u/One-Celebration-6853

I can’t seem to find anyone else with this problem online! Once I start clipping thorns or weeds, I immediately come across a spider’s web I’m destroying, or some spot with a snail or beetle, and my heart is shattered. So then I’m preoccupied with trying to relocate the spider or snail for 10 minutes. It seems like I genuinely can’t get anything done without my anxiety reaching a maximum high, and feeling like a monster.

If anyone else has this problem, how do you manage? How do you deal with yourself, and get work done?

He’s M29 I’m F24. Been together since oct or Nov of 2024. It’s had ups and downs but mainly downs toward now. I’m tired of starving then getting by on crumbs. He hasn’t gone out of his way to call me since Sunday (I have tried to call), hardly text whatsoever, and I can’t tell if I’m being foolish for letting it be, or if I’m just understanding and patient because maybe he IS going through too much to give me the time of day.

I’ve been cheated on before. He has too. But he’s said something accusatory one time that struck a chord with me. “Hurt people hurt other people.” It stuck with me, and sometimes I wonder.. is he just talking about himself? A part of me believes he’d NEVER! EVER do that! Then another part. It just wonders.

Eh, this may be an unwelcome post. Thanks if you read it.

I received a DWI early this year. I since then have gone on and off recovery, but mostly have given up as of late. It doesn’t help that my mother still drinks. She says she relapsed when she saw me relapse once. We feed each other’s toxicity back and forth, and when I try to break free of the cycle, I end up back where I started. I only have myself to blame.

I had a nauseous guilty feeling at the pit of my stomach getting this, but did anyway. Isn’t that how it goes sometimes?

I’d bought my mom and sister sympathy cards and candles for the occasion.. I suppose it puts a cushion to my guilt of drinking, yet I have all of last week as well. What a way to start off a Monday.

Sometimes I genuinely don’t know if I’ll ever be sober. I honestly don’t know if I ever want to be. I’m trying to be moderate, if anything. Can’t go back to my old ways of drinking until blackout, bottles n cans n bottles n cans. We’ll see how things go.

But yeah. Rest in peace dad. Might be a good thing you aren’t here to see me like this, but damn it maybe I wouldn’t be so fucked if you hadn’t of croaked on us! Jokes aside.. grief is tough.

I’ve posted before so forgive me if you recognize.

We’ve met before, so no, he isn’t a catfish. In the beginning of our relationship, end of 2024 beginning of 2025, he did videocall with me, and it was cute/sweet. He also used to send me selfies whenever I wanted to see him since, ykno…. We’re long distance. Anyways, after all this time it’s all just stopped rly. Became an impossible request. It’s been months, and months since I’ve seen a picture of him. He said today he’s switching services and getting a new phone free for it. Rn his phones super glitchy and weird. So I said wow! That’s great ykno what that means, we can videocall, We haven’t since like Feb of 2025 or something! He said no we can’t you have FaceTime it won’t work. I said man it’s 2026, we can use an app, like discord zoom etc they all have that. We used discord last time. So then he didn’t have much to say. I said are you excited? He said ecstatic, being sarcastic. I said.. you don’t seem excited, was that annoying me mentioning it? He said yeah pretty much it did annoy me. And since he refuses, absolutely refuses to ever explain his feelings or why he hates things sometimes, I wanted him to communicate it and asked well, can you please tell me why? But he interrupted to say goodbye love you go to work. And I said smtg like but, I just want to understand why it and he’s like goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye. So I give up annoyed myself now n say okay goodbye n he hangs up.

Just weird. I genuinely don’t understand it. I’d get it if he said anything, literally any reason, but he refuses to speak or communicate anything beyond the most basic shit like egg prices. It gets old.

Not sure exactly how to word this, explain it, or fully paint his side of the picture and mine. I will do my best. I would like advice on how I should handle this.

I’ve been in a LDR with him for almost 2 years. In November it’ll make 2. We’ve met once, and haven’t since. He’s currently trying to move. Before he even knew where I live, his plan already was to be moving here exactly, which just worked out as a coincidence when I said that’s where I’m from. Our schedules differ, so we don’t hang out nearly as much as we used to. There’s been some pain on my end from the relationship, and also personal life, so it’s been quite hard. My dad who’s passed away has been on my mind this week, and in less than a week it will be 7yr he’s been gone. This is besides the point, I’m just really all over the place, forgive me. This can maybe shine some light onto why I’m extra emotional. Also, PMDD/PMOS.

I love him. The things that have happened the past few months have really hurt me, and I’ve been confused to a breaking point. Simple things as, if I can clearly hear he has a very upset tone, one word replies, I’ll ask if he’s okay/I’m here for him if he wants to talk about it or NOT talk about it/etc, I try to say the safest thing in the moment while also showing I care about him. Short and sweet, and I try not to go on if he doesn’t want to talk about anything. I admit, I have before, but I try not to now. Despite that, it’ll just be silent the rest of the phone call after that, so.. idk. It’s in my nature. I can’t just pretend I don’t notice he’s very obviously struggling with something, but I think that’d be the best thing to do. That just isn’t me.

