u/No_Display_5012

I (f21) have to keep dealing with my (f52) mom who’s fucking nuts and likes to talk to my aunt who molested me.

I don’t know how many times I confronted her but she always goes back and pretends like everything’s okay. My whole childhood I was gaslit into thinking what my aunt did was okay but when I went to college I realized how fucked up it is.

And everyday I have to deal with guilt and shame, especially since I grew up Muslim everyone’s telling me to ask for forgiveness well fuck that! I’m done being Muslim and asking for forgiveness on being MOLESTED.

My dad was the only one who protected me and he died a year ago. Now I have to fight my own battles for battles I shouldn’t ever have had. This is so fucked.

Sorry for the rant but anyways, I came downstairs after work and she was hiding her phone from me. She was on the phone with my crazy fucking aunt and hung up immediately and I got so upset I went to my room.

When I came downstairs she starts gaslighting me “what happened? Did something happen? I didn’t do anything” shit like that. She literally saw how I heard my aunts voice on the phone and I stormed upstairs so I got mad at my mom.

I snapped at her over and over when she kept asking if I’m okay and now she’s getting mad saying I have “mental problems” okayyy sure. I’m not the one talking to a child molester and defending them but okay! She might as well go to fucking Epstein island at this rate.

AITAH?

Told her a couple things WRITTEN things and actual stories of the prophet that I don’t understand (like prophet Muhammad and his slave, how they had a kid and he set her free…) and I told her truthfully I found it so wrong and gross.

And she got so freaking pissed at me saying I have something wrong with my mind that im fucked in the head and need to go to the mosque. THIS is the gaslighting that I’ve been dealing with for my whole life and now it’s just worse with me not understanding/ leaving Islam. And what sucks even more is that I feel guilt that comes in waves.

Like it’s so stupid. I feel guilty for mastrabating. I feel guilty for not wearing hijab all the time (even though I don’t consider myself Muslim anymore). I just want to be NORMAL! I want to live in a different country and be in a small cottage and just live my life in peace. I want to meet a man who just loves me and not have to worry about all the Islamic stuff for marriage.

I want to actually meet a sweet guy who just cares about ME and not about if I cover my hair and the silly rules in marriage tha Muslims have to follow. Like it should be equal. But the unfortunate part is even if I move out I will be shunned and I just can’t do that to my family.

I’ll probably have to marry some really chopped guy and have the worst sex and everything ever. A loveless marriage. I’ve already gotten so many prospects and I’ve been falling into heavy depression because I don’t even like any of them.

So I finally gave in and decided to use a dildo. I’ve used knock off toys like handles of hairbrushes for years, but I wanted the real thing since I finally got my independence from family.

Sooo I used it and it’s kinda strange but it didn’t feel that great? Like it did but it didn’t. Lol. When I use my hairbrush, which is not as girthy it feels amazing and hits that spot but the dildo (and it’s not some super large one) didn’t feel that great?

And I tried different positions but wasn’t really liking it. Also, after a little it just wouldn’t go in. That never happened to me? It’s not super girthy but yeah it’s a change to my hairbrush handles.

Ugh. And I guess if anyone has advice over getting religious guilt too? I grew up thinking all of sex and pleasure was taboo and here I am using a dildo. It’s a new change for me and after having my session I feel guilty and not good.

UPDATE:

Used it again and it actually felt a lot better. I think I didn’t prep myself properly and didn’t expect it to be different from the hairbrush but I was wrong! I think it takes a bit of adjusting. I’m a virgin so it’s still fairly new to me.

“I got "aggressive". You just want to find any excuse to be "free". Go ahead. Take off all your clothes. Open your legs and do only fans like everyone else out there. It's a really great time to be a hoe. My goodness! You will never be satisfied with any answer no matter how proper. You don't bother doing your own research and when I had sincerely replied to you in good faith you took me for a joke. Go do you. There's nothing to stop you. Satan and his followers are calling you. Will you answer them or will you turn to God? That is ENTIRELY up to you. Stop blaming everyone and everything except yourself. Take responsibility for your own decisions in life and grow up!

Just because Muslims are sining doesn't mean it's okay or that God is going to reward their sins or that Islam is flawed. We are all being tested whether you like it or not. You can choose to deny it but it won't change the reality of our situation in this life. Children runaway from reality. Adults accept it.

Don't expect people to be "polite" to you when you're the one who called me a hoe. I am a married woman. Thank you. And yes, hojabies are real and I condemn them all the time. I don't live under rock. I know about how messed the world is and I don't defend evil. It is not "agrresive" to reply the way I have just because you don't like it. You know you are in the wrong. I have the right and duty to reprend you and to defend myself. Woe is you.”

