u/Past_Plastic_3184

I’m 25M, I have a very bad pattern of self sabatoge. I got diagnosed with ADHD 4 months ago, but I can’t take medication because it gives me painful ass headaches. The problem with the pattern is I am aware of it, but I can’t seem to make any meaningful change towards it, and I feel like a child trapped in an adult body.

I was able to work my way through as an intern and I got a return offer at a small company that paid well for software engineering, which is hard because the market is very competitive. The manager and people there really liked my drive and enthusiasm and willingness to learn. I got laid off 9 months later due to restructuring, but also because I had just not been getting much work, and I worked remote so I abused my “work time” by running errands, doing other things, sleeping in etc. I understand it’s not all my fault, as the layoff was huge, but I feel like I could’ve done better. Like I have such a hard time getting up in the morning sometimes, and a lack of work really didn’t help. I need to start studying for interviews, as I am far behind, but I can’t bring myself to it, even when I know what to do. It feels like there’s just so much to learn and if I don’t know exactly what something is I feel like giving up. I’m wasting time by procrastinating and if I do get an interview I’d be cooked.

It’s also about the emotional regulation, I also lost my ex girlfriend because I was impulsive about breaking up with her (I had bad trust issues, some of which was unreasonable but some of which came from her lying or gaslighting me). She was very much out of my league, but she still stayed when I became toxic, but it just got too much for her. I would be extremely needy and need things to be comfortable. It’s like I need comfort and am scared of being uncomfortable. I self sabatoged this relationship like the job because all I had to do was the bare minimum and still couldn’t hold back on my lack of trust. I regret how I treated her and it feels like I fumbled.

It’s like I have the initial energy / drive / charisma to get what I want, but then when the actual reality comes of keeping the thing I got, it becomes so difficult to sustain that energy. A lot of it is probably just rookie mistakes since it was my first job and gf, but I’m scared I won’t be able to sustain my responsibilities for the rest of my life. I can absolutely handle physical responsibilities like chores or working out, but increased mental energy or focus or emotional things become unsustainable for me. Does anyone have any tips or advice for this? My main issue right now is I need to spend at least 8 hours a day on interview prep but I find myself doomscrolling.

It feels like I have to lose something to learn from it, and it doesn’t feel fair to me at all that I am capable of so much but I never can get it or if I get it I lose it

** THIS is posted from the viewpoint of one of my home girls who doesn’t have Reddit **

My (22F) BF (23M) is using an AI Journaling app called rosebud. He overthinks a lot and has trust issues, and it affected his last relationship, so he started to use this to channel his thoughts because he has really bad ADHD, unmedicated. He would say things he didn’t mean out of impulsiveness apparently and it cost him his ex.

Whenever we get into conflicts or arguments, he says “your feelings are valid, I need some time and space to process my feelings and get back to you”. Usually within the next day or a couple hours, we call or hang out and he talks about the issue in a very mature manner and listens, but it feels like he is just saying what I want to hear. I asked him why he couldn’t just say these things when we initially talk about it, and he says he gets really frustrated and defensive sometimes so he goes into his AI app and splurges what he’s feeling, has the AI gently redirect him with CBT techniques and then he calms down and collects his thoughts. He says he is in therapy once a week but he needs this daily to keep himself in check to process his feelings without bringing up our problems to other friends, because he wants to keep it respectful but he needs to vent to process better. I got a little upset because it feels like he doesn’t trust himself or even me to be there for him or to reassure him, and it feels like he’s outsourcing his feelings to AI instead of humans. I also feel weird about him using AI for emotional processing instead of trying other methods, but he insists this relationship is working and his last one didn’t because he felt very alone and his thoughts lingered to the point of him being impulsive. AIO?

Edit: she feels stonewalled because sometimes he takes a very long time to respond, he goes radio silent after conflicts, but does comes back and says he feels like he wants to break up after every fight so he’s taking silence for the relationship

I used to do this, and I won’t do it ever again, but I’m having a really hard time empathizing. If someone wanted to break up with me for whatever reason or threaten to, I’d let them. For context, whenever I felt disrespected or threatened during the relationship I’d say “leave then” or “if you did X I’d break up with you”.

I never got closure from my last breakup, can someone who’s been on the other side help me understand what my ex felt when I tried to do that? Was she scared I’d leave? Annoyed I’m giving up? She cried everytime I did.

I understand fully what I did is wrong, I’ve gotten therapy and I will never ever do this again but I really can’t wrap my brain around it

So I have OHSV1 and I’m a male. I went down on my ex when I didn’t have any symptoms, it was my first time being sexually active and I had done it before with her, but this time she got GHSV1. My cold sore came a day or two after I went down on her, so I didn’t know. So two questions, since I’m no longer dating her:

1. I fucked her raw after her symptoms dissipated, and I never got genital sores. How would I tell if I had GHS

V? Is it likely I have it??

2.

1. When do I tell future partners that I cannot go down on them because there’s a risk they might get it?

I (22M) am dating this girl (21F) for about 3 months now. At the start of the year (before we dated), she made out with her guy friend multiple times over the course of the night (note: the guy friend is also her ex’s best friend, they are all in a friend group). She admits it was a mistake and she doesn’t want to repeat it, although he still wants her. She lied about the nature of what happened (she told me he just kissed her and she pushed him off for moral reasons) and I found out, so I told her I felt uncomfortable about this guy, but I don’t want to control her so I didn’t ask her to cut him off, but just regard my feelings when interacting with him, since he’s in their friend group.

