u/ImaginaryParrot

I don't mean people intentionally trying to deceive you. But I find it curious how 'exaggerated' some people are, if that makes sense.

I mean things like:

- are people regularly trying to come across as more grand / educated than they actually are?

- do people actually care about strangers, when they're so kind, effusive, polite, friendly etc?

- bit of a strange one but - are things said in dating / relationships genuine? For example, 'i will always care about you, even if we break up, because that's the kind of person I am'. Or is that for 'show'?

- if someone makes a mistake at work, is the instinct to be open or hide it?

My little one is mixed with brown skin. We want to take them to visit their grandparents, as well as see many of the beautiful sites in the Baltics.

I am comfortable with us being 'tourists', but we are also discussing the option of moving permanently. I am worried about schooling, especially in rural areas. I don't want my child to feel strange or different.

My friends (American and Scottish) say it doesn't matter and that children are open minded. People don't care about race in 2026. But I want to be realistic.

What should I expect and be prepared for? Please be honest and direct. I would rather be prepared for the worst, than naive.

I am not a manager. Just a coworker.

A new colleague joined my team a few months back on a large and complicated project that requires reasonable verbal skills

I rely on their output to get my job done. If they fail, then my work is impacted.

This colleague doesn't fully understand what's going on in meetings and they need a lot of handholding. I've tried coaching, giving tips, repeating instructions multiple times and writing things down for clarity. I do not have time to do all this - and we don't get paid overtime - but I do it anyway.

Once this colleague understands what they need to do, they perform the task to an okay level. But because they don't understand the project (and don't speak to the key people involved unless I almost force them to), I frequently find small errors that can cause major confusions.

My manager has said it's a good challenge for me and to be patient, as it's their first time in this country. Their manager has said something similar too. So I've stopped bringing up any concerns.

But this means I feel stuck. I have gone from being open and helpful to feeling disengaged.

My questions:

1. Am I doing the right thing by not repeatedly bringing this up to my manager? I've raised it thrice and don't want to be seen as a bully.
2. Is there anything else I can do?

My prescriber thinks I'm sensitive to Stimulants. In my early 30s.

Before starting titration, I'd been on the mini-pill (or progesterone only pill) for about 2 years to help with PMDD which honestly was a life saver. No more horrendous cramps or awful moods.

Since the start of my titration journey I have tried:

- Concerta (1 month) - gave me low mood

- Elvanse 30mg (1 month) - was great but I developed regular spotting and cramps.

- Elvanse - 40mg + Came off the mini pill at the same time - (1 month) - All the standard PMDD stuff combined with insomnia and more irritation than I've felt in my life. My resting heart rate jumped up to about 90.

My prescriber then offered me too options. One was to go back to 30mg with 40mg on luteal. The other was to try Strattera.

I chose the Elvanse option. I'm in luteal now so I feel horribly precarious. I'm in so much physical pain and I've not been sleeping well, again. I have random moments where I feel so low that I consider ending it all. It's quite scary.

I'm considering going back on the mini pill and asking for Strattera instead, but I'm scared because:

1. It takes a while to work. My job is mentally intense and will suffer.
2. What if it has other complications that I just don't know yet?
3. What if I have horrible withdrawals when I decide to try and get pregnant?

Is it worth giving up the good bits of Elvanse for something that may or may not help?

Any advice or stories would be incredibly appreciated.

My prescriber thinks I'm sensitive to Stimulants. Early 30s - F

Before starting titration, I'd been on the mini-pill for about 2 years to help with PMDD, which honestly was a life saver. No more horrendous cramps or awful moods. I felt like I had about 10 days a month back.

Since the start of my titration journey I have tried:

- Concerta (1 month) - gave me low mood

- Elvanse 30mg (1 month) - was great but I developed regular spotting and cramps.

- Elvanse - 40mg + Came off the mini pill at the same time - (1 month) - All the standard PMDD stuff combined with insomnia and more irritation than I've felt in my life. Plus my resting heart rate shot up to about 90.

My prescriber then offered me two options. One was to go back to 30mg with 40mg on luteal. The other was to try Strattera.

I chose the Elvanse option because it seems to work very well for my ADHD. Maybe it was just too high a dose.

But I'm in luteal now so I feel horribly precarious. I'm in so much physical pain and I've not been sleeping well, again. I have random moments where I feel so low that I consider ending it all. It's quite scary. But at the same time, I'm doing well at work.

I'm considering going back on the mini pill and asking for Strattera instead, but I'm scared because:

1. It takes a while to work. My job is mentally intense and will suffer.
2. What if it has other complications that I just don't know yet?
3. What if I have horrible withdrawals when I decide to try and get pregnant?

Is it worth giving up the good bits of Elvanse for something that may or may not help?

Any advice or stories would be incredibly appreciated.

My prescriber thinks I'm sensitive to Stimulants. In my early 30s.

Before starting titration, I'd been on the mini-pill (or progesterone only pill) for about 2 years to help with PMDD which honestly was a life saver. No more horrendous cramps or awful moods.

Since the start of my titration journey I have tried:

- Concerta (1 month) - gave me low mood

- Elvanse 30mg (1 month) - was great but I developed regular spotting and cramps.

- Elvanse - 40mg + Came off the mini pill at the same time - (1 month) - All the standard PMDD stuff combined with insomnia and more irritation than I've felt in my life. My resting heart rate jumped up to about 90.

