A layered tragedy has occurred to me on this day… once upon a time, I had lost all my Pokémon ever when my DS game was corrupted, including a Jirachi who knew DRACO METEOR, a move it can’t normally.
A kindly soul gave me a replacement Jirachi recently so in the future I may be able to use my first event Pokemon again.
I just got Pokémon scarlet and saw I could transfer Jirachi to it!

But tragedy again, for the Pokemon company hath decided no event exclusive moves shall exist past Generation 7… and my Jirachi… lost its move…

And the only warning I got to this? A symbol in the literal same shape as jirachis head that I missed… (would’ve attached image, but it won’t let me. Look up the warning symbol in Pokemon home though, it’s exactly the same as jirachis head)

(Also people are saying it’s my fault for not noticing THE WARNING THATS THE EXACT SAME COLOR AND SHAPE AS JIRACHIS HEAD AND JUST EXPECTING THE EVENT EXCLUSIVE POKÉMON TO KEEP ITS EVENT EXCLUSIVE MOVE THAT STILL EXISTS IN SCARLET VERSION!!)

Also no, it can’t relearn it. I tried. It can relearn Rest which was also deleted because it learns it at a higher level in S/V, BUT NOT THE ONLY MOVE I CARE ABOUT!!

I have a Kyogre, Groudon, Zacian and Zamazenta just sitting in Bank thinking I could bring them over because it allowed me to transfer a Calyrex and it’s stead’s someone traded me.

NOPE! Have to catch those four in my scarlet version that I don’t have the DLC for before I can transfer them in.

But a random Calyrex, it’s steeds, and eternatus I get from GTS can go in just fine…

Can’t have my Kyogre helping with the new raid I guess.

The original Mega Rayquaza battle in Pokémon’s lore was WAAAAY more one sided than you think.

In the lore of Pokemon, the first mega evolution was from Rayquaza after it appeared to stop Primal Kyogre and Groudon from consuming a meteor that was over flowing with energy that impacted on Hoenn.

The two were destroying the region trying to get to this meteor and Rayquaza somehow was losing to the two because they seemed to be empowered by the meteor. Then as the story goes, the wishes of the Draconid people reached Rayquaza, triggering its Mikado organ, which acts like a mega stone for it, allowing it to achieve the first Mega Evolution.

If you know mega Rayquaza, you don’t need to know how powerful this thing is. But if you don’t, this thing is so powerful, it got banned from the banned section of competitive pokemon, and in lore it face tanks (literally) planet obliterating meteors, and fights the gods of creation.

So Rayquaza mega evolves, and immediately siphons away the primordial powers of Kyogre and Groudon, making them the base forms we know them as today. So we got Rayquaza, the natural check to primal Kyogre and Groudon, who’s already beat them up in its base form prior in the lore, who now has the strongest mega evolution ever, that MAKES THEM WEAKER, and obviously it’s a one sided stomp…

Except if we look at pokemon… it doesn’t end there.

In Pokémon Scarlet/Violet we learn that cheering on pokemon just straight up empowers them. When the crowd is cheering you on while facing Ryme, your Pokémon’s stats skyrocket. In the final fight with Koraidon/Miraidon, your friends cheering on your Pokemon powers it up so much it can one shot the opponent.

Now imagine how powerful Mega Rayquaza got, when a whole region was cheering it on to beat up the rampaging Kyogre and Groudon. This was not a one sided battle. THIS WAS A SLAUGHTER. Mega evolution already was overkill. Taking away their primal forms permanently was rubbing salt into the wound. And then we have the crowd cheering on Rayquaza that made sure those two would never try this crap again.

It’s no wonder Kyogre and Groudon immediately back off whenever Rayquaza appears.

Not because they’re difficult… but because the AI gets to spam moves more than anyone else there.

Oh you just respawned? Let me just use shadow claw followed immediately by leaf storm as your selecting a move, WHOOPS! There goes half your timer!

You got a plan and decent teammates who can take the thing on? Too bad, I’m just gonna use two attacks in three seconds and ruin your run.

