u/Zealousideal-Age-212

My mom left my bio dad (they were married) when I was a baby and got with my (alcoholic, physically and emotionally abusive) step father. Fully alienated me and my bio dad, told me my whole life he “abandoned us” even though my mom fully admits she left him and didn’t love him. Lots and lots of traumas from then until now (I’m 41F) but I digress…

Bio Dad (T) reached out to me 3.5 years ago on FB and I took a long time to think about it because of all the poison I was fed about him (which ended up being completely false. He is the opposite of everything they said about him and lies came to light).

Notably, I was also reminded throughout my childhood that if I were to reconnect with my biological father who I asked about occasionally, I would lose my mom and stepdad and stepbrother basically the only family I knew, so I was terrified to make the connection and felt guilty for even considering it because of the brainwashing and trauma bonding that had occurred throughout my life.

But I agreed to meet T, and since then it’s been beautiful. We love each other, and his wife is like a second mom. He loves my kids and husband and vice versa. But I kept it private because—BPD mom! And despite the toxicity of our relationship, I was terrified of losing my parents/brother.

Anyway, after a LOT of mental health work (nervous breakdown, inpatient and outpatient psych care, meds, AA) I built up the courage to tell her about my relationship with T this spring. I knew it wouldn’t go well. And it didn’t.

As the texts indicate, she cut me off 3 days later, then reached back out saying she loves me, and we tried to just gloss over the whole thing. But eventually I couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine. Especially since the one time we saw each other at my sons soccer game, my step father ignored me and my husband (a tactic he often does) and it was very tense and awkward between my mother and I. I called her to share my feelings that her guilt tripping me about simply loving my bio father then cutting me off was hurtful and a cycle I can’t continue. During this phone call she screamed at me that she was “dumped with a baby (me) at 22” and said I had an “agenda” calling her, and tons of other narrative twisting and manipulation tactics. I cried and raised my voice—which I never do with them—and told them I’m hurting and my mental health was slipping again due to the whole ordeal. This is the “verbal abuse” she refers to in the texts.

Days later she sent breakup text number two (always at ~6am). As you can see, I asked for clarification about what that meant for my kids. She never responded, and knowing her the way I do, I believe that was intentional to keep it vague (ie on me to figure out).

Since then she’s been telling neighbors and family friends that I “keep my kids from her.” She’s been sending my kids birthday cards with checks and random notes (photo above) and so far we have been giving the kids the cards. But I feel that this should stop and I don’t think I’ll show my son the one that arrived today. I have no idea how to navigate this with my kids and it feels manipulative of her—if I give him the cards, Grammy loves him but “can’t see him” (her own doing) and I’m keeping them apart. If I don’t give him the card I am the AH for withholding the notes and playing right into her narrative that it’s ME alienating everyone.

I honestly tried so hard to avoid this whole rift. But my whole life I felt like I couldn’t be true to myself because I could never have my real dad in my life. I was even told to lie about my ethnicity (bio dad’s heritage) and say I was my step father’s ethnicity. They told me step dad adopted me but I recently found out that was a lie, no adoption even occurred. And now she’s erasing me like she erased my bio father, and even though I know she’s mentally unstable, it still hurts. And what the heck do I do about the kids, who are too little to understand any of this?

This is a doozy, but any support or advice is extremely welcome.

My uBPD mom left my bio dad (they were married) when I was a baby and got with my (alcoholic, physically and emotionally abusive) step father. Fully alienated me and my bio dad, told me my whole life he “abandoned us” even though my mom fully admits she left him and didn’t love him. Lots and lots of traumas from then until now (I’m 41F) but I digress…

Bio Dad (T) reached out to me 3.5 years ago on FB and I took a long time to think about it because of all the poison I was fed about him (which ended up being completely false. He is the opposite of everything they said about him and lies came to light).

Notably, I was also reminded throughout my childhood that if I were to reconnect with my biological father who I asked about occasionally, I would lose my mom and stepdad and stepbrother basically the only family I knew, so I was terrified to make the connection and felt guilty for even considering it because of the brainwashing and trauma bonding that had occurred throughout my life.

But I agreed to meet T, and since then it’s been beautiful. We love each other, and his wife is like a second mom. He loves my kids and husband and vice versa. But I kept it private because—BPD mom! And despite the toxicity of our relationship, I was terrified of losing my parents/brother.

Anyway, after a LOT of mental health work (nervous breakdown, inpatient and outpatient psych care, meds, AA) I built up the courage to tell her about my relationship with T this spring. I knew it wouldn’t go well. And it didn’t.

