u/MerryMir99

Gave away a lot to family and friends but still have way too many cucumbers/heirloom tomatoes/chili peppers/zucchini/etc.

I take the train alone regularly to the city as a 27 year old woman (US). At the transit center, this 40-year old man approached me asking if I knew any shelters in the area and said his home burned down out of state. The trains were delayed half an hour for mechanical issues so I had time to kill. For work I know the shelters that take men within 50 miles. I told him to sit on the bench with me. We called on my phone a few in the area, the first one the lady was rude to the man for no reason so I took my phone back and told her "I am calling to get information about an available spot, we are using my phone I am an (x title here they are familiar with) off the clock do you have space?" And she became more polite and directed us to a different shelter that had openings and told me I was blessed which was the first Christianity thing but expected because it is a Christian-run shelter. We waited on hold half an hour while I got in a bit of writing (told the guy to stick with me because I was running an errand) eventually got him enrolled while on the train. He pulled out a black, leather Bible and said he had been praying for someone to help him. I just said I like helping people and wasn't sent. He kept insisting I was a blessing from God it made me uncomfortable so I changed the topic and asked if he knew the main streets.

I wrote down directions on the train and bus route to get to the shelter. A man in his late 30s sitting on the train nearby looked at me with a big smile and said I was a "great person for helping that man" and told me I was spreading "God's love." I just said "I'm an atheist" awkward laugh and he changed the topic because I had my trumpet with me and I know my face was flushed.

This was the first time I said it to a Christian and the Christian didn't abandon our conversation. The man in his late 30s was still cheerful in his disposition towards me which was surprising for this area given past experiences and turns out we both love everything jazz. We talked about the instruments we play and the spot I was going to play at. He said "It was lovely speaking to you have a wonderful day" when I got off and seemed sincere. This was the first time a Christian has not become cold or visibly uncomfortable speaking to me after I came forward as an atheist.

Even though the interaction was positive I still feel a bit of residual anxiety while feeling disconcerted by having said I am an atheist to strangers for the first time this year aside from to the man who is now my atheist boyfriend. I am trying to stand up for who I am more often to be a more honest person and feel cowardly sometimes for having not done so in the past.

For context, I (27 year old woman) don't bring it up at work aside from the constant picnics, barbecues, people bring in group food and insist I have it all the time "no thank you" noticing me eating obvious tofu etc. I was asked directly if I was which I will not lie after a few months and three men I work with became hostile and vitriolic to no end after finding out. The women have all not said anything besides one with light jokes which I ignore. In fact the women at this job often compliment my food even if it may be different to them.

Two of the three men have made an intentional point around me when I am in the break room to specifically bring up hunting and butcher shops. My fellow closeted atheist at work coworker I hang out with a lot is the only one who has told me they never say any of that when I am not around. He (K) will try to change the topic on my behalf when I heat up my food. "I killed this deer it was bleeding bad before I caught up to it" stuff like that. K will say "Man, the rain is out of control right now" or "Hey did you see X movie yet?"

Tofu and seitan is really that disturbing to these guys it is insane. I refuse to use the break room at all because they are so hostile. Like I don't say literally anything to you at all and you have to go on and on. All the guys who do this smoke heavily one to two packs a day. You don't see me bringing up things they would find obnoxious or even how I feel when they smoke too close to the building entrance and force others to breathe in the secondhand which actually directly affects me.

No, me existing as a vegan specifically woman is what is so bothersome to them. When K mentioned being vegetarian in defense of me after months of this (he is Jamaican American Rastafarian) they stopped speaking of carving up deer and their desire to eat exotic animals in front of me when he is there. Respect the man naturally. They told K I was a bitch and backwards before he revealed being vegetarian and said that I think I am better than everyone with my "soy bullshit." All of this is a narrative in their heads because I am very keep to myself. One of these guys regularly microwaves a block of SPAM and eats it with undercooked rice. It should be mentioned two of the three are divorced and make comments implying I am a liberal and woke all the time those two are 46 and 52.

