u/Kindly_Highlight_924

I (28F) need a reality check because I am completely confused by this man’s behavior. He and his ex were together since they were 15, now late 30’s, separated 5 years and they share kids.

He constantly complains to me about how much she stresses him out and calls her awful names behind her back. But two weeks ago, I saw them together at a group meeting and there was a massive amount of awkward tension in the air, likely longest they have been together in a room for a while. They kept going outside together to smoke. Later that day I met him and we had sex.

For context, I’ve been sleeping with him on and off for 9 months, and he constantly vents to me about her drama. Recently, she called him for advice because she found out she was pregnant by her now ex boyfriend. She ultimately decided not to go ahead with the pregnancy, but she was leaning on my guy for advice regarding how it would affect their own kids. He told me all of this in confidence and asked me not to repeat it.

On top of that, at the end of last year, she claimed he tried to get back with her. He strongly denies this, insisting he hates her and only speaks to her for the sake of the kids. He claims that if they didn't have children together, he would cut all ties completely. They have a daughter and she recently said to his ex ‘I want you to find someone like daddy’ and his ex immediately rang him to tell him..

What are peoples thoughts please? Am I thinking too much into this?

I (28F) need a reality check because I am completely confused by this man’s behavior. He and his ex were together since they were 15, now late 30’s, separated 5 years and they share kids.

He constantly complains to me about how much she stresses him out and calls her awful names behind her back. But two weeks ago, I saw them together at a group meeting and there was a massive amount of awkward tension in the air, likely longest they have been together in a room for a while. They kept going outside together to smoke. Later that day I met him and we had sex.

For context, I’ve been sleeping with him on and off for 9 months, and he constantly vents to me about her drama and seeks reassurance I think from me. Recently, she called him for advice because she found out she was pregnant by her now ex boyfriend, but she was leaning on my guy for advice regarding how it would affect their own kids. He told me all of this in confidence and asked me not to repeat it.

On top of that, at the end of last year, she claimed he tried to get back with her. He strongly denies this, insisting he hates her and only speaks to her for the sake of the kids. He claims that if they didn't have children together, he would cut all ties completely. Their daughter recently apparently told her that she wanted her to ‘find someone like dad’ and his ex immediately rang him to tell him, so he spoke to his daughter about it.

What are peoples thoughts please? Am I thinking too much into this?

I (28F) need a reality check because I am completely confused by this man’s behavior. He and his ex were together since they were 15, now late 30’s, separated 5 years and they share kids.

He constantly complains to me about how much she stresses him out and calls her awful names behind her back. But two weeks ago, I saw them together at a group meeting and there was a massive amount of awkward tension in the air, likely longest they have been together in a room for a while. They kept going outside together to smoke. Later that day I met him and we had sex.

For context, I’ve been sleeping with him on and off for 9 months, and he constantly vents to me about her drama and seeks reassurance I think from me. Recently, she called him for advice because she found out she was pregnant by her now ex boyfriend. She ultimately decided not to go ahead with the pregnancy, but she was leaning on my guy for advice regarding how it would affect their own kids. He told me all of this in confidence and asked me not to repeat it.

On top of that, at the end of last year, she claimed he tried to get back with her. He strongly denies this, insisting he hates her and only speaks to her for the sake of the kids. He claims that if they didn't have children together, he would cut all ties completely. Their daughter recently apparently told her that she wanted her to ‘find someone like dad’ and his ex immediately rang him to tell him, so he spoke to his daughter about it.

What are peoples thoughts please? Am I thinking too much into this?

I (F) have been seeing someone for 9 months, we’ve been sleeping together on and off nothing more really. I am developing feelings and I think he has avoidant attachment.

I finally hit my absolute breaking point a few days ago on my birthday. I’ve deleted his number, but the pain is so raw and I’m terrified I’m going to waver when the loneliness kicks in.

Throughout these 9 months, I felt like I was constantly accommodating his distance, he knew it was my birthday but didn’t even say anything to me until I sent a video to him first of something I was doing, I was really upset.

We’ve had this intense cycle where he comes back and we have sex, he gets super flirty when he wants an ego boost, but the second I show real feelings, he freezes and pulls away. He hot and colded me constantly (was super flirty last week, slept together two weeks ago, went entirely cold this week).

A couple of weeks ago, I told him I was going through a tough time and he basically ignored me and went cold. On top of that, he constantly uses me as an emotional dumping ground to talk bad about his ex and for me to validate and reassure him.

There’s been so much more I could say and yes I know I have allowed him to treat me like shit, but I really cared for him, like an idiot I guess.

I feel so embarrassed for pouring so much care into someone who treats me like an option, especially while I’ve been silently carrying some really heavy personal trauma this year that he doesn't even know about.

How do I stop craving his validation? How do I stay strong and not look back and get drawn back in if he reaches out again? Any tips on moving past the embarrassment and healing would mean the world.

TL;DR need advice and support please x

I (F) have been seeing someone for 9 months, we’ve been sleeping together on and off, nothing more really. I am developing feelings and I think he has avoidant attachment.