Anyways, if I do that, especially while he’s playing a video game (how can I know he’s gaming if he doesn’t tell me/if I don’t ask? And if I do that in itself is annoying I fear) he gets quite upset,and will normally say “I’m just gonna go.” Hangs up, no goodbye or love you. Then I won’t hear from him the rest of the day, besides maybe a goodnight acting like nothing happened if I’m lucky. I’ve mentioned that I don’t like him acting that way to me, I understand if he feels X Y or Z, but if he doesn’t verbalize X Y or Z, I won’t know and the cycle repeats; he’ll agree with a “buutttttt” at the end. Nothing has changed in that regard, but I accept him for that and try to learn.

After many failed attempts at coming here even for a visit, he insisted and swore up and down he’d be here for my birthday. I try to say “that’s nice but it’s okay if you can’t, I understand, but so excited” ykno, leaving room. Haven’t seen each other in over a year so despite all the other times it didn’t work out, I had a tiny bit of hope it may this time. Closer to the date, I had a feeling he wasn’t going to. He hadn’t told me anything different, and kept up saying he’d see me at least on or before my birthday which is a goal he himself set, so I left it be. The day before, I spoke to him and, although I had a feeling he hadn’t even left, decided to go along with what he’s been saying, and said “I’m excited to see you tomorrow!” He says me too. It gave me an icky feeling in my stomach since I could hear and tell he was still at home, so that means he hasn’t left, which means it’d be physically impossible to be here by tomorrow. So I could wrap my mind around why he’d say that, when I’m always upfront, and say I’m not upset over it and have faith in him no matter what. I asked how it’s coming along, he says well, I haven’t left yet. I go, oh… well, even if you did right now, you wouldn’t make it even driving 24hr straight by time to be here, and I wouldn’t want you pushing yourself like that. If you don’t think you’ll be here on time, I totally understand I just would like for you to be honest with me, it’s okay. Something like that. He gets all moody n tense, says give me a minute. I say alright. Can tell he’s gaming now. I give 3 minutes of pure silence, twiddling my thumbs, and say something like “I feel like you could’ve said something by now…” n reaffirmed I understand or smtg, but he cuts me off, said oh my god I’m not doing this n hangs up on me. Don’t hear from him til late that night, as I’m trying to go to bed for work (incase I get called in), he sounds cheery go lucky whatever, and I obviously was just drained after that. So, then time passes, and the next day, my birthday, I explain that I’m really tired of just being hung up on and left in the dust for the rest of the day, no goodbye or love you, no text, especially since we’re long distance. He did the usual “maybe I shouldn’t have reacted that way, BUT” so.. perhaps I shouldn’t have, but I cut him off and said you do this every time. There’s always a but, and you turn it around on me. I’m talking about how you acted. That ofc blew it up, and that was the end of that, he refused to speak any more.

That night, I had a serious talk with him about communication, and being able to not fear an argument when there isn’t one, because that creates one, we both got our peace out. I had somewhat dangled the thought of separation, and he said “sounds like you already have your mind up.” I explained that having this discussion and being open about that is the exact opposite, it’s me not wanting to break up with him, and us find some common ground to work with on understanding one another. He says things like, if you wanna go I can’t stop you, all that. I suppose he’s right, but I blatantly asked him to just, say/act like he wants this to work, not be so ready to let me go, because I want it to work, and he said he does too. So we left it at that and agreed to start fresh once he does get here. That was a few weeks ago.

Time skip to this week. Context, I don’t have any IRL friends, beyond work sleep repeat. I don’t have anything going on outside of that, and with all the negative things in my personal life and at home, it can become draining. Sometimes you just wanna get out. I’ve done it alone but eh, you know where I’m getting at. He knows that my life dream has always been to have a girl friend. It’s just never worked out, but I have tried. We’ve talked about this, it’s something that gets to me. I do however have one male friend whom I’ve seen a few times. Never made any moves on one another, it’s been strictly platonic, and we game here n there, my bf has known this.

The idea of us hanging out again since me being in my relationship has been dangled, but I’ve been too nervous to execute it due to not wanting to upset him. I’ve asked before in the past, and he’s said it’s fine and he trusts me, but I still felt a bit guilty about it. More context, his ex wife cheated on him. I’ve been cheated on as well. Well, I’ve put him off so many times, I figured… it’s a me problem. My bf is saying it’s fine and insists he trusts me and to have fun, I need to just trust him and get out. Go do something. Stop being so depressed. Especially with how things have been irl. I haven’t gone to do anything with a friend since 2019, me n a group of guys from highschool. The year my dad died, but that’s not relevant to this, im just rambling. So, I mention it, and about how if he’s uncomfortable with it to please please communicate that, and I’d have no issue whatsoever not doing that. None at all. He insisted that he trusts me, to have fun, and all that stuff. I did ask out of 10 how uncomfy it makes him, he said a 4, I said well, that’s really close to 5, halfway, and he just chuckled n said he’s just being honest and it’s fine.

