u/StressOpening4939

How do you deal with these emotions? How do you deal with the fact that you may have overwhelm a person with your splits or emotional outbursts? Currently going through this, it was the first time it happened with this person yet it feels the worst cause i know believe that i had no reason to expect certain things from him.

At the moment i could only see myself and how i was justified in my anger. I tried my best to not send multiple texts but i couldnt i felt justified in it i even thought that if read them again when im out of the anger state they would still make sense, they dont they are embarrasing cries for attention.

I did make this person my favorite person, i used phrases like it was never real, you never really understood me or see me, etc. i hate perceiving myself as manipulative, truly im struggling. I sent two parragraphs reflecting and apologizing and also telling him that he is not responsible for my reaction or how i process feelings.

Im actively seeking help yes, i want to know how others experience this feelings how do you get through this. So, how do you deal with feeling so guilty and ashamed? How do you deal with the fact that you changed how another person that loved you sees you?

How do you deal with these emotions? How do you deal with the fact that you may have overwhelm a person with your splits? Currently going through this, it was the first time it happened with this person yet it feels the worst cause i know believe that i had no reason to expect certain things from him.

At the moment i could only see myself and how i was justified in my anger. I tried my best to not send multiple texts but i couldnt i felt justified in it i even thought that if read them again when im out of the split they would still make sense, they dont they are embarrasing cries for attention.

I did make this person my fp, i used phrases like it was never real, you never really understood me or see me, etc. i hate perceiving myself as manipulative, truly im struggling.

Im actively seeking help yes, i want to know how others experience this feelings how do you get through this.

How do you deal with these emotions? How do you deal with the fact that you may have overwhelm a person with your splits or emotional outbursts? Currently going through this, it was the first time it happened with this person yet it feels the worst cause i know believe that i had no reason to expect certain things from him.

At the moment i could only see myself and how i was justified in my anger. I tried my best to not send multiple texts but i couldnt i felt justified in it i even thought that if read them again when im out of the anger state they would still make sense, they dont they are embarrasing cries for attention.

I did make this person my favorite person, i used phrases like it was never real, you never really understood me or see me, etc. i hate perceiving myself as manipulative, truly im struggling. I sent two parragraphs reflecting and apologizing and also telling him that he is not responsible for my reaction or how i process feelings.

Im actively seeking help yes, i want to know how others experience this feelings how do you get through this. So, how do you deal with feeling so guilty and ashamed? How do you deal with the fact that you changed how another person that loved you sees you?

How do you deal with the guilt and shame that comes with depression or other illnesses? I feel pathetic and crazy most of the time. I hate craving approval and validation from others and that my whole mood depends on a person. I am weak and miserable. I have been called crazy and truly it triggers me so bad.

I do not know how to deal with all the guilt of hurting someone, the guilt i have for confusing someone.

Depression takes over my life everyday and i am exhausted. Since i was a teen from now im 25, its hell, not a week i have where i feel hopeful. I hate living like this.

What do you do when you feel so guilty or ashamed of your actions or words? I apologize, i apologize from the heart but i always fear its too late cause i already altered the perception of the other person and their closed ones.

I'm not asking for a diagnosis. I'm trying to understand whether other people with BPD traits or severe emotional dysregulation relate to this pattern.
A few months ago my roommate and I became extremely close. We spent almost every day together, cuddling, cooking, watching movies and talking for hours. He eventually confessed he had feelings for me. I told him I liked him too, and also told him that i could not give him what he wanted because I wasn't in the right place mentally for a relationship. We were intimate for three days, then I ended it because it didn't feel right. We both cried and I felt incredibly guilty.

After a few days he wanted us to stay close friends. I wasn't sure it was a good idea, but I agreed because I cared about him deeply and missed our connection.

Over the following weeks I became increasingly anxious whenever I felt him becoming more distant. The day before he went to a party we spent hours cuddling and hugging. The next day he slept with another woman.

Objectively I know we weren't together and he had every right to do that. But emotionally I felt abandoned. It felt like my whole nervous system went into survival mode.

I sent him long messages explaining how hurt I was. He apologized, but I couldn't accept his apology because it didn't feel genuine to me at the time. I kept sending more messages, telling him I felt misunderstood and that my perception of him had completely changed. I even implied that he knew how badly I deal with emotional pain, and looking back I'm ashamed of that because I wonder if it came across as manipulative or guilt-inducing, even if I wasn't consciously trying to manipulate him.