Pokémon Adventures RBG Arc but REALLY REALLY FAST

Red: I’m a Pokemon trainer! Pokemon are pocket monsters, they go in these little balls, look inside the little balls and they’re tiny versions of themselves in the balls! Some kid read this manga and shared this knowledge and his friends wouldn’t believe him! People will also have a hard time believing these animals can just naturally shrink themselves in 20-ish years for some reason despite this being established right now in this 20 year old manga! I’m the best Pokemon trainer in town!

Blue/(some translations call him Green. Won’t be confusing at all): No.

Red: Damn! Now I must go become a stronger trainer! Oh hello Mew!

Blue/Green: YOU COST ME MEW!

Oak: You’re the first pokedex holder (throws pokedex at head)

Red: I have Bulbasaur now in addition to my Poliwhirl. Gee I sure hope having a level 25 pokemon doesn’t give me a huge advantage, oh hey Pikachu!

*ZAP*

Red: Ow. Let’s go kill Brocks Pokémon.

Brock: Onix kill the Pikachu!

Red: I have saved the Pikachu! That maneuver somehow isn’t illegal in this sanctioned battle.

*And then Pikachu exploded Onix… literally. Like it literally exploded*

Red: I killed a few Pokemon and got the badge! Guess what they canonically make Pokemon stronger in this continuity, so fuck you whoever doesn’t have a gym badge, you’re just forever weaker than us.

Misty: My Gyrados is mad!

Red: I have caught your Gyrados. Also you can just steal other people’s pokemon apparently, no wonder people block the balls in the games.

Oak: It was team rocket! Go to Mt. Moon!

Misty: Is that a Pikachu?

Red: Mickey Mouse canonically exists in the pokemon manga universe. We’re learning a lot in this arc aren’t we.

Rocket: AS DOES TOM SAWYER!

Red and Misty: THE ENEMY!

Rocket: DRUGS! They make your pokemon evolve.

Misty: My head is now bleeding despite hitting my back!

*And then Pikachu cut out the ceiling with its… tail…. What?*

Misty: You got me dirty!

*punch*

Red: OW! THE FUCK, LADY!? Also got the moonstone. This will totally somehow be relevant later.

Misty: I’m rich by the way. We need to train!

Red: We do not.

Misty: *cries and tries to kill Red*

Red: Hmm. Maybe we do.

Bill: I sure hope I don’t accidentally close myself in here and fuse with a poke- whoops.

Red: I am carrying 20 pokemon on me at once. That’s right, it’s canon you can do this, screw rules. But they’re so heavy, If only I had a convenient storage system to put them in.

Bill: Sup yall, I’m a country boy with such a deal for YOOOOOOOOOU~

*And then Bill the Rattata was grabbed by a fearow*

Red: Don’t worry poliwhirl will save you!

Bill: Fearow has impaled Poliwhirl!… yall.

Red: Except it was actually an illusion or something to freeze Fearow in ice!

Bill: … what?

Red: I have restored Bill to human form! Where’s the Rattata?

Bill: I invented the internet… yall.

Red: I will now sneak upon this ship called the SS Anne because boy am I a mischievous boy.

Sailor: GET OUT!

Fan club president: You are now in my Pokémon fan club!

Red: Your what? Hey look! Tentacle Hentai canonically exists in Pokemon, as per this newspaper story suggest! Wait a minute… wait- this- this isn’t a joke?

Fan club: Wait you make your Pokemon fight! How dare you!

Red: “Case of poke-love? Last time I bathe with my Tentacruel…” Why is the woman in this newspaper smiling…

Fan Club president: Pokemon have to fight to evolve and that means they can’t be small anymore!!

Red: Why is she smiling?! Wa- Was she enjoying this?!

Fan club: Our Pokémon are being stolen!

Red: This isn’t the end of this, you are gonna answer my questions about this story. I’ll get your Pokemon back!

Fan club president: Can we borrow your Pikachu to cuddle?

Red: Your funeral. I have infiltrated the SS Anne… again.

Lt Surge: No you haven’t! Zap him!

Red: Freeze his leg poliwhirl, now I throw a smoke bomb! That’s right, we just HAVE these!

Surge: Find him my illegal pokemon!

