u/Kusakaru

I've been on buspar for about 2 months and lately it's like I have no appetite or hunger signals. When I do eat, I get full so quickly and just eating half my normal amount of food makes me kind of nauseous. I've lost interest in meal planning, cooking, or eating meals in general. I've barely touched my favorite snacks and no longer crave food. I'm at a healthy weight, but if this keeps up I will be underweight within a few months. It's to the point that I do not enjoy or look forward to eating as I know I will feel instantly full within a few bites. Is this normal? I'm thinking of going off the medicine because I'm tired of feeling sick within minutes of eating.

TW: I use analogies in this post that some may find triggering. Medication induced thoughts of self harm.

I have been struggling with serious anxiety since I was a small child. I have never lived a life without it. I have tried so many medications over the years and nothing works. SNRI's make me want to harm myself. So they switched me to an SSRI. Apparently I'm one of the less than 1% of people who hallucinates on SSRI's. I apparently also have a genetic mutation that means I do not react to benzos like xanax, valium, ativan, etc. It does not matter what dose they give me, I do not react to it. It's as if I've taken nothing. It doesn't even make me sleepy.

So now I'm on buspar. Except the buspar has been messing with my appetite and my period and giving me chest pain. And my anxiety has not improved in the slightest, if anything it's worse. I have OCD on top of regular anxiety and my OCD ticks have gone out of control with this medicine.

The only medication that has ever remotely helped has been vistaril, which I use for panic attacks, but it makes me incredibly sleepy so it's not something I use often and I only keep it on hand for emergencies.

I'm just so sick and tired of living my life like this. I've been trying to get help for my anxiety for nearly two decades and it feels like it's never ending. There is no light at the end of the the tunnel. The tunnel just loops and loops in an endless circle. I feel so sad, alone, and helpless.

All my friends are at a pool party for the 4th of July right now and I'm just sitting here crying because my brain and body view the thought of having to get ready for a party, leave my house, drive 20 minutes across town, and socialize with people I know and love dearly as the equivalent of being hunted for sport by an apex predator. Hell, just returning a simple text message from someone I've known for over a decade feels like someone is threatening me at gunpoint.

I'm so tired of living like this. I'm always burnt out, exhausted, scared, and nervous in any and all situations. It's affecting my physical health now. Breathing exercise do not help. Yoga and meditation do not help. Salt caves do not help. Essential oils do not help. Exercise does not help. Acupuncture does not help, etc. This is clinically severe and treatment-resistant anxiety and no amount of "self-care" helps. So please do not suggest anything like that. Believe me, I have tried everything under the sun.

Is anyone else in a similar spot where no medication helps at all? How are you managing?

I'm 29F and am blessed to have a vibrant, close knit friend group of 8+ years, in addition to other friend groups outside of this main group. As I have gotten older, I have grown increasingly exhausted by socializing. I tried to post about this in another sub but ended up deleting it because I was inundated with comments accusing me of being depressed because what I am about to describe is apparently "not normal" and clearly I must be "mentally ill". I figured I might get better advice here.

I have always been an introvert since I was a child. All of my favorite hobbies are solo hobbies (reading, gardening, doing ceramics, etc) and even if someone wanted to do these with me, I prefer to do them on my own as it's how I relax. I hate hosting people in my home. I don't like last minute plans. I need a ton of time on my own or in my house to recharge before I feel remotely like socializing and if there are people I don't know at a social function, I have to prep myself in advance. I work full time in healthcare in a role where I am on my feet half the day and socializing with people all day. When I get home, all I want to do is take a shower, eat some dinner, and relax in bed with a book or watch some tv with my husband (he is the same way). I wake up at 6am for work and am usually in bed by 10pm.

When I do spend time with my friends, I enjoy it. Most people would describe me as animated and bubbly in social settings. I just feel like I need significantly more "me-time" than all my friends do.

Our closest friends are the exact opposite. They could hang out at the drop of a hat. They love to host large gatherings. They also work less traditional jobs than my husband and I so their hours aren't the same and they aren't nearly as social at work as I am. When I get off work I am socially drained, whereas a lot of them work alone or remote and are dying to socialize. They are constantly inviting my husband and I to do things like bar trivia on a Monday night, seeing a cover band on a random Wednesday, etc. And they want to hang out every single weekend and it feels like it's never enough. I feel constant guilt and FOMO for turning them down all the time and I worry my friends will just stop inviting me eventually or grow closer to other, more social people, and we will just drift apart and I'll wind up alone.

The ideal amount of time I want to socialize is once every two weeks. I never want to socialize after work and on the weekends I need time to run errands, do chores, do my hobbies, and to go on dates with my husband.