As the texts indicate, she cut me off 3 days later, then love bombed me and hoovered (texts not included because those were phone calls) and we tried to just gloss over the whole thing. But eventually I couldn’t keep pretending that everything was fine. Especially since the one time we saw each other at my sons soccer game, my step father ignored me and my husband (a tactic he often does) and it was very tense and awkward between my mother and I. I called her to share my feelings that her guilt tripping me about simply loving my bio father then cutting me off was hurtful and a cycle I can’t continue. During this phone call she screamed at me that she was “dumped with a baby (me) at 22” and said I had an “agenda” calling her, and tons of other narrative twisting and manipulation tactics. I cried and raised my voice—which I never do with them—and told them I’m hurting and my mental health was slipping again due to the whole ordeal. This is the “verbal abuse” she refers to in the texts.

Days later she sent breakup text number two (always at ~6am). As you can see, I asked for clarification about what that meant for my kids. She never responded, and knowing her the way I do, I believe that was intentional to keep it vague (ie on me to figure out).

Since then the smear campaign has happened where she’s been playing victim and telling neighbors and family friends that I “keep my kids from her.” She’s been sending my kids birthday cards with checks and random notes (photo above) and so far we have been giving the kids the cards. But I feel that this should stop and I don’t think I’ll show my son the one that arrived today. I have no idea how to navigate this with my kids and it feels manipulative of her—if I give him the cards, Grammy loves him but “can’t see him” (her own doing) and I’m keeping them apart. If I don’t give him the card I am the AH for withholding the notes and playing right into her narrative that it’s ME alienating everyone.

I honestly tried so fkng hard to avoid this whole rift. But my whole life I felt like I couldn’t be true to myself because I could never have my real dad in my life. I was even told to lie about my ethnicity (bio dad’s heritage) and say I was my step father’s ethnicity. They told me step dad adopted me but I recently found out that was a lie, no adoption ever occurred. Just loads of lies and gaslighting and bullshit. And now she’s erasing me like she erased my bio father, and even though I know she’s mentally unstable, it still hurts. And what the heck do I do about the kids, who are too little to understand any of this?

If you’ve made it this far thank you for reading ❤️‍🩹 (an edit for typos)

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Soft paws greet the dawn,
Whiskers gather morning light—
Silence learns to purr.

I don’t know if side burns is the correct term for these little hairs in front of my ear. But they drive me a little nuts. Plus I have cute ear piercings that are constantly covered. I’ve tried taming it with edge gel, hair spray, oil, but this particular chunk of hair just does its own thing. I’ve included a photo of it tucked behind my ear as well.

Do you think laser removal would look good or would it look odd on my hairline?

I’m basking in the glory of my anniversary engagement ring upgrade, which arrived yesterday. It took me months to find the right stone but it was worth the effort. I surprised myself by going with a tulip setting🌷 She’s everything I’d hoped she’d be 💍

Center stone: 3.1 carat cushion cut, D, VS1
Size 6 finger

Y’all, i’m frustrated. In February, I had my first lip filler experience .6 of a syringe. Then I went back a few weeks ago and got 3/5 of a syringe. Both times it was Juverderm ultra.

I just feel like it doesn’t show up. I barely look any different. My injector is a highly qualified dermatologist but fairly conservative. He keeps saying my lips look pretty and natural and he doesn’t want me to look overdone but I feel like I’m nowhere near that. I don’t know if I should go to someone who’s willing to do a little more or maybe I should try Restalyn Kysse. I’ve spent over $1,000 combined for the most subtle results possible. Thoughts?

Thoughts on this diamond please? It's a 2.85 ct lab-grown cushion brilliant, D color, VS1, "excellent" polish/symmetry, no fluorescence. Measurements are 10.29 × 7.51 × 4.66 (1.37 ratio), 60% table, and 62% depth.

It has all the specs I want, but the video quality is throwing me. How do you think this performs here and would perform in person/various light?

Four months ago, I shared photos of my first lip filler experience. At that time, my injector (a reputable dermatologist) kept it conservative with 0.6 of a syringe. I asked for more a month later, and he told me to hold off a bit.

Well, he finally topped me off yesterday, and I really like it (3/5 of a syringe of Juverderm Ultra, with the remainder of the syringe put into my cheekbones). But, I feel like I will likely want yet another half a syringe in 6 months or so.

What do you think? I feel like my body metabolizes filler quickly. My lips were basically almost empty after these 4 months.

All four pics are one day after the top off!

I’m 41, and over the past two years have lost 75 pounds (! 🎉) I’m ecstatic about that, but I have noticed some sagginess in my face. Obviously part of that is aging.

What would you have have done if you looked like me? The lines next to my nose and mouth bug me a lot lately. I already get Botox for my forehead lines. I actually have my appointment later today. I’m considering getting it elsewhere on my face, but my injector (a dermatologist) is fairly conservative and says I don’t need it.

