Interviewed for a NICU New Grad Nurse Residency position, only mentioned that I got to feed babies. Meanwhile, I’ve had MUCH more experience. My nerves just got the best of me & I completely blanked.
Should I send my thank you email & include everything else? Or is it too desperate? This is truly my dream job & I feel like I failed it.
Interviewed for a NICU New Grad Nurse position, only mentioned that I got to feed babies. Meanwhile, I’ve had MUCH more experience. My nerves just got the best of me.
Should I send my thank you email & include everything else? Or is it too desperate? This is truly my dream job & I feel like I failed it.
Example of what I would add:
“After our conversation, I was thinking more about my clinical experience and wanted to briefly share some additional hands-on experience from my L&D clinicals as well. This included drying and stimulating newborns, performing blood glucose checks, administering vitamin K injections and erythromycin ophthalmic ointment, observing circumcisions, and assisting with transport to the NICU.”
Interviewed for a NICU New Grad Nurse position, only mentioned that I got to feed babies. Meanwhile, I’ve had MUCH more experience. My nerves just got the best of me.
Should I send my thank you email & include everything else? Or is it too desperate? This is truly my dream job & I feel like I failed it.
Example of what I would add:
“After our conversation, I was thinking more about my clinical experience and wanted to briefly share some additional hands-on experience from my L&D clinicals as well. This included drying and stimulating newborns, performing blood glucose checks, administering vitamin K injections and erythromycin ophthalmic ointment, observing circumcisions, and assisting with transport to the NICU.”
Anyone do the $199 lip filler special? Or Botox?
Any other experiences with the spa? Lmk!
I’m in Austin Texas too!
Anyone do the $199 lip filler special? Or Botox?
Any other experiences with the spa? Lmk!
I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for 3 years, and we were about to move in together and get engaged—but recently everything feels shaken.
To start, he has always had this “girl best friend” in his friend group. Their families are really close and all call each other “cousins,” so I always saw it as a family-type relationship. They grew up talking constantly, FaceTiming, Snapchatting, and hanging out—even 1-on-1. They were also close at family events, and I even tried to befriend her.
Now, 3 years later, he told me that back in 2020 (2 years before me), they had sex one time after having feelings, cuddled a few times, but then went back to just being friends. They continued talking and hanging out like normal after that & even went back to seeing other people.
What bothers me is that I had no idea that whole time. And during the first year of our relationship (2023) they were still communicating—Snapchatting (even in front of me and sending pictures of me), messaging like they had been before me. & I only recently found out they were also calling each other, usually when I wasn’t around (it seems like she was the one initiating it). She even came to visit him once with the “cousin group” for 6 days and they all stayed in his apartment, and he says he just didn’t know how to tell her no without making it awkward for the group. There was even a framed picture in his apartment with a collage of them all, with the biggest photo being a selfie of them together (it was gifted from one of them).
He also says that their calls were just quick, harmless catch-ups, and that she was even talking to his friend at the time, but now it feels off. They even had old nicknames & were super close. He also admitted that if roles were reversed, he wouldn’t be okay with it. He says he feels bad because he didn’t realize it was wrong & that he only truly did see her as a friend, & that it wasn’t anything that I am assuming. But then again, he would get upset if my guy friends texted me because he “knew they liked me,” yet he was still talking to a girl he had previously had sex with. I don’t know what to make of that.
They don’t talk anymore now—it faded out after our first year and completely stopped once she got a boyfriend (early 2024). & he has now deleted her on everything (without me asking) after I expressed my feelings about it.
⸻
**The bigger issue:**
Before we officially dated, (I was 19, he was 20) we talked online for about a month as he lives out of state. During that time, he was still sleeping with another girl, which I understand since we weren’t exclusive—but I had no idea & he made it seem like I was the only one. For example, he would say things like, “the only girl who would ever be in this apartment would be you and my mom.” While having her over the whole time. But fine I was talking to other people.
After we actually met in November 2022, things got serious fast (but we still were not exclusive). He met my family, posted me (first girl he posted in 3 years), and told people he was falling in love (I saw the messages). Although we weren’t “dating,” he was doing all the things.
He flew back home after around 2-3 weeks of us hanging out, and then a week later, he actually flew back in for two days to surprise me specifically for my birthday. It honestly felt like a fairytale because no guy had ever done anything like that for me, especially since we had only kissed.