Red: Oh no Magneton has used its magnet powers to magnetically attract my wounded Poliwhirl to- wait, Poliwhirl isn’t metal.

Surge: You cannot pass the magnetically made thunder barrier because it is stronger than steel! Kill him!

Red: I AM BEING KILLED!! POLIWHIRL SAVE ME BY EVOLVING LIKE YOUVE DONE IN THE PAST!

*And then Poliwhirl evolved and they beat Surge*

Red: I have saved the Pokemon. How did Poliwhirl even evolve? I didn’t have a water stone.

Fan club president: Where’s my Abra

Red: It evolved!

Fan club president: *dies of disappointment*

Alakazam: *sad*

Red: Hey I’ll take you if he doesn’t want you. Hey look a race!

Racers: We can’t cross the water! It’s full of Tentacruel!

Red: Yeah so don’t take a bath with those, I read this one article on this lady, and she’s a FREAK. Loves tentacles in weird places.

Racers: A bug forest!

Red: Pikachu kill them all.

Racers: A Snorlax!

Red: Hey Snorlax my Bulbasaur is covered in honey- OH GOD RUN!

*And then Red won the race and caught Snorlax.*

Red: Lavender Town! Also Zombies exist in Pokemon too… also AHHHHHHHH- oh hi Blue… wait a minute- A GASTLY IS CONTROLLING HIM… and the zombie ghosts… Bulbasaur! Absorb the gas in your bulb!

Blue: I must kill the ninja who did this!

Red: The what?

Koga: It was I on Mt Moon! I’m part of team rocket! Look at this! NINJA ILLUSIONS!

Blue: I have brutally cut your Arbok in half with Charmeleon’s tail after using a zombie as a literal meat shield!

Koga: Ah man. I hope everyone doesn’t latch onto this one instance as saying the manga is dark. It’s not like we’re gonna have WAY more fucked up things later in each arc.

Green: I am a con artist. Hey you’re cute! Buy my held items!

Red: Aren’t you a generation too early for those?

Green: You’re cute

Red: I’ll buy them all!

*They explode*

Red: *GASP* She scammed me!

Oak: Someone stole my Squirtle!

Red: Not now professor oak! A cute girl took advantage of me and now I have to punch her! FOUND HER!

Green: You’re still cute

Red: oh, wait… now I’m confused

Green: Getting away on my stolen Wartortle!

Red: That makes me think of something but what? Snorlax stop her!

Green: Don’t hurt me! I just think you’re cute! (No I don’t.)

Red: Aw fine. Go away but give me back my money!

Green: I stole his badges.

Red: FU—— hey is that Mew?

Green: GIMME!!

Team Rocket: No! Give us!!

Red: The enemy!!

Green: I stole this mew data from them.

Red: Why?

Green: It was cute. I must have cute. Look at this pink blob I have.

Rocket: Tarous!! It’s the leader of these pokemon!

Red: Tauros has knocked our pokemon off the cliff with it! And now it’s climbed back up.

Green: Just kidding it’s my ditto! Kill them all ditto.

Red: I can’t believe your pink blob can do weird stuff!

Green: Wait until you see what it does later! Turn into Mew now Ditto!

Rocket: MEW IS HERE!

Green: I will now find Mew with brainwave detector goggles! That’s right! This just exists! Found Mew!

Rocket: THIS MEW IS FAKE! THEY HAVE THE REAL ONE! Go Jynx!

Red: I will protect Mew! OW!

*And then mew blinked and team rocket died.*

Red: Well mew got away

Green: Here’s your badges back, thanks, bye! (They aren’t really them)

*And then Red bumped into Blue*

Blue: Our pokemon got switched! Oh no! Aw well. Better train them.

Red: Blue’s machoke evolved into Machamp! I guess this counted as a trade. A NINETAILS?!

Blue: MINE! Gimme back my pokemon now.

Red: K.

*Then at the next gym*

Red: LET ME FIGHT THE LEADER

Erika: Go get rid of an Eevee

Red: K.

