u/Lynn-LYNN7788

Sharing this with permission from the original poster because it made me think about something I’m definitely guilty of too.

We talk a lot about kids being glued to screens, but not nearly as much about how often we check our own phones while they’re talking to us, eating with us, or trying to show us something.

The article she shared looks at something called “phubbing,” basically ignoring someone in front of you because your attention is on your phone.

And I think that’s the uncomfortable part. We can set all the screen-time rules we want, but our kids are also watching what we do.

Be honest: has your kid ever told you to put your phone down?

Article for anyone who wants to read it:
https://www.jpeds.com/action/showPdf?pii=S0022-3476%2824%2900330-5

Ok, so I was sceptical. I thought there may be some differences but I never expected as many as there have been.

Week 1:

Like managing an addict, constantly saying no to her, offer all distraction going and nothing seemed to hold, but we had our holiday to look forward to the following week so kept driving the conversation this way, baring in mind it was the latter part of the summer holidays

Week 2:

On holiday, occasionally asks for it, but moves on a little quicker than week 1 and we’re very occupied with holiday activities. Other than the journey to the holiday destination no major emotions about no longer having it but asking for it everyday.

Week 3:

School resumes, asks for it in the evening a couple of times but with no major fight. It’s this week where we really started to notice a difference. Sure she wants to play games repeatedly with us which is nice but it wears a tad thin after work, cooking, managing her younger siblings but the positives my goodness. Now engagement is better, eye contact is held longer, sharing more about her day and a greater awareness of self starts to happen. She starts to slow down ever so fractionally though, but still not manic.

Week 4: up to and including today. The same engagement continues, her humour is back, the wit, the speed of reply, her eyes are changing, less grey under them, slightly more focused and interested in her homework.

Keep in mind she went from averaging 3.5hrs a day during a school week and up to 6hrs on weekend days.

It hasn’t been easy and we are not through the woods yet but overall vast improvement.

Worthy of note, she is expecting diagnosis of a SEND condition(s) due to behaviour at school and our own concerns at home over the last 3 years but speaking openly, yes there are still some traits but my goodness they are reduced significantly and we are just about to finish week 4.

It’s been harder work for us both, keeping in mind she is one of 3 and both mum and I work full time without any kind of “village” support.

I am not only proud that she doesn’t need it, but relieved we can still live our life like normal without it.

Another month or 2 and then we are really are making progress.

Hopefully this is interesting for anyone considering doing the same.

Her typical iPad use was; YouTube Kids, Netflix kids profile some games like the Toca world one, but mostly YouTube kids and it was decaying her. Now it’s not.

I realized we’ve had a million conversations about screen time but barely any about AI.

No sharing personal info? Don’t blindly trust answers? Don’t use it to do your homework for you?

Curious what rules other families actually have.

Every time screen time, social media or parental controls come up, someone says “just communicate with your kid.”

Okay, but HOW?

What I’ve learned with mine is that timing matters a lot. Trying to talk while I’m already annoyed because I’ve asked them to put the phone down five times is completely useless. I usually wait until later.

I also get way more out of asking “what do you even like about this app?” than immediately telling them why I hate it. And if I’m making a rule, I try to actually explain why instead of pulling the “because I said so” card.

One other thing I’m trying really hard not to do: punish them every time they tell me something uncomfortable. If telling Mom the truth always ends with the phone disappearing, obviously they’re going to stop telling Mom things.

Still figuring this out though. Sometimes we have a great conversation, sometimes I get an eye roll and basically nothing 😂

What actually works with your kids? How do you get them talking about what they’re doing online?

Saw this NYT piece about countries trying to keep kids off social media, and the part that stuck with me is how easily teens are apparently getting around the bans anyway. VPNs, fake ages, bypassing age checks... basically the usual teenager vs. technology battle.

And I keep coming back to this: maybe access isn’t the only problem.

You can ban a 14-year-old from an app, but that doesn’t change the infinite scroll, autoplay, constant notifications and algorithms designed to keep people watching. If they eventually get back on, all of that is still waiting for them.

I’m not totally against age limits. For younger kids especially, delaying social media probably buys parents some valuable time. But I’d much rather see platforms forced to make the actual product less addictive for kids instead of putting the entire responsibility on parents, age verification and teenagers following the rules.

Because realistically, “just keep kids off social media” feels a lot easier to legislate than “make social media companies build a less addictive product.”

Curious where other parents land on this. Would you rather see stricter age bans, or stricter rules around how social media platforms are designed for minors?

One of my teachers told me this when I was a kid: if you hear a word, idea, reference, or fact you don’t understand, go figure out what it means. Otherwise you’ll probably hear it again later and still have no clue.

I kept doing that once I had access to the internet. Someone mentions something I don’t know? I search it. New term at work? Search it. Weird historical reference? Search it.

Over the years, that tiny habit adds up. You don’t suddenly become someone who knows a lot, you just slowly fill in thousands of little gaps.

Obviously don’t believe the first result you see. The useful habit is looking things up, then checking whether the answer actually makes sense.

I got tired of the constant “give me the phone / five more minutes / whyyyyy” fight, so I changed what we actually do at home.

Every night at the same time, everyone’s phone goes in one spot in the living room. Mine too. Once it’s there, it stays there. No taking it back because they finished homework early or found some loophole. Having one boring, predictable rule has caused way fewer fights than constantly negotiating screen time.

The second thing was surprisingly hard: I stopped rescuing my kid from boredom. When the phone first went away, there was pacing, whining, “there’s NOTHING to do.” I didn’t immediately suggest 20 activities or hand the phone back. I just let the boredom happen. After a while they’d eventually grab a book, draw, play with something, or come talk to me.

I also started giving them more easy wins offline. Instead of “clean your room,” it’s “put the clothes in the basket first.” Finish that? Cool, next thing. Same with homework. Small task, finish it, actually acknowledge the effort.

So basically: one phone parking spot, one fixed time, parents follow the same rule, don’t panic when they’re bored, and give them small things they can actually finish.What actually helped with my kid’s phone obsession was making the rules physical, not arguing about them

Not magic, but way less screaming in our house.

Screen time, phones, social media, gaming, AI — real experiences and practical advice. Come join the conversation! https://www.reddit.com/r/AirDroidDigitalParent

I’ve been thinking about how different parenting must have been before smartphones, tablets, and the internet were part of everyday life.

For example, if a kid was bored back then, parents might just say “go outside and find something to do.” Now, boredom can turn into YouTube, games, TikTok, or endless scrolling within seconds.

Same with keeping track of kids. Before phones, you might have had to trust that they’d be home by dinner. Now parents can text, call, or check their location — but that also creates a whole new set of parenting questions.

Would you rather raise kids in the pre-smartphone era, or deal with parenting today? Why?

For me, it’s taking the last thing from a full package.

Last slice of pizza? Fine.

Last cookie? Suddenly I feel like I need permission from everyone in the house.

Even when I bought it.

What completely normal thing makes you feel like a criminal?

Instead of leaving my alarms as “Alarm,” I sometimes change the label to whatever random thought is in my head when I set it.

Then when the alarm goes off hours or days later, I’ve usually forgotten about it. I look at my phone and see something like “you’re probably overthinking this” or “Today would be a nice day,” and for half a second it feels like the universe just sent me a message lol.

Tiny thing, but it makes alarms slightly less miserable.