u/aimtreetwo

hey guys

so I've been really feeling myself lately. and I mean REALLY. feeling.

like on the insides and the dark mucky black hole kinda stuff like beep boop pull some wires, what's all this then? oh god it's leaking, ugh gross. pad with tissues. kinda stuff.

I was meditating on the ethereal plane 🛫 and I tuned my frequency to the one that goes rumpumpumpumpOW rumpumpumpumPOwW, and then I could like see this tortoise shell deity and he was journaling.

and he turned to me and was like:

"yo axis you sure do spend a lot of time on that little computery thingy device, do you even know the people you are talking to? what are you guys talking about? it looks like nonsense?"

and I was pretty taken aback by the question because I was like UM EXCUSE ME YES I HAVE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE. Its just very hard to see them because we are all embedded into the literal fringes of society being squashed between two pvc sheets, almost like preserved for a special purpose or prized possession or smt but not appropriate for show and tell.

you know what I mean?

any way. turtle man left and it got me thinking. am I even real?

is the internet dead?

are we all just echoes of something that was and never really will be again?

or are we building something that can leap frog a dead internet theory and star seed actual joy and creative internet theory?

if that makes sense?

"I don't want to upset you"

but you did

"I don't want to fight"

but I did

"if you want to talk to me, I want to, I'm here"

but you didn't reply when I was saying how I felt

"I want to fix this"

so you left me on read?

now you come back

when the earth speeds ahead

forcing mercury to retreat

while we throw our pain into wreck

and I'm still here

reeling from what you did

I'm never enough

but whatever you want you get

I don't know what to feel

so I'll feel none

my head rots, wrapped in steel

I'm forgotten

the lights are stolen

chains unbroken

heavy rains can't heal

for all is said and done

I come undone

hey guys,

so it pains me to admit this but I think I have been a victim of psychic attack 🪦⚰️🐐🕊️✨🤞🏼😭

yep it's all over for me

the last few days I have felt extremely lethargic, low appetite, sweating buckets. dizzy spells, can't go outside in the sun. it's mental!

it feels like it started at the same time as they started talking about a "heat wave" in the UK, so I know it's been about a week now

day after day I've just been demolished by all these psychic attacks? it seems worse when the sun is up? like it's just really affecting me, normally I'm fine when the weather is normal but now the weather is bad, maybe my psychich protection is failing????

is someone who loves Apollo coming for me?

how can I shield from more psychic attachks? I feel so vulnerable!! 😭😭😭🤞🏼💔

what bat sh*t crazy beliefs has your experience with w*tchcraft given you that you know are bat sh*t but you also can't help but truly believe them and probably can't talk to people about?

I've done it, was pretty crazy.

AMA

it surprises people when I say this as my life is low key high key falling apart at the moment and honestly that's nothing new for me, autism makes a lot of things hard.

but at the same time I genuinely love being autistic and having autism to relate with other people. I love how varied we are and how our traits can produce the most beautiful and/or/at the same time debilitating scenarios. it just feels like art and mystery to me, a greek tragedy that proves love is real.

I feel like our stories from the good and the bad teach so much about what it means to be human, even though society is still set on othering us. we are the secret, indispensable power behind all of culture and all of the worlds progress. I don't have any statistics to back that up but I believe it with my whole body.

I love being autistic, as I struggle along in life, I'm happy that *this" is my burden. I don't think any one gets out of living without at least one, I'm content with the flavour of mine. (for now at least 😅)

--
does any one else share my sentiment?

have you built up a love for autism, through the hardship?

do you feel "autism pride"? or are you in the thick of it and not so enthusiastic?

are there parts you would miss if they did invent "a cure"?

About 17 years ago I was trampled in a mosh pit and suffered my first serious knee cap dislocation of what would become many over the next many years.

My hypermobilility symptoms were plentiful by that point but for some reason even that injury, which kept me from putting weight on the foot for months, wouldn't convince my parents to take me to a specialist.

Unfortunately in adulthood I continued the trend and didn't start seeking care properly for another 10 years, after which point I was like "hey, maybe my knee shouldn't still be popping out 10 years after an injury. and also it really hurts"

1. So I went to the doctor, diagnosed HSD, was given nothing but a few little exercises that did nothing.

2. Continued to complain to the Dr but only offered pain meds.

3. At this point I turned to other specialists, PT and osteo, I managed a gym routine that helped, but the gym led to more injuries.

4. Eventually I suffered one of the worst dislocations that far and ended up in A&E. That finally lead to physio assessment.

5. I then saw 5 physio's over the next couple of years and saw no improvement, all exercises hurt to do and gave little strength after which would quickly fade.

Cut to last night, I'm currently incapacitated due to several injuries to the spine, leg and hands.

