u/NoTill45

Hi everyone,

This is my second post here. For some additional context, you can check out my other posts in my profile.

Basically, I (25M) live in an apartment in the same building where I was raised. My family owns four apartments in the building, and my grandma gave one to me when I was 22 so I could make it my own and live more independently.

The problem is that my parents have never respected my privacy. When I was still living with them, they didn't respect my personal space, and that behavior continued even after I moved into my own apartment.

For example, they once used the emergency spare key I had left with them and later justified it by saying:

"We didn't have any ice in our freezer, so we came and took some from yours. That's okay, right?"

That incident led to my first serious boundary. I told them clearly that they could not enter my apartment when neither my girlfriend nor I were there.

They now live in another city and usually come back to their apartment in the building about once a month. In general, they continue to disregard my and my girlfriend's personal space. I have been trying to establish firm boundaries, but they always seem to look for ways around them.

Current situation

Yesterday, my mom came to town with a friend and will be staying for about a week because of some medical appointments. She texted me saying she was in town and needed to give me some money back for something I had paid for on her behalf.

I replied that we weren't home and suggested that we arrange a time to meet sometime during the next few days. She said okay.

Then, at around 10:40 PM, she texted me again. Because of her drinking habits, she apparently wanted ice and didn't have any. Since they don't live in the apartment full-time, the fridge is usually turned off. Her message was:

"Did you guys get home? I need some ice, if possible."

I didn't respond.

This morning, I told her that I found that request inappropriate because contacting me that late at night over something non-urgent like ice was not acceptable.

She gave a brief apology and then immediately shifted into what felt like a victim role. Her response was essentially something like:

"I'm sorry. I arrived late after 9 PM and needed something from you. But if you find that inappropriate, that's okay. I won't bother you anymore."

The tone felt very passive-aggressive and self-victimizing.

At some point in the next few days, I'll probably see her for five minutes so she can give me the money she owes me. However, I feel like this kind of behavior is going to continue.

I honestly think she might be capable of exaggerating or even fabricating problems—such as claiming there's an urgent issue in the apartment or a health emergency—just to get my attention and create situations where I have to come see her.

My questions

How do I stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries with her?

Was my response appropriate and firm enough?

How should I handle situations where she claims there's an emergency, knowing that I'm only three doors away?

If she starts exaggerating or faking apartment issues or health concerns to get my attention, what's the best way to respond without getting pulled back into the same dynamic?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

EDIT #1 : I took the spare key back right after they used for breaking in when I was not home

EDIT #2: I am seeing a therapist since the start of 2026 and I feel much better

Hi everyone,

This is my second post here. For some additional context, you can check out my other posts in my profile.

Basically, I (25M) live in an apartment in the same building where I was raised. My family owns four apartments in the building, and my grandma gave one to me when I was 22 so I could make it my own and live more independently.

The problem is that my parents have never respected my privacy. When I was still living with them, they didn't respect my personal space, and that behavior continued even after I moved into my own apartment.

For example, they once used the emergency spare key I had left with them and later justified it by saying:

"We didn't have any ice in our freezer, so we came and took some from yours. That's okay, right?"

That incident led to my first serious boundary. I told them clearly that they could not enter my apartment when neither my girlfriend nor I were there.

They now live in another city and usually come back to their apartment in the building about once a month. In general, they continue to disregard my and my girlfriend's personal space. I have been trying to establish firm boundaries, but they always seem to look for ways around them.

Current situation

Yesterday, my mom came to town with a friend and will be staying for about a week because of some medical appointments. She texted me saying she was in town and needed to give me some money back for something I had paid for on her behalf.

I replied that we weren't home and suggested that we arrange a time to meet sometime during the next few days. She said okay.

Then, at around 10:40 PM, she texted me again. Because of her drinking habits, she apparently wanted ice and didn't have any. Since they don't live in the apartment full-time, the fridge is usually turned off. Her message was:

"Did you guys get home? I need some ice, if possible."

I didn't respond.

This morning, I told her that I found that request inappropriate because contacting me that late at night over something non-urgent like ice was not acceptable.

She gave a brief apology and then immediately shifted into what felt like a victim role. Her response was essentially something like:

"I'm sorry. I arrived late after 9 PM and needed something from you. But if you find that inappropriate, that's okay. I won't bother you anymore."

The tone felt very passive-aggressive and self-victimizing.