But he recently admitted that the same day he flew in for my birthday—after sleeping over and posting me—he went home that morning and later hung out with another girl he had previously had sex with (one time, two years prior). They grabbed food, and this time she made advances, he ended up pulling over and making out with her (with sexual touching) before they both stopped. ON MY BIRTHDAY. Then he came back over for my birthday dinner that SAME night with flowers, acted completely normal, slept over again, and posted me the next day. I had no idea—for three years.
I reached out to the girl, and she confirmed the story. She said they would regularly hang out during that time and just grab food, and that one time it went too far.
The issue is that I asked him multiple times over the years if anything happened early on, and he always denied it until recently. He also downplayed his past a lot—lying about his body count and other things—because he had a “player” past but tried to present himself as this innocent, perfect man. I understand that no 20-year-old wants to fully lay out their past to someone they really like, especially since I was a virgin at the time and more innocent, and he knew that—but it still feels misleading.
After a recent big argument, he finally told me everything—the family friend, the birthday situation, his past—and said he was ashamed and scared to lose me. He says he has now laid everything out after carrying guilt for years and just wants a fresh start. He also said that after that situation happened, he knew he never wanted to put himself in that position again, and that it made him realize that he couldn’t keep acting like that if he was serious about me.
⸻
**Now**:
He says that once we became official, he has been completely loyal, and I do believe he has grown a lot since then. He was 20 at the time with a “player” mindset that unfortunately carried into the beginning of our story, but now he’s 24. He has matured greatly, treats me really well, has grown in his faith, puts in consistent effort, and is very serious about our future. My friends always tell me how jealous they are because their boyfriends don’t even treat them as well as he has consistently treated me for 3 years!!!most of them have also had to forgive worse things. My family is telling me to forgive him, as he was young & dumb, and they see how much he has cared for me these past 3 years. He has basically worshipped the ground I walk on. I also haven’t had to worry about any girls, social media, porn, anything really, and I’ve had access to his phone since we started dating.
He has also flown in multiple times just to talk things through with me and has even put us into couples therapy to work through this. He tells me he will do everything for me to see him in the same way again. He has made me really comfortable during long distance as we do sleep on FaceTime & talk a lot, and he even had stopped going out with his friends too (his choice). He wants to get engaged soon. We share the same culture, religion, and values, and I do see him as someone I could marry.
But what hurts most is that I didn’t have the full truth back then to make my own decisions. All of the travel back & forth for 3 years, all of the work we put in is all on the line. Even though things now are so perfect, I catch myself ruminating on these new confessions.
So now I feel stuck—do I work through this because of who he is now, or is the lying/down playing early on something I shouldn’t ignore?
I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for 3 years, and we were about to move in together and get engaged—but recently everything feels shaken.
To start, he has always had this “girl best friend” in his friend group. Their families are really close and all call each other “cousins,” so I always saw it as a family-type relationship. They grew up talking constantly, FaceTiming, Snapchatting, and hanging out—even 1-on-1. They were also close at family events, and I even tried to befriend her.
Now, 3 years later, he told me that back in 2020 (2 years before me), they had sex one time after having feelings, cuddled a few times, but then went back to just being friends. They continued talking and hanging out like normal after that & even went back to seeing other people.
What bothers me is that I had no idea that whole time. And during the first year of our relationship (2023) they were still communicating—Snapchatting (even in front of me and sending pictures of me), messaging like they had been before me. & I only recently found out they were also calling each other, usually when I wasn’t around (it seems like she was the one initiating it). She even came to visit him once with the “cousin group” for 6 days and they all stayed in his apartment, and he says he just didn’t know how to tell her no without making it awkward for the group. There was even a framed picture in his apartment with a collage of them all, with the biggest photo being a selfie of them together (it was gifted from one of them).
He also says that their calls were just quick, harmless catch-ups, and that she was even talking to his friend at the time, but now it feels off. They even had old nicknames & were super close. He also admitted that if roles were reversed, he wouldn’t be okay with it. He says he feels bad because he didn’t realize it was wrong & that he only truly did see her as a friend, & that it wasn’t anything that I am assuming. But then again, he would get upset if my guy friends texted me because he “knew they liked me,” yet he was still talking to a girl he had previously had sex with. I don’t know what to make of that.