You could say I'm desperate at this point for anything.

I started wrapping myself with resistance bands and shoved a pillow between my legs as I've been sleeping that way and I felt it helped my digestion? so I wanted to try it again.

~~ It felt euphoric ~~

like pressure and tension I had been carrying for 17 years was slowly leaking out of me.

I lay on my back with my legs in the air, using the resistance bands to "fall open" while also being bound to each other, and from here I could massage my lower back by rolling my legs around.

I laid like this for about 20-30 mins then slowly came out of the pose.

as soon as I unwrapped my legs it felt like I had A COMPLETELY NEW leg.

0 knee pain

0, not a duller pain, or pain that's only there when it moves or pinches. 0 pain.

my hips feel released and my knee just felt NORMAL.

I did it again for another 30 mins then fell asleep without meds and slept like a baby.

I woke up today and it still feels normal! still tender to touch and I'm not exactly about to go for a run on it, but I genuinely can't remember the last time I felt like this?

Like I don't have to wince at the thought of standing up or rolling onto it.

..

??????????

How has it taken me this long to get here? with such a simple exercise literally changing my life?

How does no medical professional, even those who claim to be specialised have this knowledge?

I approached it from a yin yoga, restorative perspective. Basically I identified I have wide set hips and because of that my entire leg is pinching in always to bring my legs together. I was also thinking of propriception and maybe some general hypermobility Instagram osmosis, seeing what works for other people.

I did it on a whim thinking it would help my hip pain but I didn't expect to feel like a young person with their whole lives still ahead of them after 🥲

××
Has any one had a similar breakthrough?

what "weird" or "alt" exercises or poses do you do that helps which no Dr could have ever told you?

I'm still kind of in shock. I feel like I'm finally unlocking a door that's been closed to me for so long.

this is mainly aimed at the ladies, theydies and looksmaxximg men of the sub but I also know jaw clenching can cause other problems so thought it could be good to post here.

I've lost about 6kg/13pounds since going on meds.

this was all planned as I also had my Metformin increased due to weight gain impacting my joint health, but as it has happened pretty quickly it's left my body feeling a bit deflated.

I noticed my neck area becoming strange, sagging in the middle but wider on the sides?

I did some research into TMJ and found a few videos of people doing jaw release exercises.

I haven't had that many of the other symptoms, mostly aesthetics but I probably have been experiencing headaches too (just too medicated to notice)

over the last couple of weeks I have been adding some lymph massage and tension/tendon release down the sides of my face and I am noticing an improvement.

has any one looked into this too?

double chin/jowels is something I always dealt with due to hypermobility, but the wideness at the sides was new. using jaw release massage each morning has helped but I wonder if any one has more insight or exercises/management suggestions? I'm kinda playing it by ear so wanted to see if anyone has dove deeper into the topic.

I have been spending a lot of time in bougie, expansive and rolling hotels these past couple of weeks while dreaming.

I noticed there are always neutral tones, brown, white, gold and bits of green.

the narrative is usually that I'm staying there but my room keeps changing and there are people and staff around but I'm not usually seeing them. I see mostly the architecture and design.

just wondering if any one else sees often or has been seeing hotel themed mall world dreams lately?

does any one know if the hotel vibe has any significance?

Okay so at the time, it was so pervasive that I genuinely didn't know reference humour was a thing on its own and not a normal part of human conversation.

I participated of course but I did on some level think it was cringey and more like an ironic silly joke that quickly became old. But then it would come back around to being hilarious and almost like a mantra.

Call me autistic if you will (because I am officially diagnosed as such and personally like the label) but it's actually only clicking for me now that reference humour is actually barely around at all these days.

I am surprised I didn't notice it was gone.

I made a "no, money down." joke in a thread which received no traction and I was like ?? that was one of the biggest easy kills in the 2000s.

Okay yes, I'm 35 tomorrow and clearly only just grasped the concept of what 20 years passing feels like, but also how did we all just let it slip away?

Today I saw a futurama quote downvoted needlessly and it made me mourn for the past.

I never thought it would be me but finally I can admit reference humour is a part of my identity and now I am kinda sad it's gone.

Do you miss reference humour? or is it alive and well in your parts?

What did the explosion of reference humour feel like to the other gens do you think? Do they see it like the way we see brain rot?

Now everything is a quick meme and people reference things like movies and TV shows like they're uncovering archeology. The 2000s for me was almost like a hive mind humour where we lived for years and supported each other.

Good times any way.