We agreed I’d call him on the way home, and get to chat some n say goodnight. The last time we spoke, he called me when I was in the car with my mom. I immediately let him know and he said oh do you want me to let you go? I said that’s up to you, im fine with you being on the phone. The topic of “about to get home n get ready to go hangout” came up, and I was saying how I’ll call him later n tell him about it. He sounded happy/fine, and said alright cool. So, I decided it’s truly a me problem, I’m gonna take his word, and go have a good fun day. I did on Saturday. We went to a local arcade, then got a bite to eat. It was very fun, and I hadn’t done something like that in years. It truly was just a breath of fresh air. When I left, I called to no answer. Called, called, no answer. So I drove home. Got home. Called, no answer. No texts either. Next day, no texts. Called, no answer. I don’t end up hearing from him until late that night. On the phone, he was incredibly monotone, one word replies, I instantly knew something was wrong. I was honestly just worried about him. I thought, maybe something happened with his mom? Dad? Brothers? Him? Or was it me? I didn’t want to believe it was me, I thought that’s just another sign of my anxiety being the downfall of me, so I brushed that thought away. I said, you okay? “Yeah.” “You sure..? You know you can talk to me if you-“ then he says something like “I said I’m fine.” “Well… you’re monotone, and only giving like one word replies. I won’t push if-“ then he interrupts, says “good, don’t then, because I don’t want to” or something, then says he’s not going to “sit here and have to defend himself” Since he interrupted me I continued “I won’t push if you don’t want me to, I respect that, but I don’t want you seeing me as some villain just for caring. I do care about you and have been worried because we haven’t spoke or text any.” By this point he’s pissed and like “if you wanna be on the phone fine but I’m not doing this” the typical cycle, so instead of sitting in awkward silence, I said well okay how about this I’m at my sisters house right now anyway so in about an hour I’ll be home, call me then? He goes okay, we say goodbye love you n hang up.

Over an hour passes, I gotta get to sleep for work, I call, no answer. I lay down, he later calls me, I say yeah sorry I called earlier cuz it’d been over an hour and I gotta get to bed for work. He says okay. Awkward silence. We just say goodbyes.

So, more radio silence, no texts or calls, and I eventually get fed up, so last night, I’m like “can you please be open with me, tell me if it’s my imagination or not: it feels like you’ve avoided texting, calling, or having anything to do with me for days, since last week.” He says “I wouldn’t say it’s your imagination.” I ask please for clarification. He says “uhm, I guess most of it kinda came from you hanging out with your friend. You know, in person. Felt pretty disrespected from it.” So, I say what you probably figure I’d say. Confusion, blahblah. I say why didn’t you tell me it’d make you uncomfortable. He says “I just wanted to see if you’d do it”, so I go… what? So this was just some test? And I say something like, but I trusted your word that it was okay, something like that n he says “I didn’t give you my word, that’s a lie, you’re making it seem like something it’s not.” These words from last night are burned into my head and it hurts beyond what I can explain. Before I go on, he did say me calling him with my mom beside me (he wasn’t on speaker) seemed manipulative when the hangout got brought up. I said… you called me, and said you wanted to stay on the phone. How’s my mom being beside me manipulative not giving you a ground to stand on in the topic? Or something. It’s funny because my mom said that she thinks that her being beside me on the phone upset him and he’s punishing me with the silent treatment due to it. I insisted she was wrong. Turns out she was right. It shocked me. Anyways. He then accuses me of cheating, says he’ll never rly know if I did or didn’t. I say yeah, but that’s a thing called trust. Like how I trust you. You know how much I get told by family n coworkers that the reason your planned times to come never work for over a year is because you’re having a hard time leaving your lady at home? I don’t believe any of it and fully trust you. I’d only figure you trust me as well. So, he says he doesn’t know where to go from here. I just break down. I break down heavier than I have in a very long time. I cried for an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Hyperventilating screaming sobs. It pains me to think I hurt him. I end up just beating myself up feeling stupid. I insist that I’m not his ex, I wouldn’t do that to him, I know what it’s like to be cheated on. He says hurt people hurt other people. I go that’s not fair to say, we’ve both been hurt and I trust you with my entire heart. How it hurts me so badly that he even.. tested me. So I just feel stupid down to the bone. He then says how he doesn’t even know if my tears are an act, a theatrics thing, or genuine. This hurts me so badly that I can’t even explain it. I truly can’t word how badly this all hurt me. Typing this out, at work, I’m just welling up tears again. I’m trying not to. My eyes are swollen puffy like I got beat up from last night. I couldn’t speak through the sobs for a solid 30 minutes until I finally was able to conjure up “you don’t have to sit here and just listen to me cry, I’m not trying to be manipulative, I can’t help crying, I can’t stop, I never meant to hurt you, just go if you want to” and he says he’ll stay and wait for me to stop and it’s okay. I guess he ended up just feeling sorry for me or something I don’t know. Maybe he could tell how hurt I was. He said stuff like baby, it’s fine. It’s fine. I forgive you it’s okay. Calm down. But I couldn’t calm down, everything was just a tornado in my mind. I felt betrayed. I felt like I betrayed him. I felt confused. I still feel confused.

