u/TheButterScotchIncdt

(Just a heads up, this is VERY lengthy)

I’ve been talking to this guy who we can call Wesley, that was clearly conflicted on both of our feelings for quite a while. He confessed to me three days ago after a long ass “will they won’t they” discussion between him and his friends. All of whom pushed him to talk to me because I was clearly into him, and he was ”being a pussy” (their words, not mine)

Wesley and I met through our mutual friend, Pablo, whilst seeing a movie. That was about two months ago. We eventually became friends, but only really talked on the phone while simultaneously talking to Pablo.

Fast forward a couple movie nights and school lunches later, and I started to figure this dude might like me. He was always worried about his looks while we were on the phone, would text me back IMMEDIATELY, and would always laugh at my jokes (yes even the horrendous ones).

We would call for HOURS playing minecraft or just doing chores around the house. I would sneak him glances and wait until he noticed whenever I ate lunch with him and our friends.

I flirted with him a LOT, but he never picked up on any of the hints. When he did, however, he would often dodge them or change the subject. This made me believe that I might’ve misread him, but he’s also never dated before, so I didn’t know if maybe he just didn’t know how to react. (I later admitted to him that I didn’t confess first because it was cute watching him be so nervous.)

I eventually (per the advice of my friends) ran to Pablo to ask him to be a wingman. Try and gauge how Wesley felt, you know? He reported back across multiple days that Wesley always dodged the question or just said “I don’t know”. 

I started panic-researching, looking things up on signs of attraction. ”Why is he so conflicted?” “How does a guy with no experience flirt?” “Does he know I’m into him and is just avoiding it?” etc. etc.

Then it was my turn. “Do I like him or just like seeing people flustered?“ “Infatuation vs a Crush” “Why can’t I stop thinking about him?” 

I eventually convinced myself I was actually into him despite all the red flags pointing towards me liking the idea of him.

What’s really fucked up is, right before I realized I might like him, I tried to set him up with one of my friends. (who is a lesbian trying to convince her parents she’s straight, but that’s another story)

Wesley even told me right after confessing, that every time he went back and forth in his head, he would say “But there’s no way she likes me, she tried to set me up with Jessica!”

*************

Fast forward to last Friday and I decided to ask him to the movies, but we never called it a date. I initially wanted to go with him because everyone else in our group had already seen said movie, but after realizing I was catching feelings, I changed the plan.

Per the advice of our moot Pablo, I decided to go to test the waters. See if I liked hanging out with just him.

I was leaning my shoulder on him the entire time and eventually we both eased up enough to where I rested my head on his shoulder. I ”accidentally“ dropped popcorn on his hand, and we eventually held hands. We stayed like that for the rest of the movie with neither of us saying anything about it directly.

I had Pablo grill him about it the following Monday, and that’s where he and his other two friends convinced him to ask me out. 

Now I’m not gonna go into detail, but I’ve had a pretty fucked up childhood. Had some toxic relationships back middle school, when I thought I was so grown up. One where I was pretty much groomed online, one with a love bomber, and the last one who carried our beef into a highschool where nobody knew us, just so I couldn’t make any friends. (whom I’d dumped because I wasn’t allowed to date at the time, and I was terrified of my mother)

I have a problem with self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and abandonment. I had a verbally and emotionally manipulative mother and stepmom, and a rocky relationship with my extended family due to being LGBT.

The last big relationship I was in I made some dumb excuse up to leave the guy because I “wasn’t attracted to him” (I was). But I later realized that I was just looking for issues so that he couldn’t leave me first. During said relationship was when my father and cousin both passed unexpectedly, so I grew distant towards EVERYONE. Even my own dog.

The therapist I’ve had in the past once told me that I was addicted to dopamine rushes in general, but that was about shoplifting, unsafe sex, and spending stolen money. Unfortunately, I stopped seeing her after we went downhill financially.

****************

This is the second time I feel like I’m gonna be trapped into a relationship. Except this time, I had every chance at avoiding it. Wesley is a really sweet guy, and I dont have the strength to break another persons heart, but I also don’t wanna lead him on. 

It’s like the second I realized he liked me back, I instantly lost all feelings towards him. I keep avoiding him in the halls, I haven't called him once, and I never solidified our plans for Saturday.

I don’t even remember what love means. I fear my vision of infatuation vs a crush has been blurred so much that they’re now indiscernible. I‘m already convinced that I can’t handle/don’t deserve love, but I don’t wanna keep hurting the people that do. 