At some point in the next few days, I'll probably see her for five minutes so she can give me the money she owes me. However, I feel like this kind of behavior is going to continue.

I honestly think she might be capable of exaggerating or even fabricating problems—such as claiming there's an urgent issue in the apartment or a health emergency—just to get my attention and create situations where I have to come see her.

My questions

How do I stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries with her?

Was my response appropriate and firm enough?

How should I handle situations where she claims there's an emergency, knowing that I'm only three doors away?

If she starts exaggerating or faking apartment issues or health concerns to get my attention, what's the best way to respond without getting pulled back into the same dynamic?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

EDIT #1 : I took the spare key back right after they used for breaking in when I was not home

EDIT #2: I am seeing a therapist since the start of 2026 and I feel much better

Hi everyone,

This is my second post here. For some additional context, you can check out my other posts in my profile.

Basically, I (25M) live in an apartment in the same building where I was raised. My family owns four apartments in the building, and my grandma gave one to me when I was 22 so I could make it my own and live more independently.

The problem is that my parents have never respected my privacy. When I was still living with them, they didn't respect my personal space, and that behavior continued even after I moved into my own apartment.

For example, they once used the emergency spare key I had left with them and later justified it by saying:

"We didn't have any ice in our freezer, so we came and took some from yours. That's okay, right?"

That incident led to my first serious boundary. I told them clearly that they could not enter my apartment when neither my girlfriend nor I were there.

They now live in another city and usually come back to their apartment in the building about once a month. In general, they continue to disregard my and my girlfriend's personal space. I have been trying to establish firm boundaries, but they always seem to look for ways around them.

Current situation

Yesterday, my mom came to town with a friend and will be staying for about a week because of some medical appointments. She texted me saying she was in town and needed to give me some money back for something I had paid for on her behalf.

I replied that we weren't home and suggested that we arrange a time to meet sometime during the next few days. She said okay.

Then, at around 10:40 PM, she texted me again. Because of her drinking habits, she apparently wanted ice and didn't have any. Since they don't live in the apartment full-time, the fridge is usually turned off. Her message was:

"Did you guys get home? I need some ice, if possible."

I didn't respond.

This morning, I told her that I found that request inappropriate because contacting me that late at night over something non-urgent like ice was not acceptable.

She gave a brief apology and then immediately shifted into what felt like a victim role. Her response was essentially something like:

"I'm sorry. I arrived late after 9 PM and needed something from you. But if you find that inappropriate, that's okay. I won't bother you anymore."

The tone felt very passive-aggressive and self-victimizing.

At some point in the next few days, I'll probably see her for five minutes so she can give me the money she owes me. However, I feel like this kind of behavior is going to continue.

I honestly think she might be capable of exaggerating or even fabricating problems—such as claiming there's an urgent issue in the apartment or a health emergency—just to get my attention and create situations where I have to come see her.

My questions

How do I stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries with her?

Was my response appropriate and firm enough?

How should I handle situations where she claims there's an emergency, knowing that I'm only three doors away?

If she starts exaggerating or faking apartment issues or health concerns to get my attention, what's the best way to respond without getting pulled back into the same dynamic?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

EDIT #1 : I took the spare key back right after they used for breaking in when I was not home

EDIT #2: I am seeing a therapist since the start of 2026 and I feel much better

Hi everyone,

This is my second post here. For some additional context, you can check out my other posts in my profile.

Basically, I (25M) live in an apartment in the same building where I was raised. My family owns four apartments in the building, and my grandma gave one to me when I was 22 so I could make it my own and live more independently.

The problem is that my parents have never respected my privacy. When I was still living with them, they didn't respect my personal space, and that behavior continued even after I moved into my own apartment.

For example, they once used the emergency spare key I had left with them and later justified it by saying:

"We didn't have any ice in our freezer, so we came and took some from yours. That's okay, right?"

That incident led to my first serious boundary. I told them clearly that they could not enter my apartment when neither my girlfriend nor I were there.

They now live in another city and usually come back to their apartment in the building about once a month. In general, they continue to disregard my and my girlfriend's personal space. I have been trying to establish firm boundaries, but they always seem to look for ways around them.

Current situation

Yesterday, my mom came to town with a friend and will be staying for about a week because of some medical appointments. She texted me saying she was in town and needed to give me some money back for something I had paid for on her behalf.

I replied that we weren't home and suggested that we arrange a time to meet sometime during the next few days. She said okay.