They don’t talk anymore now—it faded out after our first year and completely stopped once she got a boyfriend (early 2024). & he has now deleted her on everything (without me asking) after I expressed my feelings about it.
⸻
The bigger issue:
Before we officially dated, (I was 19, he was 20) we talked online for about a month as he lives out of state. During that time, he was still sleeping with another girl, which I understand since we weren’t exclusive—but I had no idea & he made it seem like I was the only one. For example, he would say things like, “the only girl who would ever be in this apartment would be you and my mom.” While having her over the whole time. But fine I was talking to other people.
After we actually met in November 2022, things got serious fast (but we still were not exclusive). He met my family, posted me (first girl he posted in 3 years), and told people he was falling in love (I saw the messages). Although we weren’t “dating,” he was doing all the things.
He flew back home after around 2-3 weeks of us hanging out, and then a week later, he actually flew back in for two days to surprise me specifically for my birthday. It honestly felt like a fairytale because no guy had ever done anything like that for me, especially since we had only kissed.
But he recently admitted that the same day he flew in for my birthday—after sleeping over and posting me—he went home that morning and later hung out with another girl he had previously had sex with (one time, two years prior). They grabbed food, and this time she made advances, he ended up pulling over and making out with her (with sexual touching) before they both stopped. ON MY BIRTHDAY. Then he came back over for my birthday dinner that SAME night with flowers, acted completely normal, slept over again, and posted me the next day. I had no idea—for three years.
I reached out to the girl, and she confirmed the story. She said they would regularly hang out during that time and just grab food, and that one time it went too far.
The issue is that I asked him multiple times over the years if anything happened early on, and he always denied it until recently. He also downplayed his past a lot—lying about his body count and other things—because he had a “player” past but tried to present himself as this innocent, perfect man. I understand that no 20-year-old wants to fully lay out their past to someone they really like, especially since I was a virgin at the time and more innocent, and he knew that—but it still feels misleading.
After a recent big argument, he finally told me everything—the family friend, the birthday situation, his past—and said he was ashamed and scared to lose me. He says he has now laid everything out after carrying guilt for years and just wants a fresh start. He also said that after that situation happened, he knew he never wanted to put himself in that position again, and that it made him realize that he couldn’t keep acting like that if he was serious about me.
⸻
Now:
He says that once we became official, he has been completely loyal, and I do believe he has grown a lot since then. He was 20 at the time with a “player” mindset that unfortunately carried into the beginning of our story, but now he’s 24. He has matured greatly, treats me really well, has grown in his faith, puts in consistent effort, and is very serious about our future. My friends always tell me how jealous they are because their boyfriends don’t even treat them as well as he has consistently treated me for 3 years!!!most of them have also had to forgive worse things. My family is telling me to forgive him, as he was young & dumb, and they see how much he has cared for me these past 3 years. He has basically worshipped the ground I walk on. I also haven’t had to worry about any girls, social media, porn, anything really, and I’ve had access to his phone since we started dating.
He has also flown in multiple times just to talk things through with me and has even put us into couples therapy to work through this. He tells me he will do everything for me to see him in the same way again. He has made me really comfortable during long distance as we do sleep on FaceTime & talk a lot, and he even had stopped going out with his friends too (his choice). He wants to get engaged soon. We share the same culture, religion, and values, and I do see him as someone I could marry.
But what hurts most is that I didn’t have the full truth back then to make my own decisions. All of the travel back & forth for 3 years, all of the work we put in is all on the line. Even though things now are so perfect, I catch myself ruminating on these new confessions.
So now I feel stuck—do I work through this because of who he is now, or is the lying/down playing early on something I shouldn’t ignore?
I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for 3 years, and we were about to move in together and get engaged.
Recently, he admitted that his longtime “girl best friend”his cousin’s best friend, who their families all grew up together—was actually someone he had sex with once a year prior to us being together. They actually admitted feelings for eachother, had a few cuddly hangouts, before just deciding to stay friends, and even went back to seeing other people.
Throughout our first year together, they were still Snapchatting, messaging, facetiming, (often initiated by her), he even sent pictures of me. All while I believed they were basically cousins, because that’s how he always presented it.
