u/Successful_Career195

i had my plan for the night. just wanted to read the Quran, pray, and get ready for bed. my family has no where to be tomorrow, nothing that hinders their ability to walk a few blocks, and don’t leave the house early, i have to leave in ab 3.5 hours atp, have not slept yet for work, and they were actively doing nothing. i was just tryna focus on my religion fully in the moment before getting ab 2 hours of rest then heading to work.

no one is a muslim besides me and my mom was saying as a muslim shouldn’t i be kind and stop reading the Quran so i can go pick up food cuz she’s being kind and giving me food, then misquoted hadiths and quran verses that were misleading and used incorrectly by AI. i said NO. u don’t be kind cuz others are kind to u, ur kind for the sake of Allah. ur kind bc character matters, but doing an action solely to get something back or solely bc someone did something for u is not the correct intention. and they aren’t giving me food, Allah is. Allah is the reason we’re in our current position, the reason we’re alive, the reason we’re able to have money to afford food, and the reason we are able walk and get food. i also tried to explain that the worship and lessons matters more than getting food in this situation

then she said aren’t u supposed to basically do things for ur parents regardless of the situation, i forgot her exact wording and if she used honor or respect but this is what she was explaining. and i said NO, u always try ur best to be respectful and u should but that doesn’t mean in every case ur wrong if u respond in not the best way. if ur parents are abusive and attempting to kill u and u fight back in self defense, who do u think would be in more trouble? kids aren’t forced to endure abuse and parents are held accountable for their actions. she asked for quran verses ab respecting ur parents and i gave her some then said u should always try ur best.

she agreed with the part ab treating parents well obviously then tried to say im adding in u need to try ur best and that thats not said. i said thats based on islam itself, we are not perfect and Allah does not expect perfection. everyone has different journeys, but we need to try our best in all aspects and should repent when we fall short

arguments arguments, time passes and im now reading the Quran again. my mom brings it up to my brother, and they tried telling me i need to be more kind and made jokes and laughed like im not a good muslim cuz i struggle to keep my composure with them when these ppl are horrible. they have all made disrespectful comments ab my religion, 2/3 tried to hinder/reduce me from practicing islam in some way, and outside of religion they are generally bad and it can be agreed upon by ppl of all backgrounds.

as a minor my mom has threatened to kick me out and have me walk naked on the streets, she’s put me in harms way, withheld food and sleep, been abusive and neglectful, and my siblings are a long story i don’t even feel like getting into.

i said im not ab to listen to non muslims tell me how to be a better muslim. they wanted to have issue with it and act like what im saying is wrong when

1. they don’t have any knowledge on the framework
2. they personally do many things that are against islam
3. and i said as a non muslim they are not guaranteed heaven. as a muslim, u are guaranteed to enter heaven at some point eventually and getting into it is simple bc Allah’s mercy. what u need to do is believe, do good deeds, and repent. and this doesn’t mean to go do whatever bad u want bc that will have an affect as well which is a longer explanation, but if u have no idea anything ab my religion and are doing worse than me in both practice and belief why would i listen to u?

then they wanted to argue with me for longer and act like im wrong for saying what i said when if they’re so against islam and dont believe in it at all they should have no issue with the concepts of hell. and i wasn’t even saying to them ur going to hell, just ur a non muslim dont tell me how to be a good muslim

and they wanted to say i’m probably going to cut their necks as they’re sleeping and make comments but it just seems weird and if i tell them they’re only saying that bc im muslim then im too “woke” and they’ll argue ab that🤷‍♂️

they know if i was any other faith they would not say that and i never even advocated for harming them or said they deserve to die or go to hell. simply if ur not a muslim dont try to shame me and tell me how to be a better muslim

this is a short version, if it was longer it would just include certain questions and the hadiths and quran verses i mentioned. but was any part of what i said wrong or misleading ab islam? how do i rectify this situation with Allah? and am i wrong for the things i said

