u/ReytMardy

TL:DR Had a rotten couple of weeks with family/marriage, sleeplessness and work stressors. Recently involved in a road rage incident where I lost my cool and has had to report to the police.

Recently life has been very difficult.

There's a whole backstory going into the last 18 months but the most recent, key stressors have been:

- Employment Insecurity

- New Home Renovation

- Baby not sleeping well

- Marriage tension

- Family Drama

This has all been the backdrop. I've had to compartmentalise my anger in several of the above for the sake of my wife & child. Then today happened.

Firstly, I had been up since 3:30am with a sick, screaming baby. I went out of the house exhausted.

Later this morning I was involved in a road rage incident where a cyclist pursued me after I overtook him (safely, slowly) and he was shouting verbal abuse and threats for about 0.25 mile.

I flipped. I pulled over and confronted the cyclist and asked him wtf his problem was. He continued his verbal tirade and things got heated, quickly. We got aggressive, I shoved him away. I told him in no uncertain terms to back tf off - I told him "I am going to return to my car and I'm asking you nicely to not get the last word."

But he did.

I went back and angrily gesticulated in his face. He claimed assault and tried to flag a car down to act as a witness.

I realised that this situation was only escalating and had now gone way too far. As I left I noticed him trying to flag a car down to seek a witness. I went home and reported my aspect of the incident to the local police and expect some sort of criminal punishment which I completely deserve, even if provoked.

I am very remorseful and accountable for my actions. There were several checkpoints to get out but in a trance of exhaustion & rage I pursued the path of anger.

Today could've been a beautiful day - great weather, healthy(ISH) family and plenty to be grateful for. Instead I am now ruminating about the possibility of criminal proceedings against me.

I'm struggling really bad. I'm ashamed, angry (still) and fearful. I just want the incident to pass, pay a price that doesn't damage my ability to work (about to start a new job) and do better, but I can't stop worrying and replaying the incident.

So the Demiurge is the total power of this astral plane we exist in.

Could it be that those who are on the path to gnosis could be identified & persecuted by the Demiurge?

The reason I ask is because I've stopped praying in the Christian way (holy trinity) and I've noticed I'm going through a very rough time in every aspect of my life; career, family/marriage, health and finances.

Something extremely unusual happened to me this morning and it's almost too serendipitous to be rationalised.

My < 2 year old son loves watching birds on our street. We often sit on his bedroom window for up to 20 minutes whilst he watches, in complete awe, the birds fly between trees and rooftops.

Concurrently to this I have been going through a series of major life changes recently and it's been an incredibly difficult period. In the last 4 months I have moved home (forever home hopefully), quit a toxic job that was detrimental to my mental health & self-esteem and also been diagnosed ADHD. My marriage has been strained, my physical health has been shot and I've not been in a good mental space (some serious dark thoughts).

Back to this morning;

Our son has been unwell with a relatively mild infection and was crying for his mommy while she was busy.

As a positive distraction I suggested "let's go look at the birds" which immediately stopped him crying.

We walked over to the window and after 2 mins of birdwatching (from a closed window) a bird flapped frantically & flew over our heads, crashdiving into the corner of our living room. It must've gotten in last night and hid in the roman blinds overnight because the window wasn't opened this morning.

It was a female blackbird which we opened the windows to and it happily, calmly left the room before perching on the window and giving us/me one last look.

It's weird for two reasons.

One the obvious connection that our intention for visiting the window was to birdwatch. Safe to say we get more than we expected!

Two, recently I watched 'Disclosure Day' and a significant part of the movie is when a Cardinal bird unexpectedly flies into the living area of the main characters home to deliver a message. It's the first time in almost 4 years I visited the cinema to watch this and that scene was particularly moving for me.

Can anyone offer an esoteric interpretation of the importance of a female blackbird please?

This certainly felt like a spiritual moment that I am struggling to understand.

My LO doesn't sleep well at all.

If it's not teething it's sickness, developmental leap, hungry, overtired, not tired enough or the wind direction isn't exactly south-east at 12mph.

I'll be honest it's burnt me out completely. I don't know how much longer I can sustain it because even split night shifts are killing me. I have ADHD and one of the things that happens is if LO wakes up, I cradle LO for 10-20 mins and LO goes back to sleep, but I stay awake. The last two nights I have been awake from 2am right up until 8-9pm the following night.

I can't cope and to be honest, my mental health is on the floor at a time when I need all the energy I can to be the best husband, father whilst achieving my own goals of getting a job, getting back in shape and renovating our home.

The only thing I hold fast to is that some people say after 18 months they begin to sleep better. Is this true? Is this cause for genuine hope?

I need something positive.

Hello All

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I've been lurking this sub for a while as I find some of the stories remarkable and inspiring. Could any of you guide me?

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I'm currently in a bit of a crisis. I'll summarise what I call my 'Cornerstones' of life.

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HEALTH: After a sustained, depressive period of time I've gained weight and have very low energy. I desperately want to change this, but I find I make good starts in the gym, walking etc but ultimately my tiredness, exhaustion leads me to make bad nutritional decisions. Because of life stressors I've been hospitalised and developed tinnitus.

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CAREER: Currently unemployed. I've had a middling-to-well career but I recently quit a toxic job to support my family. I want to either build an entrepreneurial pursuit or get back into work. I had a job interview last week which I totally failed because I'd been up since 3:30am with a crying baby.

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FAMILY: I have a beautiful, healthy < 2 YO baby who I love deeply. The problem is since my baby came along, my marriage has been severely strained and I'm now at a point where the prospect of divorce is an option I'm seriously considering.

It's frustrating because;

1. My Wife is a good soul deep down but she's been struggling with rage (maybe post-partum depression) and she's become delusional.

