u/Purple_Hurricane87

I’ve been bullied and pushed around my entire life, and because of that I have developed a deep seeded anger and resentment towards other people. I’ve been treated like shit by pretty much everybody. By “friends”, family, acquaintances, and even strangers. I’ve just had enough and I’m nearing my breaking point. And people will find the most dumbest shit to hate me for, even if I’m quiet and didn’t say two words to them. I’m Jewish, so people hate me because of that. I’m autistic and people don’t like neurodivergent people, so I get hated on for that. I am too quiet and people make fun of me for it. I get too loud and opinionated and that’s a problem too. It just feels like I can’t fucking win, no matter what I do! My goal is to move somewhere very remote and far away from people and to hopefully find a job where I don’t have to talk to anybody. I’ve been burned so many times by so many different people. One of these days this kicked dog, that’s been kicked so many times, will bite back! I’ve had enough!

I’ve been bullied and pushed around my entire life, and because of that I have developed a deep seeded anger and resentment towards other people. I’ve been treated like shit by pretty much everybody. By “friends”, family, acquaintances, and even strangers. I’ve just had enough and I’m nearing my breaking point. And people will find the most dumbest shit to hate me for, even if I’m quiet and didn’t say two words to them. I’m Jewish, so people hate me because of that. I’m autistic and people don’t like neurodivergent people, so I get hated on for that. I am too quiet and people make fun of me for it. I get too loud and opinionated and that’s a problem too. It just feels like I can’t fucking win, no matter what I do! My goal is to move somewhere very remote and far away from people and to hopefully find a job where I don’t have to talk to anybody. I’ve been burned so many times by so many different people. One of these days this kicked dog, that’s been kicked so many times, will bite back! I’ve had enough!

So the reason why I’m asking is because I have a big issue with anxiety and getting overstimulated and overwhelmed, but whenever I see colorful lights, it does tend to calm me down. I just recently put up my red, white and blue fairy lights over my balcony for Fourth of July 🇺🇸. I don’t like to keep them on all the time because they’re battery operated and it will burn through the batteries really quickly, but I decided to leave them on all night tonight as well as leaving them on all night tomorrow for the actual date of July 4th. I passed by them on my way to my bedroom, and I looked at them and they made me smile. My husband also bought me and himself these nightstands that have those LED light strips attached. He has his on a consistent blue light basis, but I have the setting switch to the different colors being cycled. My mom also bought me this lamp that also changes colors, she bought me that back when I was still a teenager, but I remember plugging it in and it makes me smile even way back then. I still have it thankfully. I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I do like the colorful Christmas lights as well. Do colorful lights also calm you down?

I recently went to a postal exchange, if don’t you know what that is, think of it kind of like target. It’s usually on a military base. I think different military branches call it different things, but it’s all basically the same type of store. They have a lot of great deals on a lot of stuff. You can pretty much get anything from chips to dog food to Victoria’s Secret perfume and bath and body works hand soap. My husband is in the army and currently away from me and at another army base. I couldn’t go with him. :( When he’s not here, let’s just say my mental health isn’t that great. I do have a tendency to go off the deep end when he’s not here, as a way to cope with the separation. Well yesterday I went into the PX and I was looking at the VS perfume. I told myself that I don’t need any more perfume and I walked away. I then went to the shoes and told myself the same thing. Then I decided to just leave the store. And that’s what I did! I think this is the first time I never actually bought anything while going to that store. I then went to the commissary afterwards. If you don’t know what a commissary is, it’s a grocery store on a military base. I did spend $50 there but normally I usually spend over $100, so I think I did good even with that! I’m trying so hard to not buy anything unnecessary. It’s still really hard to do though.

So I like to make this smoked beef kielbasa sausage, and roasted vegetable sheet pan meal. I’m looking for a good side to go with it. For the veggies, I usually like to incorporate baby potatoes, bell peppers, and zucchini. So I don’t know if I necessarily want to add potatoes again, if that’s too much starch. So I’m looking for something preferably not with potatoes, but if it is with potatoes, then it’s OK too. Any suggestions would be helpful, thank you.

Ever notice that is the go to line that guys like to use to try to bring women down? “You’re not special just because of xyz”. It’s a way to try to humble women, or to bring us down. I don’t understand the obsession men have with humbling women. We didn’t claim that we were special. You did. So don’t turn that around on us, just because you’re salty about something and didn’t get your way.

No one ever claimed I was special. I never claimed I was special. I’m just the opposite actually. That saying isn’t what bothers me. It’s the absolute vitriol behind the saying. That’s what bothers me.