Please. I know I’m an asshole, but I’m tired of being one. What the FUCK should I do…

So I’m supposed to go out with this guy, who we can call Wesley, on Saturday. We’re going to the mall, but both of us are broke so we’ll probably just walk and talk the whole time (besides eating lunch).

Problem is, neither of us really know how to hold a conversation in person. I mean don’t get me wrong, the silence is comfortable, but eventually we’re gonna have to learn how to talk to each other. All we’ve really done until now is tell jokes, flirt awkwardly, and gaze at one another.

For a bit of context, Wesley and I met and became friends through a mutual friend named Pablo (not really his name). Wesley ended up asking me out after I asked Pablo to wingman; We clearly liked each other, but Wesley had never talked to a girl before.

I wanna gauge his likes, dislikes, aspiration and morals, but I don’t want it to feel like an interrogation. Y’know? So, guys, anyone got any advice??

I’ve tried an emulator but it was for a 3rd party handheld from overseas and never worked, I’ve tried buying it on XBOX but the pack is no longer available, and I’ve even dusted off my late father’s old Genesis and booted it up, but something happened to the cartridges.

Does anyone have any suggestions?? Or links??

(TL;DR at the end)

There’s a guy named Emil in my friend group who I’ve just started to become friends with. When we first met it was at the movies, and he was the one who paid for my ticket.

Off rip, I was instantly shocked by his generosity, considering we didn’t even know each other, but he was really nice in general so I didn’t think too much of it.

Fast forward a few weeks later, and I started to see signs that HE might be into ME. When we were on facetime with a mutual friend, Emil and I stayed on call for 3 HOURS after said friend left.

We talked about absolutely nothing, Seinfeld style, but it still felt so natural… He laughs at all my jokes, he was worried about his looks around me, and a bunch of other little things I can’t really recall atm.

I know you’re probably thinking “Bro DUH, just go out already you clearly like each other,” But here’s the thing…

For a bit of context, I had already dated one other guy named Kadin who was ALSO in said friend group before, but left after we split. It’s been a year and a half since then.

I have always had trouble wondering if people really like me, and I feel like whenever I think someone does, I instantly wanna hold onto that, whether I actually like them back or not. I wasn’t even really attracted to Kadin, but he was the one that asked me out, and I damn near instantly accepted. Emil has never had a girlfriend, so I wonder if he’d also be trying to hold onto something? (If he even likes me like that)

When I was younger (excuse the Trauma dumping) I had a two-faced step mother who only tolerated me behind closed doors, treating me as an accessory to her marriage. I know I’m nowhere near healed from that shit, so I wonder if that’s hindering my personal decisions now??

TL;DR I can’t tell if this is a bad idea. Emil is really funny, nice, and generous, and I keep finding excuses to talk to him; Is overthinking a sign I should just go for it? Or am I just desperate for a connection I feel I’ve never had, because he seems like a “good guy,” and all my past relationships have felt insincere?

I’ve played basically nothing except Minecraft and Streets of Rage 4 my whole life, but I really wanna branch out…

Ive found I like side-scrollers, and every single game I’ve ever played involved fighting.

Horror is cool too, though I’ve only ever seen gameplays of those (Dead by Daylight, Resident Evil, etc) I don’t mind jump-scares, just as long as they aren’t like- directional sound cue ones; I hate being snuck up on.

So far I’ve found I like…

1. Bayonetta (currently playing)
2. Dark Deception (always wanted to play, never have, worried about the jump-scares but most playthrough vids have been okay)
3. Cuphead (played in the past; was too difficult mid isle 2. I’ll probably finish it in the future)
4. Detroit: Become Human (never played cuz I typically prefer fighting games, but the story is REALLY cool… and anyway, I don’t have a PS)
5. Hollow Knight (currently playing)
6. Guilty Gear: Strive (played it at a friends house, it was pretty fun)

I wanna work up to playing really hard games like Sifu and Black Myth Wukong, because those are pretty cool too.

What other games do y’all think I should play, as like, stepping stones? And also just to pick up new hobbies. Bayonetta has given me something to be excited to come home to, and I want that feeling with other games.

If you have niche suggestions, that’d be even cooler! :)

(PS. Feel free to use this as a space to rant about your favorites; I wanna be invested!!)

Aka the 4th installment of the greatest side-scrolling beat ‘em up franchise to ever exist 🔥🔥