his diagnoses. But he is truly a gentle giant to everyone. Women, kids, and animals seem to always feel safe around him and gravitate towards him naturally. I don't view him as a bad man or that he'd ever actually hurt me, so maybe that's why I feel this way? In 2020, he was stabbed by his father and moved in with me and my mom and sister. I was 16 at the time he was 19. We became very close platonically after that and throughout the whole year of 2021, we had developed feelings for dad other mutually and started dating January 2022 (I turned 18 shortly after and he turned 21)
Throughout all of the trauma we've been through, we've been together one way or another. Platonically as best friends, and then dating. He is extremely attached to me (I'm his fp/favorite person) and I believe we both feel no one else gets us the way the other does.
I'm just rambling now, but does our relationship sound unhealthy? I'm worried. Could he be a bad man? Old friends of mine used to tell me he was a groomer or predator but our age gap is 3 years. Could he be? I'm sorry for rambling on.
Any advice would help, thank you.
TL;DR I’m wondering if my partner and I should break up over concerns of possibly abuse or unhealthy moments