u/NoApartment7399

I have an 8 year old with arfid. He has around 10 foods he eats regularly. It's been a challenge to get him to eat since we started solids when he was an infant. Nothing we do works. He has sensory issues with a lot of food. No meat, no chicken, nothing green, red or orange. He eats plain eggs, plain fish fingers, plain rice, bread, pasta and yogurt, and cream cheese and crackers. Thats about it. He will eat cake and pudding though, but not if it tastes savory or has bits in it. He's on a term break and would rather play than eat right now. He wakes up and wants to go straight onto my laptop to make stuff in Blender or go straight to his lego. I have a rule he needs to wash up and eat first. He's been trying to curb that by taking 2 bites of his breakfast and bugging off to play. Two days ago he ate 2 bites of breakfast, 2 bites of lunch and then refused supper... just had a glass of milk and said he's not hungry. Yesterday was more of the same, barely ate anything. It's to a point im very worried about him. We have a water cooler and I see him filling a cup to drink throughout the day at least, and I always have home made ice tea (rooibos) in the fridge so he drinks well.

I have tried so many ways to get more protein and nutrients into his diet, for years. Every school lunch i send comes home uneaten. I've tried bribing him to eat a full meal. Ive tried hidden veggie meals and cakes, veggie nuggets, smoothies, savory cakes, boiling his pasta in bone broth. Nope, he says it feels weird or tastes funny and asks to spit it out. If I insist he eats when he doesn't want to (but he literally has to eat), then he gets nauseous because he's forcing himself and I don't want that. He has started eating extremely slowly so he is with us at the table but when he gets up after the meal I see he's barely touched his plate. When we're eating i leave him to go at his own pace as egging him on can come off as nagging and frustrate him. Today out of desperation I gave him a cup with chocolate flavored enriched cereal and a straw. He drank it quite happily but I just wish he would eat properly. I had to do this before a couple years ago when he didnt want to eat. He is perfectly healthy and growing with no concerns from the Dr thankfully. I just feel like a failure. When he was younger, around 5, he would get so into whatever he was busy with, usually puzzles or lego, he wouldn't go to the toilet either. We worked on that a lot and now he goes before he pees his pants, but more often than not he holds until the last second. Now its just that he is so focused that he's forgetting to eat.

I've had other mums comment how nice it is my son keeps himself busy, and im very proud of him but they dont know how worried i am and always brush me off when I mention it.

When i was in the nicu with my son the nurses told me not to hold and handle him. I wasn't allowed to hold him on my chest. I wasn't allowed to pick him up. He was just a little baby. How could they keep my baby boy alone with no one to hold him? It makes no sense. All I could do was change his nappy and masaage his hands and feet, and caress his little head. They didn't want me moving any sensors or tubes. Now I know that they could have helped me to hold and carry him anyway. Now I know that if I could have held him to my chest it could have helped his breathing and provide some mental and physical stimulation to give him a better outcome. All I could do was send an angry email to the hospital after he died. After they told me 'he was crying too much and damaged his lungs by inhaling and stretching them too much'. Why didn't they call me? Why didn't they comfort him? Why did they always send me away during the shift handover for the nurses? I was just a few meters away. When I came back my baby was whimpering and I watched his mouth turn blue not knowing one of his lungs was actively collapsing. That was basically it. Why didn't they know his lungs didn't have enough surfactant and that's why he was struggling to breathe in the first place? Was my baby just in pain from the moment he was born?? And then it was sepsis that took him from us. I had to stand next to him holding his hand while he looked at me and all the lines on his monitor went flat and even then they wouldn't let me pick him up. My beautiful, fat, curly haired baby withered in front of me he turned yellow and then blue. I had to let my then 5 year old see him one last time, already small and discolored with only the ventilator breathing for his dead body, and tell him that his baby brother became very sick and he's sleeping now, and he won't wake up.

Since the last time i posted here a day or two ago, until now, none of my friends have replied to me or texted just to say hi. I have so much stuff to say, things I'd like to get off my chest, funny things about my kids I want to share but I feel like im talking to a wall. My only friend who used to be here and we'd talk all the time about everything moved away and is in a weird time zone. I'm just so sad. I sit with big tears when I pick up my phone and theres no one to call or text.

Today our drive way gate was stuck and I couldn't get our car out to pick my kid up from school. I had no one I could reliably call to get him from school and it made me more sad and feel more alone than ever. A few hours later my husband was able to push the gate open so the car could just squeeze out and I was able to pick up our kid thankfully.

Just sucks.

I am studying commerce and im struggling to get through my computer skills module because of Excel. I am so confused. I just don't understand the formula or how to add functions properly. Words and numbers are so hard

Help

I'm thinking of getting a Garmin inreach (this is not a map, it is a satellite communication device for emergencies to send an SOS) but it is quite pricey and they don't pop up second hand. I'm waiting for the end of the year sales.

Just wondering if other's use these devices and their experience with it? Is a gps+satellite better than just the satellite phone?

My husband and kid go hiking often when the weather warms up and they end up with no phone signal 99% of the time a few hours in and I worry the entire time. My son has also had some close calls with slipping on rocky terrain, thankfully just some cuts and bruises on their return and nothing more serious. (They go with a pack of snacks, water and first aid, and the correct gear).