Eventually, we talked some once I didn’t have the energy to cry any more, but would still choke up with tears every now n then. I apologized profusely, insisting I’d never mean to hurt him or disrespect him. Which is true. I’d never in a million years do something to hurt him. I couldn’t stop apologizing, and just felt stupid. I got to a point of agreeing with his earlier point of how I should’ve known better, I’m just an idiot, I’m sorry, I was a mess.

Long story short, he was being all sweet n nice to me by the end, but in my heart, it doesn’t feel right. Even if he means it, I don’t feel right. I just feel numb. Today for the first time in a few days he texted his usual Goodmorning beautiful, I love you. It just doesn’t feel the same. I feel dead inside, numb, and I don’t know what to do from here. I just, I can’t process any of this, and I don’t know what to do. I’m sure I did hurt him. I never meant to. But now, I’m hurt as well, and I don’t know how to handle that.

This was incredibly long, I apologize. If you read this far, thanks. I just need advice. I don’t know what to do now besides forget it all happened and move on… but that feels wrong. I don’t know what to do. My mom is pretty upset about it, and says the same thing I initially said: he should’ve said “I of course can’t and won’t stop you, but if I’m being honest yes it does make me uncomfortable”, it’s that simple. But now I just feel stupid.

Edit: I feel guilty just making this post. I really do feel guilty. I know he’s genuine, and has been hurt before, I’d never purposely break his trust. Just feel like an idiot after this.

TLDR: my bf said it was okay to hang out with a guy friend. I did. Now he’s said he never wanted me to and just wanted to see if I’d actually do it. How do I handle this?

I woke up in the middle of the night, trying to go back to sleep, thought I’d make this post because it’s just bothering me. Idk if I want to go on and on about our history and the reasons why. We met on a discord server, nov or something of 2024. We met July of 2025, and haven’t since. He’s on the other side of the US. We used to hang out a lot more virtually before our schedules changed. Now, it’s hardly ever anything besides a phone call. He won’t send me any selfies at all. Won’t video chat. Won’t game, but rarely. Can count on my fingers how many times we have in the almost 2 years. Won’t send any letters or gifts. No flowers. Last letter I received was Feb of 2025. He says he’s tried and they won’t send, and won’t try again. If I bring it up I rly bother him. No gifts of any kind for over a year, no birthday Christmas or valentines. I’ve brought that up. He’s swore to visit or move many times and they’ve all fallen through. My bday was last month and he swore up n down this time it’s legit he’s gonna be here, and wasn’t. He couldn’t even admit to me that he wouldn’t be here the day before when I asked.. he just got mad at me for “pushing him” when he was playing league and hung up on me. No goodbye or ily. This has happened a lot, the “ugh I’m not doing this” and hanging up. It feels rly shitty. I almost ended things last month and tried to talk it out. He won’t (for lack of better term) try for us. He’s the kind to say “I can’t make you stay”, well I don’t want you to MAKE ME, I want to feel like you give a hoot. Ykno? So hard to explain. There’s just so much that’s slowly gotten worse. I’m sure at one point we were best friends, but atm, it doesn’t feel like the way it used to be. I’m wondering if I should just end things before he moves here, but then part of me thinks what if things are good when he does? What if it’s just bad bc of the distance?
I mean, I’ve gone a few days not calling before, since I’m the initiator normally not always but normally, and he just.. never called.. so we didn’t talk
And this hurt. I explained didn’t you think of worrying abt me or anything, I worried about you. I just wanted you to call me. Maybe a silly game I played to some, but that just said a lot. He gets irritated easily and won’t talk abt it. Like today, I hadn’t heard from him in 24hr, he finally called, and sounded very monotone, down, idfk. One word responses ykno what I mean. I asked if he’s ok, what’s wrong he sounds off or smtg idk how I worded it. I had family nearby, I was like did I sound bad? Rude? Pushing him? Was I this or that? Bc his response, was to just get mad n say “ugh yeah I’m not doing this. I’m not going to sit here and have to defend myself. If you wanna be on the phone fine but I’m not going to ——-“ (ykno what I’m getting at) so, that hurts. At that point I think why bother even being on the phone when ur obviously tilted n get mad for me caring and it’s gonna be a silent awkward call?