Then, at around 10:40 PM, she texted me again. Because of her drinking habits, she apparently wanted ice and didn't have any. Since they don't live in the apartment full-time, the fridge is usually turned off. Her message was:

"Did you guys get home? I need some ice, if possible."

I didn't respond.

This morning, I told her that I found that request inappropriate because contacting me that late at night over something non-urgent like ice was not acceptable.

She gave a brief apology and then immediately shifted into what felt like a victim role. Her response was essentially something like:

"I'm sorry. I arrived late after 9 PM and needed something from you. But if you find that inappropriate, that's okay. I won't bother you anymore."

The tone felt very passive-aggressive and self-victimizing.

At some point in the next few days, I'll probably see her for five minutes so she can give me the money she owes me. However, I feel like this kind of behavior is going to continue.

I honestly think she might be capable of exaggerating or even fabricating problems—such as claiming there's an urgent issue in the apartment or a health emergency—just to get my attention and create situations where I have to come see her.

My questions

How do I stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries with her?

Was my response appropriate and firm enough?

How should I handle situations where she claims there's an emergency, knowing that I'm only three doors away?

If she starts exaggerating or faking apartment issues or health concerns to get my attention, what's the best way to respond without getting pulled back into the same dynamic?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

EDIT #1 : I took the spare key back right after they used for breaking in when I was not home

EDIT #2: I am seeing a therapist since the start of 2026 and I feel much better

Hi everyone,

This is my second post here. For some additional context, you can check out my other posts in my profile.

Basically, I (25M) live in an apartment in the same building where I was raised. My family owns four apartments in the building, and my grandma gave one to me when I was 22 so I could make it my own and live more independently.

The problem is that my parents have never respected my privacy. When I was still living with them, they didn't respect my personal space, and that behavior continued even after I moved into my own apartment.

For example, they once used the emergency spare key I had left with them and later justified it by saying:

"We didn't have any ice in our freezer, so we came and took some from yours. That's okay, right?"

That incident led to my first serious boundary. I told them clearly that they could not enter my apartment when neither my girlfriend nor I were there.

They now live in another city and usually come back to their apartment in the building about once a month. In general, they continue to disregard my and my girlfriend's personal space. I have been trying to establish firm boundaries, but they always seem to look for ways around them.

Current situation

Yesterday, my mom came to town with a friend and will be staying for about a week because of some medical appointments. She texted me saying she was in town and needed to give me some money back for something I had paid for on her behalf.

I replied that we weren't home and suggested that we arrange a time to meet sometime during the next few days. She said okay.

Then, at around 10:40 PM, she texted me again. Because of her drinking habits, she apparently wanted ice and didn't have any. Since they don't live in the apartment full-time, the fridge is usually turned off. Her message was:

"Did you guys get home? I need some ice, if possible."

I didn't respond.

This morning, I told her that I found that request inappropriate because contacting me that late at night over something non-urgent like ice was not acceptable.

She gave a brief apology and then immediately shifted into what felt like a victim role. Her response was essentially something like:

"I'm sorry. I arrived late after 9 PM and needed something from you. But if you find that inappropriate, that's okay. I won't bother you anymore."

The tone felt very passive-aggressive and self-victimizing.

At some point in the next few days, I'll probably see her for five minutes so she can give me the money she owes me. However, I feel like this kind of behavior is going to continue.

I honestly think she might be capable of exaggerating or even fabricating problems—such as claiming there's an urgent issue in the apartment or a health emergency—just to get my attention and create situations where I have to come see her.

My questions

How do I stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries with her?

Was my response appropriate and firm enough?

How should I handle situations where she claims there's an emergency, knowing that I'm only three doors away?

If she starts exaggerating or faking apartment issues or health concerns to get my attention, what's the best way to respond without getting pulled back into the same dynamic?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

EDIT #1 : I took the spare key back right after they used for breaking in when I was not home

EDIT #2: I am seeing a therapist since the start of 2026 and I feel much better

Hi everyone,

This is my second post here. For some additional context, you can check out my first post in this subreddit.

Basically, I (25M) live in an apartment in the same building where I was raised. My family owns four apartments in the building, and my grandma gave one to me when I was 22 so I could make it my own and live more independently.

The problem is that my parents have never respected my privacy. When I was still living with them, they didn't respect my personal space, and that behavior continued even after I moved into my own apartment.

For example, they once used the emergency spare key I had left with them and later justified it by saying:

"We didn't have any ice in our freezer, so we came and took some from yours. That's okay, right?"