2. We recently moved into a beautiful, family home in a beautiful location that is a great place for a kid to grow. This was our dream but it has turned into a nightmare.

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PERSONAL: For all the things I want in the above sections, I also want to experience small measures of peace. I had a traumatic childhood, rife with abuse, and those scars got reopened when my LO was born. I don't know how to heal them or the painful, self-defeating thoughts that it brings up.

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Ultimately what I am asking to the good, skilled people of this sub is, what would you do in my situation?

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Hi All

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I could really do with heating some success stories from Dads who have made the decision and their lives have improved.

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My situation:

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Together > 10 years, married > 5 years and recently had a baby < 2 years.

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We've had a wonderful time together up until our baby was born. I didn't adapt to parenting easily, I found it incredibly tough to work, parent & husband. I tried to be all things to all people, I failed and my wife resented me for not supporting her despite her not communicating what was important.

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We recently bought our forever home after being mortgage-free and I also quit a toxic job so I could take some time to do the house up, support more with childcare and support her reintroduction back to work after maternity.

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Frankly the last year or so has been incredibly tough on me. No matter how hard I try to be a good husband and father, she always finds a way to criticise what I do. She's introduced incredibly strict rules for parenting and it's gotten too much. I can't live under her rules and the constant, death by a 1000 cut passive criticisms. Whenever I have tried to calmly address some of the tensions, her ego goes into overdrive and simply throws criticism right back at me. She genuinely feels the victim of a terrible father and husband and all the problems in our relationship are my responsibility.

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She's a good soul deep down, but since our baby was born she became somebody else. We both did, maybe. We became stressed, exhausted and our mental & physical health states have suffered. We're both too nice to invoke divorce but in a maniacal episode a few months ago she did scream that she wanted it (even if she did almost immediately rescind and apologise).

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I desperately want to stay together for the sake of our baby and in some desperate hope that the great relationship we had pre-child can be rekindled - but I don't want to carry on with my energy constantly drained and my soul crushed.

It's like I don't know who I am anymore.

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So after all that rambling - did anyone here make the first move on divorce and never look back? Or did you regret it? How do make this decision and know I didn't make it impulsively?

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I just need desperate help folks. Please.

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First off, I want to state that I am posting this question here out of respect for Christians/Catholics and not jumping into their subreddits looking for an argument. For the most part they're good people who have faith in something I don't and I respect that as much as I can.

However, I have huge problems with OT God. The genocidal, sacrifice demanding, slavery enabling one.

In fact, if NT God truly sent their only Son to be tortured to death I take issue with this God too.

How can a Christian believe in an all-loving, all-knowing, all-powerful God that created such a hellish landscape to put his 'children' in?

Current times are bleak at every angle - socially, politically, economic & ecologically. There's nothing good in our immediate future.

You can also make a case that the world has never truly experienced a sustained era of peace where innocent people & animals haven't been unnecessarily slaughtered by humans.

It just seems to me that most Christian must adopt a dissonance towards their Creator and only explain it with rhetoric like "God moves in mysterious ways" or "your thoughts are not Gods thoughts".

If someone can advocate a sensible explanation I welcome it, because I'm currently having a really hard time trying to reconcile it all.

I'm pondering whether to press ahead with further treatment for my T but before I do I'd like to ask the good people of this sub who have undertaken CBT for Tinnitus;

1. What did your Therapist recommend you do?

2. Did it work?

3. Would you recommend CBT?

Just rewatched this movie and forgot how mindblowingly good it was put together.

I remember watching this upon release and being completely amazed, I'd never seen anything like it before. As gen-x/millennial I was used to being served an action movie formula of exaggerated, high octane, explosive action that often sacrificed character development and/or a realistic plotline.

if you haven't seen it, I'd highly recommend it.

TL:DR - Relative newcomer to Barnsley who loves the area, the people and the excellent work the council has done in recent years.

I'm a newcomer to the area and my immediate feeling is that Barnsley folk are quick to self deprecate but I don't understand why?

I've been a 'tarn' resident for a good while now and fell in love with the place.

The people are warm & direct when talking to you, sometimes even brutally honest (which I prefer).

The town centre is massively underrated. The markets, glassworks and some of the newer developments are excellent. I particularly like the Market Kitchen, Dollys and the Cineworld Cinema.

The outskirt village/township are also great. Specifically I like Penistone, Hoyland and Wath for different reasons.

The hospital has helped my family through a couple of tricky times with nothing but genuine care and compassion.

The rural parts of Barnsley are stunning. The Barnsley tourist board have a wealth of beautiful attractions to promote.

And finally. I love the accent. It sounds nothing like anything immediately surrounding it. Unique, honest, endearing. If I have kids I hope they develop the accent.

After an acutely stressful period combined with a sinus infection back in January, I developed awful tinnitus and it's not relented since.

There are dozens of scenarios that can cause tinnitus - earpod overuse, loud noises, poor ear hygiene, infections or stress. If you can avoid any of these, please do.

ADHD is making my tinnitus worse and my tinnitus is making my ADHD symptoms worse.

It's a vicious cycle and I pray for a miracle where I wake up one morning and I can enjoy the sound of silence.

Take care of your ears, hygiene and mental wellness peeps.

And if anyone overcome stress induced tinnitus, please share the miracle 🙌🏼

I've been wondering this on and off for all of my young & adult but today I finally ask the question.

Was it a 'nod' to a bygone era?

Was it a creative decision he ran with?

Or, was it a gimmick I'm overthinking?

I don't wanna be paralysed by fear all the time.

Crippled by self doubt, fear of rejection, burdened with lack of focus.

I want to have clear goals, but I don't even know what I truly want?

All I know is I want more financial freedom, a job that I love, better health, less anxiety and more wholesome time with my family. I want to experience true fulfilment.

Why does ADHD make it near impossible to be successful?