u/anonme1995

EDIT; thank you for all of the comments! It’s really good to see so many parents do this exact thing. I’m definitely going to talk to my daycare provider and see if I can enroll her 5 days starting in September! 🩷🩷

Does anyone put their children in daycare a full week even if you work less than the full week?

I have immense guilt over thinking this but I only work 4 days a week 7-3:30pm, and I only pay for 4 days a week at daycare, so it’s not like I’m paying for 5 days and only bringing my daughter 4 days. And this stage has been so hard, I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water and my husband suggested switching our daughter to 5 days a week at daycare and I can keep that day off during the week to myself.

It’s not about keeping the house clean, or catching up on things. My husband and I do a pretty good split on housework inside and out. I do all the dinner cooking because I’m home way earlier than him but he will clean everything after etc. I think we have a pretty good system.

But my nervous system just needs a break. I’m 100% needed at work, 100% needed at home by my child, husband and my 3 dogs. I feel like I don’t have a day or moment of quiet time until I fall asleep.

But I can’t help but feeling guilty because I also like having that 1 weekday a week off with my daughter to do activities like a zoo, parks, going to a coffee shop and getting muffins, getting breakfast etc.

This sounds silly but I haven’t leisurely browsed a store in over a year because she hates going into any store for more than 3 minutes (I don’t blame her, the lighting sucks in these stores) but I miss just going into a home goods and smelling candles without waiting for a tantrum to happen 😅

I am even thinking I just do it every other week.

Any moms work less days than they have their kids in daycare?

Have I truly deep down accepted being one and done if I can’t bring myself to donate or sell some of my daughters newborn - 3 month clothing?

I was loud and proud about being one and done before I ever even knew I wanted just one. I always said, if I want kids in the future, I want just one. I am living that “dream” and am happy with that choice. My daughter will be 2 in October and I don’t feel 100% again, I will never be the girl I was before motherhood. But I’m in a place where I’ve lost weight and I’m healthy, which helps me with my overall mood. I am in the toddler trenches but it could be worse (I could be pregnant with #2 like most of my fiends, this would be my worse, it’s great for them).

I had my sister in law ask me if I was truly one and done since I keep baby clothes. She had two kids, an 12 year old from a previous relationship and my nephew who is 2.5. But she also feels like she has two only children at this point.

I sometimes wonder why I can’t bring myself to get rid of these clothes. I don’t even look at them often. I used to. But then I packed them away and they’ve been in the basement since last year. I sell her other toddler clothing on marketplace and depop but can’t bring myself to get rid of the newborn - 3 month stuff. She wore these onesie’s and outfits so often. And the first year was such a blur for me, I can’t even remember what she was like at 3 months unless I look back on videos and then even looking at videos, I don’t even remember her doing those things. I really blanked that part out of my memory which is probably a reason I keep the clothes.

Wondering what everyone did with their only’s clothing? I know some companies you can ship them to and they make stuffed animals or a blanket. I was thinking of trying to turn it into a piece of artwork eventually and hang it in the house. Maybe in a spare room. Idk.

Anyway, just here to vent because I really miss her being so small. I am mourning her being that small especially since I can’t remember much of it 😭

So I am creating a basic spreadsheet for my husband and I to put all of our bills into.

And then I will create a separate section for groceries & misc. based on our bank statements.

When creating this sheet, and adding our incomes, should I put down what we take home vs. gross. For example, I pay the health insurance which is $228/ week but I don’t factor it into my regular bills because it already comes out of my check, does that make sense? So when factoring all of our bills, it’s really only based on our net income and then what we would have left after that.

Also, anyone recommend any user friendly templates for couples or any apps that are beginner friendly for budgeting and seeing where money goes?

TIA :)

This is a rant/vent/ looking for solidarity.

My 21 month old is in peak tantrum stage. While she has a million words, so it feels, we have yet to figure out how to express our emotions. And at 21 months old, how are we even teaching them to calm down?

I feel like my daughter is always crying. There is zero patience yet. When she wants something open, she screams and freaks out for it to be opened, which makes going to stores even for quick things hard. If you take something away and redirect, she screams what feels like she’s being murdered. This happens 1x per hour for the most part. But she does not do this behavior at daycare. She goes to a small daycare with 4 other kids and her daily reports and pictures are always perfect.

Some days I feel like I am not good enough in helping her understand emotions because I don’t even understand my own sometimes. And with my husband, she doesn’t act like this according to him. So why is it just me. 😭

My daughter is 21 months and once she passed like 60 words I stopped keeping track.

Now she’s saying 2-3 words together and wondering if I should keep track? (Ex: ball please, I love you, apple sauce, I see it, what’s that etc)

are we keeping track after they meet or exceed the recommended minimum for milestones?