Specifically my under eyebags, which have plagued me since I was a teenager, bother me a lot. I’m wary of under eye filler but I’ve heard mixed things. Some people swear by it and say that there’s a lot of fear mongering around it. Do you think I’d be a candidate for a lower bleph?

Can anyone offer me honest feedback on these cushion cut stones? The first is a really good video quality compared to the second stone (recent post here) I am torn between the two.

The first is a 3.09 carats with a 1.27 ratio.
The second is a 2.8 carat with a 1.37 ratio.
All similar/excellent stats.

They are from different vendors and the 2.85 (second) stone vendor said they can’t offer a video in natural light which apparently is not uncommon. I just wish that video quality was as good as the 3.09 stone so I could do a true stone to stone comparison. Fire is pretty important to me. I also do prefer a higher ratio, and I like the geometrical chunky cut of the 2.85 stone. But the 3.09 stuns more in this video 😭

2.65 carat
1.34 ratio
Vendor says “modified brilliant” (I’m not int crushed ice, but is this giving crushed ice?)
E color
VVS2

This is the first of 3 stones I am considering. I’m waiting on those videos, so you’ll likely see more posts from me this weekend 😅.

I’m planning to mount my new stone to a cathedral style pave ring with a local jeweler so it can match and sit well with my pave wedding band. This isn’t first time doing all this, so I’m a newbie and would love feedback!

I’m sourcing my own 3 carat cushion lab diamond. A well-reviewed local jeweler quoted $1,650 to alter my current engagement ring to hold the new stone (this is an anniversary upgrade). $325 of that quote is due to a “diamond setting charge” since the stone wasn’t bought through the jeweler.

On the left is my original engagement ring (.5 natural solitaire with natural stones around the band. 14K white gold). The ring on the right shows the head they recommend. However, they will also be adding small lab diamonds to the sides of the plain head.

I was concerned about structural integrity, and they said, “This allows for the correct amount of strength to hold this size stone.”

Is this a fair price for this type of ring alteration, and also, a safe choice to accommodate my new larger stone? My wedding band is an infinity diamond band, looks just like the engagement band. (They’re throwing in free resizing for my engagement and wedding bands since I’ve lost tons of weight and have gone down 1.5 ring sizes).

I found this highly rated local jeweler that specializes in lab diamonds for an engagement ring upgrade. After going in for two consultations, we excitedly put down a $1,200 deposit for this 3.1 elongated cushion diamond pictured in the first photo. They told me they could put it on my current engagement ring band (pictured in the last 2 photos) and add a hidden halo. The estimate they gave us all-in was $5,700 before tax.

But another jeweler from the store just called me and said the 2 sales associates I saw last week gave me bad information and that she cannot in fact put that stone on my engagement ring . Her exact words were, “can I do it? Yes, will you like it? No.”

Instead, she said she wants to use my current small stones from the engagement ring and put the metal towards the price of a totally new ring so that she can start from scratch and build on that because it will be more sturdy for the stone and more aesthetically pleasing.

She was talking a lot about why it wouldn’t work and that I should love it because it’s my upgrade, it’s a beautiful stone, etc. but she was dancing around the new price so finally I asked how much more it would cost than the estimate they gave us. She said $8,700 pre tax. So that’s a 50% increase—plus I wouldn’t be able to visually see the ring that she is going to create for me, whereas in the store I was able to hold the stone up to my engagement band and I liked the look of it.

What do you think? Does this stink? Is she just trying to upsell me? Should I find a different jewelry store and see if they’re willing to put a similar stone on my engagement ring or should I believe her that I need a totally new ring?

We are likely going to ask for our deposit back. I am totally bummed. This was supposed to be my 10-year anniversary upgrade 😩

UPDATE! They just emailed the itemized new estimate and it’s now $10,700 just 2 hours later!!! I am shook.

HW: 227 SW: 220 (June 2024) CW: 147 Height: 5 ‘7

Hey gang,

I feel like you’re the only peeps who will truly appreciate this NSV without judging me (family, friends, even my SO doesn’t love me sharing my image online), so here I am.

Today for the first time in probably 20ish years I tried on and bought a size SMALL garment (the yellow shirt). I took it to the dressing room telling myself, “It won’t fit but it’s okay, just see how far you have to go before it does.”They didn’t have a medium option.)

Holy shit, it fit! 🎉

That’s all for today, and it’s more than enough.

Keep going! Take it slow and steady. I honestly never thought I’d go from an XL to a medium or small, but it’s materializing and I’m so grateful 🤍

Edit: some have pointed out I need new bras for my new figure and yes, I agree 😅 I put on an old everyday basic one here not expecting to take pics.