**context**:
im 18 and in college, and unfortunately i had to move back into a toxic household with my mom. originally, i was going to college out of state bc i had to escape my household. if i stayed i would have risked my life and likely would have been in a very bad place or possibly dead.

unfortunately, my college went from being basically free to \~$8k for the second year bc my moms financial status changed (so i got less aid). i felt very panicked bc i couldn’t afford this and my mom was making it seem like i couldn’t move back in with her, so i thought i might go homeless. i tried to look into some possibilities and also looked into getting a job that provides housing and possibly pausing college, or starting a trade.

later on my mom tried to backtrack and act as if i would be able to live with her under certain conditions, and based on how she acted while i was away i thought although living with her wouldn’t be ideal it would no longer be as dangerous and will probably be one of my best options currently.

my plan was to get a job, save as much money as possible, and move out as soon as i possibly can by getting a roommate or multiple so rent is cheaper. i have to pay for my education (\\\~$2k) and surgery on top of this and will be a commuter in college.

my mom said in order for me to stay i need to “contribute to the maintenance cleaning, physical preservation and financial contributions” meaning if something is broken i need to fix it myself or pay to have it repaired and for financial “Financial is 30 percent of your income after your expenses are paid and after your savings (a fair and appropriate portion of your income which is saved for future goals
The financial part is meant to have all adults contribute to the bills of the house. If you make 1000 and after your bills are paid and savings there is only 100 left then it is 30 dollars a month.”

alhamdulillah i was able to get a job, get paid $20 per hour, work 6 days a week. i have received 2 checks so far (pay is weekly) but the first one wasn’t for much cuz it was only the pay for training. after my first check my mom was attempting to take more than half of it instantly, despite me not yet paying for my expenses or saving any money. also my mom does not need the money. she is just being greedy. i’m aware i cost money to live here but she just recently bought a bracelet for $6k and then spent an additional $3k on a different piece of jewelry. my few hundred dollars will not make or break if she pays her mortgage and based on our agreement i shouldn’t even be paying a few hundred dollars.

then yesterday before i even got my second check she tried saying me and my sibling are responsible for paying my younger brother who does nothing besides play games all day $40 per week for him to clean the house and we NEED to pay him and eluded to kicking me out if i do not pay. she said it was a cleaning fee but i personally do clean and am not excessively dirty. she said the only way to avoid it is by us cleaning more than half of the house each week.

the fee has many aspects that don’t make sense or that aren’t fully developed. today was day 1, i was busy and had things to do. he tried to say if the house is not clean within 2 hours he should get the money; i obviously disagreed with this. i planned to clean shortly after i got back from jummah but spent a bunch of time going over finances with my mom and fell asleep shortly after. i slept from 8pm-1am and my mom started trying to argue with me bc i didn’t clean the house and saying i need to pay the $40 and attacking my character and other things.

i made my own bank account that she doesn’t know ab bc even before this she would constantly check my account to see how much money i have and make “jokes” multiple times a week ab taking money out of my account for no real reason. i plan on getting a second job and have an interview lined up, but feel like things might eventually get worse and like her goal is to just take all of my money if she can.

**question/reason i’m posting**:
what do i do? i live in NYC where rent is extremely expensive (ab $3k for a 1 bedroom apartment), cannot afford to move out in this second, and feel trapped. how can my situation get better? what should my next steps be?

my family is all non muslim, and they’ll argue, rage bait, and have the dumbest takes then argue like they’re correct. sometimes it’s ab islam, sometimes it’s ab my morals, sometimes it’s just small things that are trivial and opinion based, but they’ll argue like they’re correct on EVERYTHING and put words in ur mouth to change ur claim. then act like ur crazy and weird or stupid. what do i do?

regardless of what i tell myself or try to do i can feel myself getting angry at times and i hate arguing. it’s annoying and a waste of time. if i try to end the convo they’ll continue it

i’m 5 months on T but pass a majority of the time. for the past month i haven’t been misgendered since i started my job but genuinely feel like ima lose my mind. i haven’t changed my name or gender yet legally but plan on doing it before school starts again.

