u/MalikTheScot

I (32M, cis) am still in the process of discovering my sexuality and still consider myself straight (It's not the subject of this post but I talked a fair bit about it here, just in case). One of the questions on my mind regarding sexual attraction to men is about anal. I've basically never done anal, even with a woman, because I find it kinda yucky, and also because I don't see the appeal in it at all. On the other hand, I've tried playing with my own butt a fair bit of times, but it's not easy. First, I'm so tight I can barely put my index finger in there, let alone a plug. And I just can't find a comfortable position to do it, so I usually eventually give up. My gf has tried helping me once but I found it embarrassing lol (even though she's absolutely okay with it). So I have two questions : Am I missing something regarding being the top, should I try it further or just give it up ? And about my own butt, what can I do to make spelunking easier lol ?

I'm asking here because I thought that maybe some bisexual men would've had a similar experience :) thanks in advance

Just finished the game (in a few days), I was hooked since the start, it's a really fun concept. I played it because someone suggested it as a similar game to Outer Wilds, mostly the having to acquire knowledge to advance part, and it truly felt like it. One thing that irked me a bit was how the world seems to revolve a lot around the main character, especially since Outer Wilds is really good on that front. Here are two examples of such instances from memory (Maybe my understanding of the lore is wrong or incomplete, so don't hesitate to correct me) :

- On top of being rather disappointing, the machines where you can turn some circles to match words from different languages in the last level makes no sense to me. Why do these exist ? What use are they to anyone but the main character ? Were they put by our parent anchorite to learn the language ? If so, why didn't they just instill the anchorite language in the protagonist to begin with ?

- From my understanding, the alchemists big goal in life seems to be about finding the correct proportions of metals to make the key to the fairy level. And one alchemist did find it, but I guess their lab exploded and they got transformed into the monster. But how come nobody ever entered their lab to investigate or something ? The monster transformation seems to have happened sometime ago given that the bards wrote a friggin' play about it. And the lab person left the code inside their hat in the library, and it's still untouched. Were they some kinda big shot and no one wants to touch their stuff ? I just find it really ironic that the alchemists toil day and night to make the key while the formula they need is written on a board behind a door.

-Another small thing I find funny is that the people called "bards" never mention the word for music lol.EDIT : they do mention it, I made a mistake, sorry about that

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I really like flat and sandy beaches. Even pebbly beaches are fine, if a little annoying. But I find rocky beaches to be a big no-go. For some reason I always imagine myself slipping on mossy rocks while trying to get into the water, or being pushed/pulled into a rock by a strong wave. Most ppl I know can hop across rocks, even stand on mossy ones and get into the water easily. Whenever I try, even if I try sliding while sitting on my ass I just get paralyzed af. It's rather FOMO-inducing and overall not a pleasant experience. Has anybody struggled with this before ?

I really like flat and sandy beaches. Even pebbly beaches are fine, if a little annoying. But I find rocky beaches to be a big no-go. For some reason I always imagine myself slipping on mossy rocks while trying to get into the water, or being pushed/pulled into a rock by a strong wave. Most ppl I know can hop across rocks, even stand on mossy ones and get into the water easily. Whenever I try, even if I try sliding while sitting on my ass I just get paralyzed af. It's rather FOMO-inducing and overall not a pleasant experience

Finished Coffee Talk 1 & 2 (haven't played Tokyo yet) recently and I really loved them, one of the coziest games I've played. At the same time it made me wish that I had a third place like this, where I could easily talk with the barista/bartender and other ppl and have a place where I could go anytime and find someone I know. I'm curious to know if people here have a spot like this and where ? cheers !

I (32M) live in Paris with my gf and my cat. I have some friends, but they're a bit scattered and have their own friends. I feel lonely a lot of the time, but lately it's become somewhat worse, which is why I felt compelled to write a post, since I'm not comfortable with bringing this up with someone I know (although I've told my gf about my loneliness a few times). I feel like my loneliness isn't really legitimate, compared with what I see on this sub and others. Because I have a gf and some friends. But I just don't get enough of whatever it is I need (affection, validation, good times?) with them. Most of the time they're not available, and I spend a lot of my free time, even holidays alone, whether I want it or not.

I'm really starved for community and I hate that some TV shows, video games and movies show me an impression of community that can never be real. These past few days I played the game Coffee Talk, where several characters come to a café and talk about their troubles and eventually become friends with the barista and other customers. I loved the game, but it also made me really frustrated.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting here, but I guess I would like to hear your thoughts, and I can lend an ear if needed as well. This world needs more community-building and kindness.

Right now, I (32M) don't know if I want to read, write, play a game, see a friend, learn to sew, or whatever. And this happens all the time, unless there's a game or book I'm passionate about atm. I just can't tell anymore the difference in my brain between what I want to do and what I think I should be doing, and I have a hard time relaxing because of that. Whenever I'm passionate about something, I feel "anchored" and better but on the flipside I can't help but think about that something all the time. And whenever I'm on medication, this feeling is exacerbated, because I feel like I'm on a time limit to get stuff done. I'm seeing a therapist, but I'd love to speak to other redditors with somewhat similar issues ! Cheers

Most of the time, I feel like my characters are lazily written, just copies of already existing characters and overall boring and/or cliché. I had the idea of taking the main characters from a book I recently read and loved (Becky Chambers' Wayfarers series' first book, in this case) and described them in as much detail as I could from memory. And found out that when looking at them from this POV, they don't seem more or less interesting than my own characters. But they happen to evolve in an awesome story and be put in situations where their personality is well-presented and taken advantage of. This might seem like a dumb/useless tip to many of you but might help very self-critical ppl like me !