Eventually I moved out. Before leaving we spoke twice. I was crying and having anxiety attacks while he seemed emotionally shut down. He told me he felt numb about me. He also said his family and friends thought I was acting "cr4zy." That completely broke me.

After coming home I sent one final message apologizing for overwhelming him. I took responsibility for sending so many messages and acknowledged that managing my emotions is my responsibility. I also clarified that I had never intended to play with his feelings. I genuinely cared about him from the beginning and actually felt guilty from the moment I realized I couldn't give him the relationship he wanted.

This isn't the first time this has happened. I have a pattern of becoming intensely attached to someone, idealizing them, and then feeling completely devastated and convinced they don't care about me anymore when I perceive rejection or distance.
I've spent the last few days reading Reddit comments and now I feel overwhelming shame. I know I crossed boundaries by repeatedly messaging him. What I'm struggling with is understanding why my emotional reaction became so extreme, even though part of me knew he hadn't actually done anything wrong.
How do you deal with shame? I am starting to think i am a very manipulative person.

I'm looking for honest opinions because I'm struggling with a lot of shame and confusion over how I handled this situation.

My roommate and I became extremely close over about a month and a half. We spent almost every day together—cooking, watching movies, smoking, cuddling, talking, and doing everything together. Eventually, he confessed he had feelings for me. I told him I liked him too, but I wasn't in the right headspace for a relationship and couldn't give him what he wanted. Even so, we ended up being intimate for three days.

On the third day, I realized I couldn't continue because it didn't feel right for me. I ended things, and we both cried. I felt incredibly guilty for hurting him. After a couple of days of space, he told me he still wanted us to be close friends and spend time together like before. I wasn't sure it was a good idea, but I agreed because I cared about him and missed our connection.

Over the next few weeks, I became increasingly anxious and jealous whenever he talked about other people, especially women. I also felt like he was becoming more distant, which really triggered me. The day before he went to a friend's party, we spent hours cuddling and hugging, and I told him how much I appreciated him. Less than 24 hours later, he slept with another woman.

When he came back, I asked if he'd hooked up with someone (i had the hunch that he did, i was also very paranoid and depressed the two weeks before that). He said yes. I tried to act like it didn't bother me, but it clearly did. The next day I sent him a long message explaining that although he had every right to sleep with someone because we weren't together, the timing hurt me deeply after how close we had been.

He apologized, but I couldn't accept it. It seemed like he was at gun point and he needed ti just do it. I was overwhelmed by anger and hurt, and over the following days I sent several more long messages explaining how much he'd hurt me and how my perception of him had completely changed. I also told him it hurt me cause he knows how i handle pain and how badly i deal with stuff like this (i was kinda implying that i tend to selfharm, i am ashamed of sending that cause seems manipulative now, and it probably was just wanting him feel guilty and inmediatly care for me). When I later asked if my reaction made sense to him, he said he understood my feelings but also didn't because, from his perspective, we weren't even friends anymore after I had previously said I didn't want to be friends. That completely set me off. I sent even more messages saying things like he never really knew me, that maybe everything between us had been a fantasy, and that I felt completely misunderstood.

I eventually decided to move out and fly back home. Before I left, we had two conversations in person. I was crying and having anxiety, while he seemed emotionally shut down. He apologized, thanked me for everything, and said I'd been important to him, but he also told me he felt numb about me. Because of how calm and distant he seemed, I felt like I'd lost him completely.

During our last conversation, I asked if he'd talked about everything with anyone. He said yes, and admitted that his friends and sister thought I was crazy. That devastated me. I felt deeply misunderstood because I never intended to play with his feelings—I genuinely cared about him and felt guilty from the moment I realized I couldn't give him the relationship he wanted.

Looking back now, I think I overwhelmed him. Instead of directly asking him to come talk to me, I kept sending long emotional messages, hoping he'd understand I wanted him to be there for me. He later told me those messages sounded resentful and passive-aggressive, so he didn't think I actually wanted to see him. I can understand that perspective now.

After coming home, I sent one final message apologizing for overwhelming him. I told him I wasn't sorry for expressing my feelings, but I was sorry for repeatedly insisting. I also said I understand that everyone responds differently to conflict and that managing my emotions is ultimately my responsibility, even though my feelings were real. I also told him that my emotional responsability is only mine and it wasnt okay how i managed my emotions throughout everything. I also said it was not needed that he answered my messag, that it was better not to. I said that i did not expect a messahe back l that he conforts me or feels pressured to sent a long message. (Deep down rn i would love it if he just told me sincerely nice things or just tell me what he appreciated cause i believe i was a good friend to him, i helped him with addiction talk and also self steem issues)

This isn't the first time I've experienced something like this. I have a pattern of becoming extremely attached to someone, putting them on a pedestal, and then feeling devastated and convinced they don't care about me when I sense distance or rejection.