That incident led to my first serious boundary. I told them clearly that they could not enter my apartment when neither my girlfriend nor I were there.

They now live in another city and usually come back to their apartment in the building about once a month. In general, they continue to disregard my and my girlfriend's personal space. I have been trying to establish firm boundaries, but they always seem to look for ways around them.

Current situation

Yesterday, my mom came to town with a friend and will be staying for about a week because of some medical appointments. She texted me saying she was in town and needed to give me some money back for something I had paid for on her behalf.

I replied that we weren't home and suggested that we arrange a time to meet sometime during the next few days. She said okay.

Then, at around 10:40 PM, she texted me again. Because of her drinking habits, she apparently wanted ice and didn't have any. Since they don't live in the apartment full-time, the fridge is usually turned off. Her message was:

"Did you guys get home? I need some ice, if possible."

I didn't respond.

This morning, I told her that I found that request inappropriate because contacting me that late at night over something non-urgent like ice was not acceptable.

She gave a brief apology and then immediately shifted into what felt like a victim role. Her response was essentially something like:

"I'm sorry. I arrived late after 9 PM and needed something from you. But if you find that inappropriate, that's okay. I won't bother you anymore."

The tone felt very passive-aggressive and self-victimizing.

At some point in the next few days, I'll probably see her for five minutes so she can give me the money she owes me. However, I feel like this kind of behavior is going to continue.

I honestly think she might be capable of exaggerating or even fabricating problems—such as claiming there's an urgent issue in the apartment or a health emergency—just to get my attention and create situations where I have to come see her.

My questions

How do I stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries with her?

Was my response appropriate and firm enough?

How should I handle situations where she claims there's an emergency, knowing that I'm only three doors away?

If she starts exaggerating or faking apartment issues or health concerns to get my attention, what's the best way to respond without getting pulled back into the same dynamic?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

EDIT #1 : I took the spare key back right after they used for breaking in when I was not home

EDIT #2: I am seeing a therapist since the start of 2026 and I feel much better

Sorry for the long post, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

Hi everyone,

I am a 25M raised by very strict parents who are in a very toxic relationship with each other. There is no love between them and, from my perspective, no real purpose or vision for the future. They are both extremely obsessed with me and can barely communicate with each other normally. Every time we see each other, it feels like they are competing for my attention and constantly talking over one another.

Growing up, I lived with my parents in an apartment in the same building as my grandmother (my dad’s mother). She is very controlling and always wanted to know who was doing what, while also demanding attention for herself. She rarely contacted me first, but always expected me to contact her. Even when I did reach out first, her response was usually something like, “Oh, so you remembered you have a grandmother.”

My father was also raised very strictly by her and basically does whatever she says. They talk or see each other every single day, and throughout my childhood he forced me to call her more often, blaming me and making me feel like a bad person if I didn’t. Because of all that pressure, I eventually started resenting those calls. Whenever I called, it felt like an obligation rather than something I genuinely wanted to do.

Fast forward to when I was 22: my grandmother gave me another apartment in the same building so I could renovate it and live separately from my parents. Around the same time, my parents moved to another city about 100 km away. After moving, they started calling me every single day. We never really had anything meaningful to talk about — it was always just, “We wanted to call and see if you’re okay.”

Eventually, I got into a relationship, and later my girlfriend and I started living together. Gradually, I stopped giving my parents the constant attention they had received from me my whole life, and that frustrated them a lot. My father would talk to my grandmother every day, trying to get information about me — whether I was home, what I was doing, and so on.

Part of their manipulation included leaving me newspaper clippings about how children forget their parents after everything their parents sacrificed for them. They come back to their apartment in my city for 1–2 days every month or so and expect all the attention to be on them. It feels like, just because they came to town, my girlfriend and I are supposed to stop our lives and immediately go to dinner, coffee, or whatever they want. My girlfriend also receives passive-aggressive behavior from them.

One situation that really upset us happened when we weren’t home. I had left a spare key to our apartment in my parents’ apartment for emergencies. They wanted ice (because of their daily alcohol use) and decided they could just enter our apartment without asking and casually take some. That deeply frustrated both me and my girlfriend.

I finally had a serious conversation with them — the first time I truly stood up to them instead of playing by their rules. Immediately, they switched into victim mode, talking about how badly I treat them and indirectly implying that my girlfriend is manipulating me.

