u/Minute_Ad4074

Essie frustrated me so much. I just can't understand loving someone so much that you completely disappear in the process.

What frustrated me the most wasn't even the polygamy. It was how completely okay she was with accepting crumbs. Crumbs of love. Crumbs of attention. Crumbs of respect. She never chose herself. Every decision she made revolved around Jonasi or Joyce, but never around her own dignity.

And the saddest part? Her children paid the price. They're the ones who suffered the most because she kept accepting a situation that benefited everyone except her.

People call her loyal. I don't.

That's not the kind of loyalty I want. I never want to be so loyal to someone who keeps choosing themselves and everyone else over me while I keep making them my number one. That's not devotion—that's self-abandonment.

I'm posting this on behalf of a neighbor because I honestly didn't know what advice to give her, and I'm curious how people in healthy, long-term relationships would approach this.

My neighbor is 35F and engaged to a 40-year-old man. They've been together for almost five years and share three children together (triplets).

To keep them anonymous, I'll leave out the countries involved, but they live in separate countries. He works overseas, while she lives and raises all three children in their home country. He visits a few times a year, but for most of the year she is effectively parenting alone.

She works full-time on the night shift while caring for three 4 year olds. They have a nanny to help, but she's still the one handling the school runs, doctor's appointments, sleepless nights, meals, routines, discipline, and everything else that comes with raising young children.

Her fiancé covers ALL of the family's expenses. He pays for the children's schooling, medical bills, groceries, household expenses, and anything else they need. He has always said that because he can't be there physically, his role is to provide financially.

Here's where she's conflicted.

She told him she was no longer working, but she actually still has her job. Since he's covering the family's expenses, she's been saving almost her entire paycheck. He doesn't know she's still earning an income or how much she's has saved.

She says part of her feels guilty because they're supposed to be building a life together, and she wonders whether she should be transparent about her income and savings.

At the same time, she feels like she's already carrying almost all of the physical and emotional labor of parenting. In her mind, he's contributing financially while she's contributing by raising the children almost entirely on her own, so she feels it's fair for him to shoulder the financial side while she keeps her earnings.

She also admitted she's started feeling resentful because, although he's a good provider, he most often times turns down video calls with the kids because he's tired or busy, which makes her feel even more alone in parenting.

So I'm curious...

How do couples in healthy, long-term relationships handle situations like this?

Should partners always disclose all of their income and savings to each other?

Is it reasonable for one partner to maintain some financial privacy?

When one partner carries most of the childcare and the other mainly contributes financially, what does "fair" actually look like?

I'd especially love to hear from couples who've made long-distance parenting work or who've had one parent carry most of the day-to-day responsibilities.

I'm posting this on behalf of a neighbor because I honestly didn't know what advice to give her, and I'm curious how people in healthy, long-term relationships would approach this.

My neighbor is 35F and engaged to a 40-year-old man. They've been together for almost five years and share three children together (triplets).

To keep them anonymous, I'll leave out the countries involved, but they live in separate countries. He works overseas, while she lives and raises all three children in their home country. He visits a few times a year, but for most of the year she is effectively parenting alone.

She works full-time on the night shift while caring for three 4 year olds. They have a nanny to help, but she's still the one handling the school runs, doctor's appointments, sleepless nights, meals, routines, discipline, and everything else that comes with raising young children.

Her fiancé covers ALL of the family's expenses. He pays for the children's schooling, medical bills, groceries, household expenses, and anything else they need. He has always said that because he can't be there physically, his role is to provide financially.

Here's where she's conflicted.

She told him she was no longer working, but she actually still has her job. Since he's covering the family's expenses, she's been saving almost her entire paycheck. He doesn't know she's still earning an income or how much she's has saved.

She says part of her feels guilty because they're supposed to be building a life together, and she wonders whether she should be transparent about her income and savings.

At the same time, she feels like she's already carrying almost all of the physical and emotional labor of parenting. In her mind, he's contributing financially while she's contributing by raising the children almost entirely on her own, so she feels it's fair for him to shoulder the financial side while she keeps her earnings.

She also admitted she's started feeling resentful because, although he's a good provider, he most often times turns down video calls with the kids because he's tired or busy, which makes her feel even more alone in parenting.

So I'm curious...

How do couples in healthy, long-term relationships handle situations like this?

Should partners always disclose all of their income and savings to each other?

Is it reasonable for one partner to maintain some financial privacy?

When one partner carries most of the childcare and the other mainly contributes financially, what does "fair" actually look like?

I'd especially love to hear from couples who've made long-distance parenting work or who've had one parent carry most of the day-to-day responsibilities.

I (28F) single and child-free have been friends with my best friend (mid-30sF) for almost 10 years. She has two young kids.

We’ve always been very close. I love her kids like my own — I visit them, talk to them on video calls, and I show up for birthdays, graduations, and special occasions even when I’m not financially comfortable. I genuinely care about them and our friendship.

Recently, I started a new job that pays better, and I’ve been trying to be more intentional with my money and save for some big life goals.

The issue is that when we hang out, the financial setup has always been very “split everything equally” — transport, food, outings, etc.

For example, if we book a ride that costs $100, she’ll suggest we split it 50/50, even though she is traveling with her two kids and sometimes a sitter. So effectively it’s 4 people on her side and just me on mine.

The same thing happens when we eat out — we split the bill evenly even though most of the food is for her kids, and I don’t really consume much of what’s ordered for them.

Lately, I’ve started feeling uncomfortable with this setup. Not because I don’t love spending time with them, but because financially it doesn’t make sense for me anymore, especially as I’m trying to save and plan for my future.

Because of that, I’ve been declining some of her invitations to go out (swimming, lunch, dinners, etc.), since I already know it will likely mean splitting all costs equally despite the imbalance in number of people.

I haven’t confronted her about it yet because I don’t want to hurt her feelings or damage our friendship, but I also don’t want to keep putting myself in a situation where I feel financially drained or taken for granted.

So I guess my question is:

AITA for not wanting to hang out anymore because I don’t want to keep splitting costs equally when she’s bringing her kids and sitter along?

When I was living pretty recklessly and doing nothing PCOS-friendly, I still got my periods. I might skip a month occasionally, but I'd usually get my period by the first week of the next month.

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Now, for the last month I've been consistently taking inositol (Moom brand), cut out sugar, switched to a high-protein, high-fiber diet, started walking regularly, and doing strength training. Ironically, my period has completely disappeared.

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My last period started on April 11, and I'm now on cycle day 70, about 30 days later than my usual cycle, with no period and definitely not pregnant.

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Has anyone else experienced their periods becoming more irregular or stopping after making positive lifestyle changes and taking inositol? What ended up happening?

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