Thankfully, no one else was in the car with me, but I absolutely hate it when the GPS wants to redirect you to a route that’s supposed to be less busy. I recently moved to this area less than a year ago and I’m still not used to the place. It also doesn’t help that I barely leave the house because I work from home and get groceries delivered. Today I had to go for a dentist appointment on the opposite side of town and when I was driving on the way back, it did that thing and I got lost. I absolutely hate getting lost and I freak out because of it. I did manage to find my way back, but I feel really foolish. I also prefer to stick to certain routes, but because of the redirection, I was all turned around. I’m very directionally impaired so I hate the fact that I have to rely so heavily on GPS but I do, and when that fails me, I panic.

My job record has always been spotty. I have a really hard time sticking with jobs that make me absolutely miserable. I absolutely hate customer service, but it seems to be like the only type of job I can get for the most part. One job wasn’t customer facing, but I was being bullied by my coworkers and HR didn’t do anything to stop it. I had gotten a job at a data center for Facebook and I absolutely loved it there. It was the first job where I wasn’t absolutely miserable there and reluctant to get up out of bed every morning. The job was OK, but I really liked my coworkers and some of the benefits that I got while working there. Plus it was the first job I didn’t have to commute for a minimum of 40 minutes one way. It was also the first job where I actually stuck it out the longest. I worked there for almost 3 years. And then I got laid off. And I’ve been struggling to find work ever since. I recently moved to a border town and it’s really difficult to find work here because everywhere wants you to speak Spanish here and I only know basic Spanish. And unfortunately, I’m stuck here for another 10 months until my husband is done with the military. I just wanna find a job where it’s repetitive and I don’t have to talk to anybody or talk to as very few people as possible. It just feels like I can’t seem to find that type of job. Or that I’m not qualified or I don’t have the skills.

I’m debating on whether I should book the trip to either Turks and Caicos or to the one going to Cayman Islands. I’ve never been on a cruise ship before so I’m not quite sure what to expect. Part of the reason why I like this cruise line is because of no kids and I’m autistic and very sensitive to sound, little kids crying is kind of a trigger for me. (Yes, I’m child free and yes, I have noise canceling headphones). I’m not really planning on going to any nightclubs on board. I’m mostly interested in exploring beaches, dining, and excursions, as well as maybe some live shows to watch. Is there a big difference between the two or is there one better than the other? I’m very inexperienced, so any advice would be very helpful. Thank you.

Basically what I mean by that is, whatever you say to me, I will reflect back at you. However you treat me, I will reflect back at you. If you say something like “You’re such an idiot”, I’ll say the exact same thing back to you in your own words. I’ll quote you exactly. I know this probably doesn’t mean anything to the person arguing with me, but it makes me feel better. I guess the term would be called “matching energies.” Yeah I’m all about that now. From me being the world’s biggest dorm mat and biggest people pleaser, and not saying anything, to the detriment on my own health, it helps me. It’s probably not the most healthy way to cope or deal with these certain situations, but not saying anything and not sticking up for myself, sure hasn’t helped me in the past. To be honest, I don’t know what would be considered healthy or not.

So I just bought a Ophidia large tote bag. I’m hoping to find a purse organizer that has the rings so I can attach a strap to it, as well as a top zipper. If anyone has any suggestions, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

I never had a weight problem until I turned 17, when I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism, and I’ve been struggling with my weight ever since. I started at 165lb, dropped down to 148lb, then I moved states, lost my job, got pregnant, lost the pregnancy and my weight, as well as my emotions, have been in turmoil for a while now. I decided to try and lose the weight I regained. I gained back 10/11 lbs. I started doing pilates again, as well as go on a calorie deficit. I’ve now lost 6 pounds. I’m still far from my goal which is 125, but at least I’m a little bit closer to it now. My husband thinks I look great as is, but I don’t think so. He’s in the military and he’s currently at another military base and I couldn’t go with him. He’ll will be gone for about 3 to 4 months. :( I would like to be a lot skinnier by the time he gets back. I wanna look good for him. It’s a very slow start but at least it’s a start.

I have a really hard time, falling asleep. My mind races for hours on end and it keeps me awake at night. Right now it’s 323 in the morning and I still can’t fall asleep. Is there any way to keep my mind from racing? Does anyone have any suggestions? I have tried melatonin. I have tried so many over-the-counter sleep medications that don’t help. I’ve done at least three sleep studies and that hasn’t really helped me either. I just wanna be able to sleep. 😑