u/OlinaSaysHi

Vegan soy curl teriyaki

I made it using the leftover teriyaki sauce from when my made my ex soy curl teriyaki the night before.

because she stayed over. for 8 hours. Until 2 AM. to play AC6 with me.
for the second night in a row.

I'm still in love with her, and she's over me. I'm fucked.

I know it may look like a thick slab, but the cashew muenster (vegan creamery) is actually super soft and has a bite like good melted cheese and also this entire thing is so delicious

Now, I'm not going to question why my cashew muenster is slowly getting more yellow over time in the fridge. That line of questioning may lead me to stop eating grilled cheese, and I would dislike doing that.

(The bread is a cube sourdough recipe I found online, but I subbed milk powder for ground walnut)

So I wanted to make a loaf in my pullman pan, so I found this recipe online for sourdough:
Starter: 65g.

Flour: 240g.

Water: 165g.

Nonfat milk powder: 20g.

Salt: 6g.

Sugar: 3g.

And I thought: hm. You know, I have oat milk powder. it's just ground up oat that's had an enzyme sent through it to make it sweet. If I ground up cashews, that would be cashew milk powder

And so I then decided to use 20 grams of ground walnuts.

overnight in parma (but with a mix of mostly walnuts, almonds, and a few cashews-- and rice flour subbing the chickpea flour... and also I didn't use any brine or miso or sauerkraut and somehow it worked out) and some potato cashew muenster. I definitely fucked up on both cheeses in many ways, but the parmesan tastes absolutely amazing regardless of how weird it looks (I love walnuts so much). Also, the potato cashew muenster tastes perfectly vaguely cheesy (notably, I added too much water to the recipe, so uh, hope that doesn't kill me).

There's no image for the potato-cashew muenster, so I have no idea what it's supposed to look like. Couldn't even find one online. So like, someone tell me if I'm gonna die immediately from the horrors I've made.

4 patty TVP smashburger! I personally like using thin (flat) buns since they're easier to hold and are super easy to store in the freezer.

Because people constantly asked before, I made a spreadsheet for the recipe (to be clear, I typically guess my ingredient each time, but this is about where they end up): https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1sWNuGPZ2--iv5tWQElDnvNcOIZZZE6I_cBZ3FzviJfI/edit?gid=0#gid=0 (The main secret is cocoa powder to give it a brown color and an absolutely divine smell / taste)
$4.46 a pound for the fancy mix, $3.09 a pound for the cheaper mix. Where I live, ground beef is like $10 a pound and I prefer the taste of TVP anyway, so it's a pretty sweet deal.

(Sometimes I think about adding cheese, but then I realize I could just add another patty instead.)

homemade vegan TVP burger

It's one of those days. sometimes I still cry over my aunt's suicide. She was the only trans person in my family at the time and the most important woman in my life. I sometimes wonder if she would still be here if she knew how much she mattered to me, how much I needed to not be alone in my family as she was. she deserves to be here

Literally in heaven. this is amazing. Greasy and dripping and four layers of smashed wonder. It's beautiful.

And it's dubiously healthy too. I used no vegan butter or other saturated fat, just a combination of olive and avocado oil (for both the TVP mix and the actual pan frying). So this is high in protein and fiber, and has no saturated fats if I don't look at or otherwise address the nutrition label for the veganese. So it's maybe possibly good for me!

Uh, strong maybe

This is a picture of mine, for you see, I did not make enough burger sauce for two burgers and so while hers was dripping with sauce, mine has the petty little tablespoon you see before you.

Still good.

The patties were great, but I didn't make enough burger sauce for both burgers, so I got barely a tablespoon of it while my friend got all the sauce on hers. Also, the brioche buns were good on their own, but the sourdough didn't contribute much. Will just be normal and use yeast next time (but I might reuse the sourdough bun recipe for garlic buns.)

Oh, and those are hemp seeds on top of the bun just to really emphasize that I'm a plant loving hippie.

The fact that the ingredients list for my burgers looks like the most ultra processed food you've ever seen is probably why they taste so good. Anyway, time to actually put together this insane amount of ingredients.

