u/PurrFruit

I figured it is an energetic thing, because those people can forgive others the most heinous crimes but something about me even makes silence feel like cruelty to them.

Overexplaining doesn't help either though, it makes them resent me even more.

The Demiurge and the Co-Creators and the Gods of this dimension are all in love with Gaia, Hera and Sophia/Aphrodite and want to make them feel special.

And non of them want to help us because they are too rotten in their being to do so.

I am fully aware that my entire existence is to be trapped here so they can farm my energy.

Sophia is Aphrodite and doesn't want to help us.

Wisdom is a scam, Truth is a scam, God is a scam.

If one isn't favored by God and the Architects, one's entire life feels like being a cattle animal.

I am energetically very sensitive and require some space where no one is resentful or angry at me.

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When I feel like that every word or action I will take will offend or trigger insecurities and competition in someone, I withdraw and become unable to move.

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There is lots of overthinking on my part.

I lack a proper fawning response and my ADHD and Autism and general stoic demeanor doesn't come off as calming and pleasant enough to others to not feel threatened by my very existence.

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I would love to delete my self completely because I am such a bother and threat to others.

It is too hard to explain for me and I need to talk to someone who can already see the hidden design/architecture of this dimension.

Life is so exhausting because something about me is unable to make anyone truly care about me as a person.

From my own research and what I can feel off other people and interpersonal dynamics I am fully aware that someone or something is forcing me into a role I never agreed to be in.

It keeps happening that people blame me for things I was neither part of nor had any control over.

(Interpersonal problems of miscommunication and incompatible people who all end up putting the blame of their incompatibility on me when I was never part of their group to begin with.)

And it annoys me that one of the Co-Creators of this dimension puts me in that role to protect the fragile feelings of his favored soul.

Some souls like me exist as scapegoat to get all the bad Karma and blame of others.

The Architect and the Co-Creators, each of them have their own favorites they want to see as number 1 of this world.

Which is something I don't quite understand why the hierarchy exist to begin with.

I don't know why my soul/spirit/essence is completely different to anything else here, which is why no one is able to truly like me or feel any sympathy for me, there are a bunch of predators just wanting to steal my essence.

Some souls are never ever protected.

I also hate it so much how the few elevated women souls believe themselves to be of goodness when they are incapable of being truly good out of their own essence.

They feel this deep need for punishment and blame and are really truly stupid.

But for them to be wrong is to be loved and cherished and protected. They are loved for being wrong and weak while the beings of this dimension feel this destructive hatred towards me.

Somebody please help me I don't want to exist anymore in a dimension where everyone is designed to be against me only because some souls cannot feel like they are the main characters.

Every day feels like my memories of the previous day got deleted in some way, because I can never follow through to anything I plan to do, regardless of how easy that task is.

I am unable to communicate my pain because I cannot even recall emotional pain?

I am aware it is because I am a cloned soul or whatever the given narrative tells me to be.

But damn give me a break, let me do anything in this dimension!!!!!!!!

Why don't they even let me build skills alone in peace when I am already not allowed to have any connection.

I can't enjoy anything in life, I am not even allowed to watch or read any media on my own besides wiki articles.

Why is it????????

What is punishment even?

For eternal and omniscient beings such a need doesn't exist.

The beings governing this dimension invented karma, the concept of good and evil, the fake balance thing, "justice".

It is all a control thing, yet I can't grasp the concept of punishment in the now or afterlife.

Because punishment for what? They all invented the scripts, the roles and everything which exists the way it does here, if they don't want it to exist they shouldn't have scripted it that way.

... to be met with softness.

To interact with someone who doesn't react in anger and defensiveness, someone who doesn't make me feel like walking on eggshells, needles and hidden explosives.

What is it like to be forgiven for small mistakes? Big mistakes? For being wrong and mislead at some point?

What is it like to not constantly exist in fear of another's easily hurt ego? To not be around animosity, control and malicious intent?

I want to know what it is like to trust in someone's good intentions towards me.

Not out of duty, pity or "well intentioned" but true care.

What is it like for someone to feel real sympathy for my meaningless plights? To feel for me even if I were the worst person on Earth?

And yet all of this is too much to ask for because it is me who is asking, every expectation is too much because it is me and not he or she or they or them or it who did.

What to do with people who constantly feel unimportant and dismissed, but also disrespect me too much to ever consider anything by me as anything than criticism?