Thanks!

I saw this on another question sub and thought it was an interesting question 🤔

What's the South African take?

Personally closed so I dont wake up when my kid gets up to use the bathroom or drink water and makes noise

So I took my infant for her measles vax and the nurse asked me what made me bring the baby. I told her that I would rather avoid a preventable illness in my child. She said 'correct answer'. And then told me there's an outbreak where we live in rural kzn and parents arent bringing their children for ALL their vaccines because of misinformation.

I want to share something about my mother in law. When she had her first son, my husbands older brother, in the early 80s he contracted bacterial meningitis as an infant. He became extremely unwell and mil had to go hours in the bus to see him in the hospital. He had high fevers that caused brain damage and seizures that caused a lack of oxygen. He couldn't walk until he was 4 years old. She would hold him under her chest and get on the floor with him and move his arms and legs to crawl for him so his muscles would get stronger and create the muscle memory for him. When he was around 2 he was able to drag himself on the floor with his arms and she would hold his body upright and move his legs to walk for him until he started to walk on his own. She would take the the bus and wait hours to see a physiotherapist in a bigger city from their small rural village for her son. Her son was brutally bullied because he had cross eyes as a result of the nerve and brain damage. He's now a middle aged adult who has lifelong intellectual disabilities but makes a living working in a factory. The meningitis vaccine became widely accessible a few years too late for him.

Literally do not bring this back please!!!!!!!! Babies can die from measles and meningitis. Check in on your friends and families with babies that they are getting their vaccines.

As the title. I'm currently struggling to keep my head up and just functioning on auto pilot. Other than seeing a therapist/medication, what can I do? I've tried making plans with friends but they are not replying or busy. I've tried messaging some of them just to chat and they barely reply. I feel embarrassed to keep messaging them and it's making me feel worse. I currently have some music on, made sure I changed clothes and did my hair and then sat outside. Also made today's supper early. I just feel so miserable and like im on the edge of a pit right now.

I lost one of my kids a few years ago and when things get quiet, the grief becomes overwhelming. So that's where the depression comes from mostly, for context.

Thanks

I saw my son in a dream again. He was perfect, sitting up next to me in bed like a normal afternoon, smiling at me, alive and just perfect. He was wearing a blue vest he never got to wear that still sits in his cupboard. Then i woke up and he's not there, he won't ever be. We miss you so much.

Today my husband asked what I want to do and I said I want to go to the mall. He complained that it will be busy on a weekend so I said I am happy to go on my own. Then he said let's go together. We had some shopping to do anyway. We took our kids and went on our way, got our errands done and while at the mall we stopped at some stores where I just wanted to look at some things for no reason. My husband asked what I was looking for, and I happily said 'nothing'. For the first time in our many years of marriage he just accepted that I wanted to window shop and tagged along. Usually my husband is an in-and-out get-what-you-need-fast kind of guy when we go shopping, and we're often rushing. I know he's like this so if my plans are more leisurely I head out on my own. On our way to our car he remarked that the mall isn't busy at all and we walked out arm in arm quite pleased.

The pain just never ends. I look outwardly happy, my family seems normal. I have 2 healthy children. To anyone else they could never imagine one of our children died as a baby. I wish i could be on the outside of this and never know this pain. I hate how no one asks, not at all. No one talks about my baby. No one remembers him other than us. He would almost be 3 years old now. He would be talking and running and playing and have interests and sing songs. We have lost so much. And it hurts so much

I lost my middle child when he was a baby. We had him after years of miscarriages and struggles with infertility, his pregnancy was a breakthrough in finding treatment for my recurrent miscarriages. He was so longed for, so welcome and totally encompassed with our love. Losing him devastated me. I lost a lot of my drive and ambition in my professional life. I came to terms with that, put it aside and started studying something new to redirect myself. Then we had our third baby. The early months were fine, and we're having lots of fun with her, she has been a welcome joy in our little family. Our older child has been the best big brother.

The only thing is, I could put my struggles with my career aside. I just have a new problem. I can't find it within myself to sing songs and nursery rhymes to the baby. The thought of how I couldn't sing to our other baby comes to the forefront and no words can come out of my mouth. We've been visiting friends and family for summer and they all spring into action with animated songs and silly rhymes and make the baby laugh but I just dwindle inside and feel like a total failure because I cant bring myself to do the same. It's not an easy thing to push aside and say, oh, I dont have to think of that right now. I have to think of it all the time. I do obviously talk to our baby, hum her to sleep and try to be lively but I just can't do anymore than that. I look at my baby daughter and miss my baby son all the time. At the end of the day I recount all the things we did in my mind and sit in tears because we missed that with our baby boy. I think about how he's missing, how old he should be now, how everyone would have loved him and i wish i could hold him. This is just so hard.

It's been almost 3 years and I still dont know what to say when people ask me how many kids I have. 2 weeks ago I sat twiddling my thumbs at a new hairdresser when I told her I had 2 kids, but my older kid came in and told her he has 2 siblings but one of them died. The hairdresser didn't ask me anything at all, which im grateful for because I was about to burst into tears. I try to be so confident but im such a big mess.