u/Muffin-5634

(21 F)

Am I Really Suicidal?

I've carried this overwhelming desire to die with me since I was a teenager. It followed me into adulthood, and somehow, instead of fading, it only grew stronger.

My mental health has slowly eaten away at my life and my future. I watch the people around me move forward. My friends are building careers, relationships, and lives of their own. They seem to have dreams to chase and futures to look forward to. Meanwhile, I feel like I have nothing.

When I was eighteen, I tried to take my own life. I took a very large amount of Xanax, hoping it would finally put an end to everything. But I survived.

Surviving meant having to face my family's disappointment. It meant knowing that people now knew I didn't want to live anymore. I was already drowning in shame, and their reaction didn't make it any easier. If anything, it made that shame even heavier.

I haven't tried again since then. Not because I suddenly found hope, and not because I started believing that life was worth living. I'm simply afraid.

I'm afraid of failing again. I'm afraid of having to face that shame again, this time as an adult. And I'm afraid of surviving with permanent damage that could make an already miserable life even worse.

So instead, I've spent the years since then waiting.

Waiting for death to find me on its own.

I know I'm not going to kill myself. But if I were hit by a car tomorrow, I don't think I'd ask anyone to save me.

And that's what confuses me.

If I'm not actively trying to die, if I'm not making plans or preparing for another attempt, can I really call myself suicidal?

Or is there another kind of suicidal person, the kind who doesn't want to die badly enough to act, but doesn't want to live badly enough to fight for their life either?

Maybe I'm somewhere in between.

Maybe I'm just someone who has been waiting for life to end for so long that I've forgotten what it feels like to want it to continue.

(21 F)

Am I Really Suicidal?

I've carried this overwhelming desire to die with me since I was a teenager. It followed me into adulthood, and somehow, instead of fading, it only grew stronger.

My mental health has slowly eaten away at my life and my future. I watch the people around me move forward. My friends are building careers, relationships, and lives of their own. They seem to have dreams to chase and futures to look forward to. Meanwhile, I feel like I have nothing.

When I was eighteen, I tried to take my own life. I took a very large amount of Xanax, hoping it would finally put an end to everything. But I survived.

Surviving meant having to face my family's disappointment. It meant knowing that people now knew I didn't want to live anymore. I was already drowning in shame, and their reaction didn't make it any easier. If anything, it made that shame even heavier.

I haven't tried again since then. Not because I suddenly found hope, and not because I started believing that life was worth living. I'm simply afraid.

I'm afraid of failing again. I'm afraid of having to face that shame again, this time as an adult. And I'm afraid of surviving with permanent damage that could make an already miserable life even worse.

So instead, I've spent the years since then waiting.

Waiting for death to find me on its own.

I know I'm not going to kill myself. But if I were hit by a car tomorrow, I don't think I'd ask anyone to save me.

And that's what confuses me.

If I'm not actively trying to die, if I'm not making plans or preparing for another attempt, can I really call myself suicidal?

Or is there another kind of suicidal person, the kind who doesn't want to die badly enough to act, but doesn't want to live badly enough to fight for their life either?

Maybe I'm somewhere in between.

Maybe I'm just someone who has been waiting for life to end for so long that I've forgotten what it feels like to want it to continue.

Is tonight a good time to try shifting?

I just realized how much is happening in the sky today (August 12th, 2026), and I was wondering if anyone else feels like tonight might be a good time to try shifting.

We have a New Moon + solar eclipse, the Perseids are around their peak, and there’s also a pretty interesting planetary alignment happening. In astrology/spirituality, eclipses and New Moons are often associated with new beginnings, transitions, and heightened energy.

So I was thinking… could all of this make tonight a particularly good time to try shifting?

Has anyone else tried shifting during an eclipse or New Moon before? Do you feel like it makes a difference?

Hey everyone!

I discovered shifting back in 2021, but I eventually stopped trying for a while. I recently got back into it, and I have a few questions for people who have been in the shifting community since around 2020.

I’ve seen a lot of conflicting information and I’m trying to figure out what was actually part of the community back in 2020 vs. misinformation that came later.

Here are my questions:

\- If I shift/perma-shift to my DR and then come back to my CR, and later decide to shift to that DR again, is it supposed to be the exact same DR, or could it be a different reality that just happens to be very similar? For example, if I script that time stops in my DR whenever I return to my CR, so that when I come back, everything is exactly the same as when I left (same time, same situation, nothing has changed), would I return to that exact same DR when I shift back?

\- I don't believe in the term "clone", so when I am in my DR, does the me in my CR continue to live normally even if a part of her is in her DR?

\- Is the reason why we can't shift because our awareness has already shifted without us knowing it? Does our body and consciousness in our CR know when our awareness is in our DR?

Okay guys, let’s all try shifting tonight!

I’m going to try it tonight! actually, I’m going to try right after posting this. It’s midnight where I live, so I thought why not give it a shot now.

I’ll come back with an update, so you can basically consider this post a shifting journal. Feel free to share your own updates too.

Where are you trying to shift to? Who’s your S/O? What methods are you using, and what has worked the best for you so far?

Good luck to everyone trying tonight :)

Okay guys, let’s all try shifting tonight!

I’m going to try it tonight! actually, I’m going to try right after posting this. It’s midnight where I live, so I thought why not give it a shot now.

I’ll come back with an update, so you can basically consider this post a shifting journal. Feel free to share your own updates too.

Where are you trying to shift to? Who’s your S/O? What methods are you using, and what has worked the best for you so far?

Good luck to everyone trying tonight :)