u/NoApartment7399

I lost my middle child when he was a baby. We had him after years of miscarriages and struggles with infertility, his pregnancy was a breakthrough in finding treatment for my recurrent miscarriages. He was so longed for, so welcome and totally encompassed with our love. Losing him devastated me. I lost a lot of my drive and ambition in my professional life. I came to terms with that, put it aside and started studying something new to redirect myself. Then we had our third baby. The early months were fine, and we're having lots of fun with her, she has been a welcome joy in our little family. Our older child has been the best big brother.

The only thing is, I could put my struggles with my career aside. I just have a new problem. I can't find it within myself to sing songs and nursery rhymes to the baby. The thought of how I couldn't sing to our other baby comes to the forefront and no words can come out of my mouth. We've been visiting friends and family for summer and they all spring into action with animated songs and silly rhymes and make the baby laugh but I just dwindle inside and feel like a total failure because I cant bring myself to do the same. It's not an easy thing to push aside and say, oh, I dont have to think of that right now. I have to think of it all the time. I do obviously talk to our baby, hum her to sleep and try to be lively but I just can't do anymore than that. I look at my baby daughter and miss my baby son all the time. At the end of the day I recount all the things we did in my mind and sit in tears because we missed that with our baby boy. I think about how he's missing, how old he should be now, how everyone would have loved him and i wish i could hold him. This is just so hard.

It's been almost 3 years and I still dont know what to say when people ask me how many kids I have. 2 weeks ago I sat twiddling my thumbs at a new hairdresser when I told her I had 2 kids, but my older kid came in and told her he has 2 siblings but one of them died. The hairdresser didn't ask me anything at all, which im grateful for because I was about to burst into tears. I try to be so confident but im such a big mess.

Some time ago we were getting ready to go swimming at an indoor pool. Usually, I swim while my kid is at school so he doesn't see my swimsuits often. We don't have our own pool so I go to the public pool when it's quiet, and he swims at a private swim school. We were with my mum and when I came out in my new hi-vis, long sleeved swimsuit she remarked that it looks nice. My kid then added, 'yeah, just like a clown!'. My high visibility suit I use for water sports and open water swimming is bright pink and purple lol. It's meant to be visible in murky lake water, the ocean and swimming pools. It's also full arm and leg coverage for sun protection. It does in fact look a bit clowny. I had a good laugh at his very honest observation.

I dress my kids in hi vis for anything water related as well, my kid's suit is a yellow mini lifeguard vest and jammers with a red cap. (No one is mistaking him for a lifeguard, it's in fact from the local lifeguards supporters shop!).

It's currently 1am in Istanbul. I'm watching the city from the hotel window, it's my last night before I go to stay with family. This is one of the rare opportunities I'll have for a totally unobstructed view of the Istanbul skyline and I just wanted to share that with someone. Taxis are still going down the main road, and people are on their commute to and from night shifts walking. Or just walking. Only one store front has lights on. I can see the big bridges over the bosphoros and the grand mosques lit up on the horizon, the lights on the Calimca tower flashing. I should be finishing packing up our bags to go but my infant stirs at the noise of me pottering around the room. So that can wait until the morning. I have chocolate milk to drink before I knock out for the night

When I try to talk about not wanting my husband to do certain things he's done in the past, or worrying that he'll repeat offend, he says 'if you dont trust me so much, I'll give you a reason not to trust me'. It drives me up the wall.

I also cant talk to him about how his behavior and berating everyone in the house affects our son. He says 'you're trying to be the good parent and make me sound bad', accuses me of making our son take sides and stops engaging in the conversation.

I call this his self-destructive behavior as it's destructive to his relationship with everyone in the house. When he's under pressure , im the usual verbal punching bag. I've been married to him long enough to know the lead up and triggers for this behavior. I just need some advice on the above.

Help

Disclaimer im in rural kzn. I had some shopping to do so went to the nearest big town mall with my 8 month old in tow. We had a long day, both of us were tired, the baby was ready to sleep. She was fussy so I took her out of her pram and had her in my arms while walking to my last stop before going home.

As we approach the shop a big group of teens walks past and then approaches asking me to hold the baby. I said no and that she is very tired. They then surround me, theres like 8 of them, and pull out phones to start recording, and saying aaah let us hold her please and speaking in Zulu which I didn't understand. I felt under SO much pressure. I was afraid of starting an altercation if I told them to go away and being recorded in a bad light. One of them then touches and kisses my baby!!! I am so upset. We got away from there and I cleaned my baby's face in the shop. She was also now screaming and crying. Baby's are very susceptible to germs specifically passed when being kissed, by anyone. I have been so strict about this and now I feel like such a failure.

Please, please, please tell the kids in your family/community that this behavior is not okay! Tell them why they should never kiss or touch other people's babies. I'm just so shocked. I feel so violated to be recorded like that in public. It is not an okay thing to do. I was just so tired and wanted to zone out while doing my shopping with my baby. I was polite to these kids and I am so upset now, they actually deserved some harsh words but in the moment I wanted to get away. Never again. Gen z is so lost.

I am someone who makes use of the convenience factor that comes with buying precut vegetables from Checkers, the mixed bags and stir fry style. Usually I wouldn't, but right now I have a baby that needs most of my attention and it makes meal prep 100% easier for me and my husband.

I just keep wondering, where does it come from? Does anyone know? Who is cutting my veggies and how is it all done? I'm assuming from a big facility that provides multiple chain supermarkets?? How much do the people in the facilities get paid when the bag of vegetables is literally 30 something rand?

If anyone here works in the food supply chain I'd love to know

Recently when I am doing things like changing our youngests clothes, or shushing her to sleep, I get a sharp pain in my chest and my mind goes to a 'what if' picture of our infant son we never got to do these things with. I didn't get to do anything with him. What would he have been like? And I find myself looking at my oldest, wishing his baby brother was next to him. Wondering if they would have both liked Thomas the train, or it would be something else. It just hurts and I'd like to not spend too much time pining over everything we lost, our baby's whole life, just gone. Wishful thinking says I should just be glad for the reminders, but I'm not happy when the reminders hurt so much.

Hello! I am looking forward to a very special trip we'll be making with my 8 year old and 8 month old baby to visit your city in July. We will be there for 4 days to visit Lego land in Billund during the day. I have planned some time to explore in Vejle while we are there. I'd love any recommendations for places we must see and places we must visit to eat. We are vegetarian, so if there are options for that it will be great. We will be staying near the train station. I have had a look on Google but I'd also like to hear from people who actually live there :)

Thank you! We are soooo excited

Disclaimer that I've always lived in rentals, as work moves us around, but once cooler weather hits it is SO cold. I'm in rural Natal, close enough to the berg to see the mountains on my drive home, and it is frickin cold here. Every winter drops to below 0. All our windows seep the cold in. When frost hits I start covering the bedroom windows with towels so we stay warmer. Yes, we have heaters but if the house was just properly insulated! Its our second rental in the area and the house is so cold. Every other rental we visited, same story. Some of these are homes the owner lived in themselves too and just stayed in the cold.