Girl what? The fuck??…

Some context, I’ve been working at a company as a co-op since January now. I did work part time (fully remote) and then did a full semester of school at the same time.

When I was hired on, I was told my role is remote and in the summer if I wanted to be full time then it would probably be hybrid. But the company I work at declared RTO soon after that. So in end of April I was told that I had to come in full time and that if I take any classes there would be an issue.

Mind you, this whole co-op program I’m doing accounts for taking classes. So not sure why it’d be an issue but okay.

So I’ve been coming in full time making the commute everyday, I stay until we get out, I never leave early or anything I come in on time - I’d say I’m pretty committed, it’s also my 7th month working there. Because of the commute, my workdays are 12 hours long.

Yesterday I had to leave early after not feeling to well, they were fine with it. This morning I just don’t feel well enough to go into office and do the whole drive.

Also some context, my dad passed away a couple months ago and I’ve pushed through. I did a full year of school, enough so to graduate early by the end of this year, I worked at this company and did school too, and now I’m coming in full time for 12 hour workdays. I’d say I’m pretty committed but yknow how corporate is. Not sure if they have a problem with me needing time off.

OH!! Also - the program I’m in is a year round program and not even allowed at least one paid day off…

Some context, I’ve been working at a company as a co-op since January now. I did work part time (fully remote) and then did a full semester of school at the same time.

When I was hired on, I was told my role is remote and in the summer if I wanted to be full time then it would probably be hybrid. But the company I work at declared RTO soon after that. So in end of April I was told that I had to come in full time and that if I take any classes there would be an issue.

Mind you, this whole co-op program I’m doing accounts for taking classes. So not sure why it’d be an issue but okay.

So I’ve been coming in full time making the commute everyday, I stay until we get out, I never leave early or anything I come in on time - I’d say I’m pretty committed, it’s also my 7th month working there. Because of the commute, my workdays are 12 hours long.

Yesterday I had to leave early after not feeling to well, they were fine with it. This morning I just don’t feel well enough to go into office and do the whole drive.

Also some context, my dad passed away a couple months ago and I’ve pushed through. I did a full year of school, enough so to graduate early by the end of this year, I worked at this company and did school too, and now I’m coming in full time for 12 hour workdays. I’d say I’m pretty committed but yknow how corporate is. Not sure if they have a problem with me needing time off.

OH!! Also - the program I’m in is a year round program and not even allowed at least one paid day off…

Literally have been on the edge of not being Muslim and this did it for me.

How can Muhammad, have a slave named Maria and have a son with him out of wedlock. And there’s some silly rule that says it’s okay since you can have a slave and it’s not considered Zina.

Sooo many contradictions. Tell me this is not just a loophole. And why did he have so many wives?? Why do you need to keep having sex oh my gosh. Like at first I felt guilty for even questioning Muhammad bc the religion Guilts so much but man… this is nuts.

Yeah. Safe to say I’m done with Islam. Just have to hide from family that I’m not Muslim, move out and then be who I really am.

I made a post a couple weeks on here. My (F22) mom made herself sick by taking a GLP shot a couple weeks ago. She didn’t get it prescribed and got it over the counter.

She’s been taking them at home by herself, she ended up getting super sick after putting like triple the dose. She threw up all over the house and we had to clean it up. Took her to doctor and urgent care where they said “fix your diet and enough of this shot”.

Well…. Here we are 22 days later and she DIDNT listen!! She took the shot again a few days ago and we didn’t know. She’s been lying saying she didn’t but I found out today. Now she’s been burping and throwing up in the shower everywhere like crazy. She ate half a bag of those Costco sized Doritos, a pack of ice cream sandwiches in a few days, ice cream cones she’s had a ton too. She drinks soda all day everyday, eating pure junk from outside too.

Like I really thought she’d learn but she didn’t and I’m already stressed because I’m working full time and have to drive an hour half one way to work so all day is taken up for me. And then I come home to this, are we serious? 🫩

Last week my grandma (mom’s side) was here. She had to come because of how sick my mom got. And now a week later my mom has done it again.

I called her again today getting frustrated that mom did the same shit again, and she got mad at me saying “don’t buy chips for the house then, don’t buy ice cream and then she won’t eat it. It’s because you guys buy it and she eats it so it’s your fault”. You guys AKA me and my older brother. So I got pissed at her too because how the hell is this my fault?