Bill: Eevee is rare

Red: … where did you come from? *gasp* an eevee!! Wait no, a Jolteon! No! A Flareon! Wait a minute… THIS EEVEE HAS BEEN EXPERIMENTED ON AND CAN BE ALL ITS EEVEELUTIONS AND DEVOLVE!! Erika must’ve known, I’m gonna kick her ass!!

Erika: I’m gonna kick YOUR ass.

Red: She is kicking my ass! Pikachu make an energy shadow clone! That’s right, substitute is a fucking sentient shadow clone in the manga that can move on its own!

Erika: Tricked you! I’m actually a good guy! We’re gonna all beat up team rocket who’re the ones who actually did this to Eevee, wanna join? Here’s a badge.

Red: Fuck yeah.

*And then red broke every rule at the safari zone*

Red: I have broken every rule at the safari zone! Nidoking wants me dead

Robo-pidgy: I am a sentient smart AI

Red: I love you Robo-pidgy, you are my best friend.

*and then the Pokémon attacked robo-pidgy*

Red: ROBO-PIDGY NO!! I will save you by catching literally every Pokémon here!

*And then some bellsprouts tied Red up with a bunch of dead animals to have their fluids drained so they can evolve in their sleep… WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MANGA!*

Red: I escaped the fluid draining plants who also are full of acid I almost died in using a doll.

*and then Red captured literally the entire safari zone*

Red: We have escaped digletts tunnel! Come on obviously not evil man I’m escorting!

Giovanni: Yes, I am not evil. Hey look, magmar have engulfed the museum in flames.

Red: Sandshrew! Make sand get on them!

Giovanni: The sand combined with the heat of the magmar has encased them in glass! Smartly done! Here’s some old amber.

Red: Thank you obviously not evil man who I may have seen a statue of somewhere before. Goodbye!

*and then the magmar escaped*

Giovanni: Cloyster.

*And Giovanni literally killed then by freezing them and shattering them*

Red: I am fighting a Dragonite to get a Hidden Machine Tm and am drowning… hey is that Misty with a mermaid tail?

Misty: Saved you!

Red: I’m not sure how much of that was me dying or if you’re literally just a mermaid. Have you seen the crap I’ve encountered in the first volume and a half? I’m not writing off the possibility.

Misty: I’ll give you Gyrados for your Krabby so you can help that Articuno.

Red: That sounds like an amazing deal…. Why are you lifting my clothes while staring at my ass.

Misty: shut up. Takin the pokeball.

Red: This panel is questionable without context.

Rocket: THE KID!

Red: THE ENEMY!

Rocket: Articuno freezes itself when confronted by enemies! We will capture it!

Red: Nu-uh! Run Articuno!!

*articuno ran*

Red: That was easier than expected.

*and was immediately captured by team rocket after*

Red: Hey look, team rockets on this island too!

Rocket: GET BLAINE!

Blaine: I don’t like you guys anymore!

Red: I will help you old guy!

Blaine: THEY HAVE A MOLTRES! RUUUUUUN!!!!! Hey you got an old amber? Go take it to that hidden lab up the ways.

Red: Got an Aerodactyl now! Go beat up Moltres my level 5 pokemon!

*It worked*

Giovanni: Time to start our super mega evil plan! Don’t let anyone in or out of Saffron city!

*meanwhile at the gate of saffron city*

Green: Please Let me in Saffron city Mr guard! I’ll flirt with you.

Guard: I am an adult!

*And then they literally threw Green out.*

Blue: Charizard, we will scout out why they won’t let us in Saffron city! Fly! … is that a girl on a giant flying jiggly- WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

Green: Bing! Cute boy sighted! What’s your name! (This is literally the exact line by the way)

Blue: Ow! What is this around the city!? Some kind of giant glass bowl.

Green: No, it’s some kind of wall of psychic energy!

*Meanwhile at pallet town*

Red: Professor oak is evil!?

Sabrina: WRONG! It is my kadabra casting an illusion! That’s right! Psychics are just as busted in the manga as in Gen 1! We’ve kidnapped all of pallet town in saffron city! Come face us! Now watch me fly and teleport away.

Red: I am in Saffron city- OH NO SOME KIND OF WALL OF PSYCHIC ENERGY!