He’s been working extra hard w Walmart deliver n uber DoorDash n stuff. Saving to move, ik it’s hard he’s been trying to save all this time. I feel awful n guilty. Just don’t know what to do. Wish my dad was alive for me to ask him. My bf has said some rly hurtful stuff before. It doesn’t feel like I can truly be me w him. Because the real me is gonna ask what’s wrong. I don’t have it in me to do what the other women in my family do and “let the grumpy man be grumpy n wait til it passes”, I want you to verbalize to me stuff. He’s bad abt not rly ever being rly genuinely sorry or feeling in the wrong. I always feel at fault. I end up apologizing if I ever open up abt how something made me feel. Tired of it. When I said I’m tired of it n don’t wanna put up with his idk, rudeness n stuff, he said “I don’t have to put up with it if I don’t want to” or something idk. No effort in working things out, just a simple if you wanna go, go then. I’ve explained I don’t WANT to, I want us understanding each other, but I rly don’t feel like I understand him.

I rly care abt him. And I’ve tried rly hard to look past his immaturity. I’m not perfect and never have been, but he won’t idk. Doesn’t feel like effort. Besides a job. He works, that’s the effort. But nothing beyond that. And getting so irritable at me so quickly.. and waiting for that to subside, so the typical usual kindness feels like a sweet lollipop after a fast. I don’t feel like that’s normal for a ldr is it? It didn’t use to be this way.

Writing all this out, I feel wrong. Dumb and at fault. A bad person and gf. I just feel awful. As if I’m making him seem worse than he is. I can hear him now. I hate it and wish I didn’t feel so 50/50, I wish I felt confident in getting along good when he moves but I’m perplexed and contemplating if I should end things before it’s too late. We’ve ofc talked abt marriage and kids. We get along.. and I’ve always loved him. He loves me, ik he does. But all this makes me feel sick to write out. I’ve thought abt it a lot. I don’t know what to do. It doesn’t feel healthy. The one thing we’ve got is almost daily good morning texts.

Edit: god I just feel so guilty and wrong for making this post like I’m betraying him. I know his love for me is real. I feel wrong and sick and hate myself for this. I feel like I’m just making him out to be some bad guy idk ugh I just feel sick sorry

Please read everything before messaging me!

I’ve posted here before, but not regarding this topic. I’ve left religion, which is lonely in the Bible Belt of the USA, and also am abstaining from alcohol, drugs, etc. I do miss THC and would if I could, but can’t due to my job. As a means of replacement I’d picked up drinking and landed myself some failures that I’ve decided to make the effort of fixing.

Anyone near me, who isn’t religious, and making an attempt at sobriety? I don’t have anyone beyond family to talk to about this, or hang out with. Not to mention, the sobriety thing is such a delicate topic, I really just keep it to myself. Sometimes it can be lonely. I’ve gone to AA meetings, but they’re way too religious for my taste, and it sorta makes the message that I’m wanting to receive less potent.

I figured coffee, or walks would be nice. Thrifting. Just hanging out. We’d have to get to know each other of course, but yeah. Hit me up.

My hormones have been awful lately, haven’t had my period in months, so I figured having this would be good for me. I thought since it’s such a big wide open area with multiple doors and air conditioners it wouldn’t be so bad (it was kipper), but boy was I wrong.
Everyone began complaining, one person gagged, they shut the doors on me, and one guy came in and sprayed a buttload of febreeze everywhere. Now I feel like a real butthole lol. I love everyone here so no, I’m not deeply offended or upset, if anything I just feel inconsiderate.

Anyone else have this happened? Feel awful guilty n embarrassed now, like I should apologize. I suppose I didn’t think of how it’d be so offensive to everyone’s noses, but now I see lol.

I already have 4 cats, granted they are 8 and + years old. They need more attention, but due to an AWFUL situation I’ve been placed into with two incredibly violent dogs, they don’t get nearly enough love as I’d naturally give them. They go hide and do their own thing, and sometimes one sneaky-sneaks into my room to sleep with me.

Yesterday was my birthday, and my mom and sister figured since I didn’t want anything and have been depressed, the one thing that’d cheer me up would be a new best friend kitty. When I found out, I cried for a very very long time. Not due to happiness, but due to feeling so conflicted.

She can’t be left loose due to this environment, there’s nowhere I can leave her loose. Best bet would be a cage, and she’s tiny enough to get through the bars. My only next bet is this carry bag that’s enough room for her to walk around in, but still feels wrong. It’s just wrong timing wrong place.