Another situation happened around a large family gathering. They wanted all five of us — my grandmother, parents, me, and my girlfriend — to go together. Earlier that day, despite the fact that we were already going to spend the whole evening together, they insisted on seeing us beforehand. We invited them for a quick coffee, but they stayed longer and longer. It got late, and we needed time to get ready. My mom told my dad they should leave, but he insisted on staying to finish a football match.

Later, I realized exactly where things were heading. My parents are obsessed with being perfectly on time, while my girlfriend understandably takes her time getting ready. I called my parents and told them we would not be ready at the agreed time and that I preferred for us to go separately. My dad insisted there was “no problem” and that they would wait for us, which, in hindsight, felt like a trap. I repeated multiple times that I wanted us to go separately, but he ignored it.

Eventually, they came to our door while we still weren’t ready and started angrily criticizing me — saying how unserious I was, how my shirt wasn’t ironed properly, and even having my mother iron my shirt herself. I wanted to disappear from embarrassment because all of this was happening in front of my girlfriend.

Fast forward to today and another family gathering we were invited to. My parents came the evening before and again invited us to dinner, which I declined. I had spoken with my therapist beforehand about how to handle situations like this, especially regarding going separately to events to avoid repeating the same stress as before. My therapist advised me to simply state my decision clearly and firmly, without overexplaining.

This time, maybe because they were already upset that we didn’t spend time with them the night before, they didn’t even ask us to go together. But the moment we met at the gathering and sat at the same table, the first thing my father said to me was: “What do you think you’re doing? Why didn’t you ask us to go together? We’re staying in the same place and still going separately?”

I calmly told him that this was simply what I preferred. After that, they became extremely cold, barely speaking to me. Because I struggle with guilt whenever someone is upset with me, I tried to smooth things over and fix the tension. But the entire evening became incredibly toxic, and my stress levels were through the roof. They even left the restaurant without saying goodbye.

The hardest part is that I know exactly who they are. They barely have friends because most people eventually distance themselves from them. Whenever someone has cut contact with them in the past, my father always blamed the other person completely, calling them crazy and never reflecting on his own behavior.

Even my cousin, who lives with her family in the same city as my parents, experiences similar pressure. They constantly demand to see her and her family because they cannot stand being alone together. My cousin admitted to me that she often lies and says she or her child is sick just to avoid seeing them.

There are many more toxic behaviors I could mention, but this post is already long enough.

What I’m trying to figure out now is how to approach this situation without constantly feeling guilty for choosing myself and trying to build my own life and family. I’ve been seeing a therapist for the past six months and trying to prioritize myself more, but I always end up getting pulled back into either my parents’ expectations or my girlfriend’s frustration about how much toxicity I still tolerate from them.

I want to learn how to stop feeling guilty just because someone else blames me for something based only on their perspective, not mine.

TL;DR: I grew up in a very controlling and emotionally unhealthy family dynamic where my parents and grandmother expected constant attention and involvement in my life. Now that I’m trying to build independence with my girlfriend and set healthier boundaries, my parents react with guilt-tripping, manipulation, and passive-aggressive behavior. I’m in therapy and trying to stop feeling responsible for their emotions, but I still struggle with guilt and with balancing my own needs against their expectations.

Sorry for the long post, but I really needed to get this off my chest.

Hi everyone,

I am a 25M raised by very strict parents who are in a very toxic relationship with each other. There is no love between them and, from my perspective, no real purpose or vision for the future. They are both extremely obsessed with me and can barely communicate with each other normally. Every time we see each other, it feels like they are competing for my attention and constantly talking over one another.

Growing up, I lived with my parents in an apartment in the same building as my grandmother (my dad’s mother). She is very controlling and always wanted to know who was doing what, while also demanding attention for herself. She rarely contacted me first, but always expected me to contact her. Even when I did reach out first, her response was usually something like, “Oh, so you remembered you have a grandmother.”

My father was also raised very strictly by her and basically does whatever she says. They talk or see each other every single day, and throughout my childhood he forced me to call her more often, blaming me and making me feel like a bad person if I didn’t. Because of all that pressure, I eventually started resenting those calls. Whenever I called, it felt like an obligation rather than something I genuinely wanted to do.

Fast forward to when I was 22: my grandmother gave me another apartment in the same building so I could renovate it and live separately from my parents. Around the same time, my parents moved to another city about 100 km away. After moving, they started calling me every single day. We never really had anything meaningful to talk about — it was always just, “We wanted to call and see if you’re okay.”