About 4 months into our relationship, she also stayed at his apartment for 6 days with the girl cousin group. He says he didn’t know how to tell her no without making things awkward for the group. I let it happen because I didn’t know about their history, and there was even a framed collage in his apartment with the largest photo being a selfie of the two of them for months without me knowing.
He insists their communication was innocent, but admits that if the roles were reversed, he wouldn’t have been okay with it. In fact, he would get upset when guy friends texted me because he believed they liked me, yet he continued talking to someone he’d previously slept with. They eventually stopped talking after our first year together, and all contact ended once she got a boyfriend in early 2024.
**The bigger issue:**
Before we officially dated, we talked online for about a month while he lived out of state.
After we had officially met in November 2022, things got serious quickly. He met my family, posted me (the first girl he’d posted in three years), told people he was falling in love with me, saying things to me that made me feel special and like “I was the one” before he went back. He even flew back in for 2 nights JUST to surprise me for my birthday. This was also only about a month into us hanging out, and we had only had our first kiss, so it felt like a fairytale.
Recently, he admitted that after flying in, sleeping over, and spending my birthday with me, he went home in the morning and met up with another girl he’d previously slept with once years beforehand. Apparently they hungout as friends for awhile and would just get food, but this time she made advances at him, so he pulled the car over and they ended up making out with sexual touching. Then he came back to me that SAME night with flowers, slept over, and posted me the next day. I had no idea for three years. I reached out to the girl, and she confirmed it.
What hurts most is that I asked him about this multiple times over the years, and he repeatedly denied anything happened. He also downplayed his past—his body count and other relationships—because he says he was ashamed of his “player” past, and I was a virgin, so I understand.
After a recent argument, he finally admitted everything. He says he had completely laid everything out and wants a fresh start before we decide to fully move in and plan for the future. He says that the birthday incident made him realize he couldn’t keep living that way if he wanted a serious future with me.
**Now:**
He says he’s been completely loyal since we became official, and I do believe he’s changed. He was 20 at the time, he’s 24 now and has matured a lot, grown in his faith, consistently treats me incredibly well, and has never given me reasons to worry about other girls, social media, or porn. He chooses to not go out with his friends to make me feel comfortable and I’ve always had access to his phone too. He’s flown out multiple times just to work through this with me, has taken me to start couples therapy, and hopes to get engaged soon. We share the same culture, religion, and values, and I truly saw him as someone I could marry. He also has spent thousands of dollars on me over the years. I know he’s been serious about me.
My family loves him, and constantly remind me of how much they see that he cares for me (they know about the situation). My friends have also told me that he treats me like an actual princess, and how jealous they are because even their boyfriends don’t treat them like that. And most of them have had to forgive their boyfriends for way worse things, so in a way it makes me feel better?
After a few sessions our therapist told us that he would need to give me the full truth in order for us to move forward, and that she would help him through telling me anything else. He is adamant that there is nothing else, and says he will do anything for me to trust him again.
So, even though our relationship is great now, I keep ruminating over these confessions. do I work through this because of the man he is today, or is the lying and minimizing early on something I shouldn’t ignore?
This is the best she’s looked ina while. She finally looks somewhat classy.
I just know she’s gonna hate the hair in 0.2 weeks and put the extensions right back in 😂😂anything for that little content/view boost though!!!!
I’m F22, been with M24 for 3 years and saw myself marrying him until recently. We have been doing long distance as well. He has always had this “girl best friend” who is his cousin’s best friend. Their families are really close and all call each other “cousins,” so I always saw it as a family-type relationship, as that’s what he made me believe, even after asking him multiple times throughout the years. They grew up talking constantly, FaceTiming, Snapchatting, and hanging out—even 1-on-1. They were also close at family events, and I even tried to befriend her.
Now, 3 years later, he confessed to me that back in 2020 (2 years before me), they showered together & had sex one time at ages 17/18 after confessing feelings to eachother. They hungout again and cuddled & kissed, but then went back to being friends. They continued talking and hanging out like normal after that, and saw other people.
What bothers me is that I had no idea that whole time. And during the first year of our relationship (2023) they were still communicating—Snapchatting (even in front of me and sending pictures of me), messaging. & I only recently found out they were also face timing each other, often when I wasn’t around (and it seems like she was the one initiating it). I also saw messages of her trying to go visit him later that year after it happened. But he claims he stopped the romantic connection after that last hangout.