Our closest friends are a couple who bought a large house with a pool with the explicit intention of hosting. They told us they always dreamed of having a house that was constantly filled with people. That sounds like my nightmare.

Recently some of our friends have expressed that they feel sad that we never invite people over, only out to activities. But I don't want people in my home. It stresses me out. I feel like I am burning myself out by doing what would be the bare minimum for other people. I tried to tell our friends that I just don't have the energy to socialize as much as they do and they said they couldn't relate because seeing their friends was really important to them and the best part of their week and I felt they took it personally.

Last weekend we went on a double date with some friends and then to a large bonfire with them and other friends. The weekend before I went to a birthday party, followed by a soccer game with friends, followed by going out for drinks with them. The weekend before that I did lunch and a museum date with friends. And it never feels like enough. It's so hard trying to balance multiple friendships from different friend groups. It's like I only have time to see each friend group maybe once a month. I think a major part of the issue is that our various friend groups don't have friends outside of each core group, where as my husband and I do so we feel socially obligated to maintain more friendships than they do and it's so tiresome. For us it feels like we are social every single weekend, but to each friend group they feel like they only see us one day a month and it makes them sad. I feel like my only choices are to lose some friends to focus on others, be burnt out and exhausted all the time, or to disappoint people constantly by saying no when they ask to hang out and hurting their feelings.

The friends with the pool have invited us to hang out THREE times this week, despite us going on the date with them and hanging out at the bonfire last weekend. They are really sad we don't want to go to their 4th of July party and keep asking us over and over if we are sure. I might have considered it if not for the heat and the fact they invited a bunch of people from their work and I just don't feel like socializing with strangers in 103 degree heat. It sounds miserable. But to them it just sounds like we would rather stay inside by ourselves and do nothing all weekend (their idea of a nightmare) than spend time with them and they're hurt.

If I didn't have to work 40 hours a week, I am 100% sure I would want to spend more time with my friends. But I'm so tired after work and on the weekends that I need time alone to recharge and feel up to socializing.

I feel so misunderstood, as does my husband. I don't want our friends to take this personally but it feels like there is no way around it. I don't want to lose anyone either, as these are all lovely, amazing people who have been there for me through thick and thin. They just have waaaay different social batteries than me.

I feel stuck and don't know how to navigate this. Is anyone else in a similar situation?

I'll be 30 next month. I have a great, vibrant friend group full of lovely people I have known for 8+ years. I genuinely love each of them but maintaining friendships has become so tiresome. When I was younger, I enjoyed going out a lot more, but the older I get, the less I want to leave my house. I work in healthcare and spend a lot of my day on my feet and having to socialize with people. By the time I get home, I just want to eat, take a shower, read a book or watch tv, and get in bed.

My husband is the same way these days. Neither of us have any energy. We are both healthy and fit and have had recent lab work done. We are not deficient in anything, nor are either of us depressed. We just like being at home with our pets and leaving the house just feels like a chore. We also dislike hosting. I feel extremely stressed having people in my home.

It feels like all our friends have grown in the opposite direction and they constantly want to hang out. I cannot remember a single weekend in the past year that we were not invited to do something. I know I sound like a brat and should be grateful to be invited, but it just stresses me out and I feel a lot of pressure. I hate turning people down and feel like I'm disappointing them. They don't seem to understand that our social batteries are just so much shorter than theirs and it's like we are constantly choosing between hurting feelings or feeling burnt out. I feel like I require soooo much more alone time and rest than everyone else my age.

Some of our friends work nontraditional hours and will repeatedly invite us out on weeknights. I don't want to do trivia at a brewery on a Monday night. I don't want to see a cover band play at a bar on a Wednesday. Hanging out with a friend on a weekday is an absolute NO for us because we are both just so tired. But when the weekend rolls around, we have to do errands, clean the house, make time for our hobbies, etc. It's like I have maybe 4-5 hours a week on a Saturday that I might feel up to socializing. And if we do socialize, everyone wants to stay up until like 1 am. We are usually in bed by 10pm because I have to be up at 6am for work. Staying up that late one night a week, even if it's a Saturday, completely derails my weekend and I end up cranky and exhausted and not able to enjoy hanging out.

Our closest friends bought a large house with a pool with the explicit intention of hosting. One of them told us they always dreamed of having a house full of people all the time. This same couple has invited us to hang out three times this week. We have rejected them all three times. We literally saw them last weekend when we went on a double date to dinner AND a bonfire! It's like it's never enough.

I love my friends dearly. I don't want to lose them. But I also cannot seem to keep up with their energy levels or desire to hang out. We have talked to some of them about it and they have just told us they can't really relate and that seeing their friends is the best part of their week.