I finally hit my absolute breaking point a few days ago on my birthday. I’ve deleted his number, but the pain is so raw and I’m terrified I’m going to waver when the loneliness kicks in.

Throughout these 9 months, I felt like I was constantly accommodating his distance, he knew it was my birthday but didn’t even say anything to me until I sent a video to him first of something I was doing, I was really upset.

We’ve had this intense cycle where he comes back and we have sex, he gets super flirty when he wants an ego boost, but the second I show real feelings, he freezes and pulls away. He hot and colded me constantly (was super flirty last week, slept together two weeks ago, went entirely cold this week).

A couple of weeks ago, I told him I was going through a tough time and he basically ignored me and went cold. On top of that, he constantly uses me as an emotional dumping ground to talk bad about his ex and for me to validate and reassure him.

There’s been so much more I could say and yes I know I have allowed him to treat me like shit, but I really cared for him, like an idiot I guess.

I feel so embarrassed for pouring so much care into someone who treats me like an option, especially while I’ve been silently carrying some really heavy personal trauma this year that he doesn't even know about.

How do I stop craving his validation? How do I stay strong and not look back and get drawn back in if he reaches out again? Any tips on moving past the embarrassment and healing would mean the world.

I’ve been feeling low lately some days are ok, others aren’t. I have been having bad anxiety or panic attacks not sure which one, more frequently too. It’s to the point where I had to pull over the other day while driving home from work. I feel like maybe I need to speak to someone for support but not sure where to go? I overthink a lot and having relationship issues, which is adding to my feelings to be honest. I have never felt like this before it’s scary really and I feel like maybe I need some help.

I’ve been feeling low lately some days are ok, others aren’t. I have been having bad anxiety or panic attacks not sure which one, more frequently too. It’s to the point where I had to pull over the other day while driving home from work. I feel like maybe I need to speak to someone for support but not sure where to go? I overthink a lot and having relationship issues, which is adding to my feelings to be honest. I have never felt like this before it’s scary really and I feel like maybe I need some help.

I’ve been sleeping with and seeing a guy for several months now. He has a lot of history, he was with his ex for 15 years, they have kids together, and their dynamic is incredibly toxic and chaotic, which he constantly gets dragged into.

Yesterday morning, I messaged him to let him know I was stuck in my head a bit and feeling low, and told him I felt like I could talk to him about it more than others. He actually messaged back saying he was feeling the same way.

Because I care about him, I replied telling him that I am here for him, that he doesn’t have to deal with everything on his own, and asked what was playing on his mind. He opened the message and just completely ignored me. He left me on read.

It made me feel so hurt to be honest. He didn’t even ask me how I was when I explicitly said I was feeling low. Instead, I ended up trying to help and support him because I worry about him, even though I’m hurting myself (which is embarrassing to admit).

I feel like he has a classic avoidant attachment style because whenever conversations get deeper, or whenever his ex/family drama blows up, he completely withdraws and then comes back days or a week later acting like nothing happened. But right now, it just feels like he doesn't care about me at all, or only uses me as an escape when it suits him.

What is your advice, please? Do I just need to find the strength to walk away?

TL;DR - advice what to do next please?

I’ve been sleeping with and seeing a guy for several months now. He has a lot of history, he was with his ex for 15 years, they have kids together, and their dynamic is incredibly toxic and chaotic, which he constantly gets dragged into.

Yesterday morning, I messaged him to let him know I was stuck in my head a bit and feeling low, and told him I felt like I could talk to him about it more than others. He actually messaged back saying he was feeling the same way.

Because I care about him, I replied telling him that I am here for him, that he doesn’t have to deal with everything on his own, and asked what was playing on his mind. He opened the message and just completely ignored me. He left me on read.

It made me feel so hurt to be honest. He didn’t even ask me how I was when I explicitly said I was feeling low. Instead, I ended up trying to help and support him because I worry about him, even though I’m hurting myself (which is embarrassing to admit).

I feel like he has a classic avoidant attachment style because whenever conversations get deeper, or whenever his ex/family drama blows up, he completely withdraws and then comes back days or a week later acting like nothing happened. But right now, it just feels like he doesn't care about me at all, or only uses me as an escape when it suits him.

What is your advice, please? Do I just need to find the strength to walk away?

I’ve been sleeping with and seeing a guy for several months now. He has a lot of history, he was with his ex for 15 years, they have kids together, and their dynamic is incredibly toxic and chaotic, which he constantly gets dragged into.

Yesterday morning, I messaged him to let him know I was stuck in my head a bit and feeling low, and told him I felt like I could talk to him about it more than others. He actually messaged back saying he was feeling the same way.

Because I care about him, I replied telling him that I am here for him, that he doesn’t have to deal with everything on his own, and asked what was playing on his mind. He opened the message and just completely ignored me. He left me on read.

It made me feel so hurt to be honest. He didn’t even ask me how I was when I explicitly said I was feeling low. Instead, I ended up trying to help and support him because I worry about him, even though I’m hurting myself (which is embarrassing to admit).