I love her. She’s insanely sweet, adorable, smart, an absolute baby. I’d love to keep her, but I don’t feel I’d be giving her enough, especially when my cats I’ve had for years now don’t get enough.

I’m so conflicted. She’d be going back to a home with a woman and a kid.. which makes me feel a bit better that she’s not going to a shelter
But I’m paranoid and still want to give her love. It’s just such bad timing and wrong place. I feel awful. It’s just all made me feel like crap. I really do like her, and she’s been so clingy to me which doesn’t help make the decision. I don’t know what to do

It feels like this is going to haunt me

I’ve had my Intoxalock quite a while, and always rinse my mouth with water beforehand. However, I am >!bulimic!<, and I get paranoid that this will set off the device. I’ve read about stomach acid and whatnot having some sort of % of something that’d set it off. I’ve had it over a decade, but have tried to control my timing with this device.

Has anyone had this set it off? Or throwing up set it off, to be blunt? Probably no one. But thought I’d ask. Been thinking about it a lot.

It is my all time favorite fragrance. I found one bottle from my childhood, and the scent just brings me immense insane amounts of joy. I am utterly absolutely obsessed with it. I could bathe in it. The type of bottle I have, I can’t even find resales of online.

(Correction… I found 1 posting with the type of bottle I have. Still, very hard to find many.)

It is unfortunately discontinued, and finding any online is scarce. I am unaware of anyone still making it, PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong. I wish there was some way to mass purchase some.

Anyways, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone mention it, and the research I’ve done shows no one else talking about it, but I’m SURE someone must remember. It’s the best scent I’ve ever smelt in my entire life, truly. Nothing tops it.

While I’m at it, if you DO remember it, is there anything that comes close to this smell?

OBVIOUS tmi, forgive me

I recently relapsed for a few weeks, after being recovered for a year (very slightly on and off), but had been bulimic for almost 10 years.

I just used the bathroom, almost diarrhea if not just straight up, and I saw a bit of red in the toilet, wiped, and saw lots of blood. It looked like fresh red blood.

Is this due to my relapse? What could be causing this? Is it a need for concern?

My whole “bowel” wasn’t red but, this of course stuck out to me.

It definitely isn’t due to wiping too hard.

These pieces of work have ignored me, tried to scam me, and blatantly lied to me. I wasn’t having it. I read around that if you put an honest, but nasty nonetheless review, they’ll get back to you instantly because they want their ratings high. I got a call back the very next day, exorbitant apologies, “what can we do to make this right”, the whole works.

The sales team, if you’d call them that, are the ones at fault here really. Not the (excuse me) foreign costumer service reps who you do speak with.. that’s just my opinion. But, I got my situation resolved that way.

Customer advocacy is who you want to contact if you have any true problems and can’t get in touch with anyone. They are who will contact you and make things right if you do make a review. This is just my experience though.

FUCK Intoxalock.

Side note, I think it’s so incredibly ridiculous that it’s built to go off after detecting even .01% alcohol or whatever. It should go off if it detects enough alcohol to actually affect you. As in, even 1 small drink. But mouthwash? Soda/energy drinks? Particular foods? The device smelling perfumes or air freshener? Ridiculously unnecessary and just a blatant money grab.

The retests while driving, those are unnecessary and over the top as well, way too often, and have gotten me too close to comfort into bad traffic situations. I can be merging onto a major highway trying to cut into a lane, and it’ll go off. THATS WRONG!

It should be able to detect a particular amount of alcohol, and it should be 1 blow to start the car, and 1 blow to stop the car. That’s really it. That, along with probation that I’m sure anyone who has the device is putting up with, is enough to guarantee no backpedaling. If it isn’t, that’s a character flaw, and they’ll get what’s coming correctly. I don’t see why the rest of us have to be put through hell due to some people drinking and driving even with the device, or tampering. I could go on and on.

This will be a jumbled up rant/vent, but I’m “getting it off my chest”. TW for addictions and ED

My sister has cerebral palsy, and is 42 this year. My mother is 62, and I am 24 this year. I have 2 other sisters who have their own lives. I have not moved out, and wonder if/when I ever will, as I don’t want to leave my mom with my sister. I’m the youngest and last one out of 4 of us.

I don’t know what mental issues she has, and frankly, whatever they are I feel don’t excuse how she acts, how she treats our mom, and how little effort she puts in literally anything whatsoever. She refuses to get “help”, even therapy, as she feels she’s perfectly fine and normal, and “we’re all crazy”, like she’s a victim OF us. We’re all wrong, she’s always right. It’s as if she’s fully helpless, despite being able to walk with a walker. She won’t do anything. She used to, when our dad (step dad, not biological, but he was around when I was born) was alive, but he passed from cancer in 2019. He sort of kept her somewhat, somewhat in line. If anything, kept the whole family in line. Since he passed, my mom has just been burnt out, depressed, 0 effort for herself, and living just to survive.