I worry if we keep rejecting our friends, they will eventually stop inviting us to hang out, and then we will end up as lonely old people with no community.

But how do I build and maintain community when I don't have the energy or desire to socialize anymore? I haven't even seen my own family since since Christmas because we simply have not had the time or energy to travel 3 hours to go see them. Just driving 20 minutes across town feels like I'm crossing the Bering Strait. I feel like if we lived in a better world where I didn't have to spend 8 hours a day slaving away to afford to live then I'd love to see my friends and hang out with them, but the 40 hour work week is destroying my will to socialize. It's to the point where I have anxiety when the weekend rolls around because I know it will just consist of me rejecting multiple friends.

Can anyone relate?

My cycle has been a bit off, both in timing and in symptoms. I would like to get my hormones checked and be evaluated for early perimenopause. To do so, I’d need to tell the doctor my cycle dates and ideally I’d need to time my hormone panel to be during a certain part of my cycle.

I live in a Republican state with an abortion ban. I do not feel safe having my menstrual cycle recorded in any sort of system. I do not want a written record of my menstrual cycle dates that could potentially be accessed or used against me somehow. Can I request that this information be omitted? Or will they just enter it anyway without telling me? What is standard?

We have two cats, ages 3 and 6. We have gone on vacation before, but the longest we have left them has been 6 days and I think that was only 1-2 times. We try not to be away very often.

In the past, we have always booked a reputable pet sitting service that visits twice a day (We have cameras in the house so we can see they actually do visit and do what they say they do).

However, for such a long trip we’re really anxious about leaving the cats. We don’t have any family in town that could house sit, and our friends all have their own families, careers, etc. and wouldn’t be able to house sit either. I’m hesitant to use a service where someone stays in the home the entire time, as I don’t like the idea of a stranger living in our home for 12 days. Our cats are also very anxious and routine oriented. They would hate to be boarded or sent to someone else’s house. We refuse to do that.

So at the moment we are leaning towards the cat sitter coming twice a day. I worry that this isn’t enough and that the cats will be extremely stressed and sad. They are the kind of cats that are very attached, always waiting by the door for us, sit on our laps every day and sleep in the bed every night, so this will likely be very upsetting for them.

Any advice? Is this a bad idea?

What’s better than one hot fantasy man? Two hot fantasy men. And what’s better than that? If those two hot fantasy men kiss.

I want them to hate each other at first. I want seething anger. And beneath that seething anger, I want them to desire each other. I want them to desire each other in the most sickening, aggressive, passionate way possible. And I want them to experience immense internal conflict over these feelings. I want them obsessed with each other. Obsessed with defeating them. Obsessed with fighting them. Obsessed with….whats beneath the other’s clothes?

I want them fighting to the death but unable to give the final blow and not understanding why. Oh and I want smut. Lots of smut. And good writing.

Please and thank you!

I’m looking for books that feature breeding, but no resulting pregnancy or child. Also no aliens or extreme age gaps please.

Essentially I think the breeding kink in books can be really hot, and I think pregnancy/childbirth are beautiful, but for me personally it’s also in the realm of body horror and it doesn’t turn me on. Are there books that feature breeding/attempted breeding etc where they don’t actually end up pregnant? Like I want the fantasy without having to read about a resulting pregnancy or birth. I know this sounds bizarre but hopefully someone understands what I’m talking about?

I don’t mind some dub con. Like maybe the MMC wants to impregnate the FMC, and repeatedly tries to for whatever reason (instinct, needing an heir, etc), but she doesn’t actually and up pregnant and he falls for her anyway and decides it doesn’t matter. Or if she does, that part isn’t in the book at all.

I have had chronic anxiety since childhood, coupled with OCD, CPTSD, and mild depression. This is my third attempt at being medicated. I have tried Prozac and Effexor and had horrible reactions to both. Prozac made me hallucinate and Effexor made me want to harm myself and changed my personality completely.

After experiencing my first strong panic attack in years, I decided it was time to try medication again. I got prescribed Vistaril for emergencies and Buspar for daily use. I started out on 5mg twice a day and switched to 10mg twice a day 3 weeks ago.

Since upping my dose I have had horrible, full body muscle pains and aches, my period came 6 days early, I’ve had difficulty sleeping, increased anxiety, and chest pain or tightness (almost like shock feeling in my chest similar to when I’m about to have a panic attack). Oh and for about 30-50min after taking my dose, I feel dizzy and nauseous as hell and can barely do anything except sit there. It’s a little better if I don’t eat any food before taking it.

I’m only 30 and in great health otherwise.