I feel like he has a classic avoidant attachment style because whenever conversations get deeper, or whenever his ex/family drama blows up, he completely withdraws and then comes back days or a week later acting like nothing happened. But right now, it just feels like he doesn't care about me at all, or only uses me as an escape when it suits him.

What is your advice, please? Do I just need to find the strength to walk away?

I’ve been sleeping with and seeing a guy for several months now. He has a lot of history, he was with his ex for 15 years, they have kids together, and their dynamic is incredibly toxic and chaotic, which he constantly gets dragged into.

Yesterday morning, I messaged him to let him know I was stuck in my head a bit and feeling low, and told him I felt like I could talk to him about it more than others. He actually messaged back saying he was feeling the same way.

Because I care about him, I replied telling him that I am here for him, that he doesn’t have to deal with everything on his own, and asked what was playing on his mind. He opened the message and just completely ignored me. He left me on read.

It made me feel so hurt to be honest. He didn’t even ask me how I was when I explicitly said I was feeling low. Instead, I ended up trying to help and support him because I worry about him, even though I’m hurting myself (which is embarrassing to admit).

I feel like he has a classic avoidant attachment style because whenever conversations get deeper, or whenever his ex/family drama blows up, he completely withdraws and then comes back days or a week later acting like nothing happened. But right now, it just feels like he doesn't care about me at all, or only uses me as an escape when it suits him.

What is your advice, please? Do I just need to find the strength to walk away?

I’ve been sleeping with and seeing a guy for several months now. He has a lot of history, he was with his ex for 15 years, they have kids together, and their dynamic is incredibly toxic and chaotic, which he constantly gets dragged into.

Yesterday morning, I messaged him to let him know I was stuck in my head a bit and feeling low, and told him I felt like I could talk to him about it more than others. He actually messaged back saying he was feeling the same way.

Because I care about him, I replied telling him that I am here for him, that he doesn’t have to deal with everything on his own, and asked what was playing on his mind. He opened the message and just completely ignored me. He left me on read.

It made me feel so hurt to be honest. He didn’t even ask me how I was when I explicitly said I was feeling low. Instead, I ended up trying to help and support him because I worry about him, even though I’m hurting myself (which is embarrassing to admit).

I feel like he has a classic avoidant attachment style because whenever conversations get deeper, or whenever his ex/family drama blows up, he completely withdraws and then comes back days or a week later acting like nothing happened. But right now, it just feels like he doesn't care about me at all, or only uses me as an escape when it suits him.

What is your advice, please? Do I just need to find the strength to walk away?

Told this guy I was free to meet Friday last week and he told me he was busy working so doubted he could see me but then I post a selfie on Snapchat on the Friday morning and he messages me a few hours later asking when I’m free. So we arranged to meet (yes I’m an idiot) because he was getting home early… then he cancels 15 mins before I’m due to go over because his son was unexpectedly home (understandable I guess) then I replied straight away and he just leaves me on delivered for 3 days… what do I do, what do you make to this?

Told this guy I was free to meet Friday last week and he told me he was busy working so doubted he could see me but then I post a selfie on Snapchat on the Friday morning and he messages me a few hours later asking when I’m free. So we arranged to meet (yes I’m an idiot) because he was getting home early… then he cancels 15 mins before I’m due to go over because his son was unexpectedly home (understandable I guess) then I replied straight away and he just leaves me on delivered for 3 days… what do I do, what do you make to this?

Been in a shitty situationship for 9 months trying to get my old spark back as this whole situation has knocked my confidence massively, wish I could turn back time really, how do people get there spark back?

Been in a shitty situationship for 9 months trying to get my old spark back as this whole situation has knocked my confidence massively, wish I could turn back time really, how do people get there spark back?

I need some brutal honesty and advice on how to finally detach from a guy I’ve been seeing for 9 months. I feel like I’m completely addicted to the crumbs of his attention, even though he treats me like an option.

For 9 months, it’s been a hot-and-cold cycle. He pulls away, starves me of attention, and then drops a tiny bit of flirtation to pull me back in. I feel like I'm doing all the emotional heavy lifting. We also went through a major situation together involving a pregnancy/loss that I had to carry the physical and emotional weight of, which bonded me to him deeply, he is unaware of this as I felt unsafe to tell him.

I sent him a message recently and asked him if he wants me to back away and stop asking to meet up, he went silent on me and didn’t reply. We last slept together in January, but still talk every week and he sends me pics/video’s of himself still occasionally. I ask him to meet and he seems to only invite me over last minute on his terms.

I told myself I was done waiting around and was going to focus on my future. But today, the anxiety got the better of me. I reached out and told him I was free tomorrow afternoon and suggested a casual face-to-face catch-up. He shut it down immediately, saying he was too busy with work, and offered no alternative plan. When I left the door open and said "you know where I am," he left me on read.

I know that he doesn’t want a real relationship with me, that he uses me for easy validation when he's bored, and that I deserve so much better. But my nervous system is in total panic mode and I can’t stop reaching out to him.

Why can't I move on from someone who treats me so bad? How do I stop myself from texting him when the anxiety peaks? I really want to see him it’s hard. Please help.