She hung up, then I told my mom she needs to knock it off and me and my brother are worried as hell. My brothers in med school and I’m finishing up my last semester of undergrad and working all summer - it’s been hard for us the last year since my dad passed away unexpectedly. So I got mad at my mom saying how irresponsible this is without dad here and she needs to get it together.

ALSO: she used to have this behavior a lot before my dad even passed away, and yes my dad was sick of it and wanted to divorce her.

Thank you to my AMAZING!!! Family who restricts me from everything and gets all mad

Thank you for making my life miserable and horrible all the time!!

Thank you for making me want to literally OFF myself!!

I come from a conservative home. I went to this party recently, and a lady there asked if I wanted to know her son for marriage.

I looked at his pictures and said yeah sure - the guy is a great guy, he’s known to be super respectful, he has a great career and good family and all of it.

My brother- has been acting weird ever since he found out. He is 4 years older and he always complains about not having someone and not being marriage because he wants to have sex.

Anyways, he’s acting snappy and rude with me ever since and I dotn know what to do.

This has happened to me a few years ago too, and he did the same thing but back then I never pursued that guy. I’m just super annoyed like why is this a big deal?? Why does he always get mad when things don’t go his way.

I feel like I realized I don’t really want to be muslim. I still believe in God, but I don’t want to be Muslim. (Idk if I’ll get hate for saying this).

Imams, community members, and everyone let me down so freaking bad after one of my parents passed away. I was told my problems were minimal.

My life is controlled. No sex, not even allowed to look for marriage, not allowed to date or anything. I’m 22 and haven’t had sex or kissed or held hands. It’s been so long and now my body changes of COURSE I crave it - but Islam just wants you to fast when you feel horny which doesn’t help and makes no sense. Why is it haram to mastrabate? What BS!

And why is racism so common? Like literally my family says they will disown me if I marry outside my ethnicity. What the fuck?

There’s so many other things. I don’t know why Islam says to keep repenting like you could be a great person and it says to keep repenting over and over

Why do I need to constantly be in a state of fear of not being forgiven? If God is merciful it makes no sense.

Don’t even get me started on how shitty the community and people act. Like straight up rude as fuck all the time, not a single nice one.

Yeah. Anyways that’s my rant. Not really Muslim but I still believe in God.

Everything. I (F22) get everything spoiled by my family without a doubt.

First it was with driving. My brother manipulated my parents into thinking that 17 is too young to drive so I had to fight my way to get the license.

Then it was my hijab. I wore it out of my own choice but now it’s been 6 years and I don’t want to wear it anymore. My mom and brother have said I can’t take it off because of “what will people say” I don’t give a fuck what people have to say.

Then when it comes to my love life, I obviously can’t have one. So they say “wait till you’re married” okay so now I’m asking about marriage at the age of 22 - “no you need to wait a couple years” holy shit. You guys don’t want me to kiss and have sex but I’m 22 and have never had any of it. I’m fucking horny let’s me so for real I’ve waited so long now, and they still block me??? I’m trying to do it the “right” way and still I can’t??

Then I got a kitten. I’ve always wanted a kitten. I adopted her and my brother and mom said I can’t have a cat unless it’s in my room. Now I have to give her back because it’s wrong to make a cat grow up in my room when we have a whole house

They said when they look for someone for me to get married he has to be from our culture. I dotn fucking want a guy from my ethnicity or culture I want to CHOOSE!!! Then I’m told I’m wrong and bad and people will talk and they will disown me. Holy fuckign shit what the hell is my family???

And I can’t even have my dad to help defend me because he’s fucking dead.

After the whole cat situation I realized - if I fell in love with a man outside my ethnicity they would never be open to it. Ever. I’m just cooked and so is my whole life.

I got a 3 month kitten and I was planning on just having her in my room. The reason being, one of my family members uses minoxidil so I keep her in my room out of safety.

That family member will probably move out in the next year or so, and then I’ll plan on having her have the upstairs to herself. But, again there’s no guarantee in that. I wanted to just keep her in my bedroom but everyone saying this is bad.

I’ve always wanted a cat for years, and now I got her and I’m second guessing because of my circumstances. Maybe this wasn’t right? But she has no home to go, she was on a barn before. And things are a little financially tight so I don’t want to buy a bunch of things and then end up having to rehome her.

(I already have essentials like litter box, toys, food and water always, comfy bed) but yeah. Anyone have advice?

My (F22) mom keeps getting herself into the irresponsible situations. For context, I have a brother (M26) and our dad just passed away almost a year ago.