I don’t know how normal this is. Am I still in the adjustment period? Should I talk to my provider about quitting?

I’m 29F, with no history of pregnancy. I am 5’8 and 135lbs, so I am not underweight. There have been no changes to my diet, routine, activity, or stress levels over the last few months. I have always had a very typical period with mild cramps, bleeding for 4-5 days, and a 28 day cycle. I was like clockwork and always felt very in tune with my body. I would wake up in the middle of the night and know I started my period.

Lately my last few cycles have been off. I noticed in February that my period came in 27 days. This isn’t a big deal, but for someone like me who was almost always 28 days exactly, I was surprised. My next period came 25 days later. Then the one after that was 25 days later. And the most recent one is 24 days later.

This is starting to freak me out. I know the difference isn’t that large for some people but it’s very unusual for me. Is this perimenopause? Am I overreacting?

I have a friend of 8 years we will call “Maxine”.

Maxine (29F) has a lot of good qualities. She is very stylish and hardworking. She owns her own home and has a very cool and high paying job. She’s adventurous and very social/involved in her community with lots of hobbies. She runs a book club, crafting club, and a women’s hiking club during the summer.

However, Maxine seems to place a huge emphasis on appearance. She will not date any man below 6’0. She wants him to have a mustache and be heavily tattooed, with washboard abs. This narrows down her dating pool significantly as a very small number of men have these qualities.

Maxine is around 5’1 and has been overweight for as long as I’ve known her. This past year she started ozempic and has been working out a lot, changed her diet, etc. She’s lost a lot of the weight and she has gained a ton of confidence and looks/feels great. However, she is far from the body standards she expects from a man. There is nothing wrong with having preferences, but I would consider it objectively harder to find a partner who has the qualities she is after when she herself does not have those qualities.

Additionally, Maxine is addicted to social media and trying to be an influencer. She posts on her Instagram multiple times a week. It’s never photos with friends or places she goes, it is always the same type of photos. She posts selfies of her winking and making kissy faces and then pictures of her turned around with her ass in frame looking over her shoulder. I am not exaggerating when I say 13 out of the last 20 photos she has posted are this exact pose.

She also has a tik tok where she posts videos every time she goes out to eat. She has about 3000 followers and is always going on and on about how she’s a food influencer now. I’m glad she is enjoying herself but I think her obsession with social media and the way she uses it comes across as vain and self absorbed. If I was a potential suitor and I saw her posting selfies 4-5 times a week, I’d think it’s a little odd. She is constantly trying to get men on dating apps to follow her as well so her comments are always filled with thirsty men which I think would make a potential partner feel uncomfortable.

Lately she has been talking constantly about how she can’t find a good man to date and how they always ghost her, just want sex, or don’t match with her. She’s really depressed about it as she feels like she has it all, aside from a relationship. Sometimes she asks me what she’s doing wrong and I haven’t had it in my heart to tell her as I don’t want to crush her spirit, especially after her newfound confidence.

One time I did say that maybe she should try dating shorter men to expand her dating pool. She’s short herself so even a guy who is average height would be plenty tall compared to her. My husband is 5’9 and I’m 5’8 and I actually found being with someone around my height made us more sexually compatible. She told me she needed her future husband to be tall so her kids would be tall. I told her that her kids would still have half her genetics and could turn out short anyway. She got really upset about this and said I wouldn’t understand since I’m tall myself. I’ve been hesitant to weigh in on her dating life ever since. I’m also really tired of hearing her talk about how she can’t find anyone.

So WIBTAH if I am honest with my friend next time she asks why she can’t find a boyfriend? Or should I just continue to let it slide until her Prince Charming comes along or she realizes her expectations are unrealistic on her own? WIBTAH if I don’t tell her and she watch as she struggles?

I got lowlights in my hair and I absolutely hate them.

I’m one of those people that grew up strawberry blonde but my hair faded over time into a dirty blonde. When I don’t color my hair, my roots are brown but the rest of my hair stays a sort of gold, and is light blonde in the tips.

I started going to my current hair stylist about 4 years ago and I really like her. Her color is usually on point and I began getting highlights and balayage from her, making my hair more gold all over.

I found it really flattering and it improved my self confidence. We would change it up every once in a while but I usually didn’t stray too far from what I like.

At my last appointment, she recommended I try low lights and told me it would give my hair more dimension. She also suggested I try cutting it shorter. I trusted her and said to go for it since she hasn’t let me down before.

