u/Peezy_Or_PJ

Before I get to the topic, let me start this off by saying I am a 25 year old man who is 5’11. I have been obese most of my life. In December of last year, I hit 274 which is the heaviest I have ever been. In 2025, my use of DoorDash increased significantly…I was using Doordash 5-6 times every week and drinking beer a lot because I was eating and drinking to cope with my feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and being unworthy of love and respect. If I didn’t have a job where I wasn’t on my feet the whole time and didn’t enjoy walking, I feel that I would’ve been even bigger and even more miserable.

I knew I had to make a change. Since January of this year, I have lost 59 lbs while simultaneously building muscle effortlessly (215 lbs) by being in a calorie deficit and being more active by lifting and hitting 10k steps daily. Getting that many steps is honestly easy for me since I’ve always enjoyed walking outside to get some fresh air though…I just had to do it a little more to hit that 10k.

Even though I still have a lot of work to do, I have been feeling so much better about myself going from 40% body fat to 23%. I have more energy, improved mental clarity, and my feet haven’t been hurting at the end of the day. Dropping almost 60 lbs in 6 months has made me realize that we truly burn off fat faster than we gain it…even if the process feels like it takes awhile. You just have to be patient because time will pass regardless.

Now. with that being said, let me get to the topic of this post:

A man who’s overweight, but at least has a handsome looking face without a doubt can get their foot through the door when it comes to relationships, but it never lasted long because of my “oh woe is me” mentality due to my insecurities (especially my weight) made women find me repulsive the more they got to know me. I was not in a good state of mind and thought having a person who loves me would fill a void without having to improve myself. Looking more slim has definitely helped me get more attention in public and even the gym. My managers/coworkers always point out how much smaller my face has gotten and loose my uniforms are.

But ever since I’ve been getting better treatment for finally losing weight, it honestly has made me feel even more resentful of people. Men always go on about how getting in shape will not only result in people treating you so much better, but mitigates your lack of intimacy with women and their desire for you as well (Which is nonsense because everyone has their own preferences and I know guys who are out of shape but still in happy relationships) …but nobody ever tells you that weight loss will also make you realize how superficial most people are. It makes you understand that we truly live in a world where looks are prioritized.

Yes, it feels great to finally receive more positive attention & gaze from people now the leaner I get, (especially from the opposite sex) but in a way, it also feels dehumanizing. Your weight and how you look dictating if you’re worthy of love/respect or not makes you feel like nothing but a walking sack of meat.

Yes, I am still thankful for the family members, friends, coworkers, and those who tried to bully me into the gym. As it has helped me to do something that has honestly been long overdue. I don’t remember the last time I felt this good even though I still have a long way to go until I get to 10% body fat, but all the good things about losing weight still doesn’t help me ignore the fact that the world values looks. Your weight should not dictate your worth as a human. It’s disgusting.

When I lose the rest of this fat and get lean and shredded, sure, I’m going to feel great, but I fear that it’s going to do nothing but make me realize that most people are so shallow. Because as humans, we all deserve love no matter our size…which makes those who have died never finding that special someone and one day starting a family with them even more sad. I fear that could be me now that I realize how superficial a lot of people are after losing some weight because people who don’t only prioritize your looks are an anomaly.

I am a man who dreams of one day being a father, a protector, having an empire of sorts, and growing old with someone who truly loves every aspect of me regardless of physique. But it almost feels impossible to one day live these dreams because of the way people’s brains are wired. Yes, caring about appearance is human nature, but that doesn’t make it not detrimental to people’s mental health…especially those who’ve been out of shape and mostly overlooked their entire life.

Does anyone else share the same feelings I have? And if so, what did you do to accept the fact that this is just the way the world works? And how much did your love life improve after you lost all the weight? (That’s if it improved at all…)