They don't know I have seen hundreds of dead people at this point in my life or what my part time first responder (soon to be full time again) career is. They call me sensitive and weak off the fact I eat fucking tofu I do not speak to them and have not they have no basis. It is really mentally exhausting dealing with these hateful bastards. If I say "Hey I know you called me a 'dumb vegan bitch' when I never said or did anything to you and constantly make fun of me no wonder your wives leave you" now it would be an issue. The third guy who is 29 tried asking me out and he suggested taking me to a steakhouse and I said "I don't date coworkers" in a very gentle way with a learned kindness but he still became very hostile towards my veganism after finding out and joined in the behind my back bullying and I caught him around the corner shit talking my lifestyle on top of snuck a glance at his phone and he was watching a misogynistic youtube video once he then flipped his phone when he saw I noticed. Bullet dodged.

I am just tired. Quitting this shit soon. My immediate family is not vegan but my aunt has been since 1994 and my family is very accomodating of both of us on holidays and respectful. Not being respectful of my aunt's veganism was considered bigoted and wrong by my family as a whole and I was taught that as a child. It is so sad how much misogyny is tied into anti vegan sentiment and how me as a black woman elicits these white and black men to say I am "trying to be a white woman" despite my longtime black vegan aunt and fellow 27 year old black vegan first cousin. Sorry for the rant just I have nowhere else to share this experience.

Edit: thanks for the support. I have cried in my car a few times over this out of frustration and it has altered my habits at work. The one guy (29) last week who was having a bad day and I was joking with K about a previous job he said "Well why don't you just go back there we don't need you here since you're so sensitive you're the one stinking up the bathroom" had nothing to do with anything. I did snap on him and said "How the fuck am I sensitive and what the fuck does that have to do with me talking to K you're always up my ass for no reason, I don't even use the bathroom you fucking use you little freak weirdo maybe focus on growing a beard that doesn't look like shit vs trying to watch me piss I hope you know you're not a good fucking person I know the cross necklace is just for show. And you think I would've wanted you don't know why you were trying to date me if I'm so fucking sensitive kind of crazy" it was really harsh but that was a snapping point for me. He looked shocked and walked off. I don't enjoy being angry and it doesn't happen often. I also do not usually curse people out. He did apologize to me two days later which was really unexpected and I don't like him still but okay. The older men would never apologize for any of this. I cannot express how much contempt and disgust I have for them. Onboarding elsewhere with a 30 grand pay increase so I can fly out and see my boyfriend without him coming to me and actually enjoy my life more. This department I am going to has very tight professionalism standards and the leaders know I am vegan (one of the interviews they asked me, they also went into my home and saw my feminist and vegan literature and know who I am still hired me even though these men are former retired military men in their 50s and 60s.) I have a much better feeling about my future.

I have been writing down the nasty remarks and who said what when. Will go to HR this week. I am in the Midwest not Chicago (where my aunt lives and mom is from). It really is backwards. When I used to live in Tacoma as a kid I don't think this shit would be happening. This is just one side of what I have been dealing with at work. First time posting here this is a good community.

I am 27 so at this point I am not deeply upset by stupid people. It just sucks I was part of a local group that was focused on organic gardening and has nothing to do with HS or anything and a guy in the group who is 31 years old made a remark in front of the others about how I smelled like bleach last week.

I joked and said "Yeah I bathe in a bit of bleach in water it is totally safe haha" shouldn't have even said that. Attitude shifted the guy accused me of "not living naturally" and "I would never do that there's never a reason to use bleach" yeah it pissed me off! I worked in chlorinated pools for a long time in the past how is that okay but diluted bleach baths are "poisoning me" he literally said I was poisoning myself and no one stood up for me. Fuck these people. Fuck these people so hard. I am still a bit mad. I have been part of this group for a YEAR.

I manage my condition with a regimen I worked with my dermatologist on plus anti-inflammatory diet in congruence with my lifestyle. My best friend is a medical doctor and separately, my dermatologist with twenty years experience recommended the bleach baths. I didn't pull it out of my ass pardon the excessively crude language in this post but I never felt so judged for managing my HS. I didn't even say "hey I have hidradentitis" but I said "Hey I have a skin condition and it helps manage it" and they still judged me and I am in full "fuck these people" mode. I do compost and recycle and grow a ton of vegetables oh no I am evil for managing my medical condition. This is a group of 13 people btw. 12 now.

Sorry to rant so long it just isn't something I can talk to most people about. These assholes don't understand I will do whatever it takes to prevent a flare. Literally anything. They don't know what it feels like to live with multiple boils and be miserable to just move around. I have been fortunate to not live that way with a careful regimen in over 2 years now but never expected this level of ignorance.