I'd really appreciate honest opinions. I am feeling a hole in my chest, so embarrassed and guilty. Was my reaction understandable, even if it became overwhelming? Did I cross boundaries? What do you think I should do?

I’ll try to keep this short.

My roommate confessed he had feelings for me. I liked him too, but I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship because I have a lot of personal issues and unhealthy patterns to work through. Despite that, we kissed and had sex a couple of times.
Afterward I realized I wasn’t comfortable with it. I cried, and a few days later I told him I couldn’t continue because I wasn’t ready. We were both heartbroken.

Over time we slowly became close again. He still asked me for hugs, even kisses a couple of times, and the day before he went to a party we spent hours hugging while I opened up about my trauma and abandonment issues.

The next day he went to a party, came home acting strangely, and admitted he had slept with someone else. I felt blindsided because he had presented himself as someone who wasn't into casual sex, and he had continued asking me for physical closeness, so I felt like what we had shared meant something to him.

I sent him messages, parragraphs, explaining that I felt hurt and betrayed, i do admit most of them show anger and resentmen. He apologized, but then avoided having a real conversation for almost a week because he was busy with a friend visiting. Even after I told him I was having anxiety and crying over the situation, he couldn't make time to talk.

When we finally spoke in person, he said he did not think i would be having a hard time since i was the one that wanted to be friends, he was a robot he was cold and emotionally detached while I was crying. He says he is struggling to feel anything these days. He mostly repeated what he'd already said over text, and also had the nerve to say “i cant be here and have the audacity to say that i would still like to you to be in my life, i know im trash” then left and casually told me to ask if I needed help with anything.

Now I feel like I invested so much emotionally, made myself incredibly vulnerable, and maybe I was just a fantasy to him. I don't think he's a bad person, but I do feel like he didn't show me the same care and consideration I tried to show him. I find him weak and i have so much rage. Why would he think that after i spend so much time sending messages for him to understand how i feel he would think i am nor having a hard time? I feel as if he never knew me ad if he never truly saw me.

I want to also add that because of this i am leaving the falt early, two months early which i hate cause i really dont have to be home, i am miserable there he knows this too. But i cant stay here anymore, i dont feel like is my place i dont fit in here.

And i just saw him downstairs cause i went o take the trash out and he went the other way. He is ignoring me actively doing so. I am so angry.

AITA for feeling betrayed and expecting more empathy from him, even though we were never officially together?

Hello, thank you to everybody reading this. F25 and M24 living for 6 months in a shared flat.

So to make it not too long, my roomate and i had been hanging almost everyday doing different things, going to the park, watch series, talk about life, deep talks, etc. A week ago he confessed his feelings for me, and i said i like you too and we kissed and had sex during the next three days.

I broke his heart cause before he kissed me i told him i could not give him what he wanted or needed, that i will be leaving the flat and be somewhere very far in a couple months, and that i also have very complicated feelings around sex and romance due to my previous relationships.

Two days ago i sat with him and told him that we should stop before it hurts more in the end, we couldnt stop crying, we cried all the times we have talked about this.

Truth is, im numb, ive been feeling numb for two years now, and thats my problem ill deal with it, i just knew i could not go on with a relationship knowing ill never give him 100%

I find him attractive, tho i would say we have different interests and i have to say a lot of times i feel like i ask a lot of questions and talk a lot while he is a bit more reserved, which is fine but then i feel like a burden, he assured me he liked that about me but honestly thinking about it now, i did too much. In reality, im pretty numb I dont feel anything at all, hugs and kisses dont make me blush, after sex i feel guilty and ashamed or as if i put an act.

I take all the blame, he tells me i am not to blame but i know what he thinks, ive been in that position. He says he still wants to see me and make plans but i told him that would feed the fire and i would feel like that would torture him, and he would not forget me. He tells me this is the first time he is dealing with these emotions, that its the first time in many years he cries. That breaks me, i cant fonction with the guilt i feel, i am mourning who i also saw as a friend and i mourn myself because i was doing very good with my ruotines i was actually a bit happy yet i had to ruin everything and now i feel like a shell. Last night i hears that he bough beers, he was going to get drunk alone and that broke me into pieces.