at my job i have 2 bosses and there are some supervisors above them. 1 of my bosses called me a male even tho i didn’t change my name yet, the other he never really addressed my gender to my face but he ended up needing to. he called me she then he then asked and i nodded yeah to he. he said ok and called me he then moved forward (there was 1 day of work i didn’t bind which i think caused the confusion).

today at work i heard him refer to me as she to a coworker. and he also called me the first initial of my legal name even tho i said i go by a different name and told him which one. one of my supervisors called me a girl to someone random i’ve never saw but she saw my sex on my passport🤦‍♂️

i don’t see my supervisor often at all and also not my boss that misgenders me compared to my other one, but im a lil worried they might be calling me a girl to coworkers or ppl i see on basically a daily basis? what do i do?

i’m 5 months on T but pass a majority of the time. for the past month i haven’t been misgendered since i started my job but genuinely feel like ima lose my mind. i haven’t changed my name or gender yet legally but plan on doing it before school starts again.

at my job i have 2 bosses and there are some supervisors above them. 1 of my bosses called me a male even tho i didn’t change my name yet, the other he never really addressed my gender to my face but he ended up needing to. he called me she then he then asked and i nodded yeah to he. he said ok and called me he then moved forward (there was 1 day of work i didn’t bind which i think caused the confusion).

today at work i heard him refer to me as she to a coworker. and he also called me the first initial of my legal name even tho i said i go by a different name and told him which one. one of my supervisors called me a girl to someone random i’ve never saw but she saw my sex on my passport🤦‍♂️

i don’t see my supervisor often at all and also not my boss that misgenders me compared to my other one, but im a lil worried they might be calling me a girl to coworkers or ppl i see on basically a daily basis? what do i do?

I don’t know what my future career will be and i’m just curious what the ummah is doing. maybe i’ll find my future career in the comments but if not it’ll be interesting to hear ab

i’m not feminine at all but i been overthinking and i feel as i start too look more male i start to feel like im too feminine. it’s been messing with my head and ik most of the things aren’t valid, so how did yall become confident in ur masculinity and not overthink regular stuff?

i feel like if i smile during a conversation or to be nice i feel like a girl but i only started smiling as much after starting hrt😂 i don’t like being expressive, don’t like the way i type, don’t like feeling uncomfortable/awkward, don’t like having to put stuff on my lips, etc. i want to be well mannered but i feel some aspects of it make me dysphoric. what do i do

i’m a new hire and i realized hours after my shift ended that i probably didn’t scan 1 or 2 of the packages i loaded onto delivery vans today. what happens?

also my legal name is different from my preferred name. when i introduced myself to the boss of my van line i said “i go by (preferred name)” will this cause issues?

i dont have an ID yet or anything but he said he prints out ppl’s accuracy each day and i just realized my name will be different on there from what i introduced myself as

i found islam at 17 and before becoming a muslim i’ve never heard someone say that i think im better than them. it’s been ab a year and a half and 2 ppl have randomly told me that or tried to “humble me” for no reason. the first person to tell me that told me it bc i like math. i said i like math and told someone if they ever needed help i got them, and the person who told me this wasn’t even in the conversation. but they tried saying it was bc i liked to feel better than others. i like math bc it’s too the point and not based on opinion. english has structure, but ur grade will be based on the opinion of the grader, math is if u followed the formula and how well u executed ur work. i also used to help ppl a lot with math so u like it bc u would talk to extra ppl bc of it.

i didn’t offer help in a condescending way either and the person i was talking to had no issue with it or me. the person who said this is very different from me, but i’ve never looked down on them or others or said anything to even give off that i would feel like im better than others.

and the other person just randomly told me they’re better than me at everything and said im always acting like im on a high horse but i barely even interact with them. are these ppl telling me that bc im muslim and they’re just assuming bc im religious i view myself as superior to everyone? or do i probably have an energy like that? ignore it? why do ppl say this ?

