u/Old-Loss6890

When I was in school I became friends with this boy
Me him and another friend.
To summarise he was evil and tried to ruin our lives in which he succeeded
I tried to clear my name the whole school hated us
They still loved him
I left that school
He is now a tiktoker and I saw a fan edit today and it fully enraged me that he’s getting love and support yet he went out of his way to befriend me and cause this downfall which affected me mentally.

Why do evil people get so much love and the good people stay affected it baffles me
I’m just baffled

Any apps I can get on my iPad to watch movies??? (UK)

I am fully aware I’m avoidant attatchment
BUT I want to know the psychology of it like why does it happen bc yeah I yearn for romance sometimes but then like when I’ve never been in a relationship only spoken to people and I specify i don’t do talking stages because wtf is that.

What I do when speaking to people
\-I get the ick easily and I’ll tell them directly but I’ll continue speaking to them
\-I got accused of using this one boy as a toy that I play with when I’m bored which was actually not true at the time I just unintentionally couldn’t reciprocate that affection even if I had a little liking for him
\-i cannot compliment the person like
\-if i do spit out a compliment and i see they have a happy reaction i get the ick ngl
\-i will ghost for a few days when i feel overwhelmed by the person and come back like nothing happened
\-im very “chill” like I hate when they bring up problems

^^^^^^^^^^ this saying right here
Straight BOLLOCKS

I generally would say I’m a nice person, I try not to judge people I try to help people hear different sides to arguments and perspectives.
However, with me being good my life is actually shit. (Shit is an exaggeration I’m just going through it)
I’m struggling nobody wants to help me
It’s only recently I’ve become more selfish because I feel like people take advantage of the kindness I give but even before that good things were not coming my way and TO THIS DAY they aren’t.
What the hell am I waiting for truly??
I’m already depressed (lowkey)and even if something good happened now will it (the good) undo the amount of pain I’ve gone through?? No it bloody won’t!
So next time someone’s venting to you don’t even respond with that stupidity (“good things come to those who wait”) it’s not motivating it won’t suddenly make me do 10 backflips of joy waiting for something great to happen.NO.
So yeah I’m just gonna nap now I did 10k steps today to clear my mind

I’ve seen people recommend me to go to the military but I ask if anyone’s there with knowledge, I’m 17 as of now and I turn 18 later this month.
I as of now have btech business foundation diploma, equivalent to 1.5 a level.
I want to earn income and as we know looking for jobs is really hard as a young person.
If I did a business course or apprentice in the military can I go to university alongside my foundation diploma or would it be better to do the 2 year college course so I can get the extended diploma too.
Btw if ur confused on the age I’m supposed to be going into university this year but I retook year 12 this year and I’m supposed to do year 13 this year!!

I don’t really know how to start this because my mind is a mess.
I’m 18 next month.
I hate myself physically and mentally.
I feel like I can’t achieve anything
I’m so behind, no job, no license and I have never experienced typical teen things such as a romance or a party whatever.
It’s worse because I have a sibling (a brother) and I watched them enjoy their teenage years. Whilst I struggled and unlike him who I would say is the better looking sibling, I’m objectively ugly which he has made comments to affirm that.
I think to myself I’m already young and to think I may have more years to come and everything’s such a mess just overwhelms me. Plus like idkidk I have NOONE to talk to about this so there’s just sad thoughts in my head.
I’m tired just GENUINELY.

This is gonna probs sound silly but when I was 13/14 I was visiting my mom’s home country and I was staying at a house with my cousins.
A few of me and my cousins were in a room and I had this strange feeling, it felt like I was experiencing this before. As we know this is Deja Vu
But usually when I experience Déjà vu I get the feeling but it’s not like I can foresee what will happen, what happens is I just get a feeling I had experienced the present before.
Ok so this was different because I said to my cousins “Omg P (the cousin not present in the room) is going to come to the door and just stand there, about 5 seconds later he did that and I remember being so shocked because it was so different to what I had experienced.
I’m not saying I’m gifted on some eleven type shit but as a 17 year old I find it so crazy looking back lol.