I dont know what to do, everything i say to him will be awful and not helpful. I told him that we should not see each other that much and that id leave the flat early and omg i have no idea what i am going to do when i leave because i came here to survive better than i was before.

I feel like everything i say to him sounds like an excuse, like i am the victim yet i want him to know that everything i because of me because my body is not ready.

I was selfish, maybe i wanted to just feel desired and for that i did not value the most precious thing i had that was friendship. And I think thats bad.

Hello, thank you to everybody reading this. F25 and M24 living for 6 months in a shared flat.

So to make it not too long, my roomate and i had been hanging almost everyday doing different things, going to the park, watch series, talk about life, deep talks, etc. A week ago he confessed his feelings for me, and i said i like you too and we kissed and had sex during the next three days.

I broke his heart cause before he kissed me i told him i could not give him what he wanted or needed, that i will be leaving the flat and be somewhere very far in a couple months, and that i also have very complicated feelings around sex and romance due to my previous relationships.

Two days ago i sat with him and told him that we should stop before it hurts more in the end, we couldnt stop crying, we cried all the times we have talked about this.

Truth is, im numb, ive been feeling numb for two years now, and thats my problem ill deal with it, i just knew i could not go on with a relationship knowing ill never give him 100%

I find him attractive but i just dont feel anything at all, hugs and kisses dont make me blush, after sex i feel guilty and ashamed or as if i put an act.

I take all the blame, he tells me i am not to blame but i know what he thinks, ive been in that position. He says he still wants to see me and make plans but i told him that would feed the fire and i would feel like that would torture him, and he would not forget me. He tells me this is the first time he is dealing with these emotions, that its the first time in many years he cries. That breaks me, i cant fonction with the guilt i feel, i am mourning who i also saw as a friend and i mourn myself because i was doing very good with my ruotines i was actually a bit happy yet i had to ruin everything and now i feel like a shell. Last night i hears that he bough beers, he was going to get drunk alone and that broke me into pieces.

I dont know what to do, everything i say to him will be awful and not helpful. I told him that we should not see each other that much and that id leave the flat early and omg i have no idea what i am going to do when i leave because i came here to survive better than i was before.

I feel like everything i say to him sounds like an excuse, like i am the victim yet i want him to know that everything i because of me because my body is not ready.

I was selfish, maybe i wanted to just feel desired and for that i did not value the most precious thing i had that was friendship. And I think thats bad.

Hello, thank you to everybody reading this.

So to make it not too long, my roomate (M24) and i (F25) had been hanging almost everyday doing different things, going to the park, watch series, talk about life, deep talks, etc. A week ago told me what he felt for me, and i said i like you too and we kissed and had sex during the next three days.

I broke his heart cause before he kissed me i told him i could not give him what he wanted or needed, that i will be leaving the flat and be somewhere very far in a couple months, and that i also have very complicated feelings around sex and romance due to my previous partners.

Two days ago i sat with him and told him that we should stop before it hurts more in the end, we couldnt stop crying, we cried all the times we have talked about this.

Truth is, im numb, ive been feeling numb for two years now, and thats my problem ill deal with it, i just knew i could not go on knowing ill never give him 100%.

I find him attractive but i just dont feel anything at all, hugs and kisses dont make me blush, after sex i feel guilty and ashamed or as if i put an act.

I take all the blame, he tells me i am not to blame but i know what he thinks, ive been in that position. He says he still wants to see me and make plans but i told him that would feed the fire and i would feel like that would torture him, and he would not forget me. He tells me this is the first time he is dealing with these emotions, that its the first time in many years he cries. That breaks me, i cant fonction with the guilt i feel, i am mourning who i also saw as a friend and i mourn myself because i was doing very good with my ruotines i was actually a bit happy yet i had to ruin everything and now i feel like a shell. Last night i hears that he bough beers, he was going to get drunk alone and that broke me into pieces.

I dont know what to do, everything i say to him will be awful and not helpful. I told him that we should not see each other that much and that id leave the flat early and omg i have no idea what i am going to do when i leave because i came here to survive better than i was before.

I feel like everything i say to him sounds like an excuse, like i am the victim yet i want him to know that everything i because of me because my body is not ready.

I was selfish, maybe i wanted to just feel desired and for that i did not value the most precious thing i had that was friendship. And I think thats bad.

This was very long i have many thoughts in my head sorry.