Assalamu Alaykum

recently i’ve been having a bunch of issues with my mom and brother. i’m the only muslim in my family and i try to follow islamic teachings ab how to act, but these past couple days my family has been making me lose my mind.

growing up my mom was very abusive and my dad isn’t in my life bc of his abuse and family issues. when i went away to college she started to change slightly but not much, i just didn’t talk to her so she tried to apologize then convince me to come back home, then tried to tell me don’t come back, then told me to come back. i came back home and will be a commuter now so i can work while in college and have more opportunities, but for the past 3 days they’ve been ganging up on me and are just causing extreme issues for me. i’m no longer patient, i argue more, and im upset bc i don’t want to.

they have weird assumptions ab me tho, hate on islam, and my mom has been unreasonably bossing me around and tries to make comments to downplay me like telling me im not that special, act like im not credible or someone to be taken serious, and throws random insults at me.

what do i do? how can i deal with this and get better? does the Quran or hadith ever say why parents are abusive? would i be wrong if after i move out i fully cut them off ?

whenever i do my injection it feels like i haven’t and although i definitely am trans and have no regrets i don’t feel connected to the moment.

i can actively have the needle in me and feel like it’s not happening or there’s no hormones in it regardless of how much times i checked. i also never fr feel like i actually did my injection. mid week i will wonder and worry what if i accidentally skipped last week. and during the same day i could convince myself i actually didn’t even do it yet even tho i have it logged that i did. i just don’t feel like i did for some reason and something is just off.

this normal? why do i think like this?

been 4 months and 11 days. i’ve seen changes of hormones so far and am starting to grow facial hair, but i still don’t feel like im on hormones and i feel like the changes aren’t there even tho they are

does this happen to anyone else?

whenever i do my injection it feels like i haven’t and although i definitely am trans and have no regrets i don’t feel connected to the moment.

i can actively have the needle in me and feel like it’s not happening or there’s no hormones in it regardless of how much times i checked. i also never fr feel like i actually did my injection. mid week i will wonder and worry what if i accidentally skipped last week. and during the same day i could convince myself i actually didn’t even do it yet even tho i have it logged that i did. i just don’t feel like i did for some reason and something is just off.

this normal? why do i think like this?

been 4 months and 11 days. i’ve seen changes of hormones so far and am starting to grow facial hair, but i still don’t feel like im on hormones and i feel like the changes aren’t there even tho they are

whenever i do my injection it feels like i haven’t and although i definitely am trans and have no regrets i don’t feel connected to the moment.

i can actively have the needle in me and feel like it’s not happening or there’s no hormones in it regardless of how much times i checked. i also never fr feel like i actually did my injection. mid week i will wonder and worry what if i accidentally skipped last week. and during the same day i could convince myself i actually didn’t even do it yet even tho i have it logged that i did. i just don’t feel like i did for some reason and something is just off.

this normal? why do i think like this?

been 4 months and 11 days. i’ve seen changes of hormones so far and am starting to grow facial hair, but i still don’t feel like im on hormones and i feel like the changes aren’t there even tho they are

whenever i do my injection it feels like i haven’t and although i definitely am trans and have no regrets i don’t feel connected to the moment.

i can actively have the needle in me and feel like it’s not happening or there’s no hormones in it regardless of how much times i checked. i also never fr feel like i actually did my injection. mid week i will wonder and worry what if i accidentally skipped last week. and during the same day i could convince myself i actually didn’t even do it yet even tho i have it logged that i did. i just don’t feel like i did for some reason and something is just off.

this normal? why do i think like this?

been 4 months and 11 days. i’ve seen changes of hormones so far and am starting to grow facial hair, but i still don’t feel like im on hormones and i feel like the changes aren’t there even tho they are