u/SoupDumplingOfPain

Just somethin keepin me up at night alongside my rib and stomach pain :)

I wish anything diagnosable showed up on a single, simple test.

I'm real tired of not knowing.

I am truly starting to think about getting some kind of food service subscription or whatever because trying to think about what food I wanna make when I have zero energy and I'm sore all over and my stomach is in knots? Impossible.

That being said, I'm tryin to do it anyway, makin an over easy egg on toast. Haven't eaten normal in weeks. Mild anxiety. It's fine. Doing it anyway.

I am truly starting to think about getting some kind of food service subscription or whatever because trying to think about what food I wanna make when I have zero energy and I'm sore all over and my stomach is in knots? Impossible.

That being said, I'm tryin to do it anyway, makin an over easy egg on toast. Haven't eaten normal in weeks. Mild anxiety. It's fine. Doing it anyway.

Comfort isn't something we're allowed to have long term. Being alive is something you were forced into, the people who are supposed to teach you how to do it right still don't even know how to do it "right."

You try to be comfortable, you try to avoid things that hurt, and your body punishes you. You try to avoid discomfort and you end up isolated and hurting more than ever.

The most uncomfortable, most painful things in my life come from avoiding discomfort and pain.

I can't find the comfort in the pain. Why do I have to be this way?

My parents came to me with the stunning revelation that they both have pretty bad anxiety, but they just "do it anyway" even when the anxiety feels paralyzing.

I don't get it.

My life is completely fucked up. I am agoraphobic, amaxophobic, my entire social life was on VR and when that broke I kinda just lost it. I've got horrible health anxiety, and I have no idea what pains I'm feeling are real and what are just anxiety.

I'm tired of freaking out all the time, I'm tired of just laying in bed yelling at myself to get up but not being able to, I'm tired of being in survival mode all the time.

I feel like my brain just can't operate the same way as a normal person.

I can't tell anymore what's actually happening to my body. I have no idea if this entire time everything I've been feeling has just been my brain convincing my body that it's broken. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

So I (23M) have been kinda deteriorating recently. I have had overwhelming nausea for over 2 weeks because of some impossible combination of things. I saw my doctor about it and she gave me a referral to get a CT scan to make sure there isn't anything wrong with my organs, but since then I've been so anxious it takes 3 hours of prep to get out of bed, and by the time I'm conscious enough to make a phone call for the referrals, the places I need to call are already closed.

My avoidant behaviors are far too strong.

People around me are concerned and I am scared but it feels impossible to do anything.

I wish it didn't get to be this terrifying.

I feel like I'm having an endless anxiety attack. It's been 2 weeks. I haven't been able to eat properly, my family is worried about me, I haven't been able to work.

I keep trying to find things that help but I freeze before actually doing anything. I have so many medical referrals I need to deal with but my agoraphobia is keeping me from getting anything done.

I'm a failure of a human being.

I'm terrified that I'm gonna die all because my brain is freezing up.

I'm so nauseous.

My body hurts so bad and I'm afraid I'm gonna be malnourished but I still can't manage to eat anything and my family said we can't afford another ER visit.

I'm lightheaded.

I haven't been able to eat anything substantial and I'm starting to get scared that there's something really wrong with me. I messaged my doctor and she hasn't replied, and my parents said we can't afford another ER bill. I'm kinda scared.

I've tried a lot of things to ease the nausea but it just keeps coming back, if not stronger.

I've had nausea for over 2 weeks now. Been hard to eat much of anything but I'm still trying. My doctor looked me over for about 2 minutes and called it anxiety.

Thing is, I know how to deal with my anxiety. I know what calms me down, and whatever I'm dealing with right now doesn't go away when I'm not anxious.

I've been looking up ways to get around this nausea as I've tried everything I know to do - I've tried ginger tea, peppermint, pepto bismol, imodium, antacids, electrolytes - nothing has helped yet.

And for some damn reason, every time I try to find something else to try I get a bunch of "just eat anyway"

Like... yeah, I've been trying. It doesn't tend to stay put.

It's like "hey, you got a hairline fracture near your ankle? Just walk it off." It's not that damn easy

I haven't been eating right for a while. It kinda just feels like anything I eat makes me nauseous right now. It has led to me being rather anxious about what I eat.

Some kind of choice paralysis.

I've been eating nothing but carrots and celery for the longest time.

I truly can't tell if the nausea is causing the anxiety, or vice versa. I'm rather stuck and eating like this is starting to make me feel rather unwell.

(I have a referral for a psychiatrist, I just need to know I'm not losing my mind)

I am not the healthiest individual. I have chronic pain that took away my ability to drive, and since leaving my job - of which was only making me sicker by the day - I've mistreated my body. Stress has been a constant companion. I turned the art which gave me joy into a source of income, and it all just turned grey. I haven't written any stories in ages. The baking I used to love is now just... too difficult and hard on my body.

I've been going to see my doctor more frequently than I ever wanted to, taking all kinds of tests to rule out what might be wrong with me. Everything comes back normal, but the pain is still there. The endless discomfort is with me every day. Sometimes new pains develop and I have to start even more tests.

I've become isolated and agoraphobic, and every time I have to go to a new place for a new test or new referral I feel this horrible anxiety that takes over my entire being, it makes me want to hurl. I can't trust the legs beneath me to hold me up.

My anxiety worsens each day, my depression keeps me from making any progress, and here at my parents' home I just rot away providing nothing to the people I love and getting no help from the services made for people just like me.

Life continues to get all the more complicated, and my brain in turn is slowing down - not being able to keep up with things as well. I'm too preoccupied being freaked out about the pain in my abdomen, or the unnerving sensation coming from my sternum, or the constant sensation that my ribs are too big for my chest, or the unsteadiness of my knees, or the pressure coming from the center of my forehead at all times.

I am surrounded, I am weak, and yet I am all alone and too stoic to seem like I need the help. A precious mind all too perfect to truly be in such distress.

I am unable to operate like a normal human being.

Those who could help do not believe they ought to.

Those who want to help are too far away and not prepared for the monsoon they face.

And the most shallow part of it all? This mental state of mine was being held up entirely by VR. A toy. A magical world I escaped to every day where I wasn't a problem. A place where I could do what basically everyone else could. Where I was equal.

I lost such a toy. I lost my magical world, and I have once again been exposed to the bland-yet-horrifying world I am forced to participate in with no respite.

I want a life. I want to love. I want to live. I want to feel joy again. I want to feel the magic again.

I am 23 years old. I should not feel as if my entire life has passed me by. I should not feel as if I will die with every regret.

I am stuck. I want a way out.

I've been nauseous for like 2 weeks now, and I got a sudden craving for grilled cheese, like out of nowhere. I'm not typically able to eat it, obviously. Not only because it's full of fat and lactose and all that bad stuff - but also because I'm trying to be without gluten as much as possible.

Cravings like this hurt my brain when I'm not nauseous, but this much is agonizing.

I'm tryin to find anything that my stomach doesn't hate that might sate this craving.

The one situation where I'll let someone tell me it's just my anxiety. But seriously, I see just a hint of something in passing as I'm starting a new medication and suddenly my body is like "alright, that's happening. All of it."

I've been put on amoxicillin and I saw somewhere that it can maybe cause headaches, and my head has been panging all day and night.

Luckily this is only 10 days.

I'm not sure what it is. My anxiety is pretty debilitating. I've got panic attacks, agoraphobia, health anxiety, food anxiety, family anxiety, you name it I've probably got it and am working on it.

But whatever it is, my mental health seems to generally get better at night.

Not every time, but often enough that it can't be a coincidence.