Eventually, I got into a relationship, and later my girlfriend and I started living together. Gradually, I stopped giving my parents the constant attention they had received from me my whole life, and that frustrated them a lot. My father would talk to my grandmother every day, trying to get information about me — whether I was home, what I was doing, and so on.

Part of their manipulation included leaving me newspaper clippings about how children forget their parents after everything their parents sacrificed for them. They come back to their apartment in my city for 1–2 days every month or so and expect all the attention to be on them. It feels like, just because they came to town, my girlfriend and I are supposed to stop our lives and immediately go to dinner, coffee, or whatever they want. My girlfriend also receives passive-aggressive behavior from them.

One situation that really upset us happened when we weren’t home. I had left a spare key to our apartment in my parents’ apartment for emergencies. They wanted ice (because of their daily alcohol use) and decided they could just enter our apartment without asking and casually take some. That deeply frustrated both me and my girlfriend.

I finally had a serious conversation with them — the first time I truly stood up to them instead of playing by their rules. Immediately, they switched into victim mode, talking about how badly I treat them and indirectly implying that my girlfriend is manipulating me.

Another situation happened around a large family gathering. They wanted all five of us — my grandmother, parents, me, and my girlfriend — to go together. Earlier that day, despite the fact that we were already going to spend the whole evening together, they insisted on seeing us beforehand. We invited them for a quick coffee, but they stayed longer and longer. It got late, and we needed time to get ready. My mom told my dad they should leave, but he insisted on staying to finish a football match.

Later, I realized exactly where things were heading. My parents are obsessed with being perfectly on time, while my girlfriend understandably takes her time getting ready. I called my parents and told them we would not be ready at the agreed time and that I preferred for us to go separately. My dad insisted there was “no problem” and that they would wait for us, which, in hindsight, felt like a trap. I repeated multiple times that I wanted us to go separately, but he ignored it.

Eventually, they came to our door while we still weren’t ready and started angrily criticizing me — saying how unserious I was, how my shirt wasn’t ironed properly, and even having my mother iron my shirt herself. I wanted to disappear from embarrassment because all of this was happening in front of my girlfriend.

Fast forward to today and another family gathering we were invited to. My parents came the evening before and again invited us to dinner, which I declined. I had spoken with my therapist beforehand about how to handle situations like this, especially regarding going separately to events to avoid repeating the same stress as before. My therapist advised me to simply state my decision clearly and firmly, without overexplaining.

This time, maybe because they were already upset that we didn’t spend time with them the night before, they didn’t even ask us to go together. But the moment we met at the gathering and sat at the same table, the first thing my father said to me was: “What do you think you’re doing? Why didn’t you ask us to go together? We’re staying in the same place and still going separately?”

I calmly told him that this was simply what I preferred. After that, they became extremely cold, barely speaking to me. Because I struggle with guilt whenever someone is upset with me, I tried to smooth things over and fix the tension. But the entire evening became incredibly toxic, and my stress levels were through the roof. They even left the restaurant without saying goodbye.

The hardest part is that I know exactly who they are. They barely have friends because most people eventually distance themselves from them. Whenever someone has cut contact with them in the past, my father always blamed the other person completely, calling them crazy and never reflecting on his own behavior.

Even my cousin, who lives with her family in the same city as my parents, experiences similar pressure. They constantly demand to see her and her family because they cannot stand being alone together. My cousin admitted to me that she often lies and says she or her child is sick just to avoid seeing them.

There are many more toxic behaviors I could mention, but this post is already long enough.

What I’m trying to figure out now is how to approach this situation without constantly feeling guilty for choosing myself and trying to build my own life and family. I’ve been seeing a therapist for the past six months and trying to prioritize myself more, but I always end up getting pulled back into either my parents’ expectations or my girlfriend’s frustration about how much toxicity I still tolerate from them.

I want to learn how to stop feeling guilty just because someone else blames me for something based only on their perspective, not mine.

TL;DR: I grew up in a very controlling and emotionally unhealthy family dynamic where my parents and grandmother expected constant attention and involvement in my life. Now that I’m trying to build independence with my girlfriend and set healthier boundaries, my parents react with guilt-tripping, manipulation, and passive-aggressive behavior. I’m in therapy and trying to stop feeling responsible for their emotions, but I still struggle with guilt and with balancing my own needs against their expectations.