My arms can only reach

as far as I can stand

I never learnt the faith of leaning

on another's stable hand

You are not the man I needed

Never reaching high enough to see the light

Your words are empty

crumpled paper wrappings

Thrown at me with lacking might

Stained a bleeding red

from the intention that they held

A silhouette degrades in ash

as soon as meaning calls for help

I was only trying you on for size

I had no desire

to become a prize

Nor becoming woven

into the lie

that is your life

My arms

weren't

made to

hold her,

but they

remain to

Has anyone else noticed their voice/ ability to hit notes and improve tone, being directly impacted by stress?

It feels to me that when cortisol levels are high, such as first thing in the morning, it's harder to avoid breaking or pitch issues.

I usually practise at this time because I'm home alone but it feels really hard. Like lifting weights, where as when I'm more calm or in a good mood the same issues disappear? To the point it feels like a different body!

It's definitely good to focus on the positive and turn your perception towards successes even in the face of adversity.

But excessive "good vibes only" bypassing can also become a trap.

And especially so when you were raised around people intent on making you question yourself and take your power away.

It's not enough to always see the good and focus on the positive.

True spiritual righteousness sometimes involves judgement, justice and active preservation in the face of danger. At least in a house holder setting.

While I'm sure the monks and spiritual leaders of the world might see the cleansing karma of setting themselves on fire to protest a cause, we are not all asked to roll over and suffer when faced with struggles on earth. Surely it's not the case?

Have you ever struggled with these ideas?

Do you have experience being gaslight by nefarious people?

Do you think it influences your spiritual identity?

She took my love

She scraped the last spark of light from deep within my being to top off her cocktail of desperation and spite

I was broken

Not from the love or painful proceedings but from the knowledge I walked willingly into her trap

I craved it

I wanted a familiar feeling; loss, sabotage, sadness, abandonment.

I wanted to remember how they loved me.

To feel close to them for just a moment. Knowing with each pillar I conquer, we drift further and further apart.

So I know she didn't really use me, I used her. Like a weapon of the future's regret

To keep me surrounded by sadness, even as I outgrow it's binds. A fertile garden where the weeds still grow but you harvest them casually to feed the crows.

To give my vessel comfort with a regular beating, a period of service to someone devoid of the light.

As each crumbling forces me to rebuild stronger. And rebuilding is all I know.

It took me a while to remember my industrial/metal phase but I finally found my favourite track again, this song was life-changing to me!

Does any one else think it has a similar vibe to swine?

What other songs have people found that remind them of industrial flavoured Gaga tracks??

I was wondering if any one else with Mediumship abilities was also diagnosed as medically "gifted"?

I don't have concrete memories of Mediumship until I was in my teens and I experienced grief for the first time.

However I was a pretty weird kid and had lots of "experiences" or visions that I always assumed were the imagination growing.

At 7 years old I was screened for autism (they missed it) but the testing started with IQ and they decided I was "gifted".

Looking back at my life I wonder how much the two were connected.

A lot of times in class I would know the answers to things without knowing why. The same way as when my parents had something important to tell me I always knew.

I guess maybe I was just very observant and good with pattern recognition, as an undiagnosed autistic person I probably had a lot of ruminating time to figure stuff out, but sometimes it just feels like there was a voice in my ear telling me things.

Also if it was ghosts helping me all those years, would have been nice if they'd given me some clues on social cues and how to take care of myself instead of showing me math problems and historical facts. I guess they all have their own skills 😆😆🙏🏼

So I was recently abused with a disability flavour by a medical professional, resulting in worsening injuries and mental health (which I am aware is my own fault because my mental health is my responsibility and not that of people who have a duty of care for me or anything)

These past couple of weeks have been hell, which as a satanic servant has clearly been great for me.

I particularly liked how when I reported the abuse to a safeguarding vulnerable people officer they asked "why didn't you say stop, or leave the office or call the police" and I was like wow Brenda if I had thought of that or had the advocacy skills to action those thoughts I probably wouldn't be considered a vulnerable adult right?

So any ways , like I said this hasn't really effected me at all and I'm super fine and coping I mean cool with it, yeah. Totally not traumatised by any of this.

But yeah, I haven't eaten properly in weeks and my sleep is only now getting regulated. I decided to put normal (not sweat pants) on for the first time in a while and noticed my waist is smaller but my boobs have grown?????

Can someone confirm this is a gift from our dark lord of the downstairs region?

Does any one know of a spell someone can do where they degrade you and treat you like shit so your boobs grow??

What do I do with them?

My first instinct was to cut them off and decry being a feminine person, but that's not my trauma or anything it's normal to feel that way.

Any one had a similar experience? It's clearly some form of magical rebalancing right?

Hey, does anyone have a good contact for physio and hypermobility specialist treatment of injuries? Or can share experience finding and consulting them to make sure they are reliable?

I have researched many and emailed them all but I was hoping to hear direct experiences that might help me navigate the sea of options.

Thank you xx