Blue: My golduck can use its psychic powers to display the inside of the city on my pokedex!

Red: Looks like a gameboy. My pikachu’s substitute can get into the barrier!

Blue: hm. I Can’t do anything inside

Red: Hm. I don’t know where the clone is going… *GASP* Listen Blue, I know we don’t get along, but I may have found a way to get into saffron city! We need to work together!

Blue: Ha! Have fun goin crazy.

Green: Work together!

Blue: She’s right.

Red: What- I literally just said-

Blue: There’s a Mr. Mime making the barrier, send the substitute to beat it up while I guide you!

*insert Mr mime running for its life from a pikachu clone*

Red: WE BEAT UP THE STUPID MIME! Into the city and main building!

*Red falls in trap door*

Blue: HA!

Koga: I’m back

Blue: Aw…

Surge: Me too!

Red: Why is there a trap door! I know you have a girl who can teleport!

Koga: I’m wearing my Pokemon as literal armor and weapons! And my golbat can display other places in the building like a camera while its wings are also sharp enough to slit throats! Which is really weird when you think about it because why can Golbat even do this? The screen that displays the view is literally its mouth. Also GO MY EKANS ARM WEAPON!

Blue: Oh NO!-

Surge: I’m wearing my pokemon as literal armor and weapons! A gun that shoots exploding electrodes and this one voltorb that’s just happy to be included, and twin magnetons making sonic booms on each shoulder to dispel any attack against me!

Red: What!? I can’t hear you! The sonic booms are too loud!!

Surge: WHAT?!

Red: WHAT?!

Surge: Also I got this sweet idea! I call it electric terrain! It makes my electric type moves even stronger! I think it’ll really catch on in a few years!

Red: WHAT?!

Surge: Now to electric torture the child!

Red: WHA- AHHHHHHH!!!

Surge: Also I got insulated underwear on so I don’t get shocked!

Red: …. WHAT?!

Surge: Wanna know where all this power is coming from?

Red: WHAT?!

Surge: THATS RIGHT! ZAPDOS IS PLUGGED INTO THIS BATTERY THAT LOOKS LIKE A PIKACHU WITH ELECTRIC ENERGY CARD SYMBOLS ON MY BACK! ZAPDOS HAS INFINITE RESEVOIRS OF POWER!!! HAHAHAH!! Take THAT Powerscalers!!

Red: I CANT HEAR A WORD YOUR SAYING!!

Koga: Can surge keep his stupid music down! I’m about to gut a child with a bat! Hey kid, get your grandpa to cooperate with us and I’ll let you live.

Blue: No.

Koga: K imma kill you. Razor wind straight to the heart.

Blue: AHG-0

Koga: WHOO-HOO! Killed a kid.

Green: Sneakin around… the corner…

Sabrina: I FOUND YOU! ENTER MY ILLUSIONS!

Green: AH PANGODAS AND BIRDS!! MY ONLY TWO FEARS!!

Sabrina: You’re afraid of pango-? nevermind. You won’t beat me. Kill her blastoise!

Green: Stupid! That was ditto! Horsea, make a smokescreen! And I’ll be able to see cause of my goggles and- AH-

Sabrina: I can see you moron. I’m psychic.

Red: Hmm if he doesn’t get shocked cause of his underwear… we have to cut his underwear! Ivysaur!

Surge: OH NO!

*And then Surge somehow survived an infinite amount of electrical power from his Zapdos battery but was knocked out*

Red: Nice gloves. I’m stealing em. Oh sweet they’re insulated. Off to help Blue.

Koga: He’s dead!

Red: NO!!

Blue: JK. My pendant stopped the attack from reaching my heart. Pigeot, impale him.

Koga: AH! I’ve been impaled! I hope this doesn’t become a running trend in this series! Wait, I’m fine, you just impaled Muk. GO ARTICUNO! Freeze them all! By the way did you know badges just straight up make pokemon stronger in the manga? Fuck you whoever doesn’t have any!

Blue: Running away!

Koga: BREAK THE WALL OF THIS THIRD FLOOR BUILDING OR WHEREVER WE ARE!