While we were dating, she came to visit him once with the “cousin group” (3 girls) and they all stayed in his apartment for 6 days, when we were 4 months into dating. She didn’t come the year before that though, when we were not together. My bf did drive her to a guys house that she was seeing and she spent 1 night there. The thing that makes me uncomfortable is that I wasn’t there to see how they acted around eachother, and he says it was completely platonic and his whole focus was on me, but I wasn’t there so I will never know. There were some moments that they were left alone in the apartment too. He says he just didn’t know how to tell her she couldn’t come without making it awkward for the group. Whole time I had no idea & completely trusted his word that they were all family, and I even flew in that same weekend to spend my whole summer with him.
There was even a framed picture in his apartment with a collage of them all, with the biggest photo being a selfie of them together (I’m pretty sure it was gifted). And I had no idea the whole time. He also says that their calls were just quick, harmless catch-ups, but now it feels off. They even had nicknames for eachother & were super close at family parties, etc. I remember even feeling a bit uncomfortable with how close they were at these events. She was always sitting by him, just doing the most. & there were multiple times I had to remind myself that they are “family” so I need to chill.
He also admitted that if roles were reversed, he wouldn’t be okay with it. He does see how it looks wrong now. On top of that, he would get upset if my guy friends texted me because he “knew they liked me,” yet he was still talking to a girl he had previously had sex with. I don’t know what to make of that.
They don’t talk anymore now—it faded out after our first year and completely stopped once she got a boyfriend (early 2024). But I just feel betrayed and dumb. It feels like he was keeping an ex around.
He has also kept other little things about his past from me & only recently confessed to everything all at once, as we were planning on getting engaged & I told him I couldn’t be with a liar lol.
He has been a great boyfriend other than that, and he treats me like a princess. He truly does everything for me. He even signed us up for couples therapy because this has hurt me, and he says he only wants to marry me. So idk what to do. I feel like I’m now looking back and analyzing every interaction between them for the past 3 years.
TLDR: bf had a girl bff who he was still close to for the whole first year of our relationship, she even came with a friend group and stayed in his apartment for 6 days. 3 years later he tells me they slept together once in highschool, among other little things he kept from me about his past.
I’m F22, been with M24 for 3 years and saw myself marrying him until recently. We have been doing long distance as well. He has always had this “girl best friend” who is his cousin’s best friend. Their families are really close and all call each other “cousins,” so I always saw it as a family-type relationship, as that’s what he made me believe. They grew up talking constantly, FaceTiming, Snapchatting, and hanging out—even 1-on-1. They were also close at family events, and I even tried to befriend her.
Now, 3 years later, he confessed to me that back in 2020 (2 years before me), they had sex one time at ages 17/18 after having feelings, but then went back to being friends. They continued talking and hanging out like normal after that.
What bothers me is that I had no idea that whole time. And during the first year of our relationship (2023) they were still communicating—Snapchatting (even in front of me and sending pictures of me), messaging. & I only recently found out they were also face timing each other, often when I wasn’t around (and it seems like she was the one initiating it).
She even came to visit him once with the “cousin group” (3 girls) and they all stayed in his apartment for 6 days, when we were 4 months into dating. My bf did also drive her to a guys house that she was seeing and she spent 1 night there. The thing that makes me uncomfortable is that I wasn’t there to see how they acted around eachother, and he says it was completely platonic and his whole focus was on me, but I wasn’t there so I will never know. He also says he just didn’t know how to tell her no without making it awkward for the group. Whole time I had no idea & completely trusted his word, I even flew in that same weekend to spend my whole summer with him.
There was even a framed picture in his apartment with a collage of them all, with the biggest photo being a selfie of them together (I’m pretty sure it was gifted). And I had no idea the whole time.
He also says that their calls were just quick, harmless catch-ups, but now it feels off. They even had old nicknames & were super close at family parties, etc. He also admitted that if roles were reversed, he wouldn’t be okay with it. On top of that, he would get upset if my guy friends texted me because he “knew they liked me,” yet he was still talking to a girl he had previously had sex with. I don’t know what to make of that.
They don’t talk anymore now—it faded out after our first year and completely stopped once she got a boyfriend (early 2024). But I just feel betrayed and dumb.