Hi, I (32M) and my gf (30F) are considering moving to Scotland, most likely for a year or two, specifically to Edinburgh but we're open to other locations. We both have French nationalities.

I work as a journalist in a business-oriented media, and I have masters in both journalism and chemical engineering. I studied chemistry at the university of Edinburgh for a semester as an Erasmus student 10 years ago, if that changes anything, and my english was C1 level about 15 years ago (and it has only gotten better).

My gf has a bachelor in art history and has worked for a long time in a theater company in production, communication and administrative work among other things. She also has experience working in non-profits in several roles, among them cultural mediation, even in museums. She's great with kids and works a lot with schools as well. She's not so good with English though, but that will improve.

Now for my questions : how should we proceed ? Should we first try to look for jobs to have a sponsor for visas, and then find accommodation ? Or should we book a hostel and come straight, look for jobs then ask for a visa ?

Regarding jobs, do you think our chances are good ? We're open to anything really, even odd jobs in bars, shops and the like, but a job that fits our academic/work experience would be appreciated. Thanks for the help in advance !

Hi, I need some advice. I was born in Algeria and I live in Paris, I haven't been to the country in a long while, for familial reasons. I'm planning to go soon but I never settled my military service situation. I know I fit the requirements for exemption, I just never did the paperwork (please don't judge). I wanted to go ask the consulate about it but there are no available time slots, and I'd rather not have to spend a day off work in there lol. Do I have to do the process for exemption or can I just take a medical document or something ? I'm 32, born in 1993, I'm hard of hearing (I have only one working ear and I wear a hearing aid) and I have flat feet. شكزا for the help in advance !

This will be long, so sorry in advance. I (32M, cishet) hate being what I am gender-wise. I know I enjoy privileges, I really do. 90% of my friends are queer and (according to them) I'm an ally. But I feel like I don't really belong in any community. I have a deep hate for my own "people" so to speak, because of MeToo, because they're the oppressors, among other things. I do have a few cishet male friends, and I don't hate each man individually, but I've cut ties with many of them because of bad behavior, notably with women and queer people, after trying (and failing) to change them.

I've also always felt some kind of kinship to part of the queer community, even though I grew up in a lgbtphobic country, and have never felt like I belonged among men. My father often told me I was weird because I didn't like soccer and didn't care much for cars and stuff like that.

And since my mid twenties, I've liked painting my nails, putting on some makeup, wearing skirts, watching drag shows, never missing Pride marches, stuff like that. I do it because I find those pretty but also because I want to set myself apart from other men. And I feel guilty, because it's like I want to force myself to be queer. While exploring my sexuality, I've kissed many, many men, but never went further because I don't really feel sexual attraction, only romantic. I also feel guilt about this now because I think I've disappointed many queer men who might've wanted more. And I also explore non-binary gender identities, because I'm very curious about it, but I don't think I feel dysphoria from being a man.

To sum things up, I'm ashamed of being a cishet male, and I feel disingenuous for "attempting" to be queer to find a community I feel better in.

And before you ask, I'm currently seeing a therapist, and have talked about this before, but I didn't really get any solutions on how to deal with this. I'm also AuDHD (recently diagnosed) if that changes anything.

I know some queer ppl might (rightfully) feel angered at this post, but please know I really don't mean any offense, I only want to get a better understanding of what I am, and I'm (perhaps not enough) conscious of my privilege. Thank you for reading this far.

Hi, (32M) I've been diagnosed with ADHD and been prescribed extended release Ritalin 40mg, two months ago. I don't take the meds on a daily basis, it's really for when I need it, I think on average I take them 2-3 days a week. It's been going great, it really helps me with my work, chores, and even personal activities. But one thing I've noticed is that it makes me want to speak about somewhat deep stuff. I won't go too into details on this, but I need to explain my situation a bit. For several reasons, since a few years now, I've been thinking about whether or not I'm a cis man. I heavily identify with non-binary and agender identities. But so far, I'm not decided at all, and I've talked absolutely to no one about it, I just read a lot on the subject and write about it on my diary occasionally.

But when I take Ritalin, the subject comes up on the forefront of my mind quite often, and out of nowhere. Like I'm working on something and I start having deep thoughts about it, and sometimes even get a bit emotional. Two days ago, while the effect was ongoing, I even considered telling my best friend, who is queer, about it. A few hours afterwards, it's like another person was in my brain while the meds were in effect, and the mere notion of telling someone other than anonymous redditors now seemed utterly ridiculous. I'm not sure, I would have gone ahead and told her if the effect lasted longer, and in this case, it wouldn't have had bad consequences.

But it makes me wonder : why the hell does this happen ? It's not bad enough to make me stop taking them and I'll be sure to tell my psychiatrist about it next time, but I want to know if other people on here, be they queer or not, had similar shifts in their mind on Ritalin, and if they managed to make it better.

Also, although I haven't taken steps to officially diagnose it, I have many good reasons to believe that I'm on the spectrum, I assume that might also play a part in the whole thing.

Cheers !