Blue: Oh no. The wall has been broken. Whatever will I, the handsome and smart Blue Oak, do now? Guess I’ll freeze…

Koga: Yes! Now you’ll- why is everything on fire?

Blue: I told Charizard to set the building on fire.

Koga: YOU WHAT?!

*Alarms and spotlights all over the city*

Team rocket: Oh god! The building is on fire!

(This part isn’t even a joke. It just went down exactly like this)

Misty: We are stopping the bad guys from escaping

Brock: Hooray for us!

Blue: Imma save my grandpa. Here’s this dudes badge, Red.

Red: I got burnt you jerk.

Blue: Well fuck you too.

Green: You aren’t stylish at all!

Sabrina: *Embarrassed*

(Post reading edit: Apparently Green said something about Sabrina’s boobs after she hid pokeballs in her chest and her shirt got ripped away here and I read the censored version.)

Green: Now annoy the hell out of her my cute pokemon! Oh wow that’s actually working. Stole your badge!

Sabrina: CANT SEE SHIT! TOO MUCH NOISE!

Red: Found a weird circle with badge shapes.

Sabrina: THATS NOT YOURS!

Red: Pikachu! Kill her!

Green: Just kidding. I’m wearing ditto as a mask.

Red: Wha- ew.

Green: We put the badges in that circle and it makes pokemon stronger than even the badges do (actually it just makes a new pokemon). Trade me the moonstone for it.

Red: Um. Ok?

Sabrina: MOLTRES KILL THEM!

Red: AH! Badges go in! It didn’t work.

Green: I gave you back fake badges dummy! Imma steal this now. Byeeeee.

Red: WHY AM I ATTRACTED TO YOU!!

Green: Now I pop these in and… hey where’s it going.. that’s not where I pointed it!

Sabrina: I’ve teleported Zapdos and Articuno to me as well! And what’s that light coming straight for us- OH ARCEUS!

*And then the birds became Thu-Fi-Zer*

Sabrina: Huh. Cool. Kill them.

Red: WE ARE LOSING SO BAD!!

Blue: I’m here now!

*explosion*

Blue: NOW IM LOSING!

Red: The moonstone! I must give it to Green so she can- AND SHES KNOCKED THE FUQ OUT! GREAT!

*Claefairy evolves*

Red: Oh hey it worked.

Blue: The bullshit RNG of Metronome is stalling Thu-Fi-Zer!

Sabrina: Not enough. Blow them out the wall of the building.

*And then our heros fell to their deaths.*

Red: Just kidding. Vine whip web.

*except they didn’t.*

Red: Triple finish final smash!

*And then they literally blew the birds apart and freed them and they ran off*

Red: We won and saved everyone!

Blue: The building is literally falling down.

Red: And we caused a lot of property damages. Good day.

*Elsewhere and in the past*

Team rocket: Mewtwo escaped.

Blaine: MEWTWO ESCAPED?!

Team rocket: Mewtwo escaped.

Blaine: I QUIT!!

*PRESENT*

Red: A super strong monster in Cerulean cave? Imma go in! OH NO A TWISTER!! And I’ve lost the pokeballs all my pokemon were in while they’re all out of their balls trying to save me! Whatever will I do to save them now!

Blaine: Here! Empty pokeballs!

Red: Good thing you can just recapture your own pokemon in new pokeballs I guess.

Blaine: The pokemon making the twister is Mewtwo! We set out to create the strongest pokemon out of mew’s cells, and we succeeded. But we also used some of my dna, so now my arm does this when I’m near it.

*Arm skin freaking out*

Red: Ew. Imma catch it.

Blaine: Watch out for the giant spoon.

Red: The what?

*Gets hit by giant spoon*

Blaine: That is its ultimate attack!

Red: WHY!?

Blaine: I will suicide bomb it!!

*he tried*

Red: Ah man. Mewtwo is dead and- *gets hit by pebble*

*Mewtwo was not dead*

Red: DID YOU THROW A PEBBLE AT ME?! That’s it you’re dead!

Blaine: Fool! It will use the twister!

Red: Except I baited it to use the twister while Pika jumped at it with the masterball in its mouth and that let it get close enough to capture it! Here you go, you two get along now.