Side note: does anyone else’s toddler not talk at all during the routine physicals with the doctor and I feel like they don’t believe me when I say she talks 💀

Season 5 episode 8.

Snake has his sport bike. She is so CLEARLY flirting with him. Asking for a ride. Stating “my ex had a choice once, me or his intern”. But yet then proceeds to, I guess, pursue snake.

I hate that he cheated on spike. And I hate that she leaned into him, especially after being cheated on herself.

Did anyone else feel it was so out of character for both her and snake??

I am 31 and started my 401k in January. All these years prior I kept saying I was going to and never did, no idea why. I wish I would’ve started before I had my daughter, when I was making more money.

I make about $59k/ year and started with just 8% for now. I work part time with full time benefits (30/ hrs) and a lot of my money comes from commission so I didn’t want a bigger chunk taken out of my weekly pay.

My husband is 32 and makes $167k/ year and still hasn’t started. That’s an argument for a different day.

If you started in your 30’s, what did you do different than maybe someone who started in their 20’s? I’m thinking about maxing this 401k and also opening a Roth IRA next year and maxing both out for every year. Anything else I can be doing?

And maybe, how do I convince my husband to start 💀

EDIT: unfortunately, neither of our employers match 😭

My daughter is 21 months and she loves kissing people. She always kisses me and her dad, I think she just learned over time to kiss people goodbye because she kisses & hugs us good bye lol

But she tends to kiss everyone as soon as she gets close to anyone’s face, even if it nots goodbye. It’s super sweet but 1) personal space girl and 2) not everyone wants a toddler kiss 😅

Yesterday when I picked her up from daycare, she was saying goodbye and there’s another little girl, 2 years older than her, and they kissed goodbye. And then she went and kissed a younger baby on the top of their head. It’s really really sweet now because she’s young but how do I start teaching her boundaries about kissing other people and that just because you’re leaving somewhere doesn’t mean you have to kiss everyone in the room.

Has anyone had a toddler who was like this?

I am currently seeking out therapy again and waiting for an appointment, so I won’t need the “seek therapy” type of comments. I have been in and out of therapy for 8 years for different reasons, so hopefully we’ll have a good outcome!

I have 3 dogs:
Yellow lab mix, female, 10
German shepherd, male, 9 
Black lab mix, female, 7 

I know, three is a party… My husband and I used to be the best dog owners. We would take all 3 camping, hiking, mile long walks, training sessions every other year. Yellow lab was my dog, german shepherd was his and then we adopted our black lab mix 2 years into our relationship. All are rescues.

The dog hair, dog smell and just business of the house, in our 1100sqft ranch, is KILLING ME. Generally, the dogs are amazing with our daughter. The GSD wants nothing to do with her but has never really shown aggression. Our female dogs are so good with her. So this breaks my heart that I am just not as great of a pet owner as I once was. We don't do hikes anymore with them. We dont play with them as much and we just aren't doing the upkeep we always once did — we suck.

I am sick of vacuuming 2x a day on top of working and chasing a toddler around. I have been asking for the last month to get the dogs bathed, and every weekend rolls around and we're so busy doing other things that we don’t do it. I am the only one who thinks to brush them and vacuum daily. My husband does all the yard work involving picking up the poop. We have a pretty big yard but sectioned off an area where they can poop and pree so we can use the other part of the yard without stepping on landmines. But we can never get rid of the dog piss in the yard and it’s hard to enjoy the yard we worked so hard to redo. The house is never clean enough, and I did not care about that as much before my daughter. I have an air purifier in almost every room. I am constantly dusting things in the kitchen because that's where they like to hangout the most. One of our dogs sleeps outside her bedroom and he is constantly hitting up against her wall and she wakes up easily from that. this last week he has been barking at 5am waking her up and it's making me go crazy.

We cannot take impromptu trips because it's hard to have someone watch 3 dogs and most boarding places will not take our german shepherd plus to board all 3 the cost lies around $1,500-2k for a week. When we do plan a vacation, we usually have family members split up the time watching them. My sister makes comments about us just rehoming them and they are why she would never own dogs. They are amazing and well behaved dogs but 3 dogs is a lot of work, and she's never had a dog. We want to take weekends away every so often with our daughter but we are very limited and that’s upsetting me.

I feel like on top of all the work that's required, and not being able to spend nights anywhere or go on trips, it's really taking a toll on me. I am 21 months PP and only experience anxiety and rage centered around my dogs. I DREAD coming home after picking up my daughter from daycare. I am just not sure what happened along the way. My husband is sick of me complaining weekly about the dogs saying “well we have this conversation weekly and there is nothing we can do, we just have to be as good as we can and just ride out their lives” but IS that fair to them??? 