He has also kept other little things about his past from me & only recently confessed to everything all at once, as we were planning on getting engaged & I told him I couldn’t be with a liar lol. He has been a great boyfriend other than that, and he treats me like a princess. He even signed us up for couples therapy because this has hurt me, and he says he only wants to marry me. So idk what to do.
TLDR: bf had a girl bff who he was still close to for the whole first year of our relationship, she even came with a friend group and stayed in his apartment for 6 days. 3 years later he tells me they slept together once in highschool, among other little things he kept from me about his past.
Hi guys!!!
I got my Skyla inserted yesterday at 2 pm. I was honestly a little scared because of the stories I’ve read on here, but it went amazingly well!!
I took 800mg ibuprofen around an hour beforehand, my boyfriend was there to hold my hand. It was super quick.
It felt like 2 small pinches & then 1 period cramp that lasted maybe 10 seconds, all of which my gyno warned me before each one happened. (It kind of felt like a getting a Pap smear with one period cramp at the end lol). All in all it took literally what felt like a minute.
I did get a little sweaty after, as I was really nervous & I think my body just finally relaxed from the nerves haha. My gyno told me I can take my time coming up, so I layed there for a sec before I felt 100% okay to stand up (just in case).
The drive home I felt no pain, I was singing my fav songs in the car. Once I got home I did start to feel what felt like tiny period cramps, and I realized I had stained my bedsheets with some spotting.
The cramps came and went all day after, but nothing worse than my regular period cramps. I did use a heating pad & it helped a lot, and took 400mg ibuprofen 6 hours later. I did wear a panty liner, as I did spot a little.
I even went on a little walk around the block with my bf, and we stopped to get icecream, and the walk helped the cramps a lot. It literally just felt like I was on my period.
Today I woke up, the cramps are much milder, and still on and off. I have not spotted at all yet , but I will update throughout the day !!! :)
Getting my Skyla inserted tomorrow at 2pm (Wednesday), and have a pool party on Saturday.
I really don’t want to look bloated as I’ll need to be in a bikini allllllll night & I finally did lose some weight and have been finally feeling my best recently.
Should I reschedule my insertion??? 🥲 what were your experiences with bloating, bleeding, etc.
Has anyone made the switch from Nuvaring to Skyla? with or without a break in between.
I am currently using the ring and getting Skyla inserted in 2 days so lmk your experiences!!! :) thank you
Least crowded and beautiful beaches in Palermo recs please!!! Preferably with sunbeds.
These are some on my list but help me out!!
Spiaggia dell'Arenella
Spiaggia Vergine Maria
Mondello beach
Which is the best smoothest drive to Palermo?
I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for 3 years, and we were about to move in together and get engaged—but recently everything feels shaken.
To start, he has always had this “girl best friend” in his friend group. Their families are really close and all call each other “cousins,” so I always saw it as a family-type relationship. They grew up talking constantly, FaceTiming, Snapchatting, and hanging out—even 1-on-1. They were also close at family events, and I even tried to befriend her.
Now, 3 years later, he told me that back in 2020 (2 years before me), they had sex one time at ages 17/18 after having feelings, but then went back to just being friends. They both decided to take it to the grave & only a few people know. They continued talking and hanging out like normal after that & even went back to seeing other people.
What bothers me is that I had no idea that whole time. And during the first year of our relationship (2023) they were still communicating—Snapchatting (even in front of me and sending pictures of me), messaging like they had been before me. & I only recently found out they were also calling each other, usually when I wasn’t around (it seems like she was the one initiating it). She even came to visit him once with the “cousin group” and they all stayed in his apartment, and he says he just didn’t know how to tell her no without making it awkward for the group. There was even a framed picture in his apartment with a collage of them all, with the biggest photo being a selfie of them together (it was gifted from one of them, and he actually covered it around 8 months in).
He also says that their calls were just quick, harmless catch-ups, and that she was even talking to his friend at the time, but now it feels off. They even had old nicknames & were super close, even during family parties she would always try to sit by him. He also admitted that if roles were reversed, he wouldn’t be okay with it. He says he feels bad because he didn’t realize it was wrong & that he only truly did see her as a friend, & that it wasn’t anything that I am assuming. But then again, he would get upset if my guy friends texted me because he “knew they liked me,” yet he was still talking to a girl he had previously had sex with. I don’t know what to make of that.