Now before that, my parents never got along because my mom doesn’t listen. She would tell all the info to her family (high chance it included even intimacy stuff between them) to her mom (my grandma). Whenever soemthing went wrong in the marriage? She’d call them instead of trying to fix it at home.

Growing up my moms side of the family didn’t like my dad, they had me and my brother successfully brainwashed for my childhood. Not only that, but my mom’s sister is disgusting and took advantage of me for years. When I brought it up, all of them said “it’s her way of showing she loves you! She has no kids you’re like her daughter in her eyes! Be nice” but she molested me for years. My mom defends her, takes money from her, and speaks with her till this day after knowing what she did.

Now let’s go back to the situation at hand. My mom eats like shit. She will ravage everything in the house. One time I got a deal on some chips, 4 bags and hid three in the basement. She ate ALL FOUR WITHIN 3 days. She eats a chocolate bar by herself everyday. She sticks her hand in all the food we eat, doesn’t wash her hands and cooks, cross contaminates meats.

Her hygiene is disgusting and im always cleaning up after it. She doesn’t flush after she shits, she doesn’t wash hands like I mentioned, she doesn’t brush teeth or shower or use deodorant. Mind you she’s in her early fifties and she’s fully capable, she just liked being gross. I wonder why the fuck my dad decided to have kids with her.

Anyways, we went to Costco and yknow those big packs of danishes you can get? Well I got them because I go to work and it’s perfect on the go. She ate ALL 12 WITHIN ONE DAY!! Less than a day!!

Now she threw up 10 times and we begged her let’s go to the hospital. “No I’m fine, no I’m fine” and the next moment later gagging and burping and puking. What the fuck? Everytime we ask her for any answer in general she lies and says the opposite. So she throws up all over the house. The bathroom the carpets the bed and all the blankets. She refused to even take the fucking anti nausea medication.

So I yelled at her and said I wish my dad was here instead of you because he would never have done this shit. My brother is also in medical school and he had to move his exam and now he needs to speak with the dean. He is delaying his graduation because of my stupid irresponsible mother. I’ve been trying to help out but I work full time and im about to start my last semester.

I told her that she eats like shit, no wonder he stomach hurts. That she’s irresponsible and never listens and my brother and I have given up everything for HER! And my dad was sick of her shit and wanted to divorce her before he had a cardiac arrest FROM STRESS and died!!!

Before anyone tells me to move out, it’s not an option I don’t make enough. I’m still wrapping up school, my brother is still in school, it’s not an option.

AITAH?

I’m an intern, many people have already left our company which has made a lot of the teams smaller. I’ve been switched around to multiple teams already, there hasn’t been any sort of mentoring at all, it’s been a mess.

Now they want me to get trained by this other guy on a team which lost a lot of heads recently but I can tell he’s overworked and he doesn’t have time to train me.

To give context, I was never trained in the first place and I’m been working here since the start of the year. I don’t know what I’m doing. Before everyone says to take initiative I HAVE! I’m tired now what is this mess.

To make things better they celebrated all the interns. Had all their names written except for mine.

I’ve been doing a co -op with them since January and this summer it continues to full time, but I walked into our office.

They got name tags for the other interns and not me. To make matters worse, the have a whiteboard up front celebrating people or whatever and I read it:

Celebrating ALL finance interns EXCEPT ME!! most of my team doesn’t know me because my manager never introduced me or anything. WTH I’m so sad. I come in person too yet people still don’t know me!!

I’m doing this internship and I’ve been doing a co-op with them since January but it’s a fucking mess.

I haven’t ever gotten trained, literally ONE 30 min meeting per day and I just sit around there’s nothing else to do!!! FOR 9 HOURS!!

Now they are requiring me to come to office and I’m wondering what the fuck I will do all day?? Will I act like I’m being super productive?? WTH and it’s an open office concept so I’m really cooked

Even though I’m still young, it hurts to see. It’s not easy for me to get married especially just given my current situation.

I have a lot of hurdles that prevent me from even being able to look. And after struggling with so much desire too (and having it get worse as I get older) it makes things much worse.

Genuinely, I AM the batch of people that won’t get married and meet their naseeb in this dunya. Allah has given me tests that make it so I choose between my family or between finding love. No one can change my mind anymore. Maybe this is me just falling into a deep pit of depression but oh well.

I come up with romantic scenarios in my head of things that will probably never happen to me. I dream about happy things. It’s so embarrassing, even when I’m on my period I imagine I have someone just comforting me which sounds so freaking ridiculous I know.