I don't even add coconut oil since I like having few saturated fats in my burger. If I did, this list would be even bigger. In fact, I think it's missing a few things like the liquid smoke and no beef bouillon. Wow, this has gotten out of control. Anyway, tastes good so it's worth it.

The macaroni was fine (used some oatmilk & olive oil mozzarella I cultured), but I don't know why as someone who always hated mixing stuff into macaroni I thought adding full lumps of lobster mushrooms would be a good idea.

Personally, still prefer the so delicious smore ice cream as a topping but cocowhip did well enough. I mean, I can't distinguish it from ice cream, but I like ice cream on pie

The pie crust was made with red wine, and I added some red wine to the pie filling. I did this to, uh,

All my friends are trans, and whenever I ask them how my voice sounds they just say stuff like "I can't tell anymore." "You have brainworms." "You sound like Olina." I need someone who's never met me before to tell me how the heck my voice sounds!

Normally my food ends up on the shitty food porn sub, but this smash burger was just normal. Good. There's no weirdness to the shape of the bun; it's just a normal burger.

A normal smash burger made of TVP, chocolate flavored mycoprotein (for the brown color), pea protein, animal free egg white protein, vital wheat gluten, tapioca starch, potato starch, psyllium husk, methylcellulose, xanthan gum, water, and algal oil. But other than that, a perfectly normal smash burger.
(I love making homemade food with an ingredients list that makes it sound like the most ultra processed thing in the world. It gives me a nice warm feeling. It's also funny because the burger mix is actually stupid healthy as it's mostly just pure protein and fiber with some healthy oil, but people love to fearmonger of these ingredients.)

The seasoning is just nutritional yeast and red robin seasoning, which I added both to the burger mix (plus vegan beef stock powder), atop the burger patties, and to the burger sauce made of veganese, dijon mustard, ketchup, and agave syrup. I also did that thing where you apply dijon mustard to the patty before flipping it.

I used to add a slice of vegan cheese to every patty, but then I realized that the taste is honestly so mediocre that I'd rather just add another patty for the calories. And honestly... I might do it again. I might go four patties next time.

Either way, the current cheese slices I have in my fridge are clearly mediocre. So recommend me something better! Brand or recipe, I'll take either! :)

Bonus tip: a bit of cocoa powder really gives a nice color to TVP patties. Some of the protein powder I use has alkalized cocoa already, which is convenient. And I believe espresso powder has a similar good effect.

I don't use a recipe when making my 'ground beef' mix from TVP and random other fibers / protein powders (I just add stuff in based on vibes), but I would recommend a bit of cocoa powder!

One of the protein powders I add is this mycoprotein powder (chagaroot is the brand) that has some some alkalized cocoa added for flavoring, and it gives really nice dark brown color to the patties. I discovered this by complete accident too! I didn't realize powder I bought was flavored and was super confused that the mix smelled like chocolate when I first made a batch. (there's no noticable chocolate taste when it's fully cooked though)
I also don't bother with beet powder for color. I always make smash burgers anyway, so it's not like there even should be red.
(I'm pretty sure espresso powder has the same effect if you have that instead.)

Also to note: butter flavored shortening! It's so stupid cheap. It can't be used for a spread, but if you're just using (vegan) butter for frying, butter flavored shortening will do the same job better.

In addition to being under a third the price of ground beef, TVP burgers (Textured Vegetable Protein--in this case soy protein) honestly just taste better (and have a lot more fiber while containing no saturated fat depending on how you make them). And it's only a two on the evil scale (which goes up to 100, so that's really low).

Fun tip: in addition to be healthier than (non-vegan) butter due to containing less saturated fat, butter flavored shortening has no water and is optimal for frying unlike vegan butter which will spit and boil off its water. It's also stupid cheap.

Second fun tip: stop falling in love with the woman who already left you.

We went to a club together since our town has a strangely late pride. Geeking out on 20 mg THC while she's too many drinks in and the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, I don't think I've ever loved anyone as much as I love her. Fuck.

Saw this pan in absolutely perfect condition, and made it mine. Now it cooks mushroom steak!

Sadly the fat stack of mushrooms fell apart into three separate clumps of mushrooms, but the beef flavored soy sauce glaze (with an excessive amount of red robin seasoning) still made those little clumps taste wonderful!