They don’t talk anymore now—it faded out after our first year and completely stopped once she got a boyfriend (early 2024). & he has now deleted her on everything (without me asking) after I expressed my feelings about it (but 3 years later lol).
⸻
**The bigger issue:**
Before we officially dated, (I was 19, he was 20) we talked online for about a month as he lives out of state. During that time, he was still sleeping with another girl, which I understand since we weren’t exclusive—but I had no idea & he made it seem like I was the only one. For example, he would say things like, “the only girl who would ever be in this apartment would be you and my mom.” While having her over the whole time.
After we actually met in November 2022, things got serious fast—he met my family, posted me (first girl he posted in 3 years), and told people he was falling in love (I saw the messages). Although we weren’t technically “dating,” he was doing all the things.
He flew back home after a month, and then a week later, he actually flew back in for two days to surprise me specifically for my birthday. It honestly felt like a fairytale because no guy had ever done anything like that for me.
But he recently admitted that the same day he flew in for my birthday—after sleeping over and posting me—he went home and hung out with another girl he had previously had sex with (one time, two years prior). They grabbed food, and when she made advances, he ended up pulling over and making out with her (with sexual touching) before they both stopped. ON MY BIRTHDAY. Then he came back over for my birthday dinner that same night with flowers, acted completely normal, slept over again, and posted me the next day. I had no idea—for three years.
I reached out to the girl, and she confirmed the story. She said they would regularly hang out during that time and just grab food, and that one time it went too far.
The issue is that I asked him multiple times over the years if anything happened early on, and he always denied it until recently. He also downplayed his past a lot—lying about his body count and other things—because he had a “player” past but tried to present himself as this innocent, perfect man. I understand that no 20-year-old wants to fully lay out their past to someone they really like, especially since I was a virgin at the time and more innocent, and he knew that—but it still feels misleading.
After a recent big argument, he finally told me everything—the family friend, the birthday situation, his past—and said he was ashamed and scared to lose me. He says he has now laid everything out after carrying guilt for years and just wants a fresh start. He also said that after that situation happened, he knew he never wanted to put himself in that position again, and that it made him realize that he couldn’t keep acting like that if he was serious about me.
⸻
**Now:**
He says that once we became official, he has been completely loyal, and I do believe he has grown a lot since then. He was 20 at the time with a “player” mindset that unfortunately carried into the beginning of our story, but now he’s 24. He has matured greatly, treats me really well, has grown in his faith, puts in consistent effort, and is very serious about our future. My friends always tell me how jealous they are because their boyfriends don’t even treat them as well as he has consistently treated me for 3 years!!! I also haven’t had to worry about any girls, social media, porn, anything really.
He has also flown in multiple times just to talk things through with me and is even suggesting couples therapy to work through this. He has made me really comfortable during long distance as we do sleep on FaceTime & talk a lot, and he even had stopped going out with his friends too. He wants to get engaged soon. We share the same culture, religion, and values, and I do see him as someone I could marry.
But what hurts most is that I didn’t have the full truth back then to make my own decisions. Even though things now are so perfect, I catch myself ruminating on these new confessions.
So now I feel stuck—do I work through this because of who he is now, or is the lying/down playing early on something I shouldn’t ignore?
TL;DR: My boyfriend of 3 years recently admitted that early on—before we were officially dating but while acting serious about me—he hooked up with another girl on my birthday and hid it from me for years. He also revealed that his longtime “girl best friend” was someone he had previously slept with once, and they stayed very close during our relationship. He has grown, been fully loyal since becoming official, and wants a future with me, but I’m struggling with the lies and feeling like I didn’t have the full truth to make my own decisions.
I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for 3 years, and we were about to move in together and get engaged—but recently everything feels shaken.
To start, he has always had this “girl best friend” in his friend group. Their families are really close and all call each other “cousins,” so I always saw it as a family-type relationship. They grew up talking constantly, FaceTiming, Snapchatting, and hanging out—even 1-on-1. They were also close at family events, and I even tried to befriend her.
Now, 3 years later, he told me that back in 2020 (2 years before me), they had sex one time at ages 17/18 after having feelings, but then went back to just being friends. They continued talking and hanging out like normal after that & even went back to seeing other people.