I don’t really know how to start this because my mind is a mess.
I’m 18 next month.
I hate myself physically and mentally.
I feel like I can’t achieve anything
I’m so behind, no job, no license and I have never experienced typical teen things such as a romance or a party whatever.
It’s worse because I have a sibling (a brother) and I watched them enjoy their teenage years. Whilst I struggled and unlike him who I would say is the better looking sibling, I’m objectively ugly which he has made comments to affirm that.
I think to myself I’m already young and to think I may have more years to come and everything’s such a mess just overwhelms me. Plus like idkidk I have NOONE to talk to about this so there’s just sad thoughts in my head.
I’m tired just GENUINELY.

Whenever I start feeling mania or frustration I want my eyebrows gone.
I can never do it, though there’s just something about my eyebrows being on my face when I have these feelings causes me stress

Im 18(subtract 1), I think I’m so ugly it’s causing such depression and self hatred
I was going through my camera roll and I saw videos when I was 14/15 and sometimes when I was 16
I was so much prettier and I can’t believe I used to think I wasn’t beautiful.
Now I’m in a state where this depression is consuming me alive.
I hate taking family photos too like they don’t realise how sick I feel having to look at myself in the pictures in the house I avoid eye contact with myself 😅😅😅

As a 17 year old (18 next month)
I have tried so hard to find a job.
Applying everyday online doesn’t work,
No places accept CV’s in person.
I feel stuck
I can’t keep relying on my parents.
I’m not creative enough to sell art or innovate some crazy product.

I have always idealised working for a CEO of a company where I can learn skills and gain experience (this isn’t for sympathy) I don’t like sympathy.
Can anyone give me some advice on what to do as I know the unemployment crisis in the UK is affecting millions.

Does anyone else feel like they genuinely do not fit anywhere.
I can enter a place where everyone meets for the first time, yet I’m the only one that can’t seem to click with anyone.
Socialisation feels like a performance.
Yes I have friends but it does feel like I over do stuff or I’m not in what feels like a comfortable mental state idk how to express it.

I also noticed when in groups if I try speak most people will ignore me but for the others everyone will direct their attention to them.

Tbh this isn’t a question bc I’m aware there are others who feel like I do there’s 8 billion (or more) of us on this earth allegedly, so I’m not the only one.
I just want to know I’m not alone because I can’t speak to anyone about this, they won’t understand or they will give me sympathy and not support me into getting help.

Before I begin, I’d like to start by saying im not depressed. I know what it feels like and this is not it.
Im a teenager struggling.
I have been having a good year. Shutting out all my traumas, insecurities and I have found ways that have bettered my life through gym,skincare and manifestations and speaking positivity into existence.
As someone who loves self identity, i got an eyebrow piercing without parental permission assuming all would be well. I have had this piecing since January 2026 until I got told to remove it in the beginning of May. Whilst some may say it’s “just a piercing” I felt sentiment to it. It was almost like a part of me was removed. This may sound silly but ever since I’ve felt more down. I am almost 18, I have been trying to improve my physical appearance since February by going gym and eating cleaner, alongside looking for employment for summer.
I have had 2 interviews in May, in which I did not get the jobs. That is the first time I’ve ever been interviewed and I have been seeking employment since 16 years old.
Ever since I just have felt down. Like a bubbles been burst, all my insecurities and self hatred has come out and its all I can fixate on, its like im being told that I am born for failure and that I feel like I have to work so hard in life just to even feel slightly good about myself.
Now this is where it will sound like a rant.
I am not conventionally attractive naturally at all. I will proudly say everyone is beautiful in their own way but when it comes to me it is not applicable.
I have had acne since i was 11, and like I said i am turning 18, I’ve been to dermatologist and spent so much on skincare and even done the minimum.
Nothing helps.
I have worked out consistently and ate healthy whilst also maintaining 8 hours of sleep. I still have a poor physique.
I also have friends, but my teenage hood has been the most lonely times ever. I feel like I stand out mentally everywhere, and that is not in a good way. Everyone can socialise so easily in college, and i do try mask or alter my personality, but I feel like I even overthink body language so I just look awkward and stupid so I just stay quiet now.
Anyway
I am very self aware, so I do not really know what I gain by writing this I just think when I write in my diary it doesn’t really help me.