u/InfluenceStriking565

17f since maybe like the beginning of middle school (i have no real ‘starting point’ for my depression, i just know when the symptoms first developed.), i’ve had chronic depression. i haven’t done anything with my life. i don’t cook, clean, drive, have hobbies or do anything with myself. it’s always been that way, i just sleep and stay on my phone. i feel like i don’t participate in my own life. i have no energy, just forcing myself to shower is exhausting. i’ve gotten a lot better the last few years, i used to shower every 2 weeks. i shower every 2-5 days now. my mom is bedridden, so it’s been my dad doing all the housework etc.

i’d have liked to taught myself to cook a long time ago, but even eating in itself is exhausting for me. i wish i had the energy to cook meals, it’d make me feel like i’m something and i could create anything i’m craving. it’s too much energy, ramen is the highest energy meal i can take. i can’t do anything that requires a stovetop or oven, sometimes even a microwave. if i don’t have anything in reach that doesn’t require any kind of preparation, i skip meals.

like what is the stereotype we have, and how do men usually act in relationships here? like for example london has a reputation for having fast, low emotional energy relationships. what’s the reputation here outside of military apu men?

i like the way the song feels so vivid and dreamy, and how the songwriting is like they’re describing a story in a way.
i feel like i’ve heard songs in a similar format, like lana del ray has similar lyric formatting. but specifically, i’m looking for songs with the same sound as james joint. it’s so pretty

looking for an out of state college that i actually like.

i’m looking for a college in a large walkable city, with public transit that feels like it was made with young adults in mind rather than only thinking about families and middle aged adults.

non negotiables -
- a decent acceptance rate, so i can actually get in.
- social opportunities, lots of people
- nightlife
- in a walkable social city (new york is the best option, but i’m trying to be at least a little realistic)
- not in a suburb or a small town

a blue state and dorms are preferred !!

looking for an out of state college that i actually like.

i’m looking for a college in a large walkable city, with public transit that feels like it was made with young adults in mind rather than only thinking about families and middle aged adults.

non negotiables -
- a decent acceptance rate, so i can actually get in.
- affordable, not ridiculously expensive.
- social opportunities, lots of people
- nightlife
- in a walkable social city (new york is the best option, but i’m trying to be at least a little realistic)
- not in a suburb or a small town

in a blue state and dorms are preferred !!

my dream lifestyle is walking to get coffee before class, making friends with the people there, and going to nightlife at the end.

it may seem like i’m asking for too much, but i’m trying to make up for the years i spent alone in my bedroom. i have hope that my twenties can be a second chance for me. please don’t try to project your experience on me by saying things like “it’s too unrealistic, when i was in college i just settled for ____”, i get that a lot.

Do they seem very young to them? Or more like peers? Or equals? Would you ever befriend one?

i had a nightmare that i finally got into a university, and it was a university with lots of social opportunities. i ruined it for myself on the first night there by having an impulsive meltdown and yelled at everyone, primarily an innocent woman, over nail polish remover. people recorded it, it went everywhere online, and everyone both on the internet and at college hated me. people would stalk my social media profiles, and the one chance i had at being sociable was self sabotaged. i was nicknamed as “nail polish remover girl” online. people saw my vulnerable, angry, immature autistic side that i try so hard to hide before i even had the opportunity to mask. i just wanted to move on from it, knowing it’s not the real me. the girl i yelled at was really sweet too and ended up fixing my nail polish remover anyway, which made people hate me even more. it was the first time I’d actually put myself out there, usually i’m used to being able to erase my entire identity and nobody knowing or remembering me since i’m invisible. but everyone knew me this time, and they all remembered. my reputation was gone, i became small again, desperate to redeem myself. i wanted to be loved and have a group of people around me, but i fucked it up on the first night. the dream itself wasn’t very realistic, but it was the emotions that made it really realistic to me. it felt like my childhood, when everyone looked at me weirdly and i’d already know they didn’t like me. when i was a child i was a nuisance to everyone without knowing, nobody liked me.

i feel like the nightmare represented my subconscious fear of being perceived. whenever i finally do get the social life or opportunities i dreamed of, everything i do is remembered. i’m perceived. one mistake, people will remember. i can’t erase it anymore, i can’t ignore it.

i’ve only ever used three mascaras, but i haven’t liked any of them. i recently got the tartelette tubing mascara because it was advertised to not smudge, but i don’t like how it makes my lashes look almost invisible, it also thins out and separates them when i prefer more fluffy lashes. i owned both the pink lengthening lash princess mascara and the teal false lash effect one, i didn’t like either of them because they smudge the moment you put them on and don’t even look good on my eyes. i need a new one, but it has to be affordable and from a drugstore. i like fluffy lashes that look almost like falsies, but also don’t look clumpy

i have two years to prepare, because i refuse to stay in Tennessee any longer than that, i hate it here. i don’t have a job as of right now because my parents don’t have the time to drive me around and we can’t afford an uber (i live in a very car dependent area), so i have to wait until i get both my permit and drivers license. i’m between LA and new york, but i think new york would be easier for a young person because of the walkability and how lots of young people choose to live there. i’m not rich, and nyc is very expensive so i’m not sure what to do about that, i think if i made a stable income could ration because i don’t have super high standards, like i don’t mind a small apartment or not having a couch, things like that. my family is lower middle class so they couldn’t do a whole lot. anything i should know and what should i do right now

Edit: i’m looking into moving into a dorm instead of an apartment, since it’d be easier and i’d get both school and a place to live at once.

I don’t think I’ve ever watched porn or media created by other people to masturbate, I’ve always just used my imagination. I have complete control of everything that happens, who the people in the fantasy are, and what they look like. I usually just use a man I made up in my head, then make up a scenario that leads up to the moment. I didn’t realize this wasn’t normal until a few years ago, my imagination is really vivid and I haven’t found appeal in most porn. I’m not into anything niche, I may just be picky. Is this normal? I’m getting bored of it and would like to try something new, but honestly there isn’t much. It’s the most enjoyable when I like someone because I can just masturbate to the thought of them instead of making someone up.

Have any of you dated those racist “incel” men who have tiktok accounts dedicated to shit like christianity, hating women, hypergamy, black people, jews, and blackpill? They all spout the same opinions to eachother, and are extremely insecure. They seem so unlikable that i cannot imagine anyone being around them to the point I’m actually curious what others experiences are with them.

I love this sound sm, lmk