Blaine: …… ok then.

*Later*

Red: VIRIDIAN CITY! Why them wild pokemon mad. Where’s the gym leader?

Red: Hello Yellow headed child. Remember Pokémon are friends.

Yellow: I’m going to remember this moment when I try to drown a man in lava.

Red: You’re what? Oh hey, the gym.

*Lights blare as the silhouette of an aura farmer appears.

Giovanni: It was me Red, GIOVANNI!! The whole time! I control team rocket!

Red: Totally not evil man!? You were evil!?

Giovanni: I will beat you in the most aura farming way possible. My pokeballs are on the ground. I will not go to get them unless you send out you pokemon first. That will take two seconds. In that time I will get my balls, send out my pokemon and KO them.

Red: Oh yeah?

*YES*

Red: Ah man. Then I’ll do the same and put mine on the ground too.

Giovanni: So you can match my aura, but what about everything else?

Red: I send out Snorlax!

Giovanni: I punch it through the wall!

Red: I headbutt the Golem

Giovanni: I MAKE IT EXPLODE!

Red: I kick my pokeball to release my pokemon.m and fly into the air!

Giovanni: I knock it down along with the ground!

Red: I climb out of the fissure use my last Pokemon!

Giovanni: I broke the opening mechanism so they can’t leave!

Red: I still have pika!

Giovanni: It will take you a second to unleash pika, two seconds to charge an attack, and one second for it to land, in that time I will have already-

Red: I HAVE PIKA START CHARGING IN THE BALL TO ELECTROCUTE YOU!!

Giovanni: What! Nobody can withstand a pokeball with that much voltage! Wait- TEAM ROCKET BRAND INSULATED UNDERWEAR GLOVES!!? NOOOOOOOO!!!!

Red: There’s one reason you lost Giovanni. You pissed me off. K bye.

Giovanni (currently sizzling): …. I had… a fucking ground type.

*Later again*

Red: POKEMON LEAGUE! We in the semi finals, Blue.

Blue: Cool.

Oak: Green, I am not Professor Oak.

Green: Uh, ok? Beat him up my cute Pokemon.

Oak: Spearow, style on her.

Green: A BIRD?! MY GREATEST FEAR!! I’ll just use blastoise to fly!!

Oak: Mirror move.

*Then Green exploded*

Oak: Why’d you steal my Squirtle?

Green: IM FROM PALLET TOWN TOO! WHYD THOSE TWO GET POKÉMON AND POKEDEXES AND I DIDNT! Was it cause I was kidnapped by a Ho-oh as a child?!

*In the past*

Green: Hi birdy!

Ho-oh: *SQUAK!!*

Green: AH NO!!

*And then Ho-oh kidnapped child Green*

Oak: Oh hey! I helped look for you! Here’s a pokedex.

Green: ——— What?

Red: Oak quit so the finals is actually me and Blue!!

Blue: Cool.

Red: Vensaur poison Charizard! Snorlax punch it!

Blue: Machamp catch it!

Red: Kick then!

Blue: Use your extra arm to catch it! Now slam it on the ground!

Red: Turn into a rock!

Blue: Launch it with a lever!

Red: Fall back down on top of it!

Blue: Ninetails burn everything!

Red: Poliwrath attack!

Blue: Fire makes them all go hit the ceiling instead!

Red: Oh no! Pika try!

Blue: Fire makes you hit ceiling!!

Red: UH-UH- VENASAUR! Grab Charizard!

Blue: I got all Fire types left man.

Red: Except what you didn’t realize was that the Fire made the water turn to vapor and when pika’s electricity was added to it, it turned into thunder clouds and I JUST TURNED CHARIZARD INTO A LIGHTNING ROD!!!

Blue: … WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS-

*And then a thunder strike hit charizard*

Red: I win! I am the best trainer ever! Literally and canonically!

Blue: I respect you Red.

Red: I respect you too Blue.

Lance: We’re totally gonna be terrorists next arc. Let’s get rid of him to do it.

END OF RBG ARC.

*LANCE DOESNT KNOW A LITTLE GIRL IS GONNA GIVE HIM PTSD.*