My prescriber then offered me too options. One was to go back to 30mg with 40mg on luteal. The other was to try Strattera.

I chose the Elvanse option. I'm in luteal now so I feel horribly precarious. I'm in so much physical pain and I've not been sleeping well, again. I have random moments where I feel so low that I consider ending it all. It's quite scary.

I'm considering going back on the mini pill and asking for Strattera instead, but I'm scared because:

1. It takes a while to work. My job is mentally intense and will suffer.
2. What if it has other complications that I just don't know yet?
3. What if I have horrible withdrawals when I decide to try and get pregnant?

Is it worth giving up the good bits of Elvanse for something that may or may not help?

Any advice or stories would be incredibly appreciated.

Is it worth climbing the ladder if PM is already so intense?

Does anyone actually WANT to become a Senior PM or Programme Manager or do they just do it for their bank account?

I'm interested in hearing from people or team managers - what do you wish for your PM direct reports knew? What could they do better?

What would help you form a positive relationship with them?

Often my conversations with my manager revolve around escalating problems, project issues or letting off steam. Everyone seems to do it because it's a chaotic project and we're all stressed. I'm wondering if this is probably limiting my career or making me come across as negative.

I've met British Catholics, Protestents, CofEs.

But, for the first time, I came across someone who goes to a non denominational church. It sounded quite similar to the American megachurches but on a smaller scale. Turns out the first Megachurch was in England in the 1860s!

Curious to hear other Brits experiences. Is it common in your area? Are they culturally quite American?

My SIL is a stay at home mum with 4 kids and minimal education and work experience. The family is struggling financially but SIL 'really believes in MLMs' because she can have flexibility around childcare AND can travel to nice places like France or Italy if she wants to.

I don't know how much money she's lost to different MLMs over the years but it's at least in the thousands. They don't have enough money to send their oldest to football or school trips, but they'll pour it into these 'business ideas'.

I don't get it. Are they stupid? Do they not think ahead? Do they just not care about their kids' futures?

Why not pick up a boring regular part time job? Something easy and low entry? Surely they'd have more money and stability? Why do they want a 'lifestyle' that's clearly extravagant to even middle class people?

It's quite sad and frustrating to watch.

Sorry if this post is all over the place. I'm emotionally depleted.

Context: BIL's family came to stay for a week. The family are Eastern European practicing Christians who don't care much for modern science. I'm a British South Asian atheist who left Islam. (Not sure if this is relevant but would rather include it for completeness). My partner and I both work office jobs. SIL is a SAHM who struggled to finish secondary school and got married at 19. They had a kid every 2 years. Her husband is trying his hand at a cleaning business whilst she believes in MLMs. They have financial difficulties.

I'm aware that I do not have kids (which the parents made very clear to me). However, I do come from a big family and was a 'mini parent' from the age of 9 - cooking, feeding, sleeping, homework, managing family drama etc. It was not fun, nor does it cover the full experience of parenthood, but it has been useful.

Over the course of a week, I experienced the following:

- Headlice on all 4 kids (under 9) even though they'd apparently been checked prior to coming over. Mother panics as she's never dealt with it before (which I struggle to believe), so I draw on my childhood experience, buy a few packs of nit shampoo and tackle the longer haired kids. Their father complains it's not the right stuff, and that it should be done every day. But doesn't help unless I direct him to.

- My partner and I bought all the groceries. This came to around £600. Minimal contribution from the BIL and SIL. I get money's tight so I didn't say anything.

- I did the bulk of the cooking and cleaning. BIL and SIL did do bits for the kids too.

- I organised a bunch of arts and crafts to keep the kids busy as a back up. I assumed the parents would engage them in other times. But if I didn't organise anything then the kids were kinda put into the living room and do nothing? If SIL could get away with it, she'd turn the TV on for them (but BIL would complain).

- The kids needed constant attention. Which is fine. But when I needed a bit of time to myself I'd come back to find both parents on their phones, with the kids again doing nothing and full of restless energy. So of course they began shouting my name again and what activities they wanted to do.

- When I did have a minute to myself, SIL would trail behind me complaining about her husband. She won't leave him because of the kids even though she really wants to.

- SIL invited herselr back for 6 months next year for apparently when I will have children, so she can support me. I haven't indicated that I will even have my own children! And her husband wasn't happy because she'd leave her own behind.

- The dad occasionally whacks the kids (not in front of me, but he did slap one of the kid's arms in front of my partner). The mum complained about it so I spoke up. But later found out she does the same if they disrespect her, just not in front of us.

- BIL apparently also believes that us 2 women should be able to manage 4 kids whilst he does his own stuff. My work as an engineer seems completely dismissed. Everything I've worked so hard on doesn't seem important.

I don't know if I handled any of this right. I found it so hard to navigate as I wasn't expecting this amount of chaos.

I get having 4 kids are hard and the parents need a break but is this normal behaviour? Any tips on how to set boundaries with parents like this? I adore the kids so I do feel guilty but I just can't cope. Has anyone experienced anything similar?

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Edit: My partner acted as the second parent/cook/cleaner. He was also the interface for some of the more stronger discussions.

We had a talk afterwards as I was upset that I didn't realise his family was like this. But it turns out he was shocked too by their behaviour (he hasn't seen them much over the last 15 years).

He did previously ask them to perhaps pump the breaks on having more kids when they had 2. But apparently 'Jesus provides' and now they're all overwhelmed.