But I hate it. I knew as I was leaving the salon I had made a mistake. She was so excited over it and saying how it was her favorite hair she’s ever done on me. I got home and looked in the mirror and felt dull, ugly, and like I had aged 5-8 years. It was much darker than I expected and I didn’t recognize myself. I also don’t like the length and miss my long hair. My hair grows so slowly so I’m just really sad.

Usually after I get my hair done, I tend to get compliments. Nobody has said a word to me about this hair, despite being way different than my usual, so I know it’s bad. The only person who has said anything is my best friend who told me (in a kind way) that she agreed the length looked bad on me and that I could maybe salvage it by going back to my old color.

I told myself to give it a few days to see if it would grow on me, but every time I look in the mirror I feel upset and don’t like my appearance. I seriously started questioning if I was pmsing early or something because of how much I hate my appearance right now and I want to cry whenever I see it. But nope. Not pmsing. Just upset.

My hair is very fine and I don’t want to damage it so I’m scared trying to correct it will make it worse. I’ve never disliked my hair from this stylist before and I don’t know if I should just suck it up and wait 3 months until my next appointment and never do this again or if I should be honest with her and tell her I hate it and see if there’s a way to fix it without damaging it. I’m torn.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings or make our relationship weird. But she is a very expensive stylist and the thought of spending the entire summer feeling ugly has me down. I also don’t know if it’s something she can even fix right now or if I’d have to wait it out.

Any advice?

I’m one of those kids that grew up strawberry blonde but my hair faded over time into a dirty blonde. When I don’t color my hair, my roots are brown but the rest of my hair stays a sort of gold, and is light blonde in the tips.

I started going to my current hair stylist about 4 years ago and I really like her. Her color is usually on point and I began getting highlights and balayage from her, making my hair more gold all over.

I found it really flattering and it improved my self confidence. We would change it up every once in a while, sometimes adding red or pink or going more blonde or an exaggerated money piece etc.

At my last appointment she recommended I try low lights and told me it would give my hair more dimension. I trusted her and said to go for it since she hasn’t let me down before.

Except I hate it. I knew as I was leaving the salon I made a mistake. It looks so bad. She was so excited over it and saying how it was her favorite hair she’s ever done on me. I got home and looked in the mirror and felt dull, ugly, and like I had aged 5 years. It was much darker than I expected and I didn’t recognize myself.

I told myself to give it a few days to see if it would grow on me but every time I look in the mirror I feel upset.

My hair is very fine and I don’t want to damage it. I’ve never disliked my hair from this stylist before and I don’t know if I should just suck it up and wait 3 months until my next appointment and never do this again or if I should be honest with her and tell her I hate it and see if there’s a way to fix it without damaging it. I’m torn.

Any advice?

I work as a CRC in oncology at an in person facility. I make about $58k before taxes with a 5% retirement match.

I like my job but I absolutely loathe some of my coworkers and management. I have one coworker in particular who I hate so much that I actively dream about quitting every day and telling her just how much I despise her. She is besties with our manager and HR person and I have been told by other employees that she has run off 6 “teammates” in the last 8 years. Unfortunately I was assigned to her team. I have never worked in such a hostile, unsupportive, work environment or been affected by a coworker this much in my entire life. I have always gotten along with my managers and coworkers in every job before this. This is a bizarre and unusual experience for me and management has been absolutely useless in navigating this.

I would like to continue in clinical research but there aren’t many facilities outside of this one in my city, and none that pay as much as my current one (which sadly isn’t enough money in this economy).

I’m interested in remote positions but wasn’t sure what that would look like. Does anyone here have experiencing working in this role remotely? Do you have any advice or things I should be aware of? Companies to avoid? Companies you’d recommend? I’m tired of being reduced to tears at work every day by the resident mean girl.

I work as a CRC in oncology at an in person facility. I make about $58k before taxes with a 5% retirement match.

I like my job but I absolutely loathe some of my coworkers and management. I have one coworker in particular who I hate so much that I actively dream about quitting every day and telling her just how much I despise her. She is besties with our manager and HR person and I have been told by other employees that she has run off 6 “teammates” in the last 8 years. Unfortunately I was assigned to her team. I have never worked in such a hostile, unsupportive, work environment or been affected by a coworker this much in my entire life. I have always gotten along with my managers and coworkers in every job before this. This is a bizarre and unusual experience for me and management has been absolutely useless in navigating this.

I would like to continue in clinical research but there aren’t many facilities outside of this one in my city, and none that pay as much as my current one (which sadly isn’t enough money in this economy).

I’m interested in remote positions but wasn’t sure what that would look like. Does anyone here have experiencing working in this role remotely? Do you have any advice or things I should be aware of? Companies to avoid? Companies you’d recommend? I’m tired of being reduced to tears at work every day by the resident mean girl.