This started once I went back to work last October when my daughter turned 1. I only work 4 days a week, 30 hours. And my husband works 50-60 hours a week. Maybe it’s because I used to be able to keep up more with the house than I do now so it feels like im doing so much more and drowning in it. My husband isnt a loser and still 100% pulls his weight around and outside the house but I feel like the dogs are only affecting me rather than him. 

I cried last night to my husband about the dogs again and he just had nothing to say. I cried because I felt like a horrible person but I said I wanted to rehome them. I cannot live like this. He still had not much to say and said that he is not giving them up and that the two oldest only have so many years left. I want to keep them and I cannot imagine my life without them, especially my oldest since I have had her since 2017 when she was 11 months old. But we were naive and did not think 10 years into the future. Well we did, but we never planned on having a kid when we did either. We went to bed angry and woke up angry. We haven’t really spoken since dinner last night. He is not a confrontational person and I am, so I think he's just letting me cool off but it feels so unsupportive, emotionally. 

I cannot wait to get back in therapy. I am not sure what the solution is but I needed to vent. I feel like rehoming dogs is taboo and not something people like talking about, its frowned upon. These dogs are affecting my mental health but I am not sure they are the core reason. 

I clearly need help if my dogs are triggering me this much.

TLDR; looking for suggestions on affordable coastal towns or towns within 30 minutes of beaches in NE. Prefer MA, RI & CT.

In 3-4 years, my husband and I will be selling our home in Worcester, MA and looking to buy again. My dream is to live closer to the coast but not directly on the beach (unless I come across millions of dollars in the next 5 years). I have a good friend who moved from Worcester to Stonington, CT. She sold her home during Covid so made a huge profit. She’s closer to so many CT & RI beaches — my dream.

I love living in MA, and I don’t want to leave the state, but I don’t believe there are really any affordable towns even within 30 minutes of the ocean in MA (affordable for us, probably around $500k-550k, maybe we could afford more in 5 years, a lot can happen in 5 years 😀)

In order, these would be the states I would look into first. MA, CT, RI, NH, ME. (Maine is beautiful but just too far for me). We really prefer to go south or stay in MA.

We like small house living so it wouldn’t need to be a grand house. We’d also be looking into school systems since our daughter will be around 6 by that point.

Any suggestions on beach towns or towns within a 30 minute commute with a decent school system?

Hi Moms! I have a job offer on the table that I am considering, I have spoke with my husband about it and he leans more toward staying at my current job but the job offer does sound nice as well. And ultimately, it’s my choice but I want to do what’s best for us a family as well. My current job is well below my capabilities and I knew it taking the job last year. I stopped working for a year (6 months was paid leave and the other 6 months I had quit my last job). When I was looking for work again, I wanted a good work life balance and it’s what I got.

I’m going to list out pros and cons I guess.

Current job:
PROS:
- 4 day work week, 30 hours
- still considered FT meaning I get FT benefits
- Health insurance is well priced and they don’t go up each year (locked in rates, company pays the difference each year rates go up)
- Daycare reimbursement of $100/ week
- Free schooling for associates, bachelors and masters
- $5,000 scholarship towards each employees children
- 10-20 minute drive depending on traffic

CONS:
- pay is capped (rarely any raises)
- entry level but I’m a top performer so my projected salary is $59k (with commission)
- no 401k match
- not much room for advancement or promotions
- 2 weeks capped vacation time
- only closed on major holidays (Xmas, July 4th, etc)
- no wfh option

Job offer:
PROS:
- 401k match
- $70k year salary guaranteed, with commissions could be $80-90k
- health insurance 75% covered by employer
- 2 vacation time at start, then 4 weeks after 3 years
- 10 sick/ personal days per year
- closed ALL holidays state and federal
- wfh options (1 day a week) after 6 months of start date

CONS:
- 30 minute drive without traffic
- 5 day work week
- also not much room for advancement (small company)
- they told me they don’t do regular annual increases due to their benefits they offer (vacation, health insurance) but they consider it at random times??
- the vibe felt off but I could’ve been nervous

With all the being said, the new role I’d be back into a managerial/ higher up role and I am not 100% sure if I’m ready to take on that responsibility again while my daughter is so young. But at my current job, I am the oldest one in the office (only 31) because it’s such an entry level role. I have 10 years experience in the industry I am in so that’s why I’m the top performer. My numbers are higher than everyone else’s and I work 4-5 days a month less than everyone else. I’m nervous to feel stuck but the benefits of my current job is what makes me want to stay until my daughter is in regular school. However, I am nervous what my resume might look like when I was in a high up position for 5 years and then basically demoted myself. I’m nervous that in 3 years when I go look for a role that’s higher up, I won’t be taken seriously since my most recent job (current job) was entry level.. as for my current job, they offer college, free, for all employees and I had thought about signing up since I never finished my associates. I thought, maybe I’ll stay the 2-3 years, finish a degree and then at-least have something else on my resume?

Any insight here?