My mom copes with her by drinking. She used to drink an insane amount, but stopped, then sneaky started back (won’t tell me, but I’m not stupid and can see it. At least it’s not pure liquor anymore). The doctor recently gave her a warning, 5YR more of this and she won’t be here. She quit a while then started back. It’s depressing but I’ve done all I can, she’s quit her recovery treatment too and lies to my sisters about it, I’m the only one who knows, but nothing I can do as of now.

I’ve had issues with addictions since I was 11, whether it be S_H, drinking, smoking, b_ulimia, you name it. Numerous issues causing it that I won’t get into. As an adult I’ve tried my hand at recovery, and have found that if I recover from one thing, I relapse another. This leads me in a constant loop. I’ve as of late tried to break this cycle, after a DUI. It’s been hell. Whenever I saw my mom slipping up, it’d give me this mental permission to say “fuck it” and indulge in my self harming ways, to let go a little, but after my incident, I’ve realized I need to break that particular cycle. She stopped when I had it, we had an agreement to help each other and get better, but she’s relapsed and I haven’t mentioned it because it does no good, I’ve just stayed clean myself. I especially have to due to my IID. So, I’ve relapsed my b_ulimia.

Anyways, my sister is just never pleased. Always complains, insults our mom for the smallest things, puts her down, argues, it’s almost daily. She’s always been nocturnal, sleeping through the day and awake at night. This causes mom to be woken up in the late PMs and early AMs, which is really just not healthy anymore with her age and numerous amounts of health problems, physically, not to mention mentally. She’s been to college, been to therapy (I think?) we’ve tried everything, she just wants to live a life of confinement. We’re wrong, we’re crazy, she’s right, we’re insane, she’s a helpless victim, and nothing is ever perfect. She thinks a particular music artist will come save her one day, and that they have a connection, and all ties lead to her, signs and whatnot. That particular star is her entire personality and has been for 10 years or so. Before that, it was movie stars, and before that (before I was born) it was sports, but I’d say this is the worst it’s been delusions wise. Her only outings, by her choice/refusals, are physical therapy, getting her semi monthly shots in her legs (if she doesn’t miss the appointment due to being late, or not sleeping), and maybe a hair appointment.

She does absolutely nothing. She uses a walker, she isn’t as handicapped as she could be, but she does nothing. She doesn’t even fold a single shirt, and since moms drained and burnt out, and I work for a living, the only one who works, there’s almost no time for anything involving the basic tasks that need to be done. She could help with dishes, she could help with a hell of a lot, but doesn’t. Just demands and complains. It’s turning me into, or maybe I’m allowing myself to turn into, a very distasteful hateful resenting person.

The house is a complete wreck, disaster, and any deep cleaning sprees I go on accomplish close to nothing. One meal being made by mom and the stove is covered in splatters, sink full, used cooking utensils left out on the counter, etc. Produce is gotten from a pantry due to our awful financial situation, and my mother (most likely due to trauma from childhood, you can fill in the blanks) is in a constant state of survival mode. We have WAY too much food, cans, and nonsense that we will not be consuming anytime soon. If I’m not perfectly on top of it, things rot, and gnats, flies, galore flourish throughout the house, and I go absolutely batshit insane trying to get rid of them. But, I can only feel sorry for my mom, because she IS tired, drained, burnt out, and chronically depressed. Shes gone back to smoking and drinking, and I really don’t want to lose her, but I can’t fathom how life will end with my sister being how she is, and how it affects my mom.

My mom has mentioned before in a very nihilistic way that she’ll eventually have to put her and my sister both into a nursing home, and I always blatantly refuse that very thought, insisting that I’ll help anyway I can to make sure that doesn’t happen because in the here and now it sounds ridiculous. When I think into the future though, I wonder what is to come, and how any of this will transpire into a happy ending.

I’m depressed, existential thoughts flooding, and tired of the life we’ve lived my entire life. It seems to only go downhill. My loved ones are growing old, and I feel helpless in doing anything. I truly don’t know what to do.

I just have a resentment for my sister, and her lack of true care or concern for how she affects mom. She’s narcissistic, egotistical, has learned helplessness, and is from what I see never going to change. It’s only going downhill, and it makes me angry that she won’t even try. I could go on, there’s a lot more that’s awful about our living situation, but I won’t.

Edit: I LOVE MY SISTER!!!!! But I just wish she had some sense of self awareness. She’s a very caring, loving, amazing person… but when she goes off, she goes off. Eh. I feel guilty even writing this. I’m just tired.

Maybe this has been said before but, I truly don’t get it. As someone who’s played for years, it really does feel like controller legends are getting ignored for the fast colorful speedy stuff, or just overall gimmick characters. This isn’t even about axle, it’s more about how they’ve changed over the course of the past 3-4 years.
I see so many of every other kind, but NEVER controller. I feel there are so many good ideas and concepts for more controllers, why bother having the category if it’s just going to get ignored (4 controller and 6 or 7+ all others???)