What bothers me is that I had no idea that whole time. And during the first year of our relationship (2023) they were still communicating—Snapchatting (even in front of me and sending pictures of me), messaging like they had been before me. & I only recently found out they were also calling each other, usually when I wasn’t around (it seems like she was the one initiating it). She even came to visit him once with the “cousin group” and they all stayed in his apartment, and he says he just didn’t know how to tell her no without making it awkward for the group. There was even a framed picture in his apartment with a collage of them all, with the biggest photo being a selfie of them together (it was gifted from one of them, and he actually covered it around 8 months in).
He also says that their calls were just quick, harmless catch-ups, and that she was even talking to his friend at the time, but now it feels off. They even had old nicknames & were super close. He also admitted that if roles were reversed, he wouldn’t be okay with it. He says he feels bad because he didn’t realize it was wrong & that he only truly did see her as a friend, & that it wasn’t anything that I am assuming. But then again, he would get upset if my guy friends texted me because he “knew they liked me,” yet he was still talking to a girl he had previously had sex with. I don’t know what to make of that.
They don’t talk anymore now—it faded out after our first year and completely stopped once she got a boyfriend (early 2024). & he has now deleted her on everything (without me asking) after I expressed my feelings about it (but 3 years later lol).
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The bigger issue:
Before we officially dated, (I was 19, he was 20) we talked online for about a month as he lives out of state. During that time, he was still sleeping with another girl, which I understand since we weren’t exclusive—but I had no idea & he made it seem like I was the only one. For example, he would say things like, “the only girl who would ever be in this apartment would be you and my mom.” While having her over the whole time.
After we actually met in November 2022, things got serious fast—he met my family, posted me (first girl he posted in 3 years), and told people he was falling in love (I saw the messages). Although we weren’t technically “dating,” he was doing all the things.
He flew back home after a month, and then a week later, he actually flew back in for two days to surprise me specifically for my birthday. It honestly felt like a fairytale because no guy had ever done anything like that for me.
But he recently admitted that the same day he flew in for my birthday—after sleeping over and posting me—he went home and hung out with another girl he had previously had sex with (one time, two years prior). They grabbed food, and when she made advances, he ended up pulling over and making out with her (with sexual touching) before they both stopped. ON MY BIRTHDAY. Then he came back over for my birthday dinner that same night with flowers, acted completely normal, slept over again, and posted me the next day. I had no idea—for three years.
I reached out to the girl, and she confirmed the story. She said they would regularly hang out during that time and just grab food, and that one time it went too far.
The issue is that I asked him multiple times over the years if anything happened early on, and he always denied it until recently. He also downplayed his past a lot—lying about his body count and other things—because he had a “player” past but tried to present himself as this innocent, perfect man. I understand that no 20-year-old wants to fully lay out their past to someone they really like, especially since I was a virgin at the time and more innocent, and he knew that—but it still feels misleading.
After a recent big argument, he finally told me everything—the family friend, the birthday situation, his past—and said he was ashamed and scared to lose me. He says he has now laid everything out after carrying guilt for years and just wants a fresh start. He also said that after that situation happened, he knew he never wanted to put himself in that position again, and that it made him realize that he couldn’t keep acting like that if he was serious about me.
⸻
Now:
He says that once we became official, he has been completely loyal, and I do believe he has grown a lot since then. He was 20 at the time with a “player” mindset that unfortunately carried into the beginning of our story, but now he’s 24. He has matured greatly, treats me really well, has grown in his faith, puts in consistent effort, and is very serious about our future. My friends always tell me how jealous they are because their boyfriends don’t even treat them as well as he has consistently treated me for 3 years!!! I also haven’t had to worry about any girls, social media, porn, anything really.
He has also flown in multiple times just to talk things through with me and is even suggesting couples therapy to work through this. He has made me really comfortable during long distance as we do sleep on FaceTime & talk a lot, and he even had stopped going out with his friends too. He wants to get engaged soon. We share the same culture, religion, and values, and I do see him as someone I could marry.
But what hurts most is that I didn’t have the full truth back then to make my own decisions. Even though things now are so perfect, I catch myself ruminating on these new confessions.
So now I feel stuck—do I work through this because of who he is now, or is the lying/down playing early on something I shouldn’t ignore?