Fast forward a few weeks later, we’re at a party, and she goes up to the guy friend and is being touchy / flirty with him for over half the night, and even disappearing with him. I tried to get her attention but she just brushed me off. She got pics with him and not me, she completely forgot about me. I express my discomfort about the whole night but she really doesn’t say anything and says it wasn’t like that. So I dump her next day. She’s crying and devastated.

My logic is I treated her extremely well, as I saw her as a potential wife, and I established boundaries about these things early on AND specifically with the guy, and her lack of remorse pisses me off. My friends say I’m overreacting and that I should’ve had a stern talk with her, but the point is for me to not even let it get to that point, as I express everything i need to a calm demeanor. AIO?

EDIT: She comes off as a friendly girl according to herself, and another one of my home girls said she is probably just testing me by flirting with another dude in front of me, which is giving me conflicted feelings

UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/s/zL8BZ52FPR

I’m full-stack SWE with Java / Vue / React work for 1 YOE. right now, I am doing couple hours coding, couple hours system design and couple hours algorithms. The reason why I’m doing coding prep is because I am honestly so shit at writing code without AI, our company was AI first and I just am not prepared and have to re-learn it. Is there anything else I need to keep in mind for a junior level role?

Had a pretty messy breakup with my ex last December. I have not stopped thinking about the relationship since then. This has put me into a self shame spiral where I would go on Reddit and search up situations of things I did in that relationship, and I would label myself all the horrible things that people say. I know deep down I am not that person as a lot of it was just emotional reactivity but I still feel extremely guilty and it has gotten so bad I cannot focus on anything, I burned out and have had a bit of a depression, and I got laid off. I don’t know if it contributed to the laid off part, but I got an interview and before the interview I was ruminating about the relationship because I’m super stressed out. It’s like everytime I’m under intense duress I think of my ex. I know I am going in circles because I have already come to multiple conclusions (I actually didn’t love her even if she loved me, I shouldn’t have let her stop me from breaking up with her before it got toxic, I blocked her on everything right after the breakup when she said we can talk in a mont).

I think I did fine in the interview but I wasted precious and valuable time before it instead of preparing. She is taking up so much mental real estate. I have forgiven myself for not knowing better and know that with the commitment to change I put myself through (therapy, journaling) if I went back in time I would’ve fixed it all, but that’s not possible and she’s gone. But it has made me extremely depressed, cynical, nihilistic and has been ruining my life whether it’s friendships or jobs. I need advice it is very bad

So I’m South Indian, and my family members have given up eating non veg on certain days for certain reasons. For example, my aunt gave up non veg on Saturday’s because her daughter was in the hospital as a toddler and it didn’t look good, but she pulled through.

I want to give up non veg when I get my ex back, but if I give it up before, do yall think it’d work? We had a nasty breakup

I feel like my depression has made me more fearless. I lost my girlfriend, who loved me so much but I made so many critical mistakes that she went from loving me so hard to being cold and dejected. I lost my job from the depression of the breakup, it was layoff but I wonder if my decrease in productivity played a key role.

I thought about everything I’ve wanted to experience in life: love and being a father. I experienced love, and me and my siblings age gap is so big I basically helped raise them and am kinda like a dad / best friend / brother.

So now that I think about it, I wouldn’t outright commit myself because it would devastate my sibling, but I am okay with dying. I’ve lived a great life and experienced a lot, been to multiple countries, and all before I’m 25. This outlook has led me to becoming more positive and fearless surprisingly, where I’m finding myself enjoying things more because I’m gonna die anyways! It’s kinda nice honestly

I lost my gf recently. It was going well, it was my first relationship, till she tried to make jealous and it went too far, and I wanted to dump her, but couldn’t bc she wouldn’t let me. After that, I basically turned into a version of my father: raised my voice a couple times, cruel, mean, telling her I’d leave her if she did X or Y, etc. for context, I’ve never treated anyone like this in my entire existence, and I’m in my early 20s. I was shocked after reflecting about how I acted, and in therapy my therapist suggested because I was physically and emotionally and verbally abused till I was 19, I adapted to it and kinda suppressed it or something. The way your parents treat each other or their kids subconsciously gets ingrained into you.

I know a lot of yall have gone through similar forms of abuse, and I wanted to ask if any of you guys have ever been emotionally reactive? I am a lot better now and have been able to control and be more mindful, but I kind of hold some resentment towards my dad still for subconsciously fucking up my first relationship. Granted, I made my choices and I take full responsibility for them and fixed them, but a part of me wonders what would’ve happened had I not been exposed to such conditional love and cruelty.

Hi all, I got laid off by a Pharmacy Benefits Company after 1 YOE. I was a full stack software engineer.

I was wondering for this role, how much coding would I expected to do? I’ve seen mixed comments about it (more customer, more coding). The reason why I’m asking for this instead of the software developer role is because I am good with people and I consider it one of my strengths, and I wanted to blend it into my coding expertise. If there is a good amount of coding, what’s the tech stack / languages?

Also, can someone tell me what the interview process for this is like? Is there coding questions asked

Hey guys! I’m going to my first Charlie puth concert tn. I wanted to ask a few things:

- what do men and women usually wear?
- what time does he actually start performing (I’m coming off work) and what time does it end on average? I’m getting a ride back home so I want to be a little helpful
- does he deviate away from the set list at all or is it only the songs on there he’s gonna play?

Thanks!