My bf M28, I’m really not sure where to begin. I guess I’ll just say what recently happened. Monday, I F23 was going through absolute hell, won’t go into details, but the sky was falling. He gave me attitude on the phone, for what feels to be no reason, but I’ll say it anyway. I’d sent texts, called, the calls would get unanswered or quickly denied as if you pressed the voicemail button, and after that texts always said they were read. I brought this up, just said “how come it said you read the texts,” don’t know unless you ask, I wasn’t accusing him of blatantly ignoring me, I was expecting a “oh sorry babe blahblah happened I couldn’t reply but was about to”, instead I got a rly annoyed pissy response of “because I was upstairs with my dad”

I brought up the attitude, he said it’s because he doesn’t like getting accused of ignoring me, which I don’t think I’ve ever done and definitely wasn’t doing there, just being misunderstood as always, I had a full on breakdown. I don’t even remember what else was said or happened but he was the last straw on my camel back. So, I was hyperventilating crying, said I was gonna go cheer up and bye I love you, he seemed annoyed, said ok bye love you and we hung up.

Next day, Tuesday, I tried to make amends and get an understanding between us, more was happening too, we were going to spend some time on the phone together. I brought it up, he got quiet, which I’m used to whenever I open up, but thought we got better at. I mentioned this silence forgot what I said, but he just exploded at me “because I’m FUCKING driving (my name).” This took me aback, majorly. I said there’s no reason to be an asshole, he then says he’s getting a call from an uber customer, hangs up no goodbye or love you, haven’t heard from him since, and today is Thursday.

I can’t make heads or tails of this, I feel incredibly hurt and confused, don’t understand it. No good mornings or good nights? No I love or miss you? Nothing? Especially with all that’s going on?

Anyone else go through this?

Venting, seeking advice, all of the above, and obvious trigger warning

If anyone reads this, please give advice on how to care for the wound there if care is needed, will it heal normally, I’ve done elsewhere but not there, if it’s normal then it’s fine

A lot happened, a lot of really bad things
So I relapsed
But I cut my b**bs
And now, I feel even more shame that they’ll never be the same
I feel I ripped away my womanhood
I feel so awful, so down, so dead inside suddenly
As if there’s no hope
I’d called my boyfriend for comfort, he knows what’s been going on w me and my family, I asked why he hadn’t replied to my texts but read them, he said in a very attitude annoyed tone he was upstairs helping his dad, he thinks I accused him of not replying or ignoring me, I didn’t, I asked why, I explained the phone said he’d read them, he said he didn’t, I said I believe him and wasn’t accusing, then silence, silence, I break down saying I don’t need this of all the times right now I don’t need this, he sarcastically annoyed chuckles “yeah I know it’s ridiculous” or something as if it’s my fault, he always takes a question as an accusation

I had called for comfort and for him to be there with me so I don’t cut, and instead he just made me feel worse before I could even say anything

Just broke down

That was the last thing I needed and I desecrated something I know he likes
But what does it matter, what good does it do
Now it’s done
And I feel so empty
And alone
And broken
I don’t pray, who’s there to pray to
I don’t know what to do with myself
A lot is falling apart around me
I can’t help or do anything about it and my family
I feel so lost and broken and ashamed
I want my body back
I’m covered in scars
I went so long not cutting
And now I cut a place that can’t be reversed

Life feels so scary, my family is going through so much, there’s nothing in my mind I can do to help or make things right
All I can do is throw up and cut
I wish things were normal

He just called me as I’m writing this and I don’t know what to say
His mic isn’t working and said he’s going to shower and call me he loves me and to calm down
I don’t want to talk to him

Update, he swore it’d be 20 min up and down, took longer to call, I didn’t answer bc I gave up after waiting and was talking to my grandma, called him back twice no answer, whatever

Any advice from others who received a NC/SC DWI/DUI?

This is my first offense, and I’m to the point of not even being positively sure what to wear (female), what to say, what to expect, or how I’ll move on to continue driving for work (which is non-negotiable, as I’m the only working one in my home).

I go to AA, and it’s helped tremendously; however, I’m incredibly scared. I’m ready to accept what I’ve done, and take what’s owed, but it’s a very nauseating feeling to think of reliving what happened. Totaled my vehicle that was given to me, and very well could have died, but didn’t. I honestly just want to continue with moving on.

Any advice appreciated.

My controller randomly started having a drifting upward issue 24/7, along with (only on the Home Screen) issues clicking an application. To turn the controller off, to tap into YouTube or a game, or to do anything related to that, I have to hold down A.

Is there any way to fix this, take apart my controller, or use alcohol, or???